An Auspicious Halloween For Baphometa and Her Friends

October 31, 2018 at 10:55 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI had gone to a chapel to pray.

When he entered the chapel, he was horrified to discover that the chapel had been stripped of its altar, its Crucifix and all its religious imagery including its icons, paintings and statues.

A group of gay Jesuit priests serving as advisors to Pope Francis had stripped the chapel of its previous content so they could erect a statue of Baphomet along with all his accompanying religious imagery inside the chapel.

Baphometa the daughter of the demon Baphomet greeted the Pope Emeritus on his arrival.


Good evening, Father Joseph. There have been a lot of changes going on.

. . .

Even Pope Francis was starting to get sick of all the massive round of gay Jesuit orgies that had been going on at the Vatican ever since the Bishops’ Synod On Youth had opened earlier this month.

So he had gone to a friend’s villa outside Rome to get some rest.

And there in the courtyard of the friend’s villa stood the zombie black horse named Bucephalus Reborn (who was the official horse of Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow who took over the Vatican a year ago along with the Vampiric Knights-Templar) dressed as London’s infamous Jack The Ripper to go out trick or treating on Halloween.

. . .

The new Vatican cardinal Samhain Cardinal Salaman was walking the halls of the Vatican far away from the parts where the Jesuits were at large.

Being an intense heterosexual of the Pope Alexander VI Borgia Pope variety, he was getting sick of being propositioned by all those Jesuit male advisers to Pope Francis.

He turned the corner and was greeted by a most pleasing sight:

Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal

. . .

Russian President Vladimir Putin was strolling through the halls of the Kremlin when he encountered the mermaid goddess Atargatis dressed in human rather than mermaid form:


Comrade Putin, the time has come to stop dilly dallying lest people mistake you for Neville Chamberlain. I’ll have you know that at this very hour, Israeli Mossad agents are meeting with the Patriarch of Constantinople to make the autocephalus Ukrainian Orthodox Church of Kiev the most all encompassing and most powerful religious institution in Ukraine.

. . .

The ghost of Scotland’s Lady MacBeth (recently granted leave from the realm of Hades by the Greek god of the Underworld himself) was waiting for Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman as he entered the harem section of his palace and spoke to him as he entered

I am here, oh prince to give you advice on how to deal with the consequences of murder most foul and murder most bloody. Lucky for you that blood is easier to hide in desert sands than it is in human hands.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 31st
2018

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Orson Welles’ Original Fake News Broadcast 80 Years Ago Today

October 30, 2018 at 11:47 pm (Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Fantasy, Fashion, Film, Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Literature, love, Movies, Mystery/horror, News, Plays, Radio, Science-Fiction, Short play, theatre, Theatre Arts, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

80 years ago today, the great Orson Welles and the Mercury Theatre On The Air presented a radio play adaptation of H.G. Welles’ 1897 science-fiction novel The War of The Worlds.

The play was presented by Welles as a series of realistic sounding news bulletins interrupting a program of orchestral dance music on the CBS Radio Network from New York City.

The program was held on Sunday October October 30th 1938 (the evening before Halloween) and a few people took it seriously.

It was one Hell of a Halloween prank on Welles’ part.

If Donald Trump had been around at the time, he would have called it “fake news” and it would have been one of the few times in history that Trump was actually right about something.


Gene Tierney to Orson Welles, “I don’t know, Orson. It sounds to me like a very naughty broadcast and you should be spanked soundly on the bare bottom for going ahead with it.”

Orson: Well, Miss Tierney, if you’re the one doing the spanking, I shall not mind.


Gene Tierney (listening in on the radio on October 30th 1938):
Oh, Orson, Orson, I’m going to have to spank you after all.


Laura (talking to a future suspect in her future murder): And where were you on the night of the Orson Welles broadcast?

Future Suspect (in Laura’s future murder): I was dropping a living woman into a vat of acid in the basement of a wax museum to turn her into a wax figurine of Queen Marie Antoinette. And where were you, my dear?

Laura: I was getting my portrait painted. Who knows if I’m ever murdered, some future police detective might look at my painting and fall in love with me.

