Atargatis and Van Helsing, Whitstable and Priyanka, Sherrielock Holmes and Maduro

February 23, 2019 at 11:55 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

The northern Syrian mermaid goddess Atargatis in human form

The northern Syrian mermaid goddess Atargatis had shapeshifted into fully human form and was sitting in a luxury hotel suite in a swank New York City hotel in February of 1944.

A huge battle was currently going on between time travellers.

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was battling Nazi SS Ahnenerbe officer Franz Kohler up and down the corridors of time and various epochs in history.

Kohler was using the technology of Die Glocke a bell shaped space-going and time travelling Nazi UFO like saucer craft.

Dracul Van Helsing was using the Houdini-Tesla-Welles-Lamarr prototype magic lantern film projector to travel back and forth through time.

Also interfering in the time travelling war was the CERN Large Hadron Collidor in Switzerland being run by scientists who were indulging in far too much use of legalized recreational Canadian cannabis.

Also partaking in the pot inhalation was the Hindu god Shiva (whose statue was outside the CERN tunnel) who as a result was trying to conduct the Swiss National Symphony Orchestra into conducting a personal musical number that the deity was composing tentatively called Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony Meets Freddie Mercury’s Bohemian Rhapsody.

The first negative critic of the piece was Shiva’s wife Kali who was using all ten of her arms to cover her ears and when that didn’t work had fled to an artist’s studio on a quiet Greek island.

Now the conflict between Van Helsing and Kohler had turned to New York City in February 1944 a few months before the June D-Day Invasion of Normandy.

Van Helsing had just managed to evade arrest by Astana Kazakhstan police authorities for an assassination attempt on Russian President Vladimir Putin and the supernatural entity Black Dragon of Beijing.

The vampire hunter did have an alibi in that he was being spanked by and having tantric sex with the vampiress Golgotha (vampiress daughter of the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith) at the time.

But the Astana Kazakhstan authorities were the type to torture first and ask questions later.

So Van Helsing pressed the button on his Houdini-Tesla-Welles-Lamarr protype magic lantern and found himself in New York City in February 1944.

As a result of Orson Welles one of the inventors of the Magic Lantern (whose prototype was finally completed by Austro-American actress and inventor Hedy Lamarr) loving to direct films in black and white, the world Van Helsing found himself in as he was time travelling was often in black and white.

“So, Mr. Van Helsing,” the human formed goddess Atargatis greeted him as he landed on her Persian rug in her elegant New York City suite, “I suppose you’re here to ask, where have I hidden the Greek sea god Poseidon’s trident?”.

Van Helsing decided to engage in French kissing with the elegant black silk blouse and elegant white skirt wearing northern Syrian goddess instead.

As for the whereabouts of Poseidon’s trident… well that was all Greek to Van Helsing.

. . .

The mermaid Priyanka on the rocks at Vancouver’s English Bay.

Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol was walking along the beach at Vancouver’s English Bay.

He had spent the past couple of weeks traversing British Columbia’s Sechelt Peninsula trying to find Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s marijuana pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever who had been abducted by the Chinese Communist vampiress Mei-ling Manchu (the daughter of Fu Manchu) as vengeance for the Canadian arrest at Vancouver International Airport of Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou.

The pot smoking cactus plant would be freed when Meng Wanzhou was fully freed.

The plant had been hidden in the pot smoke covered hippy village of Calypso’s Bosom (a New Age Aquarian Age equivalent of Scotland’s mystical village of Brigadoon) on the Peninsula that had vanished off the face of the earth back in 1969 when Neil Armstrong said “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for…” and there the transmission had ended when all the hippy commune members’ minds had blown simultaneously and the village had disappeared in a mystical marijuana laced mist of pot smoke.

The village/hippy commune only appeared once every 7 years for a single day and a single night.

Only supernatural entities such as vampiresses, gods and goddesses could access the village in the “meantime and in-between time” as an old Stampede Wrestling ring side announcer might phrase it.

Whitstable had hoped that by carrying the supernatural relic of the right hand middle finger of the last Knights-Templar Grand Master Jacques de Molay (the same middle finger that de Molay had raised towards his papal interrogators and his French Royal Army captors as he was being burnt at the stake on the night of March 18th 1314) in his pocket that he’d be able to locate the elusive village/hippy commune but no such luck.

