Reblog of The Poem Calcutta in Solitude

October 21, 2018 at 10:23 pm (Culture, Literature, Poetry) (, , , , )

A truly poetic masterpiece about a great city written by Nada a great poetess from India.

Tanushree Karmakar

Calcutta in solitude,
Like an old postcard
From the Colonial
Fresh Ink over the old testament
Old,
Precious,
Dipped in the holy sweetness of joy.
Uncanny sometimes,
Like Coffee Stains and lies.
The old holy chimes
Freshly painted lies,
First editions
New lighters,
New books, and
Chai.

Calcutta, oh Calcutta,
You have had me the first time.
I saw you through my momma’s eyes
In her memories
In her childhood times.
I see the places she talked about
The food
The history of her time.
I see the mysteries
And literature,
I see art,
The nostalgia of her lullaby.

I found my soul sister
I bribed her with chocolate shakes,
Laughed and drank all night.

I have made friends,
I found love
In the end.
I wore his t-shirt to weep,
To make love to him…
To feel him
To miss him in solitude.
He came from another city
To…

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The Vampire From Killarney: A Humourous Halloween Poem

October 20, 2018 at 11:33 pm (Comedy, Culture, Folklore, Gothic, Gothic poem, Gothic romance, Humour, Poetry, Romance, The Occult, The Supernatural) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

‘Tis time for a tale of Gothic blarney
about a vampire from Killarney
his name was Freddy O’ Barney
and he worked as a night time circus carney

He went from Ireland to England’s London town
hoping to turn the city upside down
Count Fred heard the streets there were paved with gold
That Donald Trump had shit bricks there by the truckload
But it was all old wives’ tales
like women seduced by the Prince of Wales

Count Fred (for he was no Dracula) walked into a bar
his vampire bat wings home floating in a jar
he saw a beautiful young woman wearing a red dress
her nubile young body he hoped to caress
and her debonair mind he hoped to impress

Count Fred walked up to her and said, “Top of the morning to you”
and she replied, “But it’s late evening just like the colour of my pantyhose is midnight blue”
The blarney count said, “But it’s morning to me” and at her nylons’ description, he came to,
to get under her dress, he must see this through

He tipped his hat and took a bow
for the midnight hour was definitely now
“My name by birth is Freddy O’ Barney
and I’m the long lost Count of Killarney”
said she, “My woman’s intuition tells me you’re full of blarney”
” Tis true,” said some drunk at the bar, “he’s a circus carney”

Fred grabbed his shillelagh and gave him a whack
and the drunk hit the floor like a fallen potato sack

Fred sat down next to the girl,
gave his pocket handkerchief a twirl
and in a lilting nocturnal like voice said,
with the rhythm of one seductively Undead,
“Can I buy you a drink, my lady so fair?”
Hoping to get into her underwear.

She flicked back her hair and said, “Sure why not?”
For she thought another drink would sure hit the spot.

Said he in Irish brogue
like a highwayman rogue,
“What can I get you, my dear?
Cocktail, gin, whiskey, or beer?”.

Smiling she licked her lips, “I’ll have a Vermouth”
for she had a sweet tooth
She bared her fangs
and played with her curly bangs

“Shit,” Count Fred thought to himself
like the lone forgotten book on the shelf,
he had selected a vampiress for his prey
on this night, he’d get no blood though he might get a lay

Fred O’ Barney ordered for himself from the bartender a soft drink popular North American root beer brand
The Fountainhead for his midnight snack hopes dashed and so he shrugged like an atlas of writer Ayn Rand

The bartender brought the vermouth and the root beer
as moonlight shone through the window so crystal clear
and so it happened on this dark sky but moonlit night
of dashed expectations and no feminine fright
that he put the root beer to his mouth
while down her low-cut dress he looked further south.
From his vampiric mouth he sprayed
dashing even his hopes of getting laid
for thus it did turn out on this star-crossed night
that his Barq was far worse than his bite.

Note: Barq is the name of a popular North American soft drink root beer brand.

-A humourous Gothic Halloween
vampire poem
written by Christopher
Saturday October 20th
2018.

