Drum Playing and Raising Evil Spirits

February 26, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

“So,” Renfield addressed his dinner companions Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont, “I see the fruity Canadian priest Father Thomas Rosica has resigned from the board of St. Michael’s University College in Toronto for committing plagiarism.”

“Good thing you’re not committing plagiarism,” Miss Dumont pointed to his t- shirt that said, RENFIELD R.RENFIELD MP: Putting The Great Back In Great Britain.

“It is indeed,” Renfield nodded, “if I wore something that said Make Britain Great Again, a group of Druids might surround me and start playing their drums to send evil spirits against me.”

“I really don’t understand that last statement,” Amadeus commented as he sat trying to read Ovid’s Metamorphoses in the original Latin as he ate his 24″ inch Tuscan Pizza Special.

“Well when that demon-possessed native Omaha elder Nathan Phillips who said he fought in Vietnam (when he didn’t) met those Covington Catholic High School students who wore those Make America Great Again caps on their heads at a protest in Washington DC, he started playing his drum quite vigourously. Most palefaces in the U.S. and particularly those brainless palefaces who work at CNN, The Washington Post and The New York Times are unaware that within most native American traditions in the U.S. and Canada, the playing of ceremonial drums is done to invoke spirits. And those native Americans who are in the know like my good friend the Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka say that the way Phillips was playing his drums, he was trying to invoke evil spirits against the boys. That however was totally lost on the U.S. media, the super perverts of the Hollywood establishment and numerous brainless U.S. Catholic bishops – those who would want to have their lips surgically attached to the buttocks of the demons Baal and Baphomet anyways.”

“Wow, that’s amazing,” Amadeus text messaged J.K. Rowling to ask her the meaning of certain Latin words, “That’s very interesting.”

“Princess Tanaka informs me that the demon possessed kraken Tutsokiua (Tutsokiua is the Blackfoot First Nations word for Devil) recently awakened from its Lovecraftian sleep of 5000 years at the bottom of Upper Waterton Lake in Canada’s Waterton Lakes National Park and is now prowling the North American continental landscape,” Renfield admired a reproduction of an A.Y. Jackson painting of a buffalo (that the artist had painted from the rear end of an train) that hung on the restaurant wall.

“I wonder what roused Tutsokiua from his sleep,” Amadeus mused aloud as he watched a video of Pope Francis falling asleep during a Latin Tridentine Mass which he received from J.K. Rowling in response to one of his questions.

“I understand it was words spoken in Korean read aloud from a medieval Korean edition of The Necronomicon by Kim Jong-un broadcasting by radio to a North Korean ship sailing in the Caribbean Sea a few years back when things weren’t so rosy between North Korea and the U.S.that did it,” Renfield ate a Korean dumpling, “Kim was trying to raise a demon possessed Carribean kraken from the bottom of the Caribbean Sea to attack Florida to make scrambled green eggs and ham out of Donald Trump’s golf courses and put a major crimp into New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft’s sex life. But the transmission sound waves went northwards instead of downwards and floated in a northwesterly direction for quite a time period until they reached Upper Waterton Lake where they raised Tutsokiua.”

New Orleans vampiress Angelique Dumont was watching a developing BBC News story on the restaurant’s television about how a rare medieval Vietnamese language edition copy of The Necronomicon had just gone missing from a Hanoi bookshop prior to the start of the Donald Trump-Kim Jong-un Hanoi Summit.

Renfield looked at the TV and remarked, “Well that should make for an interesting summit. Perhaps Lovecraft’s great old one Cthulhu will show up.”

Renfield went outside where, while wearing his RENFIELD R.RENFIELD MP: Putting The Great Back In Great Britain t-shirt, he was surrounded by a group of Tibetan Buddhist monks (who came from a Tibetan Buddhist monastery that worshipped the demons of the Tibetan Buddhist religion) that started playing conch shell horns, flutes made of human thighbones and drums made out of two inverted human skull caps placed back to back.

“Help!” Renfield cried.

Fortunately the Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka happened to be in the neighbourhood with her two wolf protectors:

The monks pursued by the wolves fled to a nearby movie theatre.

The theatre was showing a live broadcast of the Hindu god Shiva conducting the Swiss National Symphony Orchestra in playing his newly written piece Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony Meets Freddie Mercury’s Bohemian Rhapsody.

Meanwhile over in Hanoi, Kim Jong-un was trying to impress Donald Trump with his knowledge of medieval Vietnamese.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday February 26th
2019.

28 Comments

  1. David Redpath said,

    Thanks Chris. This post helps to explain
    the inexplicable. Like Phil Collins’ solo career.
    I had heard that his record company had
    employed Druid priest to cast ‘blessings’
    on their artists recordings. But having
    another listen to ‘In the Air Tonight’, Collins’
    first big hit, I had visions of the demonic👹
    forces summoned by the driving drum 🥁
    solo. To then be pitilessly unleashed upon an unsuspecting public 👻😱

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Hm, that’s interesting, David.

      I’ll have to go back and take another listen of “In The Air Tonight’.

      It’s been years since I last heard it.

  2. Hyperion said,

    I agree with David. I hadn’t thought of the summoning of devils, but there it is, a devilish drumbeat. Loud too. When AOC runs for president and Grand Wizard of the White House, her plan will be to have everyone relocated to work camps where everyone works for food, video games, and free STD’s.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      And drinks their own urine to save the planet as part of the Green New Deal.