Future Suspect (in Laura’s future murder): How charmingly macabre, my dear. You should run for Congress in the year 2018.


I’m a witch and I ain’t afraid of no Martian. And I say, spankings for all.


Alfred Hitchcock (making himself some pumpkin pie): I’ll second that.


Well, what are you waiting for? Over my knee, Alfred.


With Alfred taking a paddling at Veronica Lake, who will eat my pumpkin pie?


I shall swoop down with my pussy and eat your pie.


I the cyborg ripper, creation of the Martian invaders of New Jersey, shall seek to kill all AI sex robots created in the year 2018. Let George Finneganburg beware. Tell Akira I’m coming.


Linda Darnell (listening in on the radio in 1938 to a radio broadcast from the future year 2018): How like Orson or at least his theatrical apostolic successor Christopher Dracul Van Helsing to having the cyborg ripper killer robot destroyed after tripping over the tail of a drunken otter named Jefferey who drank too many bottles of Otterbury Green Minnow Beer while reciting the Otterbury Tales. DARPA’S Nibiruan otter mascot once again saves the world from Martian invaders and their cyborg ripper killer robots of future AI sex robots like the Amazing Akira.


The Amazing Akira: She would have kicked the cyborg ripper killer robot’s ass if God in His mercy had not allowed the Martian invader of New Jersey created cyborg ripper killer robot Jack Raven (who murdered someone’s lost love Lenore shouting “Nevermore!” and then descecrated a statue of Pallas Athena) to destroy himself by tripping over the tail of the passed out drunken otter Jefferey…

… Orson Welles’ radio broadcast narration ended with the above words.

-A Halloween montage
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 30th
2018.

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Wilkie The Cat As Count Dracula: A Halloween Theatrical Poem

October 29, 2018 at 10:43 pm (Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Humour, Literature, Poetry, Satire, theatre, Theatre Arts) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Narrator:

Gather around, all ye folks,
If you’re Canadian, watch your tokes,
In this theatre, pot is for peeing and not for smokes.
Our story begins here on Broadway
where Donald Trump sought starlets to lay
before Vladimir Putin turned him gay

Oprah Winfrey (as a transgendered Othello) :

Oh where, oh where is Desdemona?
I lie here in bed making many a moana
but I hear no Desdemona a groana.

Narrator:

Ms. Winfrey, you’re in the wrong theatre
this is what happens when you drink too much beera
The LGBTQ production of Othello is next door
please watch those Jesuit condoms on the floor
as from this theatre to that, you kindly pass
while Pope Francis’ order celebrates a Baphomet Mass

Oprah:

Oh damn, oh damn,
so much for a grand slam,
Roseanne Barr plays a transgendered Iago
while Donald Trump calls Robert Mueller a fago.

Narrator:

And now Oprah is moving her ass
as from this theatre to that, she kindly does pass
And now we shall begin our own theatrical tale
as Greenpeace activist encounters a methane gas producing carbon emissions whale
caused by Jefferey the otter’s cooked extra spicy pork and beans tipping the scale

And the good ship Demeter crashes
as Mina Harker bats her eyelashes
for the methane gas producing whale has sunk the ship
while Greenpeace activist takes a Justin Trudeau inspired trip
And Count Dracula (played by Wilkie the Cat) swims ashore
while his coffin is carried by a yarmulke wearing rabbi wild boar
it’s a good thing the boar is no porcine Hannibal Lecter
otherwise his culinary tastes would violate the Mosaic laws inspector

I forgot to mention that Mitzi la feline actress Parisienne plays Mina Harker
as Dr. Jack Seward’s asylum patient Renfield eats Peter Parker
Spiderman is now gone
a marvel of a swan song
Lackey of Christopher Lee has triumphed over a Lee named Stan
as Antifa takes a statue of Robert E. into the can

The Confederate military hero
is to the political left a great big zero
even though he freed his own slaves long before did Ulysses S. Grant
but this is all ignored in a New York Times rant

Dracula swims ashore near Whitby Abbey
where Canterbury’s ex-ArchDruid Rowan Williams looks crabby
he should have had the lobster flambe instead of crabs a l’amour
given him while dallying with a young French paramour