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Wilkie The Cat Performs Nat King Cole: A Poem

October 19, 2018 at 8:59 pm (Comedy, Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Intrigue, Musicals, News, Poetry, Politics, Satire, theatre, Theatre Arts) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Wilkie The Cat
had a lovers’ spat
His girlfriend Mitzi
was raging spitzy

She had broken her parasol
saving Wilkie from a very deep hole
by red hot pokering a Saudi librarian mole
Trump defended the Saudi librarian assassin
and took to Twitter tweety bashin’

Saudi Arabia had threatened to fly planes into Canadian Toronto’s CN Tower
while Mohammad bin Salman like Putin gave Trump a golden shower
No wonder the Donald’s hairpiece was a sickening gold yellow toupee
for Putin and the Saudi Crown Prince performed like it was a rainy day
Mid-term elections were soon on the way
Was Robert Mueller making hay?
Democrats wondered
as Lizzie Warren blundered

The New York Times defended the Senator’s DNA test
because of brains and intelligence, The Times had not been blessed
It took one to hate one was that old adage
which is why Trump and The Times exchanged nasty tweets and cabbage

But fortunately for Wilkie’s relationship, he got a good gig
and an assignment that his girl Mitzi should really dig
He and she were invited to perform at a political party function
and did not have to play the part of Beverly Hillbillies at Petticoat Junction

It was at the Lincoln Performing Arts Centre
and Wilkie promised Mitzi he wouldn’t go on a bender

Mitzi dressed as Elizabeth Warren took to the stage
while politicos gazed at her like lions released from a cage
Mitzi began to sing,

Cherokee people,
Cherokee tribe,
so proud to live
so proud to die

and maybe someday when we’ve learned,
Cherokee Nation will return, will return

Wilkie The Cat came on stage dressed like Nat King Cole,
he really relished getting into this role
He pointed at Mitzi as Warren and began to sing,
“Oh yes, she’s the great pretender…”
after the show, Wilkie went on a bender.

For he got the attending crowd wrong
turning this into his Lincoln Center swan song
He thought he was performing to Republicans but alas! they were Democrats
and now Wilkie and Mitzi were once again unemployed performing arts cats.

-A Wilkie The Cat poem
written by Christopher
Friday October 19th
2018.

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Wilkie The Cat As The Shadow: A Poem

October 18, 2018 at 9:26 pm (Comedy, Culture, Humour, Literature, Plays, Poetry, theatre, Theatre Arts) (, , , , , , , , )

Wilkie considered himself the Big Apple’s NYC leading thespian
When he told people what he did, they thought he said lesbian
but thespian was the Shakespearean term for actor
not a bull dyke riding one Hell of a tractor

Now Wilkie was a feline by species
one whose litter box was full of feces
Wilkie naturally thought of himself as a cool cat
when he played James Cagney saying, “You dirty rat.”
Now the lovely French cat Mitzi was the love of his life
he longed to make la belle mademoiselle his beloved wife
but the Parisienne Pussy (so called by President Macron) wanted no such strife
for her current single state now was such a delightful life

Now it came to pass that a big Broadway producer
when he encountered a #MeToo woman, he did goose her
now he was in disgraced exile
Alyssa Milano’s Wiccan spells cast on him by the pile
only Bret Kavanaugh’s pile of hexes was much longer
as Hillary made a voodoo doll of Bill and his donger

Now it so happened that Wilkie had several incriminating photos
of the producer seducing starlets in one of his chateaux
so Wilkie blackmailed the producer from Park Avenue
who forced gruesome things on the young nubile Frou Frou La Rue
and made him finance Wilkie’s new play
a heavy price the theatrical big wig had to pay
for wanting to engage in getting a lay
in such a very strange, awkward and peculiar way

Wilkie wanted to do a stage version of that old radio play The Shadow
that showed Man About Town Lamont Cranston always on the go
The Shadow’s object of affection was one Margo Lane
to organized crime, Lamont Cranston was a first rate pain

So once again a Wilkie directed Broadway stage play came to pass
Theatre critics went to the play expecting the feline to again make himself an ass
and Wilkie certainly did not let them down
The Broadway disaster was the talk of the town

Wilkie playing Cranston opened the play with The Shadow’s opening line,
“Who knows what…” and there was a sudden pause,
as Wilkie held to his head his feline claws
for the catty thespian had forgotten his lines
to say nothing of not paying library card fines
He was recognized by a librarian sitting in the audience
who leapt on stage like a secret agent of a Saudi Crown Prince incensed
Mitzi leapt into action with her parasol to prevent Wilkie being dismembered on the spot
and Trump’s future defense of petulant librarians was such poppycock
the aftereffects of a urine coloured toupee causing a brain to rot

The play’s opening moments were its very last
petulant librarian got a parasol up the ass
and Wilkie’s earlier pork and beans dinner produced much gas
and the pervert producer’s line of credit did not come to pass
for he committed hari kari permanently ending his tendency to harass

So now the time has come to say to one and all, Good night
as for The Shadow playing a 2nd night, theatre owner told Wilkie to go fly a kite.

