The Irish Celtic Goddess Morrigan In Ukraine On Saint Andrew’s Day
The Irish Celtic Goddess Morrigan In Ukraine On Saint Andrew’s Day
The Irish Celtic Goddess Morrigan awaited war
War between Russia and Ukraine
The Celtic goddess of War stood there
Alongside Ares the Greek god of war
And Thor the Norse god of thunder
They stood in the woods not far from Voronkiv
the village home to Metropolitan Pavel
Of the Ukrainian Orthodox Church
Of the Patriarchate of Moscow
The home was being raided by the SBU
(Ukraine’s state security service)
Accusing Metropolitan Pavel of inciting religious hostility
Because he criticized Patriarch Filaret of the Kiev Patriarchate
Of the newly autocephalous Ukrainian Orthodox Church
Recently recognized by the Patriarch of Constantinople
But Metropolitan Pavel was not at his home in Voronkiv
He was at Kiev-Pechersk Lavra Monastery
Where he was the Father-Superior
Kiev-Pechersk Lavra Monastery the monastery of the caves
The caves which held perfectly preserved bodies of monastic saints
Whose fame was known throughout the entire Czarist Russian Empire
And as such inspired Lenin to have his body preserved in Moscow after death (and after founding the USSR)
to compete with Kiev-Pechersk Lavra Monastery
to show that Marx and Lenin were gods superior to the Christian Holy Trinity
Yet Lenin’s preservation depended on 20th Century mummification techniques
whereas those of the saintly monks of Kiev-Pechersk Lavra monastery were supernaturally preserved
The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith sent a succubus to the monastery
to seduce Pavel and prepare the way for war
Pavel asked for the intercession of Saint Nicholas II
(Russia’s last Czar who in the last few months of his life
had come to believe that Mary the Mother of Jesus
had indeed appeared at Fatima Portugal from May to October 1917
And had asked the Church and the world to pray
for the Consecration and conversion of Russia)
To pray in the Communion of Saints in Heaven
that he be given the strength to withstand
the temptation of the succubus
Meanwhile in the forest near Voronkiv
a black jaguar with silver eyes had attacked both Ares and Thor
Possessed of a mighty supernatural strength he wounded both these deities
Morrigan fled through the woods to escape the jaguar
She succeeded
The black jaguar was nowhere to be seen
Then she heard a forlorn howl
The Irish Celtic Goddess Morrigan turned her head
And there stood a white wolf with blue eyes
gazing at her
His eyes were hypnotic
Morrigan slowly took her dress off
And lay back in the autumn grasses of Ukraine
on Saint Andrew’s Day
The wolf turned into a handsome naked man
Who mounted her,
“Adonais Lupine!” The succubus in the chapel of the monastery shrieked
The best laid plans of Lilith and three ancient deities for war
Had seemingly gone astray.
-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday November 30th 2018.
Renfield Takes Russian Sailors Hostage In Sea of Azov
British MP Renfield R. Renfield along with the Ukrainian vampiress Inna Huculak and Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing sailed on Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s submarine The Amphitrite II accompanied by a brigade of British Army Gurkha commandos straight through the Strait of Kerch to the Sea of Azov.
They rammed a Russian Navy submarine the Svyatoy Ivan and sank it to the bottom of the sea.
As Renfield sang “Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea, joy to you and me…” on the Amphitrite II waterproof outdoor loudspeaker, the mermaid Miranda raised the sunken Svyatoy Ivan above the waves where the hatch was opened after being fired upon by a miniature Tesla Death Ray carried by Renfield.
A white wolf with blue eyes, a black jaguar with silver eyes and several Gurkhas jumped aboard the vessel.
Through a bullhorn bearing an autographed picture of the Australian Holstein Friesian steer Knickers, Renfield gave the Russian sailors an ultimatum and a choice.
They could either get their testicles cut off by the Gurkhas and their famous daggers or get some of their body parts bitten off by the white wolf with blue eyes or get their body parts scratched and clawed by the black jaguar with silver eyes or they could surrender.
Every single Russian sailor surrendered.
The Union Jack was raised on the flagpole of the Svyatoy Ivan while Inna Huculak played “Rule Britannia, Britannia rules the waves…” on her Ukrainian ukulele.
