Dracul Van Helsing Meets Maria Orsic
The Austro-Croatian mystic Maria Orsic calls out to Dracul Van Helsing from the window of her Chicago hotel room.
Dracul Van Helsing used the Houdini-Tesla-Pantages prototype magic lanterns for his time travel.
They were a type of image projecting magic lantern that projected black and white film images.
This magic lantern had been invented by the Hungarian-American magician Harry Houdini, the Serbian-American inventor Nikola Tesla and the Greek-American movie producer and movie house theatre chain owner Alexander Pantages working together to develop it in 1925.
Houdini claimed to have gotten the idea for this magic lantern from a magician’s assistant of his named Serena who claimed to have gotten the idea from Thoth the Egyptian god of time.
However the magic lantern still seemed incapable of allowing time travel.
Eventually the Houdini-Tesla-Pantages prototype magic lantern came into the hands of Orson Welles.
In the early morning hours of October 31st 1938 (a few hours after his infamous War of The Worlds radio broadcast), an entity claiming to be a Martian who intensely disliked the state of New Jersey (and why did Welles allow him to land there in his broadcast?) gave Welles further tips on how to tweak the magic lantern to allow time travel.
Welles’ tweaking helped somewhat but it wasn’t enough.
It remained for the magic lantern to fall into the possession of the Austrian-American film actress and inventor Hedy Lamarr (the woman who in the early 1940s invented the wireless radio technology that eventually became Bluetooth and Wi-Fi) to put the final touches on the magic lantern to make it time travel capable.
Lamarr added those finishing touches to the Houdini-Tesla-Pantages prototype in January of 1949.
Hearing the news that an evil member of the Ahnenerbe Nazi Occult Bureau Franz Kohler was still alive and anxious to get his hands on the device, Hedy Lamarr hid it in a West Hollywood movie theatre (that still exists today as a repertory theatre that plays old movies).
She informed Welles where she had placed the magic lantern.
The secret died with them.
However when Hades and Persephone allowed the ghost of Orson Welles to leave the realm of Hades along with the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill to serve as spirit advisors to British MP Renfield R. Renfield, the ghost of Orson Welles had informed Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing of its location on New Year’s Day of this year.
Dracul visited the West Hollywood repertory movie theatre on January 14th of this year where he made out with the Greek goddess Athena who was appearing in black and white on the screen.
And Dracul had been time travelling on and off again ever since.
Today in a time warp between the Chicago of a 1930s Hollywood film set and the actual Chicago of today January 31st 2019, he was summoned to enter the hotel room of the Austro-Croatian mystic Maria Orsic (who was Nikola Tesla’s secret love).
Maria Orsic invites Dracul Van Helsing in for a cosmic tantric sex encounter. Dracul obliges.
One Hell of A Snowstorm From Hel The Norse Goddess
Norse Goddess Hel: Do come in out of the cold, Mr. Van Helsing, and come warm yourself inside my welcoming fireplace.
Much of the United States was suffering one Hell of a cold spell and one Hell of a snowstorm.
And it was being caused by Hel the goddess of the Norse frozen underworld.
She had brought one Hell of a polar vortex with her from her abyss in the frozen northern wastelands.
She was able to do so because Wotan/Odin the chief of the Norse Germanic pantheon of gods (known as the AEsir) and King of Asgard was currently in a Set Enterprises eye clinic in London under the care of Dr. Cadbury Rocher as a result of his one good eye being hit by an arrow fired from the Celtic stag god Cernunnos’ crossbow on a U.S. Republican Party Country Club deer hunting trip gone horribly awry and hideously astray.
Since Wotan/Odin wasn’t around to veto the idea, Hel decided to have some fun.
She was currently in a Chicago hotel enjoying both the cold and the snow storm from inside her warmly heated luxury hotel room.
The Norse trickster god Loki was in a Chicago park trying to re-enact a scene from the 1997 Julia Roberts movie My Best Friend’s Wedding and ended up getting his tongue frozen to the ice cold pussy of a frozen ice sculpture statue of the Greek goddess Aphrodite.
The Norse wolf Fenrir and the Baphomet (who was currently in Chicago on a cross-country speaking tour raising funds for the U.S. Democratic Party) laughed heartedly as a Chicago Fire Department welding unit was brought in to free Loki’s tongue from Aphrodite’s pussy.
Dracul Van Helsing was currently walking around Chicago caught in a vortex of time caught between a Chicago in a black and white Hollywood film movie set of the 1930s and the Chicago of the January 30th 2019 polar vortex snowstorm from Hell caused by Hel.