-A Wilkie The Cat poem
written by Christopher
Thursday October 17th
2018.

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A Renfieldian Haiku For Ariana Grande

October 17, 2018 at 10:50 pm (Arts, Literature, Poetry, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , )

A Renfieldian Haiku For Ariana Grande

“What are you looking so pleased about?” Amadeus Emanon asked his friend Renfield R. Renfield MP.

“Ariana Grande broke up with her boyfriend Pete Davidson,” Renfield grinned from ear to ear like a Cheshire cat, “so now I’ll be able to ask her out on a date.”

“Didn’t she call you a pervert the last time you talked to her on the phone?” Amadeus asked.

“She did,” Renfield nodded, “but I’m willing to let bygones be bygones. I’ve written her a haiku.”

Renfield’s Haiku For Ariana Grande

Dear Ariana
Your breasts are quite safe with me
Love from your Renfield

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 17th
2018.

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The Great Eastern Orthodox Schism

October 16, 2018 at 10:27 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

The Great Eastern Orthodox Schism

Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane had prayed to God The Father that all His Apostles be one.

But the plans of men with their free will undid His prayer.

The Egyptian Coptic and Ethiopian Churches broke with Rome and Constantinople in the 5th Century AD.

The Great Schism of 1054 broke communion between Rome and Constantinople leading to the formation of the Catholic Church in the West and The Eastern Orthodox Church in the East.

Martin Luther’s Protestant revolt of 1517 led to the formation of the Protestant Church and the Protestants have been dividing up into more and more different denominations ever since.

The Church of England under Henry VIII broke Communion with the Pope of Rome in 1536.

And since that time the Anglican Communion has been a strange union of people who share the same Sacramental view of the Church as that held by the Roman Catholic and Eastern Orthodox Churches united with people in the same Communion who hold the non-sacramental view of the Church held by Calvin, Zwingli and some of the other major 16th Century Protestant Reformers.

There had never been a major schism in the Eastern Orthodox Church until today- Tuesday October 16th 2018 when the Russian Orthodox Church under the Patriarch of Moscow announced that it was no longer in Communion with the Ecumenical Patriarchate of Constantinople.

What brought about the schism between Moscow and Constantinople was Patriarch Bartholomew of Constantinople’s decision of Thursday October 11th 2018 to recognize autocephaly for the Ukrainian Orthodox Church (the Ukrainian Orthodox Church would be under its own Patriarch in Kiev rather than be under the jurisdiction of the Patriarch of Moscow).

The move angered Patriarch Kirill of Moscow a staunch Russian nationalist ally of Russian President Vladimir Putin.

The whole political and military conflict between Kiev and Moscow over Crimea and Eastern Ukraine 🇺🇦 had now entered the religious-theological realm of Eastern Orthodoxy.

So now the 150 million members of the Russian Orthodox Church are now out of Communion with the 110 million members of the other Eastern Orthodox Churches whose nominal and titular head is the Patriarch of Constantinople.

Although other branches of the Eastern Orthodox Church in Eastern Europe may choose to forego Communion with Constantinople in order to remain in good standing with both the Russian Church and State.

The really big question at the moment is what will the Serbian Orthodox Church now do?

Serbia had always been strong allies with Moscow.

It was the strong and enduring alliance and friendship between Serbia and Russia that led to the First World War when the Austro-Hungarian Empire (backed by the Imperial Germany of the Kaiser Wilhelm II) declared war on Serbia for what Vienna saw as Belgrade’s involvement in the Sarajevo Bosnia-Herzegovina assassination of the Austrian ArchDuke Franz Ferdinand.

Russia in response declared war on Austro-Hungary leading to a bunch of European powers declaring war on one another the next couple of months.

It was U.S. President Bill Clinton’s decision to bomb Serbia in the spring of 1999 to grant Kosovo independence from Serbia that led Russian President Boris Yeltsin to adopt a less friendly attitude towards the West and to name the Russian ultra-nationalist former KGB agent and then FSB head Vladimir Putin to the position of Prime Minister of Russia in August 1999.

