More Uglos Slain, Donald Trump To Meet Loki and Vampiress Lilith Skis Mount Hermon

January 24, 2019 at 11:54 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was once again riding the bus when he saw a fat ugly blimp getting on.

“Jesus Fucking H. Christ!” Pan Goatee exclaimed when he saw the hideously grotesque offspring of a human male-female walrus abomination sexual liaison, “Calgary women seem to be getting uglier and uglier with each passing day. I feel like Sisyphus trying to roll that rock up a hill only to have it roll down again in my never ending efforts to bring a Friedrich Nietzschean and Oscar Wildean sense of beauty and aesthetics to this godforsaken city.”

Goatee beheaded the fat ugly cow and then cut her up into 666 trillion pieces with his astral laser machete.

He went and sat down again and the man sitting across from him asked, “What does the H. in Jesus Fucking H. Christ stand for?”.

“Harry,” Pan Goatee answered.

“Wow,” the man turned to his average looking but fortunately (for her) non-repulsive looking wife, “Jesus has the same name I do. Harry.”

“Oh shut up, Harold,” Martha replied.

When Goatee attempted to get off at his stop, some ugly stoat looking woman tried to get off in front of him and so he beheaded her and likewise cut her up into 666 trillion pieces.

“Jesus Fucking H. Christ!” Goatee exclaimed again at the mention of whose name Harold the passenger smiled, “What is it with these fucking ugly looking cretins wandering around all over the place? If the Watcher angels came down to Earth again like they did in the days of Mount Hermon, they wouldn’t be mating with the daughters of men as is mentioned in Genesis Chapter 6 and elaborated on in the Book of Enoch because these days the daughters of men are not fair and beautiful to look upon. They’re repulsively ugly and make one want to vomit all over the place. Especially in Calgary. Gives a whole new meaning to this city’s nickname of Cowtown.”

. . .

“I just got a call on my Huawei smart phone from the Norse trickster god Loki,” Donald Trump explained to his English butler and valet Lexington, “He wants to take me out for a Norse Norwegian lutefisk dinner.”

“That’s very nice of him, sir,” Lexington removed Trump’s toupee and put it in the sulphuric acid tank to kill germs.

“What is lutefisk anyways?” Trump asked as he noted how much he looked like an elderly Lex Luthor in the mirror.

“It’s a combination of dried/salted whitefish and lye, sir,” Lexington answered.

“Wow,” Trump replied as he watched the hairs on his toupee in the sulphuric acid tank stand on end, “Is it safe to eat?”.

“Well it is my understanding, sir, that a Norwegian-Canadian gentleman up in the town of Donalda, Alberta, Canada won a lutefisk eating contest back in the 1950s by eating 94 plates of the stuff. He wasn’t around to receive the prize however as he keeled over and died while starting on his 95th plate. Today he’s still looked upon as a dead living legend in the town of Donalda and the immediate surrounding areas. In fact, his name is always spoken in whispers by people who promptly make the Sign of the Cross while doing so. Which is strange considering that most people with a Norwegian background are Lutheran and not Catholic.”

“So you’d advise me then not to eat 94 plates of the stuff?” Trump pondered what to tweet about next.

“On the contrary, sir,” Lexington shook his head, “on behalf of the 800,000 unpaid federal government workers, I think you should eat at least 94 plates of the stuff.”

“I guess I’ll have to cut down on the number of hamberders I eat ahead of time then,” Trump noted.

. . .

The Mossad agent they call the Controller of The Golem was on the southern slopes of Mount Hermon in the Israeli controlled Golan Heights.

The ski hill at Mount Hermon had been hit this past Sunday January 20th (around the time of the Super Blood Wolf Moon) by an Iranian missile in retaliation for Israeli Air Force strikes on Iranian targets near Damascus Airport.

The Controller of The Golem had been informed that a lovely and sexy redheaded woman wearing a slit skirted jade evening dress was skiing in spiked stiletto high heeled shoes and skis down the southern slopes of Mount Hermon.

The Controller of The Golem came to see for himself concerned that his agents might be smoking legalized Canadian recreational cannabis on the side.

