Renfield Takes Russian Sailors Hostage In Sea of Azov
British MP Renfield R. Renfield along with the Ukrainian vampiress Inna Huculak and Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing sailed on Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s submarine The Amphitrite II accompanied by a brigade of British Army Gurkha commandos straight through the Strait of Kerch to the Sea of Azov.
They rammed a Russian Navy submarine the Svyatoy Ivan and sank it to the bottom of the sea.
As Renfield sang “Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea, joy to you and me…” on the Amphitrite II waterproof outdoor loudspeaker, the mermaid Miranda raised the sunken Svyatoy Ivan above the waves where the hatch was opened after being fired upon by a miniature Tesla Death Ray carried by Renfield.
A white wolf with blue eyes, a black jaguar with silver eyes and several Gurkhas jumped aboard the vessel.
Through a bullhorn bearing an autographed picture of the Australian Holstein Friesian steer Knickers, Renfield gave the Russian sailors an ultimatum and a choice.
They could either get their testicles cut off by the Gurkhas and their famous daggers or get some of their body parts bitten off by the white wolf with blue eyes or get their body parts scratched and clawed by the black jaguar with silver eyes or they could surrender.
Every single Russian sailor surrendered.
The Union Jack was raised on the flagpole of the Svyatoy Ivan while Inna Huculak played “Rule Britannia, Britannia rules the waves…” on her Ukrainian ukulele.
Renfield R. Renfield pulled his pants down and took a crap on a lifelike effigy of Russian President Vladimir Putin as Inna Huculak sang a song from the musical Oliver “What is the cause of his red shiny nose? Could it be Oom-pah-pah?”… while playing the accordion with her magnificent pair of knockers.
The ghost of Orson Welles filmed everything with his camera and uploaded it to YouTube and Instagram.
The surrender of the Russian sailors and Renfield’s defecating actions were then projected on to a large airport runway in Argentina as Vladimir Putin’s plane landed in Buenos Aires for the G-20 Summit.
Putin suddenly came down with a severe case of heartburn which the airplane doctor attributed to an overindulgence in Ukrainian cabbage rolls on the Russian leader’s part.
As the ghost of Orson Welles and the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill sat on a yacht in the Strait of Kerch and drank wine and brandy respectively, Welles lamented on his marriage to actress Rita Hayworth.
Welles said mournfully that if he had spent a little less time intellectualizing his many ideas and spent more time making out with the lovely Rita Hayworth, his marriage might have been saved.
Meanwhile the lovely Ukrainian vampiress Inna Huculak sat on a pier in a marina in the Strait of Kerch on the Crimea when Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing approached:
Inna Huculak immediately took Dracul Van Helsing over her knee and spanked him for making out with Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva a couple of days earlier.
She then made wild passionate love to him herself after spanking him and screamed “Republic of Ukraine forever!” as she orgasmed in a massive outburst of cosmic energy from all that tantric sex forever.
Renfield R. Renfield meanwhile was on his smart phone checking on his order of a Japanese sex robot that he had ordered for himself for Christmas from Amazon.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday November 29th
2018.
Dracul Van Helsing 
George F. said,
November 30, 2018 at 12:04 am
Those Ukrains sure know how to produce those vampires! Owwww!!! (new post up!)
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 30, 2018 at 12:24 am
Yes, the Ukrainians definitely know how to produce vampiresses all right. 😆
George F. said,
November 30, 2018 at 9:17 am
I’d like one of those Vampires to swing by. I love vampires!
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 30, 2018 at 2:13 pm
Yes, and you’d learn how to play the accordion in the process. 😂
George F. said,
November 30, 2018 at 12:07 am
…and let me know if that sex robot gets delivered. Akira’s been MIA for awhile.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 30, 2018 at 12:29 am
Maybe those were some of the people who were after Akira.
They were sales managers from Amazon who hoped to capture Akira and sell her for the Christmas on-line shopping season this year.
Akira beats Alexa any day (or night). 😆
Tanya said,
December 2, 2018 at 7:03 pm
Lol 😝
Dracul Van Helsing said,
December 2, 2018 at 9:44 pm
😂
Hyperion said,
December 4, 2018 at 5:57 pm
What a great Job Renfield has, but he should take the hint from Dracul and find Svetlana since she isn’t occupied at the moment. There is a grand Sofitel hotel there with a luxurious hot tub.