Michelangelo Names The Winners of The 2018 U.S. Midterms

November 5, 2018 at 11:52 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, love, News, Politics, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

“It was 50 years ago today that Richard M. Nixon was elected President of the United States,” Amadeus Emanon read aloud from the This Day In History column.

“One thing I always liked about Nixon,” Renfield remarked as he fed his goldfish called Checkers that a voter had given him, “is his insightful analysis in his statement, “That whole Bohemian Grove thing is the faggiest god damned thing you can imagine. I never shake hands with anybody who comes from San Francisco anymore.” And as a result of Nixon’s advice, I’ve never ever shaken hands with anybody who comes from San Francisco.”

“Well, that would certainly prevent you from picking up any Nancy Pelosi girl fleas,” Amadeus noted.

“Or dog fleas either,” Renfield rubbed the fur of the Set household’s pet cat Nefertiti Galore.

“Wasn’t the Bohemian Grove the place where Henry Kissinger went running around nude in the woods?” Amadeus asked.

“Yes and a bunch of California redwood trees have been treated for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder ever since,” Renfield remarked as he received a nude photo text message from Vietnamese vampiress Ho Babylon Minh that had just the opposite effect that Kissinger had on the trees.

As both the goldfish Checkers and the cat Nefertiti Galore went into their respective states of shock upon seeing Renfield’s bulging erection, Amadeus remarked, “I see the psychic lobster Michelangelo has named the winners of tomorrow’s U.S. midterm elections.”

Amadeus had just received a text message from Dr. Cadbury Rocher down at the Set Enterprises lab.

“And who will the winners be?” asked Renfield who being genetically created in a lab had no mother to warn him about what physical activities might cause blindness.

Amadeus putting on a pair of welder’s dark glasses replied, “It was rather strange. Michelangelo in rather vague Delphi oracle like terms said “Both Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders will come out the winners.”

“Maybe what that means,” Renfield ejaculated both wisdom and a more physical substance, “is that the Republicans will maintain control of the House or the Senate or both while of those Democrats who are elected, a great many of them will support Bernie Sanders for the Democratic Presidential Nomination in 2020.”

“You might have something there,” Amadeus admitted.

“What I need right now,” Renfield stumbled around, “is the phone number for the nearest optometrist. I feel the need to book an appointment.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday November 5th
2018.


The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith in a poster warning about the hazards of snow blindness.

19 Comments

  1. cengizselcuk00 said,

    👍🏼

  2. Hyperion said,

    Bwaaa haaa haaaa! Loved the sly references to Nixon’s pup and Agent 007’s love interest, Pussy Galore. This reminded me of my early teens where hairy palms and blindness was a high risk easily undertaken with daring aplomb in the strangest of places at the slightest inspiration. This was before I learned the unfathomable depth of charms a Gothic Vampiress could bring to bear on my everyready tinker toy. I suppose it was then that I achieved the much sought after Nirvana.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      And you discovered what it was that inspired the Buddha’s beatific smile as he sat in a crossed legged lotus position and found himself floating in the midst of a milky white celestial sea.

      • Hyperion said,

        I did indeed make that beatific discovery and of course the yin and yang demanded my addiction to sustaining a high tide in that milky white celestial sea.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And you sang like Blondie would later in that early ’80s song, “Oh, the tide is high but I’m holding on…”

      • Hyperion said,

        I did do my best Blondie Impression.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        You were holding on as if you had the world by the tail. 😅

      • Hyperion said,

        Discovered later it wasn’t a tail at all.

  3. thebookwormdrinketh said,

    Ha ha ha!!! Let’s see if the prediction comes true! 😂😂

  4. ortensia said,

    Clever piece my friend😎

  5. David Redpath said,

    Richard Nixon has been nominated
    for Sainthood by the Sinaloa
    drug cartel, as the Father of the
    war on drugs, for sevices to criminal enterprise.

    A top Nixon aide, John Ehrlichman, later admitted: “You want to know what this was really all about. The Nixon campaign in 1968, and the Nixon White House after that, had two enemies: the antiwar left and black people. You understand what I’m saying. We knew we couldn’t make it illegal to be either against the war or black, but by getting the public to associate the hippies with marijuana and blacks with heroin, and then criminalizing both heavily, we could disrupt those communities. We could arrest their leaders, raid their homes, break up their meetings, and vilify them night after night on the evening news. Did we know we were lying about the drugs? Of course we did.”

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      The one question that David Frost never asked me was did I know where Jimmy Hoffa was buried. But as they say, ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.

      -Ghost of Richard M. Nixon

      • David Redpath said,

        The reason Jimmy Hoffa couldn’t make it in U.S. politics…he knew too much.

  6. David Redpath said,

    Just a Henry Kissinger
    encourages one to embrace
    their ‘dark side’ (true), I do
    hope he covered his backside.

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