During the last days of December 1999 Yeltsin resigned as President and named Vladimir Putin his successor.

And Vladimir Putin has either been President or Prime Minister of Russia ever since.

And the Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva had now been given the go-ahead by her boss the Supreme Leader of The Russian Federation to go ahead and bump off Patriarch Bartholomew of Constantinople.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 16th
2018

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Renfield: Now Is The Time To Destroy The Despotic Desert Kingdom of Saudi Arabia

October 15, 2018 at 10:55 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Mystery, News, Poetry, The Occult, The Supernatural, Theatre Arts, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield: Now Is The Time To Destroy The Despotic Desert Kingdom of Saudi Arabia

British MP Renfield R. Renfield sat watching the television in his parliamentary office.

The woman Australian TV news reporter he was watching was positively bubbling over with glee, “Duchess Meghan and Prince Harry are both having a baby. Isn’t that amazing?”.

“It is amazing,” Renfield had to admit, “I didn’t know men could get pregnant.”

He shut off the TV when the ghosts of Sir Winston Churchill and Orson Welles joined him for cigars and brandy.

Sir Winston Churchill was helping Renfield in planning to depose the tyrannical and fanatical House of Saud from its governance over most of the vast oil rich Arabian Peninsula.

And Orson Welles was listening in because he got the exclusive rights to write the screenplay for the fall of the House of Saud.

Welles had planned for the screenplay to read like a combination of the writing of Edgar Allan Poe in The Fall of The House of Usher (1839) and Nathaniel Hawthorne in The House of The Seven Gables (1851) and the movie would look like it was made by a combination of directors Woody Allen and Roman Polanski in the film and visual techniques.

If anyone could pull that off, it would indeed be the ghost of Orson Welles.

“Well,” Churchill lit a spectral cigar with a spectral match, “I see Franklin Delano Roosevelt’s idiot successor in the Oval Office is saying the murder of dissident Saudi journalist Jamal Khashoggi may have been committed by rogue elements in the Saudi government’s secret service.”

“This shows the hazards of sniffing elementary school kid’s glue while using it as a shampoo to wash the dandruff out of your yellowish gold urine coloured toupee,” Renfield noted.

“Indeed,” Welles nodded in agreement, “I noticed Bozo Trump said that Saudi King Salman said he had no knowledge whatsoever of Jamal Khashoggi’s murder.”

“Well, he would say that, wouldn’t he?” The ghost of a young beautiful looking famous British call girl Christine Keeler remarked as she walked by wearing a 1960s era mini skirt.

All three men’s eyes followed her as she disappeared into a portrait painting of John Profumo who was Secretary of State For War in Prime Minister Harold Macmillan’s Conservative Government of the early 1960s.

“Well,” Churchill was the first one of the three to recover from seeing the ghostly apparition, “I see that the Saudi government after first vigorously denying having murdered Mr. Khashoggi is now admitting they may have accidentally murdered him.”

“I wonder whether they accidentally dismembered his body as well,” Renfield remarked as he watched a British farmer fertilizing his field with a dancing diarrhea ridden bull in a YouTube video.

“Undoubtedly,” Churchill blew smoke.

“This is where I can work some Woody Allen style humour into the dialogue,” Welles smiled.

The ghost of Theban king Oedipus’ wife/ mother Jocasta walked by remarking, “I wonder what name they call my son in graffiti on the walls in New York’s Harlem.”

“I don’t think that line can be worked into this script,” Welles confessed.

Jocasta exited Renfield’s office and walked down the parliamentary halls looking for a portrait painting of Sigmund Freud.

Finally Renfield stood up and striking his best Churchillian pose remarked,

“The time has come, the shapeshifting hamster/human MP said, to talk of many things,
of steamy sex with porn stars and ridding the world of despotic Saudi kings.”

The ghosts of Churchill and Welles applauded in agreement.

Finally Welles raised his spectral glass of brandy in a toast and asked,

“When shall we three meet again,
Over wine, brandy, coffee or tea?”

Christine Keeler’s mini skirted ghost appeared and said, “Why not over me?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday October 15th
2018.

Ghost of Theban Queen Jocasta holding her son’s skull 💀 and remarking to the ghost of one of Prince Hamlet’s friends down in Purgatory:

“Alas, poor Oedipus, I knew him well, Horatio.”