      • Hyperion said,

        It will be served with hamburgers in the West wing to all the staff.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Hamburgers made out of soya beans since cattle through bovine flatulence are a threat to the survival of Earth Mother Gaia.

      • Hyperion said,

        Yes, I think the natural threat of bovine methanation of the atmosphere has raised quite a stink amongst the vegetarian new age democrats who gorge on various gas producing legumes.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, no doubt thinking they can use their rear ends to power wind powered windmill turbines.😂

      • Hyperion said,

        Another political snafu raising a stink over Washington.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        It will be one stinky swamp to drain.

      • Hyperion said,

        I think we should never drain the swamp because it will reveal all the babbling blowholes at the bottom.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        As opposed to all the blow jobs at the top.

      • Hyperion said,

        I do believe that the BJs are necessary for a well ordered Congress. Plus it keeps the representatives and their staff gainfully employed and usually out of mischief. The lobbyist also need a proven technique to keep each bill before congress properly inflated.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        ROTFL !

  3. Best Indian Food Blog said,

    It’s all going over my head, but really interesting.

  4. Jessica said,

    Love this episode but I can hardly concentrate. Huhu 😥 I’m so jealous of Amadeus. I want to get J.K Rowling numbers too ❤ she's my fav author ever! She even replied! The world is so unfair 😭

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      It is.

      And speaking of J.K. Rowling, I remember I wrote a private eye fantasy novel 20 years ago.

      And I sent it to 5 different literary agents whose genre specialty was fantasy whom I found listed in a book of literary agents.

      And I only heard back from one- a Christopher Little was his name.

      He sent me a 6 page hand written note that he personally signed and said that he absolutely loved my novel and he said he’d gladly represent me to publishers in a heart beat.

      Only he said that he currently had so much on his plate with another author he represented that he didn’t have the time to do so.

      But he said keep trying to get your novel published.

      He said he was sure it would become a #1 international bestseller.

      Only I never found anybody else- either publisher or literary agent- who was as enthused with that work as he was.

      Then I remember back in 2007, I was reading a newspaper article about J.K. Rowling.

      And about halfway through the article, there was a sentence that read, “According to J. K. Rowling’s literary agent Christopher Little…”

      And then I stopped to read that sentence again.

      And I googled his firm- Christopher Little and Associates- the same agency I had sent my novel to did represent J. K. Rowling it said.

      So in the time period from 2014 to 2016- the whole time that hardly anybody ever read my on-line vampire novel, the only thing that kept me going in writing each day was the knowledge that J.K. Rowling’s literary agent had once told me in a handwritten personally signed note that he thought my writing would become a #1 international bestseller some day.

      • Jessica said,

        Aw… so sorry to hear this Christopher. It’s a bittersweet story. It’s a good comfort though knowing that you was on in the same lit agent. Are they still presenting your novel? It’s such a waste if you don’t get it out to the world.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I managed to hold on to my manuscript for Dudley Dashing (the name of the walking talking chain smoking brandy drinking Saint Bernard dog private eye who was the hero of my novel) for 16 years and 3 different residential moves (which occurred after my dad died) but when I got thrown out of my apartment in Vancouver in July 2016 and had only 3 suitcases I could take me with me on a Greyhound bus trip back to Alberta, I had to leave most of my stuff behind in the apartment and sadly the manuscript was one of them.

      • Jessica said,

        Ouch!
        It wasn’t digital?
        Oh, that’s painful. Damn. Sorry to hear that 😦

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        No, I wrote it back in 1999.

        It was handwritten in a couple of notebooks.

        And then I typed it up on an old Word Processor (I didn’t buy my first PC until August of 2001) and made photocopies of the original typewritten manuscript that I sent off to literary agents and publishers.

        I had my original notebooks and my original typewritten manuscript in my Vancouver apartment.

        I suppose looking back now I should have left something else behind and taken them.

        But I wasn’t thinking clearly because of the stress of facing eviction and then the fact I hadn’t eaten much the past couple of weeks because I had no money to buy food.

        I couldn’t turn to British Columbia Social Services for help because they had a totally moronic policy to apply for Social Services (it’s too complicated and complex to discuss here what that moronic policy was) and all because they had a total air head named Kristy Clark as Premier of British Columbia who would make the pro-Trump Tea Party wing of the U.S. Republican Party look like a bunch of flaming socialists and Communists.

        That’s why I returned to Alberta.

        Because they had a much more humane method of applying for Social Services.

        Which is what I did after I had resided in the province for 3 months upon my return.

      • Jessica said,

        What a terrible experience. We suffered a similar situation when I was unfairly kicked out of Norway. I was even pregnant at the time. And when my son was born the bank robbed our apartment from us.

        Life can be so unfair. And when it rain it pours. But it’s cheap when it comes to blessings. Tsk.

        But as you said stress can make people do mistakes, they wouldn’t otherwise do. I know since I’m prone to stress.

        Life goes on. I do hope you’re doing much better now.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I’m certainly a lot better than I was when I first arrived in Calgary in 2016.

        At least I’ve found a nice place to live where the rent is reasonable.

      • Jessica said,

        ❤️ glad to hear it.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        🙂

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