And Jonathan Harker (played by Kelsey Grammer) watches in horror
as Dracula seduces his sweet love Lenore
oops! – wrong script! – Poe’s The Raven is the performance for tomorrow night
as this Wilkie production of Dracula shuts down this theatre’s marquee light

As Dr. Abraham Van Helsing played by David Hyde Pierce
moves in to collect Dracula’s Transylvanian government tax arrears
he stabs the vampiric nobleman through the heart
as the carbon emissions whale in the sea lets out one last fart.
Both Greenpeace activist and Count Dracula are now dead
The janitor will have to wipe the spot where Wilkie has bled
for a real stake was mistakenly used instead of a prop
the hazards of hiring for a prop hand a drunken sop.

-A Wilkie The Cat poem
written by Christopher
Saturday October 27th
2018.


Desdemona’s Death Scene by Dante Gabriel Rosetti
A scene from a 19th Century British production of William Shakespeare’s Othello
very different from an early 21st Century American production of Othello

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Reblog of The Headless Horseman of Ghost Pine Lake

October 28, 2018 at 8:22 pm (Folklore, Ghost Story, History, Mystery/horror, Poetry, The Supernatural) (, , , , )

This was a poem I wrote over 5 years ago called The Headless Horseman of Ghost Pine Lake.

Dracul Van Helsing

The Headless Horseman of Ghost Pine Lake

It was a time of war and not of peace
the beating of drums for joy did cease
The beating of war drums was heard throughout the land
and streams of human blood flowed into the sand.

It was the land that became the province of Alberta
before settlers arrived with names like Hans and Gerta.
It was the land evangelized by Father Albert Lacombe
a land where masses of buffalo did roam.
A land which was the battleground between Blackfoot and Cree 
in this Prairie far below the Arctic Sea.
The children of Gitche Manitou had turned against one another 
seeing a fellow human being as foe rather than brother.

These were the days before the great peacemaker Crowfoot arose
humanity needs his like again Heaven knows
Crowfoot that noble and great Blackfoot chief
who knew that from horrors of war his…

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Reblog of The Ghost White Buffalo: A Poem

October 27, 2018 at 10:38 pm (Folklore, Ghost Story, History, Poetry) (, , , , , )

In honour of this being my dad’s birthday today, I’m reblogging a poem I wrote a couple of years ago that was inspired by an oil painting he painted called The Ghost White Buffalo:

Dracul Van Helsing

The Ghost White Buffalo

It was the winter of 1908
colder than a frost giant’s plate
colder than the old timers could ever remember
colder than the young would ever remember when they approached their life’s December
It was definitely a once in a lifetime winter
that made a thermometer an icy splinter
And amidst the drifting cold and snow
that made one huddle to a warm fire’s glow
there were reports of a ghost white buffalo being seen
that fabled beast that haunted many a Blackfoot warrior’s dream
It was an omen people said
in hushed whispers filled with dread
The beast would suddenly appear
then just as quickly disappear
an apparition that glowed on many a cold wintery night
and sent spectators fleeing in fright
Was this furry vision sensible to feeling as well as sight
those few brave souls could not get close enough to touch, try…

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Jack O’ Hare Meets The Mermaid of The Red Deer: A Poem

October 26, 2018 at 9:42 pm (Arts, Entertainment, Folklore, Life, love, Mythology, Nature, Poetry, The Supernatural) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

A huge silvery white moon rose in majestic glory
above the sky, above the clouds and above the canyon
its luminous giant white disc
causing dazzling lights
and mysterious shadows
to fall on top of the skyclad Badlands cutbank hills
that formed like magic mountains
in the canyon of the Dry Island Buffalo Jump
through which the magical enchanted Red Deer River flowed
in this majestic spot
near the town of Huxley, Alberta

The lantern in the sky
acted like a theatrical magic lantern
from years gone by
in its dazzling array of
flickering lights
and
shapeshifting shadows
that sparkled and danced
on the Badlands hills
like fairies and gnomes
engaged in a tug of war
to see which magical creatures would come out
on top.