The vortex of time was brought about by the mad scientists at the CERN Large Hadron Collidor tunnel in Switzerland interfering with Dracul’s Houdini-Tesla prototype magic lanterns by which the Canadian vampire hunter was able to time travel.
Shiva had aided CERN scientists in doing this.
Shiva’s wife Kali on the other hand had reached out to help Dracul Van Helsing.
For some reason, Kali’s mention of Dracul Van Helsing on a previous occasion had caused Shiva to turn into a green-eyed monster.
The ghost of Orson Welles, looking very much like the ghost of Christmas Past in Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, appeared to Van Helsing.
“Persephone the Greek goddess of the underworld has sent me to help you,” Welles’ ghost explained, “Van Helsing, you seem to work your way into the most precarious situations. I really don’t understand it.”
Welles’ ghost led Van Helsing on to a Persian flying carpet where they flew through the air to the Mysterious Goddess Hotel in Chicago.
There the Norse goddess Hel invited Van Helsing into her room.
An invitation from the Norse goddess Hel to Dracul Van Helsing.
As Hel and Van Helsing made out and practiced tantric sex on a bear skin rug in front of the fireplace, Welles’ ghost complained about the fact that he was reduced to making porno films in the 21st Century.
Welles and Van Helsing left the room whereupon the door to the next room magically opened and the Norse goddess Freya the Queen of Asgard invited Van Helsing in:
Freya: Do come in and stay awhile, Mr. Van Helsing.
As Van Helsing and Freya engaged in a Kama Sutra tantric sex encounter,
Welles remarked over the Riesling wine and the delicious Norse cod that he was eating, “Well Van Helsing, there’s nothing like forging an alliance between Odin/Wotan and Shiva in one cosmic act of revenge.”
Next door, Morrigan the Celtic goddess of war invited Van Helsing in for a lesson as Welles watched.
Welles drowned his voyeurism in pints of Guinness and bottles of Irish whiskey.
Finally Zeus’ daughter Artemis the Greek goddess of the moon made the Call of The Wild from next door.
Artemis displays a full moon for Van Helsing on this evening.
“Zeus, Shiva and Odin/Wotan in a triple alliance,” Welles moaned over several bucketloads of the best French champagne as he watched the divinely cosmic sexual encounter.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 30th
2019.
The Black Dragon Awakens
There is an unknown shrine located in the Palace of The Emperors in Beijing’s Forbidden City.
And few there be that find it.
The shrine does have a Taoist priest (in a long line of Taoist priests throughout the millenia) that care for it.
But other than the priest, no one else knows.
But there have been some individuals throughout history who have always found the shrine.
And those individuals were generally China’s most malevolent Emperors.
In recent times, Chairman Mao Tse-tung had found it when he won control of the Chinese mainland in 1949.
The thing about the shrine is that when these malevolent Emperors and Mao had lived, the statue of the Black Dragon inside the shrine had disappeared only to return to the shrine upon the death of the said Emperors or Mao.
According to oral tradition passed down from priest guardian of the shrine to priest guardian of the shrine, the statue of the Black Dragon would come to life and serve as an advisor to the one who found the shrine during that individual’s lifetime.
On the Ides of March (March 15th) 2013, the statue had vanished, the priest guardian of the shrine had noted in the shrine’s official journal.
Of course the Black Dragon would not be walking the breadth and length of China as a dragon.
It was able to shapeshift into human form.
. . .
The MSS (Ministry of State Security) operative did not really enjoy working with the individual called Wang.
No one was too sure what Wang’s job was.
He just suddenly showed up one day at the MSS on March 18th 2013 with orders from the newly elected Central Committee that he was to be obeyed in all matters.
Wang was tall.
7 foot 6.
Very unusual for most Chinese.
And also very thin.
In fact Wang was described as a tall thin version of statues of the fat jocular version of the Chinese Smiling Buddha.
Except Wang was tall not short.
Thin not fat.
And definitely never smiled.
. . .
Mark Orillio was an American businessman who spent the past 5 years living and working in Shanghai.
Today that would be his curse.
The fact that he was American.
The day after Acting U.S. Attorney-General Matthew Whitaker had announced 13 criminal charges against Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou and other Huawei executives had been formally laid.
For Justin Trudeau’s Canada, it was 2 Canadians in detention and another to be shot by firing squad for daring to arrest Meng.
For U.S. citizens, it would be a lot worse.
Orillio was grabbed from behind while crossing the street.
And tossed into a van.
Later in an empty warehouse, Wang had bodily dismembered Orillio.
The action had been videotaped.
The videotape would be sent to Whitaker’s office via the old fashioned post office method.
Other parts such as fingers, toes, elbows, knees and ankles would be mailed to various family members of Orillio living in the U.S.
