Armistice Eve- 100 Years Later

November 10, 2018 at 11:55 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Poetry, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

On Armistice Eve 1918, Ares the Greek god of war, Thor the Norse god of thunder and Morrigan the Celtic goddess of war walked sadly across the battlefields of France
for their handiwork was about to come to an end in less than another 24 hours
Thor asked, When shall we three meet again?

The answer would be in more than another 20 years
when a modern worshiper of Thor and Odin and a hater of the God of the Jews
would seek to expand his reach across the globe.

Now 100 years later,
the anniversary of Armistice Eve
The three were plagued with sad memories
as they recalled the tapestry of blood and slaughter they had weaved a century ago
had come to an end.

Anniversary of sad times
Ares wiped a tear
Thor blew his nose
and Morrigan asked,
Now, when shall we three meet again?

In a nearby field, a row of poppies gently blew in the evening breeze
no doubt the answer was there blowing in the wind
as in the sky, the skylarks cried,
wondering whether they’d be joined by raven-crows or snow white doves.

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday November 10th
2018.

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Renfield R. Renfield Uncovers The 3rd Secret of Fatima

November 9, 2018 at 11:59 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations) (, , , , , )

Austrian Chancellor Sebastian Kurz made the announcement that a 70 year old retired Austrian colonel had been spying for the Russians since the early 1990s.

British MP Renfield R. Renfield had heard from his sources about the spy even before Chancellor Kurz had.

Renfield also heard from those same sources that the retired Austrian colonel had in his briefcase a copy of the original Third Secret of Fatima (a prophecy about the future that was supposed to have been spoken by the Virgin Mary Mother of Jesus to 3 shepherd children at Fatima, Portugal 101 years ago back in 1917).

Italian journalist Antonio Socci had made the claim back in the last decade that the Vatican had only revealed the vision associated with the Third Secret back on June 26th 2000. It had never actually revealed the words spoken by Mary to the 3 children he claimed.

Renfield had heard that the text of Mary’s words from the 3rd Secret were among the documents to be found in the Austrian colonel’s briefcase.

Renfield had vowed to get his hands on that briefcase before the Russians or the Austrian authorities did.

As such he arranged for his ally the Ukrainian vampiress Inna Huculak of the Ukrainian Intelligence Service to steal the colonel’s briefcase and smuggle it across the border from Austria to Switzerland where Renfield’s personal brigade of British Army Gurkhas would be waiting for her.

And tonight in London on the 100th Anniversary of the Kaiser Wilhelm II’s abdication as Emperor of Germany and King of Prussia, British MP Renfield R. Renfield read the 3rd Secret of Fatima:

In Portugal the dogma of the Faith will always be preserved. If people do not repent and better themselves, God the Father will allow a terrible punishment to be inflicted on all humanity. A great war in the 21st Century launched by Satan’s partisans in the East will come. Those surviving will envy the dead. Death will briefly reign, raised to triumph by the brothers of death who seek to be masters of the whole earth. All the world will be thrown into great confusion. Fire and smoke will fall from heaven and waters from the ocean will turn to steam throwing their foam to the sky. Millions of people will die by the minute. The only arms of protection which will remain for you will be the Rosary and the Sign left by my Son (undoubtedly the Cross or the Crucifix the Austrian colonel had added in his own handwriting).
Each day recite the prayers of the Rosary. A time of very severe trial is coming for the Church. Satan will reign over the highest places and succeed in infiltrating to the very top of the Church. One third of the clergy will serve Satan. Entire nations will lose the Faith and many people on earth will be condemned to Hell. Cardinals will oppose cardinals and bishops will oppose bishops. Many rotten changes in Rome will be retained and the Church will become obscured. At last those who survive these events will repent and become true followers of Jesus Christ as before when the world was not so corrupted.
In the end, my Immaculate Heart will triumph, Russia will be truly converted and a period of peace will be granted to the world.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday November 9th
2018


The Ukrainian vampiress Inna Huculak smuggling the Austrian colonel spy’s briefcase under her dress from Austria into Switzerland.

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1st Video of The Resurrected Dragon Princess Lenora of Lemuria

November 8, 2018 at 11:53 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Music, music videos, Mythology, News, Romance, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel, Video, videos) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was lying in his upright Egyptian sarcophagus in his colossal bedroom in his colossal London mansion drinking chai tea on a tray in front of him that was poured from a tea pot that resembled the Taj Mahal.

His cat Nefertiti Galore caught several vampiric flesh eating rats that had been sent into Set’s bedroom by his enemy siblings Isis and Osiris.