It would be another few years before the village/hippy commune of Calypso’s Bosom appeared on its own again.

In the meantime Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was pulling his hair out (and might end up having to wear a toupee like his southern neighbour Donald Trump) until his pot smoking prickly little buddy Strawberry Fields Forever was returned to him.

As Whitstable approached the mermaid Priyanka leaning against a rock, he recognized her.

The mermaid might be able to help him with another case he was working on.

The Greek god of the sea Poseidon had recently reported to Interpol that his trident had been stolen.

“Excuse me, Priyanka,” Whitstable greeted the mermaid, “Do you know where Poseidon’s trident is?”.

. . .

World famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes was in Caracas Venezuela on a mission for the British government.

British House of Commons Covert Intelligence Committee Co-Chairman Renfield R. Renfield had decided that drastic action must be taken against Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro for Venezuelan Army soldiers gunning down innocent civilians who were trying to bring food and medical supplies across the Venezuelan-Brazilian border.

Sherrielock Holmes was across from Maduro’s Presidential Palace carrying a poison tipped umbrella.

The poison in the umbrella tip would render Maduro permanently impotent.

The only antidote to the “permanently impotent” poison would be a sperm transfusion from Donald Trump.

Something Maduro would be most reluctant to consider.

When Maduro left the palace, Sherrielock KO’d Maduro’s entire bodyguard with karate kicks.

She then injected the umbrella’s poisoned tip into Maduro’s penis.

The Venezuelan President was now permanently (as opposed to 95% of the time) impotent.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday February 23rd

Meanwhile in the room next door in the swank New York City hotel in February 1944, the Norse goddess Freya had knocked out Franz Kohler with a bottle of French champagne.

“What a sad waste of French champagne!” Freya thought to herself.


  1. Draven Reign said,

    Hahaha. The story is funny and engaging

  2. velvetscreams said,

    Very interesting story…funny is an understatement 😁

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thank you very much, Velvet. ☺

      Glad to hear my story brought a lot of humour to your day. πŸ˜ƒ

  3. David Redpath said,

    Much action in this installment, Dracul!
    I had to clear my head by stepping out of the
    greenhouse/nursery for a while, so I could
    absorb the geopolitical mystical implications.
    Yes, Strawberry Fields twin cuttings, Mellow
    Yellow Octopi Garden, and his prickly sister
    Material Girl are full of steam at the moment.
    I had to leave them in the care of my Uncle
    Ernie whilst away on the secret mission to
    a Uyghur re-education & holiday camp, just
    west of Tajikistan (so, as usual, please don’t
    tell anyone). I was able to sneak in O.K., but
    it Babylon Ho’s assistance to get back out.
    The upshot is I’m now the only “Foreign Devil”
    registered on the ‘Social Credit’ system!?
    And apparently in serious deficit.
    Baby Ho also gave me a friendly warning
    to head home and hide the Cactus Twins
    somewhere safe, after what’s happened to
    their progenitor, Strawberry Field Forever.
    Unfortunately, Uncle Ernie, in my absence,
    had taken to watering Mellow Yellow with
    single malt whisky, and using Material Girl
    as an electronic cigarette by pouring all
    sorts of vaping concoctions into her pot!
    I think I got back just in the nick of time.
    They both seem to be recovering from their
    ordeal well, but I’ve had to tell Uncle Ernie
    to stop fiddling about 😎

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Well, that’s quite the honour that you’ve become the first “Foreign Devil” to be registered on Xi’s Social Credit system.

      Baphomet will be disappointed as he was wanting that honour for himself.

      The transexual transgendered goat human demon hybrid was planning to visit China wearing the same dress that Gong Li wore in a movie where she played a medieval Chinese Empress.

      Figuring that would get him/her on it as Numero Uno.

      Instead he/she will have to settle for Number 2.

      That being the case, at least both sides of him/her won’t be arguing about who left the toilet seat up.

      Glad that Ho Babylon Minh gave you the friendly warning about hiding the Cactus Twins.

      That was nice of her.