His phallus would be mailed to his wife living here in Shanghai with the message, At least you got what the Egyptian goddess Isis never found.
And Orillio’s head would be mailed to Donald Trump at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue with the message, Do not mess with the China Flower Achievement.
Wang told the MSS operative that the messages were inspired by British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s finesse in dealing with Islamist terrorists.
“Gunboat diplomacy and now this,” the MSS operative thought to himself.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 29th
2019.
Meng Wanzhou and The Strange Case of The Yankee Idiot Who Poked A Sleeping Dragon In The Eye
Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou, the Chinese telecom giant Huawei and its affiliates in the U.S. and Hong Kong have had 13 criminal charges filed against them by the U.S. Department of Justice.
Earlier today, America’s bald non-toupee wearing (as opposed to the Twitterer-In-Chief) Acting Attorney-General Matthew Whitaker announced 13 criminal charges against Meng and other Huawei executives.
The BBC sent its news anchorwoman Geeta Guru-Murthy to interview British MP Renfield R. Renfield about the story.
As Geeta sat there in an arm chair and looked at her notes, MP Renfield sat in a hot tub smoking a cigar, drinking a bottle of l’Hertier de Jean Fremicourt brandy and getting blow jobs from 3 very sexy and shapely Japanese Dragon Sister porn stars.
“You know,” Renfield remarked as he blew smoke rings, “the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill often tells me that he wished he had thought of this in his mortal life time.”
“Well yes, moving right along now,” Geeta smoothed her skirt and looked at the monitor, “what is your first comment on the U.S. government’s formal charges against Meng and Huawei?”.
“Jesus Christ,” Renfield gasped.
He then looked at Geeta, “But in answer to your question, I’d first like to comment on Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s firing of John McCallum the Canadian Ambassador to China this past weekend for telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth about the whole Meng Wanzhou affair. This is proof positive that “Truth and diplomacy do not walk together hand in hand” to quote that new adage I just coined.”
“I notice,” Geeta read from her notes as Renfield sat there in the hot tub with an immensely huge smile on his face, “that China’s state-run Global Times newspaper has called the government in Ottawa a “frightened bird” and used a rather colourful ancient Chinese folk saying to describe Canada’s “immoral actions”. ”
“And what was the rather colourful ancient Chinese folk saying?” Renfield asked as he once again rose to the occasion.
” “You cannot live the life of a whore and expect a monument to your chastity” the unnamed author of the op-ed apparently wrote,” Geeta answered in reply to Renfield’s question.
“Gees, that’s pretty damned good,” Renfield bit off the end of his cigar, “I wish I had said that.”
“You will, Rennie, you will,” one of the female Japanese porn stars giggled as she paraphrased a statement that the artist Whistler had once made to Oscar Wilde.
“No monument for you,” Renfield looked down at her as he ate a bowl of Argentinian chicken soup prepared by a soup Nazi.
“So what of today’s U.S. announcement?” Geeta asked as she tried to keep a straight face.
“Well, the U.S. is a collapsing empire that’s too stupid and historically illiterate to realize that it’s a collapsing empire,” Renfield sipped on a Tequila Sunrise that contained a swizzle stick with a miniature Union Jack on it, “while China on the other hand is a rapidly ascendant rapidly rising re-emergent world empire. So we all know how this will end. Napoleon Bonaparte who was a true genius (unlike the bozos in the Trump Administration) noted that China was a sleeping dragon and it is best to let sleeping dragons sleep. So what does America the modern day Whore of Babylon do to a sleeping dragon? She pokes it in the eye. And so now America will fall like a rag doll knocked off the shelf by a raging bull in a China shop. And no monuments will be built to her chastity after she falls.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 28th
2019.
New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo Attends Baal and Baphomet Cocktail Party
New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo was spending his Sunday evening attending a cocktail party in honour of the demons Baal and Baphomet.
The party was being held on one of the top floors of the Empire State Building.
The party room had an excellent view of the ghost of the very late King Herod of Judea (recently granted a dispensation by Hades to briefly leave the Underworld at the request of Pope Francis) dancing around the spire at the top of One World Trade Center.
King Herod had bright almost neon bright translucent pink (rather than brown) pieces of ectoplasmic crap that fell out of his anus as it was sodomized by the spire of One World Trade Center while the latest number one hip hop song was played on a cosmic accordion by Hades’ 3-headed dog Cerberus.
“How delightful!” Andrew Cuomo laughed as he ate a barbequed baby rabbit’s foot and watched the spectacle.
The governor walked over to the statue of the Syrian Greek king Antiochus Epiphanes where the demon Baal stood in front of the statue carving roast pork and handing it out to party goers on plates.