Renfield R. Renfield pulled his pants down and took a crap on a lifelike effigy of Russian President Vladimir Putin as Inna Huculak sang a song from the musical Oliver “What is the cause of his red shiny nose? Could it be Oom-pah-pah?”… while playing the accordion with her magnificent pair of knockers.
The ghost of Orson Welles filmed everything with his camera and uploaded it to YouTube and Instagram.
The surrender of the Russian sailors and Renfield’s defecating actions were then projected on to a large airport runway in Argentina as Vladimir Putin’s plane landed in Buenos Aires for the G-20 Summit.
Putin suddenly came down with a severe case of heartburn which the airplane doctor attributed to an overindulgence in Ukrainian cabbage rolls on the Russian leader’s part.
As the ghost of Orson Welles and the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill sat on a yacht in the Strait of Kerch and drank wine and brandy respectively, Welles lamented on his marriage to actress Rita Hayworth.
Welles said mournfully that if he had spent a little less time intellectualizing his many ideas and spent more time making out with the lovely Rita Hayworth, his marriage might have been saved.
Meanwhile the lovely Ukrainian vampiress Inna Huculak sat on a pier in a marina in the Strait of Kerch on the Crimea when Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing approached:
Inna Huculak immediately took Dracul Van Helsing over her knee and spanked him for making out with Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva a couple of days earlier.
She then made wild passionate love to him herself after spanking him and screamed “Republic of Ukraine forever!” as she orgasmed in a massive outburst of cosmic energy from all that tantric sex forever.
Renfield R. Renfield meanwhile was on his smart phone checking on his order of a Japanese sex robot that he had ordered for himself for Christmas from Amazon.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday November 29th
2018.
Sol Invictus Set Leaves Berlin For London November 28th 1938
The London based wealthy Egyptian vampire and businessman Sol Invictus Set had spent the past week touring Berlin with Der Fuhrer Hitler’s personal architect Albert Speer.
Speer was telling Set all the exciting buildings and statues he planned to build when the city became Germania the capital of the world.
He even introduced Set to the Persian goddess Anahita who knew how to bring statues to life.
A rather obnoxious individual (in Set’s opinion) Franz Kohler of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau kept following them around taking notes.
Thus preventing Set from having some private time to make out with her.
Anahita went flying back to Tehran yesterday November 27th.
So Set had no more reason to remain in Berlin.
He decided to fly back to London today.
There waiting for him on the airport tarmac and leaning on his plane’s wing was the Norse Germanic goddess Freya:
Later as the plane was flying back to London, the plane’s German co-pilot Werner Von Wagner remarked to his British co-pilot Albert Von Elgar, “It seems extra foggy over the channel today.”
“I think it’s because of what the Boss and Freya are currently doing in the single back passenger seat that’s fogging up the window,” Elgar replied.
“I wonder if Errol Flynn will be the actor they hire to play the Boss in a movie,” said Wagner as the plane landed in a lake in England’s Lake District so admired by William and Dorothy Wordsworth.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday November 28th
2018.
Nimrod Sees A Psychiatrist: Recalling Life With Semiramis
The famous Welsh psychiatrist Dr. Morgana Jones was able to see a new patient at her London clinic.
She did have an appointment with one of her regular patients the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing to help treat his problem of sex addiction but she received a phone call from him cancelling at the last minute because he had spent the past 24 hours making out with the Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva of the FSB and he would likely be spending the next 24 hours doing the same.
She did receive a phone call from somebody claiming to be a British Member of Parliament who said he was feeling lonely and depressed because he was sitting alone in his hot tub and had nobody to blow bubbles and play his musical instrument with.
Dr. Jones told him to buy himself a Japanese sex robot and slammed the phone down.
The recepient on the other end called out, “Athelstan, can you find me the number of a sci-fi writer called George Finneganburg in the U.S.? I think he knows where I can buy a good Japanese female sex robot.”
As the Member of Parliament went about blissfully planning his own death by electrocution in a hot tub by hoping to get a Japanese female sex robot prone to blowing her fuse and short circuiting, Dr. Jones’ receptionist brought in a new patient.
He was a little green frog who called himself Nimrod and he hopped out from the top of a low-cut dress worn by the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith.
“You’ll be okay while I go do my Christmas shopping for myself at Harrods?” Lilith asked.
Nimrod ribbited in the affirmative and Lilith was out the door like a bat out of Hell to go shopping at Harrods.