Set’s butler and valet Athelstan arrived to tell him how the Cousteau brothers’ marine archaeological expeditions (that Set was personally financing) were going.

Both Cousteau brothers Louis Alphonse and Toulouse (who were great nephews of the famous 20th Century French oceanographer Jacques Cousteau) had discovered the lost continents of Lemuria and Atlantis respectively the past couple of months.

In the South Pacific, Louis Alphonse Cousteau had discovered the glass coffin containing the perfectly preserved body of Lenora the last Dragon Warrioress Crown Princess of Lemuria in the sunken city of Mu the capital city of the lost continent of Lemuria.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher had sent a drone (in the shape of a mechanical pterodactyl) to the South Pacific (an object photographed and video recorded by various people who posted the pics to YouTube conspiracy channels devoted to the topic of NASA covering up the existence of dinosaurs in the modern world) containing a test tube of Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s Resurrection Serum – a combination of ambrosia (that kept the Greek Olympian gods immortal) dried tana leaves (like in the early 1940s Universal Pictures Mummy films that kept the mummy Kharis alive), dried eucalyptus leaves (whose fresh eucalyptus leaves keep koala bears alive) and dried Canadian recreational cannabis leaves (whose smoking and inhaling keeps Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s genetically created pot smoking desert cactus plant named Strawberry Fields Forever alive).

The serum when poured between Dragon Warrioress Crown Princess Lenora of Lemuria’s lips immediately brought her back from the dead.

Louis Alphonse Cousteau shot a video of the Lemurian Dragon Warrioress Princess doing her happy dance at being brought back from the dead:

The Dragon Princess wasn’t quite ready yet to show her face to the world.

After watching the video, Set then closed his sarcophagus lid.

Athelstan proceeded to do some dusting around the Egyptian vampire’s bedroom when suddenly he noticed a milky white substance overflowing from his Divine Vampiric Lordship’s sarcophagus.

“Good Lord!” Athelstan exclaimed, “Isis and Osriris have found a way to drown the master!”.

He immediately ran over and opened the sarcophagus lid.

“Close the f%!&*!ing lid, you idiot,” Set shouted as he was caught with his Hugh Hefner style red velvet pyjama bottoms down and his hands on the region between his hips.

“Sorry, sir,” Athelstan immediately closed the lid down, “I thought maybe your nephew Horus had come up with a way of Death By Kellogg’s Corn Flakes.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday November 8th
2018.

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The Day After: A Renfieldian Analysis

November 7, 2018 at 11:59 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

It was the day after the U.S. midterm elections.

As recently terminated U.S. Attorney-General Jeff Sessions asked his aide for directions to the nearest Unemployment line and Donald Trump began his campaign for Asshole of The Year Award among members of the White House Press Corps, Renfield R. Renfield shared his analysis of the U.S. midterms with his friend Amadeus Emanon.

“It appears Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was spot on in declaring the winners,” Renfield bit into a tuna fish sandwich.

“But it appears he was mistaken in his vision last Saturday about widespread violence at polling stations,” Amadeus bit into a peanut butter sandwich.

“Not necessarily,” Renfield belched, “I immediately relayed Michelangelo’s vision to Dr. Faustus Imhotep the acting head of DARPA as well as Peter Whitstable of Interpol. Whitstable took my personal brigade of British Army gurkas and staged two raids on shiploads of arms arriving in Florida. One was a shipload of arms that was intended for Antifa operatives sent to them by Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro and the other was a shipload of arms intended for white supremacists sent to them by Havana based Neo-Nazi billionaire Robur Pike. Dr. Faustus Imhotep sent DARPA contract assassins Pan Goatee and Panty Goatee to bump off suspected Antifa and Neo-Nazi provocateurs the evening before the U.S. midterm elections. As a result of this DARPA Night of The Long Cleavers and Long Machetes, the U.S. midterms voting went off without violence and undertakers in towns where Antifa operatives and Neo-Nazis lived picked up a little extra business this week.”

“Good to see you took action,” Amadeus remarked.

Suddenly a loud piercing scream came from outside.

“It sounds like our estate watch cat Nefertiti Galore has taken action against someone,” Renfield went running outside and was joined by Amadeus where they saw that the cat had scratched ten faces on a ten headed demon.

“Who is that demon?” Amadeus asked.

“Well if my photographic memory of illustrations in the Encyclopedia of Demons serves me correctly,” Renfield put on a pair of spectacles, “that’s Ravana the Rakshasa demon king of Lanka.”

“What could he possibly want on the Set estate?” Amadeus asked.