      • David Redpath said,

        Yes, she only asked that I make a small
        secret delivery to a Mr. Paliwal, of Paliwal Carpets & Textiles next time in Jaipur
        (But thats on a need to know basis).
        Something to do with her Persian Carpet
        import & retail business.
        That reminds me, there was no toilet seats
        at that re-education & holiday camp, just
        “West of Tajikistan”πŸ˜‰ So there’s an opening
        for a resourceful toilet equipment sales
        Met several transexuals I’m the camp, so
        I’m sure if Bophomet ends there, which is
        highly likely once he’s on the Social Credit
        system, he’ll feel right at home😎

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I’m sure the Baphomet will be happy to hear that. πŸ˜ƒ

      • David Redpath said,

        Yes, he would fit right in,
        and vice versa 🀭

  4. David Redpath said,

    * Of course, when I say “West of Tajikistan”,
    that’s ASIO code for… East of Tajikistan.
    And when I say “Uncle Ernie”, I mean that
    derelict, no good, low down, drug addled,
    and gin soaked Uncle Ernie (and they’re
    his redeeming good points).

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Would he be the same Ernie that appeared on Sesame Street with Bert?

      It’s always sad that when one becomes a big star on a hit TV show, they feel the need to take up booze and drugs to give their life meaning.

  5. David Redpath said,

    No, Jim Henson forbid!
    Uncle Ernie’s one claim to fame was as a
    roadie for the Who back in the ’70’s.
    In fact they gave him a cameo in their hit
    musical, ‘Tommy’.
    He claims that’s when he took up drugs,
    rather than the priesthood.

  6. David Redpath said,

    Yet now he’s old and horizontal πŸ₯΄πŸ™ƒ
    But still loves to do the odd confessional.

  7. David Redpath said,

    Yes, old Uncle Ernie is a fiddling professional,
    as exposed in the rock opera, ‘Tommy’ πŸ‘Ή

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      A fiddling professional eh?

      That’s a good description.

      “He fiddles and he did diddles
      by the light of the moon
      by the light of the silvery moon…”

  8. David Redpath said,

    … and a silver spoon πŸ₯„πŸŽΆ
    stuck right up his nostrils πŸ‘ƒ

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Some people are born with silver spoons in their mouths.

      But as for Uncle Ernie…

      • David Redpath said,

        … he just stole it off
        Keith Richards unconscious body 😀

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Some people get their thrills from the nostrils of a Rolling Stone…

      • David Redpath said,

        Tis said that a rolling stone gathers no moss.
        But old Uncle Ernie leaves no turn unstoned.
        And being toothless, uses no dental floss.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Since he’s not a vampire, it’s no great loss.

  9. Tanya said,

    Your geo-political knowledge is very much evident here in this piece, loved the reference to Syrian goddess and Priyanka ( although never a fan of her) vampire fights and ends up with all the πŸ§œβ€β™€οΈ mermaids! Kali with 10 hands covering to avoid Shiva’ s song …. it’s hilarious!! I guess every wife does that, you really got me here πŸ™‚

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      ROTFL !

      Covering your hands to your ears eh? πŸ˜„

      LOL !

      Glad you enjoyed this chapter. πŸ˜ƒ

  10. Jessica said,

    Good thing he was with Golgotha haha πŸ˜€ but Seriously? French kissing instead of saying something? I’ll slap him, I’ll definitely slap him!

    And really? Trump is using a toupee? 😲

    When it comes to Maduro, I can sympathize. Must be better being impotent than getting Trump’s sperm for cure. Yuck 🀒

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, Trump wears a toupee made out of red spider monkey fur.

      And one can definitely sympathize with Maduro.

      Interesting this was the chapter you chose to read and comment on tonight. πŸ‘Œ

      Because the chapter I wrote and posted tonight was all about the New Age Aquarian hippy commune of Calypso’s Bosom and going more in depth into its history. πŸ˜‚

      • Jessica said,

        πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ coincidence. Sorry, I’m a bit ignoring your new post no matter how tempting because I want to read them chronologically, if not, it get muddled in my head.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        That’s okay. πŸ˜€

        Is the reason the black wolf in Part 2 of your story is going to save the girl is because he was the pup the girl rescued when she was younger?

        Thought I’d comment on that here because I don’t want to spoil the ending for Part 3 for your readers in case that’s the case.

      • Jessica said,

        Hahaha πŸ˜€ Yes, you got it. Thanks for reading πŸ™‚

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        You’re welcome. ☺

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