“Are you the Nimrod mentioned in the Bible?” Dr. Morgana Jones asked her new patient as he lay back on the couch and hugged a Sesame Street Miss Piggy doll.
“I am,” Nimrod ribbitted in the affirmative, “I used to be a mighty hunter before the Lord although it really should be properly translated against the Lord. But I like quoting the King James Version myself. It has such beautiful English.”
“How did you become a little green frog?” Dr. Jones queried as the “mighty hunter before the Lord” used his extra long tongue to catch and swallow a fly.
“It was the result of a love potion gone horribly wrong,” Nimrod hiccoughed after swallowing the lord of the flies.
“I don’t remember reading about that in the Biblical account,” remarked Dr. Jones who was raised in a Methodist home in Wales.
“It didn’t happen in Biblical times. It happened after I croaked the first time in Biblical times,” Nimrod croaked in Miss Piggy’s ear.
“Perhaps you better explain,” Dr. Jones crossed her legs which was followed by murmuring from the office’s lobster tank.
“Well, several centuries after I died in Biblical times,” Nimrod licked his lips, “I was brought back from the dead by ET grays who were visiting Earth on an expedition. Later I was killed again when the UFO they were flying crashed near Tuktoyaktuk in the Canadian Arctic. This time I was brought back to life by DARPA while the ET gray bodies were sent to Area 51 and became hopelessly lost like all ET gray bodies at Area 51 are prone to do. The guy in charge of the Freezer section at Area 51- some old geezer who has held the job since Roswell in 1947 and really should have retired years ago has just been named director of Canada Post’s Marijuana Parcel Delivery Program by Justin Trudeau after the latter was visited by Sherrielock Holmes as part of some act of vengeance by her friend Dracul Van Helsing against the country’s marijuana users.”
“So what would you say was the primary cause of your mental trauma that brings you here today?” Dr. Jones uncrossed her legs once again causing murmurs to come from the office’s lobster tank.
“That does date back to Biblical times,” Nimrod admitted.
“Was it perhaps building the Tower of Babel that did it?” Dr. Jones smoothed her pantyhose causing the office’s lobster tank to shake.
“I wasn’t the one who built the Tower of Babel,” Nimrod blubbered into his handkerchief.
“You weren’t?” Dr. Jones was astounded.
“The Bible never says I built the Tower of Babel,” Nimrod blew his nose, “That was later expositors who said that. In fact it was my wife Semiramis who built the tower of Babel after she murdered me.”
Nimrod started to sob hysterically.
“Murdered you?” Dr. Jones was astounded.
“With an ice pick,” Nimrod bawled, “with the result that I never got the chance to enjoy my last cold beer in life. Then the bitch had the nerve to bury me face downwards so I could see where I was going.”
Nimrod was silent.
Then he admitted, “Still I suppose not seeing all those flames at first might have come as the greater surprise.”
“I can see why you’ve been traumatised,” Dr. Jones smoothed her skirt traumatizing the lobster in the tank.
“Yes, she murdered me, buried me face downwards so I could see where I was going and then had the nerve to tell the people of Babel that I had ascended into the heavens as a sun god,” Nimrod wept, “The only thing I got from the sun was sun burn. Then 18 months after I died, she gave birth to Tammuz claiming that it was a virgin birth.”
“It wasn’t?” Dr. Jones arched an eyebrow.
“No, the woman was a nymphomaniac,” Nimrod seethed, “she slept with every single member of the Palace Guard and gave them all sexually transmitted diseases.”
Nimrod looked at Dr. Jones with a pained expression on his face, “Do you know how hard it was to find a good palace guard in those days? I tell you not many were applying for the job or returning to it once word of the pox of Semiramis spread like wildfire among unionized members of Palace Guard guilds everywhere across the known world at the time.”
“Was Semiramis good in bed?” Dr. Jones asked as the lobster in the tank edged closer to the glass to hear the answer.
“I don’t know,” Nimrod shrugged.
Dr. Jones looked at the frog in shock.
“I remember when my very good friend Gilgamash Potatocus the commander of my Palace Guard lay dying,” Nimrod had tears in his eyes, “he said to me, “Your majesty, I have a confession to make to you before I die. I slept with your wife.” I looked at him and said, “With Semiramis?.” He nodded, “Yes.” And I said to him thoughtfully, “Gosh. Well, then you’re one up on me.” Then he expired. Just like the time on Lilith’s parking metre next to her Porsche as I see the policewoman writing her a ticket and putting it on the dashboard.”
