Much Ado About Meng Wanzhou

December 8, 2018 at 11:54 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Meng Wanzhou: The Face That Launched A Thousand Deaths

Retribution was swift.

Numerous leading officials in the U.S. State, Justice, Trade and Commerce Departments were found dead with poisoned chopsticks inserted into their necks.

Donald Trump woke up in horror to discover that someone had put chicken fried rice and sweet and sour pork spare ribs in his toupee.

Officials at both the Canadian and U.S. Embassies in Beijing had come down with the worst cases of diarrhea in all recorded history.

The Chinese Communist vampiress Mei-ling Manchu (the immortal daughter of the infamous Dr.Fu Manchu Manchu that British writer Sax Rohmer had written about) had gone to Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s greenhouse in Ottawa and wearing a pair of metallic spiked leather gloves had kidnapped Justin’s beloved pot smoking and cannabis inhaling cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever. He would be released upon the release of Huawei executive and Chief Financial Officer Meng Wanzhou from a Canadian prison. Distraught, a tearful Justin had called an emergency Federal Canadian Cabinet meeting on the issue. He was thinking of evoking the Emergency War Measures Act like his father Pierre Elliot had done when British Trade Commissioner James Cross and Quebec Labour Minister Pierre Laporte had been kidnapped by the FLQ back in October 1970.

His Foreign Minister Chrystia Freeland slapped Justin’s face and told him to get a grip on reality.

The Chinese Communist vampiress Mei-ling Manchu just prior to putting on a pair of spiked metallic leather gloves and kidnapping the Canadian Prime Ministerial official marijuana pot smoking and cannabis inhaling cactus plant of Justin Trudeau.

Canadian Foreign Affairs Minister Chrystia Freeland forced to slap Justin’s face when he started babbling about calling upon the ET gray Gali-Gula and an invasion fleet from planet Nibiru for help.

Meanwhile Australian poet David Redpath was happy to report that Strawberry Fields Forever’s two pot smoking and cannabis inhaling desert cactus plant children (a son named Octopi Garden and a left leaning daughter named Octopi Wall Street) were both safe and sound in his home in Australia.

Apparently Redpath’s once buying the Vietnamese vampiress Ho Babylon Minh (the granddaughter of Vietnamese President Ho Chi Minh and a woman who now worked for the Chinese Intelligence Service) some green tea and a Vietnamese pork submarine sandwich in a Sydney restaurant had put the poet in Ho’s good books.

Meanwhile leading officials in the Vancouver Crown Prosecutor’s office were now dying en masse after their marijuana cigarettes were all laced with arsenic by Chinese agents.

Similarly RCMP officers and CSIS agents were keeling over by the bucket load (before they had the chance to complete their bucket lists) all across Canada after egg rolls and chop suey they had received had all been heavily laced with polonium-210.

Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher refused to provide them with the antidote to polonium-210 poisoning that he had developed since his boss the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was personal friends with Chinese Communist vampiress Mei-ling Manchu.

And so numerous orphans and widows were being created in Canada and numerous undertakers and funeral homes would be doing a booming business in Canada next week as a result of the cowardly Justin Trudeau’s surrender of Canadian national sovereignty to America’s Trump Administration and its unilateral embargo against Iran.

Justin was doing this all for a man who belittled and ridiculed him (the ghosts of Sigmund Freud and Alfred Kinsey were both speculating that Justin might be a latent homosexual masochist with a cougee like infatuation and obsession with the older man).

And Trump was following a stringent anti-Iran agenda because his ultimate dream in life was to continously kiss the buttocks of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.

Truly the days of Sodom and Gomorrah were upon the world as Christ prophesied would be one of the signs of his 2nd Coming.

And speaking of Sodom and Gomorrah, British MP Renfield R. Renfield and the Chinese Intelligence Service operative Vietnamese vampiress Ho Babylon Minh were now in San Francisco to deliver a poisoned apple to Apple CEO Tim Cook on behalf of the Chinese government.

Ho Babylon Minh: Bearing poisoned apples to Cook.

Meanwhile in British Columbia, the Vancouver International Airport was undergoing massive aerial bombardment of seagull droppings from 10 million Chinese seagulls.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday December 8th

And down in Mexico City, the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was engaging in tantric sex with the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec (who had dyed her hair blonde for a TV commercial she had been appearing in)


  1. George F. said,

    All your women are gorgeous but the most hysterical part was the revenge of the Chinese…and this is how they would do it too…when no one was looking: Numerous leading officials in the U.S. State, Justice, Trade and Commerce Departments were found dead with poisoned chopsticks inserted into their necks. Fricken hysterical Dracul! I would look for life to imitate your art in this case very soon! There will be repercussions and your vision is the best!

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thank you very much, George. πŸ˜ƒ

      Yes, the repercussions are coming and the inscrutable Dr. Fu Manchu scratching his long fingernails on a blackboard will be the least of America and Canada’s worries. 😈

  2. David Redpath said,

    Yes, it amazing how far a good
    Pork Submarine Sandwich will
    get you.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Gotta love those Big Pork Submarines as George H. W. Bush probably said when he got a surprise honour at those Bohemian Grove rituals.

      • David Redpath said,

        I packed up all my cares & whoa
        along time ago, and smoked
        them with some Boho friends.
        I’m sure we clapped and cheered.
        Does that me one of the ‘in crowd’.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        If you happen to be mentioned with Henry Kissinger in the same YouTube conspiracy theory channel video, then you’ll definitely be a member of the “in” crowd.