Having picked up some roast pork, he then walked over to the statue and fountain of the Greek god Dionysus which showed Dionysus urinating what appeared to be human blood. The blood was in fact a combination of pig’s blood (according to spirit cook Marina Abramovic) and a pinkish style champagne.
Dionysus urinated the blood on top of the head of his Maenad (female disciple) the Theban princess Agave who was mutilating the body of and ripping off the head of her own son Pentheus.
The bloody pink champagne cocktail was served out in a glass by the demon Baphomet.
With glass of pink champagne in one hand and a plate of roast pork in the other, Gov. Cuomo walked over to some of the editors of the New York Times present at the party.
Not far from Gov. Cuomo stood Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol.
He was not here on official business but was on a date with a female Turkish diplomat invited to the party.
Whitstable was reading on his smart phone about how a Venezuelan hangman executioner had been ripped apart by a blue eyed white wolf and silver eyed black jaguar earlier this week when he attempted to hang the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec for plotting to overthrow Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro.
Coincidentally enough, the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was herself in an office above this party getting ready to assassinate a Russian diplomat on behalf of British Intelligence.
She had decorated herself in temporary (albeit realistic looking) tattoos to lure the Russian diplomat who had a fetish for women with permanent tattoos.
Whitstable overheard Cuomo introducing the man who would be the next head of the agency overlooking New York State’s entire Hospital, Health Care and Medical Clinic System to the editors of the New York Times.
Whitstable heard the man speaking with a British accent.
So he looked up.
Whitstable gasped.
The man was the spitting image of the secret Black Museum photo of the real Jack The Ripper that Scotland Yard kept in its archives.
A photo that Whitstable as an Interpol detective had seen.
A man who was apparently an Immortal with the ability to shapeshift into a Kraken.
“Gentlemen, may I present Mr. Jack Locktopus,” Cuomo introduced the new head of the Health Care, Hospital and Medical Clinic Agency to the NYT editors.
The editors smiled at Cuomo’s choice.
A fact for which the New York governor took his Baphomet crucifix (personally blessed by the Jesuit priest Father James Martin) out of his pocket and made an upside down Sign of the Cross.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday January 27th
2019.
The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec getting ready to assassinate a Russian diplomat.
Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka, Kraken Tutsokiua and Mother Goddess Gaia
The immortal Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka stood on the shores of Upper Waterton Lake in Waterton Lakes National Park in southern Alberta on the Alberta-Montana Canada-U.S. border.
Accompanied by her two spirit wolf protectors, she held in her hand a transparent glowing red apple.
As she held the strange looking fruit in her hands, she spoke to the West Wind (who could not be seen but whose presence could be felt), “The kraken Tutsokiua (Tutsokiua is the Blackfoot First Nations word for “devil” -Editor’s note) has awakened from its sleep at the bottom of this lake where it has slept for the past 5000 years.”
The West Wind stopped in its tracks.
“And it has been giving these supposed apples of knowledge to various people,” Tanaka spoke in a whisper.
The West Wind let out a wild howl to which the immortal Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka’s two spirit wolf protectors raised their ears but did not answer in reply.
. . .
A group of wealthy and powerful influential U.S. Republican party figures were out hunting deer on this particular day.
Hunting deer out of season.
As one Republican fired at a doe and her fawn, at the very same instant the spirit of the Mycenaean king Agamemnon let out an anguished cry while roasting on his spit down in Tartarus.
The group of Republicans moved in for a closer look.
To see if the doe had been slain.
As they moved in, they saw the one-eyed Germanic god Wotan standing there.
From a distance, the Celtic horned god Cernunnos (part human and part stag) fired at them with his crossbow.
“Shit,” Wotan cried as he fell backwards with the arrow stuck in his one good eye.
. . .
The Greek god Zeus was in the office of Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan.
On speaker phone for the meeting were Russian President Vladimir Putin, Iranian President Hassan Rouhani and Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro.
“By the way,” Zeus spoke in the manner of general chit chat, “did you know that the mother goddess Gaia who is the caretaker of earth is in fact not Greek but Lakota Sioux?”.
Gaia is Lakota Sioux.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
January 26th 2019.
Vampiress Lilith and Satyr Bagpiper Pan Deux At Robbie Burns Day Dinner In Jerusalem
It was Robbie Burns Day and William Wallace Rob Roy James Stuart Douglas the British Deputy Consul at the British Consulate in West Jerusalem was hosting a Robbie Burns party in his West Jerusalem home.