The little green frog was standing at the window.
“Gilgamash Potatocus?” Dr. Jones repeated the name.
“Yes, everybody in Ancient Studies these days with the exception of the Dragon Sister prof Sydney Fox and her teaching assistant Nigel Bailey are always shooting their mouths off about how great The Epic of Gilgamesh is,” Nimrod seethed, “But the Epic of Gilgamash Potatocus is even greater. About how Gilgamash Potatocus visited Ireland where he was skinned alive and then mashed and then almost eaten by Irish cannibals before he managed to escape.”
Dr. Jones dropped her pen and bent right over to pick it up.
The lobster tank exploded.
“What’s up with that lobster?” Dr. Jones looked at the water and mess all over the floor, “I was told when I bought Chaucer that he was the younger brother of one of Set Enterprises’ star employees.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday November 27th
2018.
Renfield On Kerch, Crimea and The Sea of Azov: Let’s Get This Strait
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was currently consulting with the ghosts of Sir Winston Churchill and Orson Welles and the Ukrainian vampiress Inna Hukulak to lead a commando raid of British Army Gurkhas on the Russian Navy at the Strait of Kerch to rescue two Ukrainian Navy gunboats The Nikopol and The Berdyansk and a Ukrainian Navy tug and 30 Ukrainian sailors who were seized by the Russian Navy yesterday,
In Kiev, Ukrainian President Petro Poroshenko declared martial law in Ukraine for 30 days in order to put the country on a full war footing.
Donald Trump as usual was busy dithering and tweeting about “immigrants on the U.S-Mexico border” in the midst of yet another major international crisis.
He was also trying to make up in his own mind who was the nicer guy- Russian President Vladimir Putin or Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman.
On November 25th, Russian Spetznatz commandos of the Russian Navy seized the Ukrainian gunboats and the tug wounding half a dozen Ukrainian Navy sailors in the process.
Russia had used a Russian ship under the recently completed Kerch Bridge to illegally block passage to Ukrainian ships seeking to enter the Strait to access the Sea of Azov.
The Ukrainian Navy vessels had gone to ask the ship to stop blocking the entrance when they were fired upon by Russian Navy ships and then deliberately rammed.
Renfield and the Gurkas would be sailing on the Dr. Cadbury Rocher designed submarine The Amphitrite II to the Kerch Strait to rescue the Ukrainian Navy ships and sailors.
The Amphitrite II was invisible to both radar and sonar.
Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s original submarine of this design The Amphitrite I and its crew disappeared on its maiden test.
Although a computer at the CERN Large Hadron Collidor had picked up the fact that The Amphitrite I had wound up at the U.S. Navy shipyard in Philadelphia on October 28th 1943 where it slammed into the U.S. Navy destroyer escort The USS Eldridge.
The meeting between the four in Renfield’s office came to an end when the ghost of Orson Welles received an emergency Hermes transmitted telegram from the ghost of Nikola Tesla in the underworld realm of Hades.
Meanwhile outside the Westminster Houses of Parliament, the Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva of the Russian FSB was waiting to assassinate Renfield.
It was while she waited for Renfield on the park bench that Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing spotted her.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday November 26th
2018.
Labour Disruption and Strike At Set Enterprises
Last night, British MP Renfield R. Renfield was on his way to the Set Enterprises laboratory to receive a vision from Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster that was intended for his eyes only.
However due to a traffic delay caused by an extremely idiotic driver and the subsequent shooting of that extremely idiotic driver, Renfield was late getting to the Set Enterprises laboratory.
The site was now called Set Enterprises Laboratories and Rug Emporium (as Renfield’s former boss the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set had now gone into business with the Persian goddess Anahita to sell Persian rugs together).
They had hired Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and the Dragon Warrioress Crown Princess Lenora of Lemuria (who had first met and made out in a police interrogation room at Scotland Yard) to demonstrate how easy it was to hold tantric sex couplings on Persian rugs thus increasing the popularity of sales.
However once Renfield got to the Laboratory and Rug Emporium, the union of Persian rug employees and workers were now on strike after smoking and inhaling Canadian recreational cannabis that had been smuggled aboard a Canadian Federal Government commissioned Air Canada flight from Ottawa to London.