      • David Redpath said,

        I would never
        Henry Kissinger πŸ’‹
        . . . and tell !
        There would be
        most severe

  3. David Redpath said,

    Dracul, I must inform you that
    the cactus formerly known as
    Octopi Wall Street, after listening
    to to Madonna’s Greatest Hits,
    has changed her name to
    Material Girl (I blame myself
    for propagating the baby cuttings
    too close to the Devil’s Ivy,
    whilst eating calamari).
    Being now the cactus equivalent
    of a teenager, she had become
    quite petulant. She did not like
    the comment you made, Dracul,
    about her new Idol, Madonna,
    (my fault, again) and started
    fuming pure lysergic acid!
    Octopi Garden, as always,
    maitains his mellow. Inhaling
    and exhaling away. He is a
    constant blessing.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      No doubt Octopi Garden spends a lot of time outside in the shade letting beetles into his playground especially when they arrive in a yellow submarine.

      • David Redpath said,

        Yellow Submarine is his favourite
        album. He’s got it on vinyl,
        and plays it all the time.
        Especially when his sister is
        fuming. He even has the movie
        on dvd.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        No doubt all his friends call him “mellow yellow” as Madonna formerly the cactus known as Octopi Wall Street cries over Argentina.

      • David Redpath said,

        Yes Chris, I shouldn’t read your
        posts out loud, whilst sitting
        in the greenhouse, breathing
        in the cactus twins fumes.
        They seem to not only be
        listening, but highly intelligent.
        ‘Material Girl’ has been researching
        Madonna on line, and despite
        being a bit prickly about it, now
        concedes you were accurate
        in referring to as a “slut”.
        Octopi Garden is publishing his
        theory that Homosapiens owe
        the ingestion of hallucinogenic
        mushrooms for evolving a
        high level of intelligence.
        I didn’t want to contradict or disillusion him. He doesn’t
        get out much.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, cabin fever seems to have a devastating effect on humans.

        I can only imagine what it does to cacti.

      • David Redpath said,

        Octopi Garden is firmly rooted,
        but Material Girl seem to be
        rather shallow. Her response
        when I mentioned this was,
        “Papa don’t preach, I’m in
        the compost deep!”

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, she’ll probably fall in a love with a young Mexican desert cactus plant and when he gets into trouble with U.S. Customs agents on the U.S.-Mexico border, she’ll start to sing, “You just keep on pushing my love over the borderline…”

      • David Redpath said,

        I’ve made a promise to
        Strawberry Fields Forever,
        to never let his hybid wayward
        prickly materialist daughter
        end up in a bottle of Tequila,
        with some lowdown worm.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        A noble promise to make as he’s being held hostage in the Sechelt Peninsula marijuana Age of Aquarius equivalent town of Scotland’s Brigadoon – Calypso’s Bosom- on orders of the Chinese Communist vampiress Mei-ling Manchu- the daughter of Fu Manchu.

        Only to be freed when Meng Wanzhou is fully freed.

      • David Redpath said,

        I think I drove past such a
        place on the way to Findhorn
        (we didn’t find any?).

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        A pity.

        So you couldn’t go home with Bonnie Jean.

      • David Redpath said,

        No😒 And Billie Jean King 
        wasn’t interested?

      • David Redpath said,

        I wonder if ‘Calypso’s Bosom’
        could find Findhorn, or vice versa?

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        An interesting question to ponder.

        Can a horn find a bosom and vice-versa?

      • David Redpath said,

        I’m sure the ghost of Mae West
        has something to say about that.

        “Never hold back when it comes
        to getting a load off your chest!”

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        No doubt the guns in men’s pockets are busy unloading on the Wild West after such an encouraging statement.

  4. David Redpath said,

    Octopi Garden has also
    decided to change his name
    (it’s a sibling rivalry thing)
    to Mellow Yellow Garden.
    Since he’s now totally vegan
    he’s dropping the ‘Octopi’.
    As well as the fish fertilizer
    and the calamari rings.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      If he bought himself a rug and started taking up the practice of yoga, he’d then have all the characteristics of your average everyday typical citizen of Vancouver, British Columbia.

      Well that and buying himself a dog which he’d take for a walk on the beach every night.

  5. David Redpath said,

    Mellow Yellow Octopi Garden
    did ask me to order a Persian
    prayer rug off Babylon Ho, now
    that you mention it.
    The good news is that Ho,
    in recognition of her hard work
    in getting bail for Meng Wanzhou,
    has been promoted to General
    in charge of ‘Cyber Defence’,
    in the Strategic Support Force
    of the People’s Liberation Army.
    Hopefully she is willing to help
    liberate Strawberry Fields
    . . . Forever.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Provided Supreme Leader Xi Jinping approves of pot in the People’s Liberation Army.

      Usually sellers of pot receive a 21-gun salute courtesy of PLA firing squads if they can’t keep off the grass.

      • David Redpath said,

        Babylon Ho has a permit
        to export “Dirty Rugs”,issued
        by Chairman Mao himself.
        Provided it is sold to the “Decadent running dog πŸ•
        paper tiger πŸ… West”.
        Revenge for Opium War.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Those opium dens the West imposed on China in the 19th Century are getting lots of karmic (and other types) of blowback in the 21st.

      • David Redpath said,

        “Revenge is an opium pipe,
        served up to western devils,
        piping hot, like a hot shot
        . . . of napalm.”
        – Agent Orange 🍊

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