William Wallace Rob Roy James Stuart Douglas had been the Scottish Nationalist Party (SNP) MSP (Member of the Scottish Parliament) for the Eildon Hills and the Intergovernmental Affairs Minister for Scottish First Minister Alex Salmond’s Scottish Parliamentary government prior to the September 18th 2014 Scottish independence referendum which the pro-independence side had lost.
To show there were no hard feelings after the referendum, then British Prime Minister David Cameron had named William Wallace Rob Roy James Stuart Douglas (who had been slated to become the first Foreign Minister for an independent Scotland) the British Deputy Consul in West Jerusalem.
So he and his Indian born wife Sangita Patel Douglas had moved to West Jerusalem along with their official family bagpiper the tartan kilt wearing hairy goat legged genetically created satyr bagpiper Pan Deux.
Pan Deux was the genetically created younger brother of world famous satyr serial killer and DARPA contract assassin Pan Goatee.
Both satyrs had been genetically created in a lab by Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.
Pan Deux since he was not injected with the DNA of the homicidal Siberian yeti (like his brother Pan Goatee was) but rather the more people friendly Himalayan yeti (Dr. Cadbury Rocher had used yeti DNA to make their legs furry and hairy as modern goat DNA didn’t seem to cut it), he wasn’t as homicidally inclined as his older cloned brother satyr was.
And in that respect Pan Deux wasn’t as malevolent as his older brother Pan Goatee was.
Although music lovers might disagree as most of the world’s music critics found Pan Deux’s bagpipe playing to be horrendous.
One music critic for The Jerusalem Post had in fact written that singer-songwriter Don McClean had had a prophetic vision of Pan Deux’s bagpipe playing the day he wrote the American Pie song lyrics “The day the music died…”
And the Mossad agent they called The Controller of The Golem had become personal friends with Mr. William Wallace Rob Roy James Stuart Douglas and his wife Mrs. Sangita Patel Douglas since they had arrived in Jerusalem a few years ago so he had been invited to the couple’s Robbie Burns party on this Friday night.
No doubt his rabbi wouldn’t be pleased to see him missing at this evening’s synagogue service but then eating haggis was a once in a lifetime experience.
And speaking of once in a lifetime culinary experiences, the Mossad agent’s White House source (let’s call him… Jared Kushner… in Jerry Seinfeldian fashion) had informed the Controller of The Golem that the reason why Donald Trump had caved in to Nancy Pelosi on the government funding issue was because last night the Donald had dreamed that he had died after eating 94 plates of lutefisk.
As if that wasn’t bad enough, the Donald had dreamed that he had been thrown into Hell after dying.
The Donald had angrily cried after being thrown toupee head downwards into the flames of Hell by the Archangels Michael and Raphael, “Who does this Jesus Christ guy think he is anyways? Telling me that I can go to Hell like that? God Incarnate or something?”.
The Controller of The Golem had also found out that Nancy Pelosi (namely because the Mossad had placed a camera and listening devices into the Congresswoman’s vibrator which she carried either in her purse or on her person at all times) the House of Representatives’ chief practicing witch had offered a sacrifice of frogs’ legs (done in a Buffalo barbeque style) to a statue of Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft in thanksgiving to Donald Trump caving in to her.
Silly Nancy was totally unaware that the Donald had sent the ghost of the insane Roman Emperor Nero as an incubus to appear to her and offer her a better bang for her buck than her long suffering vibrator.
And speaking of Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft, the Controller of The Golem had recently found out that Hecate had been beheaded a few years back when she had foolishly walked down the street in her ugly looking crone form at the same time that Pan Goatee was walking down the street.
Hecate’s skull was currently being kept in the High Altar of Saint Peter’s Basilica at the Vatican (on Pope Francis’ orders) as the unknown relic to be venerated.
The Controller of The Golem’s date for the Robbie Burns dinner at the Douglas home was the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith who was wearing a lovely low-cut purple evening dress boldly advertising a nice pair of knockers that most of the male guests present at the dinner couldn’t keep their eyes off of.
A few years ago, Lilith had attempted to poison the Controller of The Golem by dropping a vial of Polonium-210 into his glass of Scotch while he was sitting in a pub in London, England.
The poisoning had worked because the Controller of The Golem had croaked (like the poor frog who was the subject of Nancy Pelosi’s Congressional Wiccan dissection sacrifice to Hecate).
Fortunately for the Controller of The Golem, Dr. Cadbury Rocher had brought him back from the dead.
But the Controller of The Golem was now willing to let bygones be bygones as far as Lilith was concerned.
He had run into the vampiress last night when she was skiing downhill on the southern slopes of Mount Hermon (the mountain where the angelic Watchers of Genesis Chapter 6 had landed millenia ago) in the Israeli controlled Golan Heights.