The rug emporium employees were now on strike demanding higher wages so they could buy higher doses of cannabis laced products so they could go on higher trips.
Their picket lines were now surrounding the Set Enterprises building and they weren’t letting anybody in.
Renfield decided it wouldn’t be a good idea to reach under his raincoat and grab his semi-automatic weapon and blow the whole lot of them to kingdom come for two reasons:
Firstly, any tourists present might think they were no longer in London but some locale in the United States and Trump would soon be tweeting his thoughts and prayers to them while not standing up to the narcissistic jackals and jackasses in the NRA who were against any form of gun control (save for a brief period in the 1960s when it became apparent that members of the Black Panthers were buying large amounts of weapons and the NRA were screaming for the government to do something and impose some form of government control over gun purchases but the memory of that brief period the current NRA leadership and membership sought to erase from most History textbooks).
Secondly, Renfield did not want to alienate any potential British Labour Party voter who might be inclined to vote for his British Transhumanist Party (Renfieldian Transhumanism was not your Ray Kurzweil Google brand of Transhumanism or Jeff Bezos Amazon brand of Transhumanism but as the ghost of the late Prague Spring of 1968 Czechoslovakian leader Alexander Dubcek called it, “Transhumanism with a human face.”).
Since the striking rug employees were higher than a kite, Renfield used his new Dr. Cadbury Rocher Cosmos brand Smart Phone to put in a call to the Niburuan ET gray Gali-Gula.
The ET gray Gali-Gula arrived in his UFO Flying Saucer and walked out to speak to the striking workers.
In the platinum plated metallic iron gloves on his hands he carried the marijuana pot smoking desert cactus plant named Strawberry Fields Forever.
Strawberry Fields Forever’s normal habitat was the greenhouse of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau in Ottawa where the Prime Minister (who had picked up the Prince of Wales’ habit of talking to plants) would go and chat with the cannabis pot smoking cactus plant and inhale the plant’s exhaled smoke as he did so.
Then Justin could truthfully tell the Canadian news media that his lips never touched a marijuana cigarette.
Renfield looked at his watch.
He was late for a hot tub appointment with some of Japan’s top female porn stars who were currently visiting Britain.
Renfield decided he’d leave it to the Niburuan mediator the ET gray Gali-Gula to end the strike.
Michelangelo’s vision for Renfield’s eyes only would have to wait for another day.
His vision of Japanese lady porn stars in a hot tub for his eyes only were far more important.
He left.
The ET gray Gali-Gula told the crowd that his ET gray body was in fact possessed by the spirit of the ancient earthling Roman Emperor Caligula and they could only see him if they inhaled pot smoke.
The crowd was not impressed and still refused to swear off pot smoking.
Gali-Gula said, “I’ll show you the hazards of excessive pot smoking and inhalation.”
He once again picked up the pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever in his platinum plated metallic iron gloved hands.
“Show them the aftereffects of excessive pot smoking and inhalation,” Gali-Gula addressed Strawberry Fields Forever.
The pot smoking cactus plant then started hiccoughing and sneezing cactus needles in the strikers’ direction.
The strikers still refused to swear off pot smoking.
“Desperate times require desperate measures,” Gali-Gula did his best voice impersonation of Sir Winston Churchill while speaking to Strawberry Fields Forever.
“And now for something completely different,” Gali-Gula spoke to the crowd while impersonating the voice of the Monty Python TV show announcer, “And far more drastic. Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau doing a naked phallic impersonation of Donald Trump.”
Justin Trudeau had ingested Dr. Cadbury Rocher designed Reverse Viagra tablets a few hours before so his phallus would be the right size for doing a Donald Trump impersonation.
The holographic image of Justin Trudeau doing a Donald Trump phallic impersonation was astral projected from Ottawa to London.
He had a special guest to help him in his performance.
The image of a naked Justin Trudeau doing a Donald Trump phallic impersonation and doing a lap dance in the naked lap of a totally nude possible future House speaker Nancy Pelosi was an image far too horrifying for even an H.P. Lovecraft to conceive.
It was also an image far too horrifying for the striking employees of Set Enterprises Rug Emporium to receive.
They swore off pot smoking and cannabis inhalation for life.
The strike ended.
Gali-Gula had saved the day and the night.