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Reblog of La Coco Mojo Trobada

October 14, 2018 at 10:46 pm (Folklore, Literature, Mythology, Poetry, The Occult, The Supernatural) (, , , , , , )

David Redpath makes it with a succubus who’s a daughter of Cernunnos the Horned God in Celtic mythology.

As Pope Francis might put it, you can’t keep a good Stang down.

David Redpath

Looking for hidden treasure
in the doing of serious leisure
at the most exotic Coco Mojo bar
As that coral sea
just keeps glistening
in the tropical sun
I’m ordering yet another
mango mojito
whilst listening to Mojo JuJu
singing that native tongue

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October 13th 2018- Mystery Babylon, The Pope, The Saudi Crown Prince and The Vampiress Priestess of Baal

October 13, 2018 at 9:42 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

October 13th 2018- Mystery Babylon, The Pope, The Saudi Crown Prince and The Vampiress Priestess of Baal

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was having a conversation with a Church of England Exorcist Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds who was a constituent in Renfield’s Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds parliamentary constituency.

“I came across a couple of Bible passages last night that suddenly struck me as being related even though I had never considered them as being related before,” said Father Aidan, “but considering what’s happening in today’s times, it suddenly struck me that they are related.”

“Oh,” said Renfield as he dug into his roast beef and Yorkshire pudding with his knife and fork, “and what would those passages be and how do they relate to today’s times?”.

“Well,” Father Aidan answered, “the first one is from Matthew 18:6 which reads “But whoso offends one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.” That’s the first passage.”

“And what’s the other passage?” Renfield asked as he washed down his mashed potatoes and gravy with a quadruple whiskey 🥃.

“The other passage is from Revelation 18:21 which deals with the destruction of Mystery Babylon the Great Whore,” Father Aidan answered, “And a mighty angel took up a stone like a giant millstone and cast it into the sea, saying, Thus with violence shall that great City Babylon be thrown down, and shall be found no more at all.”

“And the relation?” Renfield ordered another quadruple whiskey from the waitress.

“Well the church that becomes Mystery Babylon does something that offends little ones and so the angel throws a millstone into the sea drowning that church,” Father Aidan noted.

“The Catholic Church under Pope Francis?” Renfield asked.

“Exactly,” Father Aidan nodded.

. . .

Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol was looking at the video someone had sent him filming Pope Francis opening the Youth Synod back on October 3rd earlier this month.

In his hands at the opening of the Synod, Pope Francis held what was supposed to be a Crucifix but it actually was a Witch’s Stang- an occult ritual wizarding staff used to represent the Horned God in witchcraft.

What, Whitstable wondered, was Francis doing holding a Witch’s Stang representing the horned god of witchcraft at the opening of the Youth Synod?

Here Pope Francis had covered up for pedophile priests and bishops who had molested children and now he was opening up a Youth Synod with a witching staff representing the Horned God.

He was definitely offending all the little ones who believed in Christ, Whitstable thought to himself.

. . .

Dr. Cadbury Rocher had gone to see his boss the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set about an order for Set Enterprises nanites that had just come in.

“What’s the problem?” Set asked.

“The problem,” Dr. Rocher explained, “is that this order came in from the government of Saudi Arabia 🇸🇦 and the nanites being asked for are those that can eat and totally destroy and remove all traces of a dead body.”

“And why should that be a problem?” Set asked as he dropped a living crocodile down his throat and ate it.

“Well if the Turks are telling the truth about the audio and video recordings showing Saudi secret police killing and dismembering the body of dissident Saudi journalist Jamal Khashoggi at the Saudi Consulate in Istanbul,” Dr. Rocher pointed out, “and if the Saudi government wants to use our company’s nanites to totally remove all traces of Khashoggi’s body and details of the sale become available to the European Union in Brussels and the British Trade Ministry in London, it could severely affect Set Enterprises’ ability to conduct business in Britain and Europe.”

“I see what you mean,” Set belched after digesting the crocodile, “You better not sell the nanites to the Saudi government then.”

An hour later DARPA’s Dr. Faustus Imhotep in Washington DC received a phone call from Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman about purchasing some of DARPA’s nanites.

. . .

Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal approached the Vatican Cardinal Samhain Salaman.

“You consummated a relationship with my astral twin Asherah,” she rubbed against Cardinal Salaman, “now you must consummate a relationship with me.”

