How Renfield Spent Saint Nicholas’ Day

December 6, 2018 at 11:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield had spent the morning at the Aulos Music and Recording Ltd.’s Wuthering Heights and Glencoe Hospitality Studios owned by music promoter Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell.

After the old time Christmas musical hit song Baby, It’s Cold Outside was deemed too politically incorrect for pot smoking self-proclaimed feminist Justin Trudeau’s Canada and was being pulled from being played on most Canadian radio stations over the Christmas season, Renfield recorded his own version of the song in a duet with the famous New Orleans vampiress and songstress Angelique Dumont.

He then used his hacking skills to hack into most Canadian radio stations’ play lists and inserted a code by which the song would be played every 20 minutes on radio.

He then hired a bunch of newly arrived immigrants in Canada who had trouble getting jobs to work and drive around in ice cream trucks where the song Baby, It’s Cold Outside would be played on the loudspeakers to let frozen Canadian neighbourhoods know that the ice cream truck was coming.

Afterwards he went down to the Westminster House of Commons to deliver a statement in Parliament on his British Transhumanist Party’s official position on the global trade, foreign and defense policies of the Trump Administration in Washington DC.

The Speaker of the House called on Renfield to make the statement, “I understand the Honourable Member for Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds wishes to make his party’s official statement on the Trump Administration’s global trade, foreign and defense policies.”

“I do, Mr. Speaker,” Renfield rose to his feet, “Donald Trump is so full of crap that if you gave him an enema before he died, you could bury him in a cigar box.”

He then sat down again.

Renfield believed in making his speeches brief and to the point.

Later when he returned home, he phoned the Dragon Warrioress Crown Princess Lenora of Lemuria.

Lenora was holding a group of Russian Navy sailors prisoner in the medieval dungeons of an old castle in Scotland.

They were being guarded by the ghost of the Black Douglas as well as a brigade of British Army Gurkhas.

The ghosts of Humphrey Bogart and Peter Lorre perform an Abbott and Costello comedy routine for the enjoyment of Russian Navy prisoners of Renfield.

The Egyptian cat goddess Bastet then sat on Renfield’s shoulder where the two discussed the Egyptian god/vampire Osiris’ stupidity in getting Hades the god of the Underworld to release the body and soul of French President Emmanuel Macron whom Krampus had dragged down to Tartarus last night.

After mutually agreeing on what an ass Osiris was, Renfield returned to his parliamentary office in Westminster.

There he received a phone call from Chinese President Xi Jinping on whether Renfield and his Brigade of Gurkhas would storm a Canadian prison to release Huawei’s chief financial officer Meng Wangzhou who had just been arrested at Vancouver’s airport and was awaiting extradition to the U.S. for violating Trump Administration sanctions against Iran.

As Xi and Renfield discussed the raid and rescue, his Transhumanist Party colleague and fellow MP the Welsh vampiress Morgana put a book away in the office bookshelf prior to going on a date with Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing:

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday December 6th


  1. George F. said,

    Love this rendition…and somehow I missed this controversy which I know…must be insulting someone! I’m listening to your version over and over trying to figure it out…

  2. Tanya said,

    Entertaining, whatever happens, how grave the situation may be, towards the end it’s our own hero Dracula 🧛‍♂️ who gets to make love with vampiress. Do I wonder why? 😃

  3. David Redpath said,

    Dracul, I’ve just returned from
    a top secret meeting, at the
    Kiev Monastery of Caves to
    discuss a rather unorthodox
    clandestine plot to thwart
    Putin’s plans of restoring Moscow
    as the capital of the Holy Roman
    Empire, with himsels as Emperor,
    of course (don’t tell anyone).
    Anyway, I was reliably informed
    that Chinese President Xi Jinping
    has sent Babylon Ho to personally
    deal with the ‘Canadian situation’.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Ho Babylon Minh will probably do an excellent job of dealing with the “Canadian situation”. 😆

      • David Redpath said,

        I’m sure she’ll find a ‘Huawei’.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Although DARPA, acting on Donald Trump’s orders, will probably try to give her a poisoned Apple.

      • David Redpath said,

        It has come to my attention
        that ‘Baby Ho’ is well acquainted
        with Huawei’s chief financial
        officer, Meng Wangzhou, being
        a dark web encryption engineer.
        Her cover story is that of a
        Persian carpet importer/
        wholesaler, often heard to say
        that she eats rug for breakfast.
        But I’m assuming the
        with Meng Wangzhou is platonic?

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        She eats rug for breakfast?

        LOL !

        Hm, this brings in elements of the Set Enterprises Laboratories and Rug Emporium and Sol Invictus Set’s business partnership selling Persian rugs with the Persian goddess Anahita.

  4. David Redpath said,

    I believe there is a Persian
    but I’m in the dark, Dracul. Since
    the Australian Government
    banned Huawei from
    involvement in the 5 G
    rollout downunder, Baby Ho
    turned off my backdoor
    flow of “Sino Info” (a relief, actually. She has quite a backhand ).

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, Australians are now deprived of the 5 g-strings and g-zones of Ho.

      • David Redpath said,

        No Ho Ho Ho for me
        this Christmas.
        She won’t be coming
        down my chimney stack,
        down under.

  5. sebby holmes said,

    I’ve got a recipe for Persian rugs. I’d go outside to get it but it’s too cold….baby 🎵 🤣

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