She had been skiing down the slopes while wearing a slit skirted jade green evening dress, very attractive tan pantyhose and spiked stiletto high heeled shoes.
The Controller of The Golem promptly asked her out for a date on the spot.
And the date was to attend tonight’s ritual slaughter of the haggis in the Douglas dining room in that ancient Robbie Burns Day dinner ritual known as the Presentation of the Haggis.
And now the haggis was being piped in on a silver platter in the dining room by the tartan kilt wearing hairy goat legged genetically created satyr bagpiper Pan Deux for the presentation of the haggis at this year’s Robbie Burns dinner.
William Wallace Rob Roy James Stuart Douglas then spoke the Address To A Haggis written by Robbie Burns before sacrificing the haggis with a ceremonial knife.
Belvedere the ghost of a ghost white salamander who was covering the West Jerusalem Robbie Burns dinner as a news correspondent for The Times of London winced when he saw the knife come down on the haggis.
Sangita Patel Douglas stood ready with a bowl of her delicious home made curry to pour on the haggis as most of those present didn’t really relish the idea of eating sheep’s guts on its own.
Pan Deux after playing the Piping In Of The Haggis on his bagpipes then played Some Enchanted Evening from the musical South Pacific on his bagpipes.
Lilith accidentally dropped a fork down the front of her evening dress and at least a dozen of the male guests present offered their assistance.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Robbie Burns Day
Friday January 25th
2019.
As a Robbie Burns Day dinner was held at the Douglas home in West Jerusalem, the Romanian vampiress dominatrix Ravenella Vampyrex stands ready to tomato the buns of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman in a special ceremony to welcome in the world’s new Messiah.
At the same time, the Transylvanian Count Dracula was struck off his Google built AI robotic camel on the road to Damascus by a blinding light identifying itself as the Antichrist but added that Oprah Winfrey and Eckhart Tolle were advising the Count not to fear it.
Aztec Vampire Princess To Be Hung In Venezuela While Pope Francis Meets Che Guevara’s Ghost In Panama
The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec about to be hung at a Nicolas Maduro compound in Caracas Venezuela
For the past few years, the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec had been plotting to overthrow the Stalinist government of President Nicolas Maduro in Venezuela.
Almost 2 weeks ago she had poisoned the head of Venezuela’s intelligence service on the date of Nicolas Maduro’s 2nd inauguration as President of Venezuela (he had won a fraudulent election last year in a campaign boycotted by the Opposition).
Now she had been captured by Maduro’s Venezuelan security services and was about to be hung.
Her secret whereabouts in Caracas had been revealed to the security services by the fallen Archangel Samael (who was the angel of death according to the Babylonian Talmud and was the entity (it wasn’t Lucifer the Devil) called Satan in the Book of Job).
Samael like Qonzilqointec lived in Mexico.
He had been living there since the early 1930s and had become a transitioning transgendered demon while living there in that decade of the ’30s (in that respect he was decades ahead of his time).
While transitioning and putting on women’s clothing, Samael had changed his name to Santa Muerte (the Spanish feminine name for Saint Death).
He/she was now of course the patron saint of drug gangs and drug dealers in Mexico.
Samael/Santa Muerte had always considered the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec a rival for power in both Mexico and throughout Latin America.
When he found out she had gone to her secret revolutionary headquarters in Caracas on this day, he reported it to the Venezuelan security services who raided the place and arrested her.
When Santa Muerte heard the news of Qonzilqointec’s arrest and soon to be subsequent hanging, he/she drank 13 bottles of tequila, ate 13 worms from those bottles and plotted going over to the Aztec vampire princess’ Mexico City penthouse apartment to help himself/herself to Qonzilqointec’s lovely collection of skirts and dresses for himself/herself.
Ironically enough, the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was about to be hung on the same day that Venezuela’s National Assembly head and Opposition leader Juan Guaido had sworn himself in as interim President of Venezuela in a move recognized by Canada, the U.S., Argentina, Brazil, Chile, Colombia, Costa Rica, Guatemala, Honduras, Panama, Paraguay, Peru and Ecuador.
The Mexican government was waiting to see if Qonzilqointec would be hung first before announcing any change in policy.
Bolivia, Cuba, El Salvador and Nicaragua (all leftist governments on good terms with the Jesuit Pope Francis) were still recognizing Maduro as Venezuela’s President.
And speaking of Pope Francis, he was in Panama to attend World Youth Day events.
Prior to attending those events, the Pontiff would be meeting with the ghost of Che Guevara who was recently granted a dispensation by the Greek god Hades and the Norse goddess Hel (at Pope Francis’ request) to leave the Underworld for a brief time period.