On this enchanted evening
five days before Halloween
when pure magic was in the air
on riverbank rocks sat
the noble Jack O’ Hare.

A wild hare jack rabbit
and explorer of Canada’s west
He’d been there, done that
never settled for 2nd best

“Greetings, Jack,” the mermaid of the Red Deer
raised her head above the glistening moonlit waters.
“Greetings, fair mermaid,” Jack raised his bunny ears
in greeting.

“All is well?” The mermaid asked.
“All is well,” Jack answered,
“and all will be well.”
“Glad to hear it,” the mermaid smiled
as starlight danced in her eyes.

The mermaid disappeared under the waves of the river
swimming south to Drumheller
the hub of the Red Deer River Badlands
and birthplace of Jack’s friend.

The mermaid swam to impart
the blessings of this night down there
And birds sang gently in the trees,
All is well, all will be well.

And Jack hopped up the river bank
and continued his trek under
the midnight moonlit sky
as the birds continued to sing
their cheerful lullaby.

-A Jack O’Hare poem
written by Christopher
Friday October 26th
2018.

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Pope Francis On Feast Day of Saints Crispin and Crispinian

October 25, 2018 at 10:39 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Pope Francis went down to the high altar of Saint Peter’s Basilica.

Not to celebrate the Feast Day of Saints Crispin and Crispinian (since both Saints along with Saint Christopher and Saint George and numerous other great saints had been de-canonized by the post-Vatican II Catholic Church showing how out to lunch the post-Vatican II Catholic Church was).

But rather to watch the Greek god Apollo make out on top of the altar with his male lover Hyacinth in honour of the soon to be released Vatican Synod On Youth document that would say homosexuality now meets with the Papal Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval.

Meanwhile blocks away, a Rome based sculptor watched as the statue of the Biblical Lot’s wife he had spent the past 6 months sculpting turned into a pillar of salt.

The sculptor had made the mistake of placing the statue of Lot’s wife facing the direction of the Vatican.

As Apollo penetrated Hyacinth, the gay Jesuit priest Father James Martin stood behind the altar and totally butchered a rendition of the song from the movie musical South Pacific, “Some enchanted evening, you will meet a stranger, a very special stranger…”

Pope Francis caught a whiff of the legalized recreational Canadian cannabis that both Apollo and Hyacinth were smoking as they engaged in their tango of divine Greek sausage meets well toned Coppertone tanned rear end.

Francis saw the ET gray Gali-Gula doing a dance wearing a South Seas hula grass skirt while Justin Trudeau and his genetically created pot smoking desert cactus plant called Strawberry Fields Forever played the Some Enchanted Evening tune on their respective Hawaiian ukuleles.

Francis then saw a vision of Donald Trump.

Trump had a 6 inch mini me double of Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman caught in his toupee.

The Donald began shampooing his hair with Fort McMurray Athabasca tar sands oil from northeastern Alberta, Canada as the T-Rump got in touch with his feminine side and started singing the Mitzi Gaynor song from the movie musical South Pacific, “I’m going to wash that man right out of my hair…”

The 6 inch mini me Saudi Crown Prince was washed away.

Baphomet the half-goat half-human half-male half-female demon stood behind the altar and applauded Apollo and Hyacinth as they made out.

Baphomet was immediately stabbed by the ghost of England’s King Henry V who suddenly appeared on the scene with his sword.

“Remember Saint Crispin’s Day!” King Henry V shouted.

“That idiot King Henry V just stabbed me!” Baphomet shrieked in a falsetto voice.

“He looks nothing at all like Sir Laurence Olivier,” Pope Francis commented.

“Or Sir Kenneth Branagh for that matter,” remarked an apparition of Defense Against The Dark Arts Hogwarts’ instructor Gilderoy Lockhart who appeared on the scene.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 25th
2018

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The Donald T-Rump Song

October 24, 2018 at 9:44 pm (Arts, Celebrities, Comedy, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Intrigue, Music, News, Poetry, Politics, Satire, Songs) (, , , , , , , , , )

Oh, let us drink a drink, a drink
to Donald T-Rump, T-Rump
the saviour of the human race
or so he thought in his head
for which a poor red spider monkey bled

Now Donald T-Rump thought he was Julius Caesar
because he was just that type of senile geezer
but he forgot his Roman history
it’s certainly no mystery
Julius was assassinated
dying very constipated
and Augustus took over
like a four leaf clover
while Jared Kushner returns home from Dover
to take the reigns of power
for it is the False Messianic hour.