He saw however that they were right.

“Lilith,” the Controller of The Golem remarked as the sexy slit skirted evening dress Babylonian vampiress skiied up to him.

“Nathan,” the Babylonian vampiress greeted him by name.

“What are you doing here?” Nathan asked.

“Recounting memories of making out with Semjaza the leader of the Watchers when he landed on Mount Hermon,” Lilith laughed lusciously.

“You were here when that happened?” Nathan’s jaw dropped.

“Of course,” Lilith winked, “Semjaza told me that I was the best earth lay he ever had. Azazel was our son.”

“The demon Azazel was your son?” Nathan was shocked again, “But I thought he was one of the original Watchers.”

“Many people assume that,” Lilith laughed, “yet if they paid attention to Chapter 7 of the Book of Enoch where the names of Semjaza the chief and the names of the prefects of the 200 Watcher angels are named, nowhere is Azazel’s name mentioned. Azazel is only mentioned in Chapter 8 after the Watcher angels made out with Earth women. And I being an earth vampiress and Semjaza being an angel gave rise to Azazel who taught men warfare and women witchcraft.”

“I recall what the Scapegoat did to the world,” Nathan answered.

“Yes,” Lilith smiled, “those who have power practice war and those who don’t have power practice witchcraft. Which is why since 2000 in the U.S., the Republicans have been waging war and the Democrats have been practicing witchcraft.”

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith when she was in Saint Petersburg Russia on October 13th last autumn.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday January 24th


  1. velvetscreams said,

    Here goes another applaudable story by dracul….wow wow!…๐Ÿ˜‚ ps:im reading for my exams๐Ÿ˜so dont worry

  2. Hyperion said,

    Another breath stealing chapter, Dracul. The misery of Calgary seems even too much for the indefatigable Pan Goatee. He is a harvester of perrenial weeds that ignore the seasons. Then the Magnificent self immolation via the Twitter finger of the Great Oracle against logic and Lily liveredness, his royal Harumphness watching acid transform his orange wig as he contemplates a fine Viking meal is a vision too real to disregard. But, it is the final scene as Lilith gives us the truest of truths, the powerful practice war while the powerless practice witchcraft. I cannot shake the cold chills this gives me.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thank you very much, Daniel. โ˜บ

      Yes the vast aesthetic wasteland that is what passes for females in the City of Calgary these days served as painful inspiration for writing this.

      Then my Norwegian godfather’s great uncle’s winning a lutefisk eating contest back in the 1950s and dying in the process (no doubt giving rise to the Norse expression “Lutefisk is to die for””) which is still the talk of Norse settlements up and down the Battle River Valley in Central Alberta today served as additional inspiration.

      Yes that line Lillith spoke at the end suddenly came to me out of the blue as I was writing this.

      I remember when it hit me, it did strike me as a truly profound sentence as I wrote it.

      • Hyperion said,

        How intriguing that the lutefisk had a definite effect in your family story. I wonder what would happen if Pan used a lutefisk instead of an astral laser. Yes, I felt Lilith’s statement was profound. I’ll quote her if it’s okay.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, that’s perfectly all right, Daniel.

        And of course being an ancient Babylonian vampiress who is the mother of various demons and various vampiresses, she will of course demand that you mention and attribute her by name when you use the quote. ๐Ÿ˜†

      • Hyperion said,

        It will be my pleasure to do it, as Lilith is quite the looker.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, she is able to turn a lot of heads. ๐Ÿ˜

        They had her on the set of filming The Exorcist when they were trying to get the young Linda Blair’s head to spin.

      • Hyperion said,

        That nearly spun me right out of my haunted seat.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Which you then applied Sherrielock’s magic mushroom cleaner to. ๐Ÿ˜‚

      • Hyperion said,

        Yes, itโ€™s the only thing that will get that soiled seat clean.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,


  3. Jessica said,

    lutefisk hahah ๐Ÿ˜€ He must love that food. I eat it with my family during christmas seasons and I got to admit, I don’t think I’ll ever touch it if not for the fried bacon on top.

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