Meanwhile in Havana Cuba where ironically the Neo-Nazi billionaire Robur Pike (a genetic clone of the Freemasonic racist Lucifer worshipping Confederate Brigadier-General Albert Pike) lived, Serena the Time Travelling magician was plotting his death.
Robur Pike who called himself Robur The Conqueror II (after Jules Verne’s character) flew around Cuba and the world in a Robur The Conqueror style airship.
Serena the Time Traveler was planning to use her steampunk missile gun to shoot it down.
Serena the Time Traveler ready to shoot down Robur The Conqueror II’s airship.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 23rd
2019.
Artemis, Dracul and What Happened To The Deerslayer’s Daughter
The Greek goddess Artemis performing in New York City’s Ziegfeld Follies in 1927
The Greek goddess Artemis had wanted to act in a Ziegfeld Follies production ever since she saw her first one in 1910.
As she was getting her photo taken to appear on the theatre marquee, she noticed a tall blonde man approach her.
She recognized the man as being Dracul Van Helsing a vampire hunter said to have the ability to travel through time according to a vision given her brother Apollo’s prophetess at Delphi.
“Mr.Van Helsing,” the goddess in mini dress, black silk fishnet pantyhose and high heeled shoes smiled at him,
“What brings you here?”.
“I’m here to negotiate a happy ending,” the man answered.
In the theatre lobby, screams were being heard as the requests of Dracul’s blue eyed white wolf and silver eyed black jaguar for hot dogs and coke were not understood by the theatre lobby vendor who was from Brooklyn.
“A happy ending to this particular Ziegfeld production,” Artemis raised one of her legs in Dracul’s direction and pointed at him, “but the script is a musical comedy.”
“No, a happy ending to the tale of Agamemnon and Iphigenia,” Dracul answered referring to the story of King Agamemnon sacrificing his daughter Iphigenia at Aulis as a human sacrifice to Artemis so that she would allow fair winds for the Greek ships to be able to sail for Troy.
Agamemnon being an ass had slighted Artemis the Greek goddess of the hunt by killing one of the goddess’ deer in a sacred grove.
He was forced to sacrifice his daughter to Artemis as punishment to allow the Greek ships to sail to Troy.
Again being the supreme ass he was, he preferred sacking Troy for its gold than his young daughter living (although the official reason for war was to take Helen from Paris and return her to her husband King Menelaus).
“You want me to travel back in time and allow Iphigenia to live?” Artemis raised her other leg at Dracul, “what will you give me in return?.”
“Tantric sex,” Dracul answered.
Artemis smiled.
“That’s the answer I wanted to hear,” she ran her hands through her hair, “All right, Iphigenia will live but Clytemnestra the mother of Iphigenia must still think she was killed by Agamemnon because the fates have decreed that Clytemnestra and her lover must kill her husband King Agamemnon.”
“I care not for the butcher of Troy,” Dracul replied.
“All right,” Artemis laughed, “Funny my father Zeus warned me that I would lose my virginity if I ever appeared in a Ziegfeld Folly. I guess he was right.”
She giggled and opened her legs for the time travelling vampire hunter.
That was the night that the lights went out on Broadway as a huge surge of electricity sent everything black in the Big Apple.
Meanwhile 14 years later in 1941, Princess Iphigenia of Mycenae suddenly appeared on the bear skin rug of Carson Cody Albion Private Eye in Los Angeles, California:
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 22nd
2019.
Dracul Van Helsing 
More Uglos Slain, Donald Trump To Meet Loki and Vampiress Lilith Skis Mount Hermon
January 24, 2019 at 11:54 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (Ancient Babylonian Vampiress Lilith, Azazel, Babylonian Vampiress Lilith, Lilith, Loki, Lutefisk, Mount Hermon, Pan Goatee, Semjaza, The Watchers, United States President Donald Trump, Zero Hour For The Apocalypse)
Satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was once again riding the bus when he saw a fat ugly blimp getting on.
“Jesus Fucking H. Christ!” Pan Goatee exclaimed when he saw the hideously grotesque offspring of a human male-female walrus abomination sexual liaison, “Calgary women seem to be getting uglier and uglier with each passing day. I feel like Sisyphus trying to roll that rock up a hill only to have it roll down again in my never ending efforts to bring a Friedrich Nietzschean and Oscar Wildean sense of beauty and aesthetics to this godforsaken city.”
Goatee beheaded the fat ugly cow and then cut her up into 666 trillion pieces with his astral laser machete.
He went and sat down again and the man sitting across from him asked, “What does the H. in Jesus Fucking H. Christ stand for?”.
“Harry,” Pan Goatee answered.