-A song written
by Christopher
Friday October 19th
2018
to the tune of
The Irish Rovers song
Lily The Pink

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Reflections On The Mystery of Love

October 23, 2018 at 10:23 pm (Commentary, Literature, love, Science, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

“Love is a mystery, the world’s greatest mystery, a mystery so great that even I Hercules Poirot the world’s greatest detective will never be able to solve it.”
– Hercules Poirot the great Belgian detective created by British writer Agatha Christie

“Who has seen the wind? Neither you nor I. Yet we have all felt its effects.”
-Canadian writer W.O. Mitchell in his book Who Has Seen The Wind?

God is love and he that abideth in love abideth in God and God in him.
– I John 4:8

“There is no God.”
-Stephen Hawking

The fool has said in his heart, There is no God.
– Psalm 14:1

General to Egypt’s King Ptolemy I:
I regret to say your Majesty that the great mathematician Euclid has died of insanity.

Ptolemy I: And what brought about this insanity?

General: He was trying to find a mathematical equation to explain love.

-From an ancient Egyptian manuscript discovered by the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s personal Egyptologist Dr. Edgar Lovecraft Ashbury

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had a vision in his lobster tank at London’s Set Enterprises on how a future scene would be written in a great science-fiction novel:

Paul looked at Lasetter, “You look like you’ve seen a ghost?”.

Lasetter indeed looked pale (he really should spend more time out in the sunlight), “I wish I had.”

From the expression on Lasetter’s face, Paul figured that now would not be the time to tell him that the IRS had dropped by half an hour ago to tell him that he Lasseter was now the subject of a tax audit.

“What’s wrong?” Paul asked.

“It’s Akira,” Lasetter answered, “She’s gone totally off the rails. She’s up and done something that I have no explanation for.”

“What’s she done?” Paul asked with trepidation feeling the butterflies in his stomach and wondering what bizarre meteorological phenomenon was taking place on the other side of the world as a result of all this.

“She’s fallen in love,” Lasseter peed his pants.

“She’s what?” Paul handed him a towel and started to look around for the nearest washroom himself.

“Fallen in love?” Paul gasped, “How the Hell did that happen?”.

“How the Hell should I know?” Lasetter retorted, “An AI sex robot actually falling in love? I’m afraid no matter how hard I’ve tried to formulate one, there are no algorithms to explain the origin of the phenomenon of love.”

“You mean to say there’s actually something you don’t know?” Paul was genuinely shocked.

“Apparently,” Lasetter took a nice long hard sip on his phallus shaped whiskey flask.

-A scene from The Great Unknown Science-Fiction Novel written by the great unknown science-fiction writer George Finneganberg.

-A personal essay, commentary and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 23rd 2018

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I Saw A Wild Bobcat: A Poem

October 22, 2018 at 10:47 pm (Aesthetics, Arts, Biographical, Nature, Personal essays, Poetry) (, , , , )

A pleasant sunny afternoon
sitting in the arm chair of the living room
I was looking at my Samsung Galaxy tablet
and drinking chai tea
dreaming of the day I’d be able to do it near
the Taj Mahal

When suddenly a wild bobcat appeared on the lawn across the street
he dashed faster than American Pharoah or Secretariat across the street
like a road runner pursued by a wiley coyote
or a wild hare jack rabbit overcoming carrot withdrawal
soon he was on my kitty corner neighbour’s lawn
and continued bounding northwards

Just a quick hello to an urban neighbourhood
and a quick hello to a writer named Christopher
and then he was gone as quickly as he came
like a shooting star
his wild feline glory
momentarily graced our city streets
but it was not his destiny to stay
Just a quick hello and he was on his way

-A poem written
by Christopher
Monday October 22nd
2018.

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