“Well the Boss,” Renfield was referring to the Estate’s owner the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set and not Bruce Springsteen, “recently bought an original authentic statue of Sita who was Prince Rama’s bride that Ravana kidnapped millenia ago and so maybe Ravana wanted to steal it.”

After receiving catclaw scratches on his ten faces while in London, Ravana fled to Ravenna where he spent his days and nights studying the city’s Byzantine and Gothic architecture.

Happy Diwali to all my Indian friends. 😊

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday November 7th
2018.


Panty Goatee spent the night before U.S. midterm election day slitting the throats of Antifa operatives and Neo-Nazi white supremacists.

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The Little Mermaid’s Tea Party For November 2018

November 6, 2018 at 11:11 pm (Life) (, , )

The beautiful and lovely Little Mermaid once again hosts a WordPress tea party- this time for the month of November 2018.

The Little Mermaid

What better way to suggest friendliness – and to create it – than with a cup of tea?” -J. Grayson Luttrell

Aloha, charming WordPressers!

I’m delighted to announce you that The Little Mermaid is hosting her fifth monthly tea party on her website. What? A tea party? On WordPress? When? How? For whom? Alright..alright…take it easy. I’m coming on to your questions.

Classically, a ‘tea party’ makes one think of superiorly elegant and elaborate affairs of the Victorian times. It also conjures up images of fluffy scones, flavoursome muffins, Devonshire Cream and dainty sandwiches served on fine silver or deluxe bone china. Still, the elemental part of a tea party remains the affable exchange of dialogue among the invitees. Almost indistinguishably, the tea party that I am organizing is an online social event hosted in honour of bloggers, that is US! Blogging is most enjoyable when it is done interactively…

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Michelangelo Names The Winners of The 2018 U.S. Midterms

November 5, 2018 at 11:52 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, love, News, Politics, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

“It was 50 years ago today that Richard M. Nixon was elected President of the United States,” Amadeus Emanon read aloud from the This Day In History column.

“One thing I always liked about Nixon,” Renfield remarked as he fed his goldfish called Checkers that a voter had given him, “is his insightful analysis in his statement, “That whole Bohemian Grove thing is the faggiest god damned thing you can imagine. I never shake hands with anybody who comes from San Francisco anymore.” And as a result of Nixon’s advice, I’ve never ever shaken hands with anybody who comes from San Francisco.”

“Well, that would certainly prevent you from picking up any Nancy Pelosi girl fleas,” Amadeus noted.

“Or dog fleas either,” Renfield rubbed the fur of the Set household’s pet cat Nefertiti Galore.

“Wasn’t the Bohemian Grove the place where Henry Kissinger went running around nude in the woods?” Amadeus asked.

“Yes and a bunch of California redwood trees have been treated for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder ever since,” Renfield remarked as he received a nude photo text message from Vietnamese vampiress Ho Babylon Minh that had just the opposite effect that Kissinger had on the trees.

As both the goldfish Checkers and the cat Nefertiti Galore went into their respective states of shock upon seeing Renfield’s bulging erection, Amadeus remarked, “I see the psychic lobster Michelangelo has named the winners of tomorrow’s U.S. midterm elections.”

Amadeus had just received a text message from Dr. Cadbury Rocher down at the Set Enterprises lab.

“And who will the winners be?” asked Renfield who being genetically created in a lab had no mother to warn him about what physical activities might cause blindness.

Amadeus putting on a pair of welder’s dark glasses replied, “It was rather strange. Michelangelo in rather vague Delphi oracle like terms said “Both Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders will come out the winners.”

“Maybe what that means,” Renfield ejaculated both wisdom and a more physical substance, “is that the Republicans will maintain control of the House or the Senate or both while of those Democrats who are elected, a great many of them will support Bernie Sanders for the Democratic Presidential Nomination in 2020.”

“You might have something there,” Amadeus admitted.

“What I need right now,” Renfield stumbled around, “is the phone number for the nearest optometrist. I feel the need to book an appointment.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday November 5th
2018.


The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith in a poster warning about the hazards of snow blindness.

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Reblog of T-Rex Find: A Poem

November 4, 2018 at 11:46 pm (Comedy, Entertainment, Humour, Poetry) (, , )

A poem about a T-Rex (Tyrannosaurus Rex) I wrote 4 years ago:

Dracul Van Helsing

T-Rex Find: A Poem

It was the most unusual dinosaur bone
a T-Rex with an iPhone
the whimsical carnivore
not wishing to appear a bore
had taken a selfie
like Uncle Alfie
he backed up without looking behind
silly creature with silly mind
and while doing his monologue of schtick and corn
backed right into a triceratops horn
that’s why this T-Rex became extinct before you were born.