Allatallahbel then went and lay down and beckoned Samhain Cardinal Salaman to come to her coffin and lay with her.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday October 13th
2018.

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Dark Witchcraft In American Politics and At The Vatican

October 12, 2018 at 10:59 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Dark Witchcraft In American Politics and At The Vatican

Pan Goatee was riding the bus back to his home when he noticed a hideously fat ugly white blimp riding at the back of the bus.

Goatee was astounded.

He was positive that he had beheaded the fat ugly bitch only weeks earlier.

He turned around and faced the front (for he was sitting at the front of the bus) so he wouldn’t have to look at her fat ugly repulsive aesthetically challenged face.

Just then a thin ugly white scarecrow (who would indeed be good at scaring off crows and everybody else for that matter) got on at the front of the bus and then sat directly across from him.

“What the fuck?” Goatee thought to himself.

He went over and beheaded the thin ugly scary scarecrow.

Krampus the 2nd teleported on to the scene with his innate demonic abilities and cut the thin ugly scarecrow woman into 666 quadrillion pieces, put the remains in a Pope Francis unapproved environmentally unfriendly plastic garbage bag and used it as fuel to burn down a drug dealer’s house.

Goatee then walked towards the back of the bus and beheaded the fat ugly white blimp he was positive that he had beheaded only weeks earlier.

When Krampus the 2nd arrived on the scene, Goatee instructed the DARPA made genetically cloned demon (cloned from the original Krampus who so terrified and still terrifies the devoutly Catholic countries that made up the core of the medieval Holy Roman Empire) to save the hands of the fat ugly blimp and take them back to DARPA headquarters for analysis by DARPA’s Psychic Lobster Liberace (a name designed to appeal to America’s LGBTQ 🏳️‍🌈 community- like most government agencies out of touch with the community they’re seeking to woo for support they were totally unaware that the performer Liberace was hugely unpopular with most of the LGBTQ 🏳️‍🌈 community for denying his sexual orientation throughout his lifetime).

DARPA had plagiarized the idea of a psychic lobster from Britain’s Set Enterprises whose Chief Scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher had genetically created a psychic lobster named Michelangelo back in 2010.

Goatee wanted Liberace to determine whether the fat ugly blimp was in fact the very same fat ugly blimp that the genetically created satyr serial killer had beheaded and dismembered weeks earlier.

Krampus the 2nd after saving the elephant sized hands could dispose of the rest of the fat ugly blimp’s body in his usual Krampusonian manner.

That night Pan Goatee got a text message from Dr. Faustus Imhotep who had been told by Exlaxia (the DARPA equivalent of Amazon’s AI assistant Alexa) after being in telepathic communication with Liberace the DARPA psychic lobster that the fat ugly blimp was indeed the very same uglo creature that Goatee had beheaded and dismembered weeks earlier.

After a violent fit of lobster vomiting after seeing the hands (for which the explosion proof tank of hydrogen immediately needed to be replaced), Liberace wearing a diamond and sparkling jewel 💎 encrusted white suit and jacket played a vigorous rendition of Elvis’ Viva Las Vegas on his toy piano 🎹 with his lobster claws and then telepathically communicated with Exlaxia his analysis.

Apparently the fat ugly blimp had been brought back from the dead by order of Hillary Clinton.

Hillary Clinton had hired a Haitian voodoo witch doctor Pierre Josephine Swaying Les Fesses to bring the fat ugly blimp back from the dead.

He/she (for the Haitian witch doctor was an androgynous hermaphrodite) had done the same for some other ugly female victims of Pan Goatee as well on Hillary’s orders.

Hillary’s covert plan was to bring the Calgarian fat ugly blimps and thin ugly scarecrows back from the dead and illegally have them documented as American citizens to be able to vote in the 2020 Presidential election as almost all ugly women were inclined to vote for Hillary by inherent natural disposition.

What a sinister piece of black magic witchcraft, Pan Goatee thought to himself.

Here the Hillarybeast was in favour of killing unborn babies but at the same time was bringing fat ugly blimps and thin ugly scarecrows (who had been conceived in the very bowels of Hell itself) back from the dead.

What nefarious witchcraft was this? Goatee wondered.

Meanwhile at the Vatican in Rome, Pope Francis was using a very very very abstract modern art Crucifix carved in the shape of a witches Stang to summon the ghost of Aleister Crowley from the pits of Tartarus on his birthday which was today October 12th.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 12th
2018

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