Reblog of The Crunch Kraken of Notre Dame

December 4, 2018 at 11:01 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Religion, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

A vampire novel chapter I wrote 3 years ago about how the Kraken who called himself Napoleon VI – A cyborg octopus with metallic tentacles – formerly Italian mad scientist Dr. Poseidon Prometheus and his wife Medusa the ex-Gorgon (now very beautiful looking since Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s robot barber Edward Scissorhands II gave her a radical haircut and cut all the snakes off her head) got themselves crowned Emperor and Empress of France in Notre Dame Cathedral.


Medusa: So much sexier since she got rid of her millenia of bad hair days of viperous snakes and dandruff flakes

Dracul Van Helsing

The Crunch Kraken of Notre Dame

After the Kraken found out he was unable to defeat the Cherubim with their flaming swords that guarded the Tree of Life at the east of the Garden of Eden, he quickly fled the Middle East.

Medusa herself stayed behind to do some shopping in the fashion districts of Dubai.

She caught up with the Kraken in Paris.

The Kraken, who in his former pre-Kraken existence had been the noted Italian mad scientist Dr. Poseidon Prometheus, now called himself Napoleon VI.

Since today was December 2nd, he decided he’d officially Crown himself Emperor of the French since it was on this date back in 1804 that Napoleon I had crowned himself Emperor of France at Notre Dame Cathedral and it was on this date back in 1852 that Napoleon III had proclaimed himself Emperor of the French.

Napoleon VI went down to the Louvre…

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16 Comments

  1. David Redpath said,

    I thought Rock Hudson
    was guarding the tree of life,
    east of Eden. He was certainly
    loitering around, listening
    to George Michael, singing,
    ‘Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me’.
    I said, you’ve got to have faith.
    But he told me I was in the
    wrong place if I was looking
    for James Dean, and to get Kraken?

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, I guess if you found yourself at the Tree of Life in the East of Eden, you’d be trapped between a Rock and a hard place (A certain part of the Kraken’s anatomy when he saw what Medusa looked like in the above photo).

  2. David Redpath said,

    I should imagine, Madusa
    with a buzz cut would look
    a bit like Rose McGowan before
    she started stuffing her purse
    with Mexican marching powder.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      That was the exact way Medusa looked after she got her Edward Scissorhands II haircut the time she went to his Transhumanist Barber Shop and Hair Salon- exactly the way you described, David (although some people did argue that she looked like Sinead O’ Connor when she was ordained a priestess in the Utrecht Holland based Old Catholic Church prior to donning a hijab and converting to Islam).

      Dr. Cadbury Rocher gave her a formula that revived her hair DNA to restore her hair to the way Medusa looked prior to getting the Curse of Minerva (Athena always referred to her curses by her Roman name after trying one of Rome’s 1st prepared spaghetti and meatball dishes before the Romans had the chance to fully master the preparation of this culinary cuisine) for engaging in a sexual encounter with Poseidon in the Temple of Athena (close acquaintances of both Republican Donald Trump and Democrat Bill Clinton as well as Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein and actor Bill Cosby claim the encounter was consensual while those in the #MeTooMovement say it was rape).

      This photo is of the way Medusa looks now with her pre-Curse of Minerva hair fully grown.

      • David Redpath said,

        And those heels!.
        Obviously made so Medusa,
        the Gorgon, could look any
        Greco-Roman warrior (or fool)
        straight in the eye.
        I suspected that Sinead O’Connor
        was actually a Gorgon, when
        I heard her say that nothing
        compares to gorgonzola in
        Irish stew. It was Enja, the
        Celtic Siren, who tipped me off
        about Rose McGowan. She said
        to never turn your back on her,
        or your front, for she’ll leave you
        too stoned to move.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And what’s left when you’re too stoned to move?

        Only time.

      • David Redpath said,

        I’ve had time to do the research,
        Chris. Spaghetti & Meatballs
        is a dish that dates back to 750 B.C.,
        and is attributed to Romulus. The ‘Farinae Subactae Testiculis Remus’,
        was to commemorate Romulus
        having his twin brother’s balls
        for breakfast … with pasta.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        No wonder Athena was upset.

      • David Redpath said,

        But Mars said it was a fitting
        way to honour the vanquished
        (and insurance incase you
        have a rematch in Hades
        … like hobbling a horse 🐎).

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        LOL !

  3. Tanya said,

    Interesting count brimming with myths and historical references

  4. George F. said,

    Your Medusa is somehow better than the original…ow!! (New post up…pop in!)

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