-A humourous narrative poem
written by Christopher
Saturday November 1st
2014.

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Michelangelo’s Vision of 2018 U.S. Midterm Elections

November 3, 2018 at 10:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, love, Mythology, News, Politics, Romance, Science, The Supernatural, TV Shows, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was back in the U.K. again after a brief one day Dia de Los Muertos visit to Mexico City where he videotaped the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec ripping out the live still beating heart of a horny sexually predatory and sexually harassing Google exec (one of many who had recently inspired a spate of Google employee strikes across the world).

Renfield then posted the video on YouTube, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter where it went viral across the Net.

The video was the one thing Renfield did that met with the approval of the #MeTooMovement.

After watching the video, the unlamented former Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein woke up screaming in the night about having a dream of open heart surgery being performed on him without the use of anesthetic.

Another consequence was that Texas cowboys and gunslingers stopped falling in love with Mexican girls in cantinas out in the West Texas town of El Paso much to singer Marty Robbins’ displeasure.

After the burning of the heart was done in front of the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl (who because of his advanced age was starting to prefer his meat cooked well done rather than raw or rare these days), the Aztec deity (who was worshipped as Kukulkan by the Mayans) after eating the heart proceeded to sit down on a sofa with a bottle of tequila (containing inside it a worm in front of a biodegradable cardboard tombstone that had for an epitaph POE’S THE CONQUEROR WORM Conquered) in front of a television set and watched Orson Welles’ last film The Other Side of The Wind on Netflix.

Outside his Mexico City penthouse apartment, the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith performed one huge storm of a whirlwind as the vampire Lev Tomi (who in his mortal life had been Leon Trotsky) the head of the UN Secretariat On The Environment and Climate Change gave a speech on climate change in the city.

Meanwhile back in Qonzilqointec’s penthouse suite on the other side of the street, the Aztec vampiress made out with Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing engaging in BDSM foreplay and mystical magic tantric sex afterwards.

Renfield flew back to Britain from Mexico listening to the Beatles’ Sgt. Pepper and Magical Mystery Tour albums on his airplane headphones while eating a nice dinner of curried lamb and curried goats’ legs on Manitoba wild rice.

Back at the CERN Large Hadron Collidor tunnel in Switzerland, the Hindu destroyer and transformer god Shiva was trying to make a curried dinner out of hubris ridden CERN scientists who had just uncovered a “ghost particle” that was about to upset the equilibrium balance of the entire cosmos.

A result of all this was that scientist Stephen Hawking was turning over on his barbeque spit in Tartarus and very much regretting the fact that he had written THERE IS NO GOD in his last book.

His mother’s favourite expression “Famous Last Words” never rang so true as now.

As soon as Renfield R. Renfield walked through the front door of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London mansion, his friend Amadeus Emanon informed him of a vision that Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had had in his lobster tank at Set Enterprises laboratories.

“Michelangelo foresees widespread violence, shootings and stabbings at polling stations across America on U.S. mid-term election day,” Amadeus stated.

“I’m not surprised,” Renfield admitted, “I imagine in future U.S. elections, the UN will have to bring in observers from the Afghan Taliban and militant sectarian groups in Iraq to make sure that future American elections are conducted in a less violent and more peaceful manner.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday November 3rd
2018.

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Anubis On All Souls’ Day

November 2, 2018 at 10:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel)

Hades, Persephone and their entourage had been invited to attend a Greek-Irish wedding up on Earth for All Souls’ Day.

The Greek groom had recently been excommunicated by the Patriarch of Constantinople for expressing admiration for Vladimir Putin and the Irish bride had been excommunicated by Pope Francis for having the audacity to use Hell in a sentence.

They would be wed today on All Souls’ Day in Athens by a Salt Lake City Mormon bishop with a penchant for using Canadian recreational cannabis.

Belvedere the ghost white salamander Times of London reporter would serve as Best Salamander at the wedding and Gali-Gula the ET gray from Nibiru would be Best Extraterrestrial.

Baphomet would be both Best Man and Bridesmaid at the wedding.

Since Hades and Persephone and company would be at the wedding, they put their divine Egyptian counterparts in charge of the Underworld for a day.

Anubis the son of Set (who was now no longer the Egyptian god of night, chaos and darkness but a billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire and businessman living in London) who was also the Egyptian jackal headed god of the dead was currently in charge of souls while the Styx river Ferryman Charon drank Guinness and exchanged witticisms with Irish singer Chris de Burgh at the wedding about not paying the ferryman until he gets you to the other side at the famed Athens Irish-Greek wedding for All Souls’ Day.

