Hell Celebrates 6th Anniversary of Pope Benedict’s Resignation Announcement

February 11, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Religion, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

“Well,” British MP Renfield R. Renfield remarked to his parliamentary colleague Newbridge in Wales MP the Welsh vampiress Morgana, “It looks like I may have to arrange to have Pakistani Prime Minister Imran Khan’s testicles shot off with a semi-automatic weapon after all. I see The Manchester Guardian is reporting that the Pakistani government is refusing to let Christian woman and alleged Mohammed blasphemer Asia Bibi leave the country to join her daughters in Canada. I told that overrated cricket player they have for a national leader that unless he lets Asia leave Pakistan, his balls are toast.”

Renfield went to the washroom carrying the toilet paper he had ordered with pictures of the Prophet Mohammed on each sheet (he ordered it after reading the article).

DARPA Contract Assassiness Panty Goatee: Hired by British MP Renfield R. Renfield to shoot off Pakistani Prime Minister Imran Khan’s testicles with a semi-automatic weapon when she gets the text message from Renfield, “Cricket balls will be all that he has left to play with.”

. . .

German Cardinal Walter Kasper the head of the Saint Gallen Mafia in the Vatican opened his drawers trying to see if he could find his rolls of toilet paper that alternated between pictures of Jesus Christ and the Blessed Virgin Mary on each sheet.

The night before, Cardinal Kasper (the Unfriendly Unholy Ghost as he was called by nickname) had opened up another pair of drawers to let the combined incubus/succubus called the Baphomet “come shining through” as the Cyndi Lauper song True Colours played on a record player on a dressing table next to his bed.

Now a virtually unknown and extremely rare record of the late great Jimmy Durante singing a little known hit, “Do you have a pain-us in your anus?” was playing on the record player.

Cardinal Kasper stopped the gramophone.

The song hit a little too close for comfort as far as memories of his nighttime encounter with the Baphomet went.

The Cardinal then walked over to his iPhone X where he wrote a statement condemning the Manifesto of Faith written by Gerhard Cardinal Muller (the former Prefect of The Congregation For The Doctrine of The Faith who had been appointed by Pope Benedict XVI in 2012 and fired by Pope Francis the Zero in 2017) and released this past weekend.

In the Manifesto of Faith, Cardinal Muller defended belief in the Trinity, the Incarnate Deity of Jesus Christ, the Sacraments, the moral law and the prospects of eternal life.

“These are not true Catholic doctrines,” Cardinal Kasper protested in a text message to Pope Francis.

Kasper opened the door to his personal bathroom where New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo’s astral twin was in the bathtub sacrificing 91 snow white hares from the Bavarian Alps to a statue of Baal/Moloch sitting atop the Norman Bates autographed Bates Motel showerhead in the tub area.

“Oops, sorry to disturb,” the Cardinal apologized and closed the bathroom door.

Next door in the Cardinal’s private Saint Gallen Chapel of Saint Hecate and All Witches, the Baphomet was ensuring that what he considered a naughty Italian schoolgirl (for wearing a traditional Crucifix) remained standing in the corner.

. . .

The 3 Witches who appeared to MacBeth the Thane of Glamis and later Cawdor. From left to right, the witches are Baphometa (daughter of Baphomet), Kalilama (daughter of Kali and Shiva whose name became lost to time) and Hecatelena (daughter of Hecate whose name also became lost to time).

The 3 Witches had been sent back in time to the year 1040 AD by the CERN Large Hadron Collidor to meet with MacBeth.

Today they were present in the Vatican Gardens and meeting with the ghost of Lady MacBeth as well as the astral twins of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman and White House advisor Jared Kushner.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday February 11th


  1. velvetscreams said,

    Great post dracul!…as always

  2. Tanya said,

    I smell controversy here, but I agree Imran Khan is a overrated player turned National Leader, allusion to Kali as a witch from Mac-Beth ( clever). That Asia Bibi paid price of a being a poor christian in an Islamic country….I hope she gets to Canada, she has been languishing in Pakistani jail for decades now for no crime. Hilarious post and politically very relevant. I admit I never liked Imran Khan 😒

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thank you, Tanya.

      Yes, I hope Asia Bibi gets to Canada as well.

      No, I never liked Imran Khan.

      He’s just another one of these flashy celebrities who woke up one day and decided to try their hand at politics and ended up a bigger jerk than most career politicians.

      • Tanya said,

        Totally agreed, Imran Khan after a life of play-boy and fiddling with western women for long, even taking in Jemima Goldsmith( Jewish heiress) his wife, bearing a daughter with an American woman now suddenly he is the most virtuous Muslim leader 😂😂…

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, it’s definitely a farce worthy of a 21st Century version of a Gilbert and Sullivan operetta. 😂😂

      • Tanya said,

        Absurd 🤯

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,


        “He is the very model of the modern Muslim Caliph.”

      • Tanya said,


  3. David Redpath said,

    If Pan Goatee’s should fail,
    by Cthulhu’s tentacles,
    the Australian cricket team
    has more than enough sandpaper
    for Imran Khan’s testicles.

  4. David Redpath said,

    Yes Chris, many an “Ouch!”, was heard
    from Jimmy Durante’s casting couch.
    That lecherous Hollywood beast
    makes Harvey Weinstein look harmless
    … like a celibate priest!😎

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, those famous lyrics about “they were frightened away by an eagle’s beak… or was it a nose?” didn’t quite convey the whole truth.

      It was something else that frightened them away.😈

  5. David Redpath said,

    On this Valentine’s Day,
    I shouldn’t talk of predators
    prowling old Broadway.
    But Jimmy’s idea of romance
    was to quickly whip a penis
    out of his saggy baggy pants.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      For old Jimmy, Broadway was a real broad way.

      Taking the broad path that leads to destruction.

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