And PTSD therapists would be receiving a multitude of clients the next day.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday November 24th
2018.
Renfield: Taking Care of Business In Every Way
British MP Renfield R. Renfield had received a phone call from Dr. Cadbury Rocher at Set Enterprises.
Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had picked up a TV news broadcast from the future on his lobster antennae and Michelangelo had typed with his lobster claws on the keyboard of his waterproof laptop that the vision was meant for Renfield’s eyes only.
So Renfield caught a trolley bus that drove quite close to the Set Enterprises laboratory and rug emporium (The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set had recently gone into business with the Persian goddess Anahita and sold Persian rugs together- putting Set on Donald Trump’s business black list).
The trolley bus headed down a single lane one way street that was meant for trolley buses only.
There was a vehicle trap at the front of the street that trapped any vehicle other than trolley buses from going down that street.
However there were plenty of flashing red lights and traffic signs that warned other vehicles of the vehicle trap ahead.
However there was always the occasional idiot who totally ignored all the flashing lights and traffic signs and wound up with their vehicle caught in the trap preventing the bus from getting through.
This was one of those days.
“I can’t believe that bitch did that!” The bus driver shouted.
Other people on the bus now complained about being late for important appointments thanks to the inherent stupidity of the said bitch.
Renfield seethed as he got off the bus.
There was only one thing to do about such stupid people.
And that was to eliminate them from the face of the earth.
The airheaded bitch was on her mobile calling for a tow truck to pull her vehicle out of the trap.
It was rather unfortunate for the said airhead that she wasn’t very good looking.
Otherwise Renfield might have shown some pity.
As it was, Renfield reached into his raincoat pocket, pulled out his gun and fired 7 bullets point blank at her.
The woman immediately fell to the ground quite dead as the operator on the other end of the line asked her for her Auto Club Membership #.
But the woman had expired before her membership did.
Renfield being a member of MI-5, MI-6, British Home Office and Her Majesty’s Secret Service had a licence to kill like James Bond 007 (in fact his secret agent code number was 0069).
Renfield received a standing ovation and thunderous applause from the other passengers on the bus for his actions.
Renfield looked at his watch and decided he’d better walk from here to Set Enterprises.
As Renfield walked down the street, he sang his own paraphrased version of an early 1980s Air Supply Song,
There’s one less stupid person in the world
And it’s gonna be fine
Out of all the stupid people in the world
You’re now dead and gone
In my life where everything was wrong
Something finally went right
Now there’s one less stupid person in the world tonight…
“It’s too bad Donald Trump hadn’t been the one to have driven that vehicle into the trap,” the trolley bus driver remarked.
“Too bad indeed,” British Prime Minister Theresa May agreed.
Mrs. May vowed never to take public transit again.
She was now going to be at least half an hour late for an important meeting to save her Brexit deal.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday November 23rd
2018.
Russia’s GRU Chief Dead- Who Is Responsible?
Donald Trump was being briefed by the CIA while sitting in his briefs (and looking at photos of Shakira for nobody had bothered telling the Twitterer-In-Chief that she was in fact Colombian) on the death of Russia’s GRU (Military Intelligence Directorate) head Colonel General Igor Korobov.
“So he died from a long illness?” Trump asked.
“Well so the Russian media would have us believe,” said CIA agent and cyborg operative George Akirason as he cleared his throat of both phlegm and nanites, “but in fact Korobov only started feeling unwell back in mid-September after having received a severe reprimand from President Vladimir Putin.”
“And what brought about this reprimand?” Trump asked as he combed both seaweed and Black Sea caviar out of his toupee.
“Because Putin got what he thought was a welcome (but she turned out to be unwelcome) visitor in his bedroom one night,” George Akirason coughed a mixture of both phlegm and nanites into his Stormy Daniels photo emblazoned handkerchief, “a sensuous and lovely Kazakh Dragon Sister but she had a poison ivy laced dildo with her which she proceeded to shove up the Russian leader’s anus. She then stapled a note to Putin’s phallus which had on it a message that said, “You’ll never guess what’s going to happen next.” And the message was signed “R.R.R.” The GRU then conducted raids on the Kazakh Dragon Sister’s Moscow apartment but she had fled back to unknown locales in Kazakhstan. Howver the apartment contained several autographed posters of British MP Renfield R. Renfield.”