“Wow,” the man turned to his average looking but fortunately (for her) non-repulsive looking wife, “Jesus has the same name I do. Harry.”
“Oh shut up, Harold,” Martha replied.
When Goatee attempted to get off at his stop, some ugly stoat looking woman tried to get off in front of him and so he beheaded her and likewise cut her up into 666 trillion pieces.
“Jesus Fucking H. Christ!” Goatee exclaimed again at the mention of whose name Harold the passenger smiled, “What is it with these fucking ugly looking cretins wandering around all over the place? If the Watcher angels came down to Earth again like they did in the days of Mount Hermon, they wouldn’t be mating with the daughters of men as is mentioned in Genesis Chapter 6 and elaborated on in the Book of Enoch because these days the daughters of men are not fair and beautiful to look upon. They’re repulsively ugly and make one want to vomit all over the place. Especially in Calgary. Gives a whole new meaning to this city’s nickname of Cowtown.”
. . .
“I just got a call on my Huawei smart phone from the Norse trickster god Loki,” Donald Trump explained to his English butler and valet Lexington, “He wants to take me out for a Norse Norwegian lutefisk dinner.”
“That’s very nice of him, sir,” Lexington removed Trump’s toupee and put it in the sulphuric acid tank to kill germs.
“What is lutefisk anyways?” Trump asked as he noted how much he looked like an elderly Lex Luthor in the mirror.
“It’s a combination of dried/salted whitefish and lye, sir,” Lexington answered.
“Wow,” Trump replied as he watched the hairs on his toupee in the sulphuric acid tank stand on end, “Is it safe to eat?”.
“Well it is my understanding, sir, that a Norwegian-Canadian gentleman up in the town of Donalda, Alberta, Canada won a lutefisk eating contest back in the 1950s by eating 94 plates of the stuff. He wasn’t around to receive the prize however as he keeled over and died while starting on his 95th plate. Today he’s still looked upon as a dead living legend in the town of Donalda and the immediate surrounding areas. In fact, his name is always spoken in whispers by people who promptly make the Sign of the Cross while doing so. Which is strange considering that most people with a Norwegian background are Lutheran and not Catholic.”
“So you’d advise me then not to eat 94 plates of the stuff?” Trump pondered what to tweet about next.
“On the contrary, sir,” Lexington shook his head, “on behalf of the 800,000 unpaid federal government workers, I think you should eat at least 94 plates of the stuff.”
“I guess I’ll have to cut down on the number of hamberders I eat ahead of time then,” Trump noted.
. . .
The Mossad agent they call the Controller of The Golem was on the southern slopes of Mount Hermon in the Israeli controlled Golan Heights.
The ski hill at Mount Hermon had been hit this past Sunday January 20th (around the time of the Super Blood Wolf Moon) by an Iranian missile in retaliation for Israeli Air Force strikes on Iranian targets near Damascus Airport.
The Controller of The Golem had been informed that a lovely and sexy redheaded woman wearing a slit skirted jade evening dress was skiing in spiked stiletto high heeled shoes and skis down the southern slopes of Mount Hermon.
The Controller of The Golem came to see for himself concerned that his agents might be smoking legalized Canadian recreational cannabis on the side.
He saw however that they were right.
“Lilith,” the Controller of The Golem remarked as the sexy slit skirted evening dress Babylonian vampiress skiied up to him.
“Nathan,” the Babylonian vampiress greeted him by name.
“What are you doing here?” Nathan asked.
“Recounting memories of making out with Semjaza the leader of the Watchers when he landed on Mount Hermon,” Lilith laughed lusciously.
“You were here when that happened?” Nathan’s jaw dropped.
“Of course,” Lilith winked, “Semjaza told me that I was the best earth lay he ever had. Azazel was our son.”
“The demon Azazel was your son?” Nathan was shocked again, “But I thought he was one of the original Watchers.”
“Many people assume that,” Lilith laughed, “yet if they paid attention to Chapter 7 of the Book of Enoch where the names of Semjaza the chief and the names of the prefects of the 200 Watcher angels are named, nowhere is Azazel’s name mentioned. Azazel is only mentioned in Chapter 8 after the Watcher angels made out with Earth women. And I being an earth vampiress and Semjaza being an angel gave rise to Azazel who taught men warfare and women witchcraft.”
“I recall what the Scapegoat did to the world,” Nathan answered.
“Yes,” Lilith smiled, “those who have power practice war and those who don’t have power practice witchcraft. Which is why since 2000 in the U.S., the Republicans have been waging war and the Democrats have been practicing witchcraft.”
The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith when she was in Saint Petersburg Russia on October 13th last autumn.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday January 24th
2019.
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