Anubis weighed the souls of pedophile priests slain by Panty Goatee (the DARPA contract assasiness and genetically cloned twin sister of satyr serial killer Pan Goatee) as well as the souls of ugly women slain by satyr serial killer Pan Goatee himself and found both sets of souls were wanting.

Both sets of souls were then promptly eaten by Ammit the ancient Egyptian demoness who was part lion, part hippopotamus and part crocodile.

Ammit’s Hellish McHappy meal was accompanied by Pan Goatee’s younger brother Pan Deux playing the Dirge For The Dead on the bagpipes.

The cry went up to find the soul of Asclepius in order to treat Ammit for her acute indigestion as a result.

. . .

During the ensuing round of chaos and Hell hath no fury like a pair of screeching bagpipes played by a tartan kilt wearing satyr, the ghost of Soviet dictator Josef Stalin managed to sneak out of Tartarus and the realm of Hades itself.

He went to Saudi Arabia to serve as a spiritual adviser to Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman on how to kill millions of political opponents at once instead of just one at a time.

. . .

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec and the British MP Renfield R. Renfield had conceived a conspiratorial plot to murder a Google executive for sexually harassing female employees.

The Google exec was invited to Qonzilqointec’s apartment in Mexico City to celebrate Dia de Los Muertos (Day of The Dead).

As the pair of Qonzilqointec and the horny Google exec wore devil horns and drank wine, the Google exec kissed the vampiress on the cheek:

Renfield then emerged from behind the curtains and fired a poison dart that paralyzed the sexually predatory Google exec.

Although paralyzed, the Google exec could still feel pleasure and pain.

He got an erection when he saw the low-cut mini dress wearing Qonzilqointec leaning over him.

He tried to scream in pain but couldn’t when the Aztec vampiress used an obsidian knife to cut him open and rip out his still beating heart and hold it in her hands and then feed it to a demon dog.

The Google exec died, had his soul weighed by Anubis and then eaten by Ammit who had recovered from her heartburn by eating a whole bottle of Rolaids.

Pan Deux meanwhile was playing his bagpipes at the Irish-Greek wedding on the Earth’s surface in Athens where he quickly emptied out the wedding reception hall.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday November 2nd
2014.

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Pan Goatee- Nobel Peace Prize Nominee

November 1, 2018 at 10:22 pm (Aesthetics, Celebrities, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The world’s most lovable genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee (whose much loved serial killing specialty was ridding the world of repulsively ugly looking ugly women) had just found out that he had been nominated for this year’s Nobel Peace Prize by the American Association For The Restoration of Beauty and Aesthetics (who had a most Herculean task ahead of them).

“Why bless their beauty loving little hearts,” Pan Goatee remarked with all the charm of a gentleman caller on Scarlett O’Hara in the film Gone With The Wind.

Of course Pan didn’t win but like most Academy Award losing actors and actresses say (as their noses grow bigger like Pinocchio’s), “It’s an honour just to have been nominated.”

No sooner had Pan Goatee thought this charming little Tara drawing room thought when a super ugly repulsive and hyperpathetic looking ugly white girl sat down right across from him on the train.

“You stupid ugly looking thing,” Pan Goatee punched her full force in her pathetic ugly face with his fists, “What makes an ugly looking piece of shit such as yourself think it’s perfectly okay to sit across from a satyr with impeccable good taste like me.”

Pan Goatee continued to beat the ugly looking thing with his fists and then tore her apart with his goat legs’ hooves feet.

Krampus the 2nd arrived on the scene to finish the job.

He cut the ugly thing up into 666 trillion pieces with his laser machete.

The goat demon then threw the pieces into a gasoline soaked plastic garbage bag and used it to burn down the house of one of the Brooklyn witches.

A U.S. Supreme Court justice had recently hired Pan Goatee and Krampus The 2nd to burn down the dwelling places of Brooklyn witches and in the process also reduce the number of U.S. Democratic Party registered voters.

Goatee then killed a bunch more ugly women who were riding the bus home with him as well as the bus driver who tried to run Pan over as soon as the satyr got off the bus.

Krampus the 2nd then astral projected from Calgary (the uglo white female capital of the world) to Brooklyn New York where he burnt down a few more Brooklyn witches’ dwellings.

British MP Renfield R. Renfield in the British House of Commons enthusiastically described the blazing All Saints’ Day arsons of Baal and Baphomet followers as the “Salem witch trials without the horrendous expense of having taxpayer funded judicial court trials.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday November 1st
2018.

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