“Renfield R. Renfield?” The hair in Trump’s toupee stood on end 😨, “That man gives me nightmares for some reason.”
. . .
German Chancellor Angela Merkel was receiving a briefing from a leather skirted female dominatrix Malaysian agent for the German Federal Intelligence Service.
Chancellor Merkel was astounded by how much the woman looked like world famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes.
The woman whose secret agent code name was Magic Mushrooms and Killer Tomatoes spoke, “Contrary to what the media is saying, Colonel General Igor Korobov did not die from his illness. He was found face down in his bathroom with both his pants and Rasputin photo emblazoned boxer shorts pulled down and a 20 pound giant banana (with the words THE MAPLE LEAF AND CANNABIS PLANT FOREVER written on it) shoved up his behind. The trauma of the impact was what killed him. A well known Kazakh Dragon Sister assassin was seen leaving his place.”
. . .
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was sitting in his parliamentary office drinking brandy and smoking cigars with the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill.
“Well,” Renfield raised his glass in a toast, “another successful operation planned by the once and future Prime Ministers of Great Britain. And executed by our beloved Kazakh Dragon Sister secret operative.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday November 22nd
2018.
A Kazakh Dragon Sister with a love for all things British.
More International Intrigue With International Goddesses In Berlin November 1938
The Norse Valkyrie Kara being accosted by the London based multimillionaire ancient Egyptian vampire businessman Set on a Berlin street in November 1938
Outside the Berlin hotel room of the ancient Egyptian vampire Sol Invictus Set, Thor the Norse god of thunder watched in horror as the Norse goddess Freya tried to talk Set out of supporting Hitler.
Thor saw Set leave the hotel and go strolling through the streets of Berlin deep in thought.
Thor dropped his hammer Mjolnir on his big toe, cursed and realized he better do something quick.
What would his fellow beer drinking buddies and fellow deities Ares (the Greek god of war) and Morrigan (the Celtic goddess of war) say if the best laid plans of gods and goddesses (for war) went astray like the best laid plans of mice and men?
As Thor sat rubbing his toe and pondering his dilemma, a mouse ran down the street chasing a piece of cheese (being blown by the wind) and the cheese wound up under the kilt of a visiting Scottish bagpiper who was playing the song Auld Lang Syne on his bagpipes.
Thor decided to send the Valkyrie Kara in Set’s direction and seduce Set back into following Hitler.
Kara stepped from a cab on to the sidewalk right in front of Set and as Thor suspected he would, Set followed the swaying skirt of the seductive femme fatale Valkyrie Kara down the street.
Kara stopped on the steps of her apartment building and waited for Sol Invictus Set to catch up.
He approached the steps and looked at her longingly like a long lost puppy:
“Well, Mr. Sol Invictus Set,” Kara spoke in a sultry sensuous voice, “How would you like to come up to my place and I’ll show you my war plans and battle etchings?”.
Der Fuhrer Adolf Hitler much to his personal embarrassment had a little trouble getting up to speed in the presence of Set’s niece Sekhmeta (who was really the Egyptian lion goddess Sekhmet as a Churchillian spy in disguise).
But such is the inherent personal shortcomings of many world leaders who try to make their country great again.
Sekhmeta suggested going down to the Doctor Faustus Cabaret where many of the top Nazi scientists hung out after hours.
Hitler agreed.
When they got there, Sekhmeta went backstage, put on a costume and performed on stage much to the delight of Der Fuhrer and the top Nazi scientists:
Franz Kohler of the Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau of the SS was standing in a Berlin art gallery looking at a painting of the Persian goddess Anahita:
“That painting looks like a combination of being both from the past and the future at the same time,” Franz Kohler thought to himself, “And that statue of a celestial entity behind the goddess Anahita seems to be actually coming to life.”
The next day Sekhmeta boarded a private plane at a private airport in Berlin:
She was carrying in her suitcase all the Nazi flying saucer plans she had obtained from drunken Nazi scientists.
Sekhmeta’s theft of the plans would set the Nazi flying saucer program back by several years.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday November 21st
2018.
Dracul Van Helsing 
Reblog of The Ottoman Effect
November 25, 2018 at 11:36 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Religion) (Constantinople, Istanbul, Ottoman Empire, The Byzantine Empire, Turkey)
An excellently written blog post about the history of the Ottoman Empire.
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