Basil and The Basilisk: A Poem

March 26, 2019 at 10:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Poetry, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Basil was a farmer about his business
He milked the cows
fed the pigs
and gathered eggs of the chickens
But he did not enter the green barn
For the green barn contained a creature
he would have no dealings with.

The green barn was leased by Set Enterprises in London
Whatever experiments in that barn went beyond that sanctioned
by both God and man
Dr. Cadbury Rocher who showed up in a black Jaguar car one day
And then a red Jaguar car the next
And went around saying “The devil is in the details”
Gave Basil the farmer both a medieval bestiary
and the Naturalis Historia of Pliny the Elder
And marked pages saying, “Read, should you feel the inclination
to enter the green barn”

Now Basil’s Latin wasn’t exactly up to snuff
(his wife had cured him of the irritating habit of sticking
tobacco up his nose and then sneezing when they were first married)
but J.K. Rowling occasionally came to the Farmers’ Market in a nearby town to shop
So he asked her to translate from the original Latin

What he heard from Rowling turned his hair on end
He told his wife what he had heard
And both agreed they should never enter the green barn

Not of course they had any inkling to do so before
For a giant rooster in a cage had been taken into the barn
and then a giant snake in a cage
Then the sound of two different species but same genders co-mingling
in the night
While the Baphomet stood outside the barn saying,
“Everything is all right,
We need to open our minds
And cast aside old prejudices”
Pope Francis gave his apostolic blessing
via satellite transmission
and the Mayor of San Francisco said
This was bringing tears to his eyes

One night a man came to the farmhouse door
claiming to be a traveling guru
And asking food and shelter for the night
Basil and Bella agreed.

“There is no God”, the guru assured them with the solemnity of a Richard Dawkins
And then smiled,
“For God is within”
He took some Rolaids tablets for his heartburn
“There is no Devil either,” the guru smiled, “We create our own gods and devils. Good and evil are within us.”
He chewed some Exlax tablets
“And then project those outwards on to our surroundings”
“Where is your washroom?” The guru asked Farmer Basil
for the aftereffects of the externally applied medication
turned out to be fast acting.

“And there are times we are called upon to run like the wind”
The traveling guru remarked as he ran up the stairs

When he came back, he asked, “Where should I sleep?”
“I hope you don’t mind the kitchen floor,” Farmer Basil replied,
“For we only have the one bedroom and my wife and I
just bought the Dracul Van Helsing Guide To Tantric Sex and are looking forward to applying it tonight”
“We just watched MP Renfield R. Renfield on the telly tonight,” Bella smiled, “he was complaining about the fact that Van Helsing had tantric sex with the current heiress to the Queen of Sheba’s throne in Jerusalem last Saturday and then had tantric sex with the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec during a raging sea storm on the Isle of Patmos last night”

“Such astounding declarations make me wonder whether it was right for me to take the path of celibacy,” the guru had temporarily lost his beatific Buddha like smile
“What about the green barn over there?” The guru pointed outside,
“It seems very large. I could sleep there.”

“That is the habitat of the Basilisk,” Basil replied, “a creature of legend and mythology that has been resurrected in the modern world
thanks to the Transhumanist experiments of one Dr. Cadbury Rocher of
Set Enterprises”
“Basilisk?” The guru blinked.
“A serpent king that is a hybrid of a rooster and a serpent” Basil answered
“And like Empire actor Jussie Smollett,” Bella added, “is immune to criminal prosecution since it’s considered politically incorrect to do so.”
Basil went on, “The Basilisk is so venomous, it leaves a wide trail of deadly venom in its wake. And its gaze is likewise lethal.”
“The sort of entity that Bill Clinton would marry but not have an extramarital affair with,” Bella pointed out.

“Well, I ain’t afraid of no Basilisk,” the guru paraphrased a lyric from the theme song to the original 1984 Ghostbusters movie.
Basil and Bella looked at him.
“Like I’ve been trying to tell you, we create our own reality,” the guru said, “Like attracts like. Positive attracts positive. Negative attracts negative. I shall enter the green barn with positive thoughts and no harm shall come to me.”
The guru entered the barn.
There was no noise.

Basil and Bella went back into the farmhouse.
The next morning a Set Enterprises team came out like they did every morning
Dressed like Star Wars Imperial Stormtroopers in their protective suits
They carried out the body of the guru
who had turned to stone
Under the Basilisk’s venemous gaze
(As did creatures under Medusa’s gaze of old)

The Basilisk was obviously not subject to whatever reality
The guru thought he could create
with his own mind.

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday March 26th

Bella has gazed on many things but will not gaze on the Basilisk


  1. shєrríє dє vαlєríα said,

    For a moment I think my mind turned to stone after reading the basilisk! LOL
    Staring still …

  2. Judy Eun Kyung Kim said,

    I like your poems, this one was especially great, made me laugh several times and I love JK Rowling’s role as translator.

  3. Jessica said,

    That’s a terrible habit! I’d slap him if I were his wife.

    Chris, I think my brain just died. Seriously? Giant snake was enough to make my skin crawl, I just imagine two different species mingling in the night. Please tell me they’re at least both humanoids.

    I hate Richard Dawkins. I want to see his soul get slave and thrown back to his living body so I can give him a smug smile. And ask how was his experience as a ghost.

    Ah thank goodness for my hate, my brain is awake. Writing this comment in notepad while I read. haha 😀

    Love this poem. Like a short story. ❤

    I want to bump in to J.K Rowling too! 🥰 Tell me the Farmers’ Market address now! 😂

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, taking snuff is a very filthy habit indeed and is worth slapping for.

      Richard Dawkins needs to be slapped around as well.

      The snake and the rooster are both animals.

      And J. K. Rowling occasionally goes to the Farmer’s Market in Cambridge. 😁

      • Jessica said,

        Stalker mood on. 🤩 Squeal! I wish I know exactly when J.K will show up. I wish to ask my book to be sign haha 😀

        Snake and a roster… my brain hurts. huhuhu 😭

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        That’d be great getting one of your Harry Potter books signed. 🙂

      • Jessica said,

        Totally! ❤ Have you read Harry Potter series? I love it. I'm planning to read again soon because even though I love it, I did not finish book seven. My favorite animal character died and I couldn't go on after that 😭

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, I’ve read the entire Harry Potter series.

        I read my first Harry Potter book back in 2003 in the City of Medicine Hat, Alberta, Canada (a city that the poet Rudyard Kipling once wrote about).

        My dad and I were staying in a really lousy motel in the town unfortunately.

        Far from eveything and not much to do.

        There was a department store about a block away from the motel however so I walked over and looked at their book section.

        I was impressed by the cover of Harry Potter and The Philosopher’s Stone (which I believe was the 2nd book in the series) and bought it.

        I was impressed by the flying car on the cover.

        I went to a restaurant across from the motel and sat and read the book.

        I read it in one sitting.

        I then started buying and reading other Harry Potter books when I returned home.

        If it hadn’t been for reading Harry Potter, I’d have probably never started writing vampire novels.

        It was reading a book filled with wizards and ghosts and giants and centaurs and werewolves that gave me the imaginative impetus I needed to start writing about a world where vampires and werewolves and Greek, Norse, Egyptian and Celtic and ancient mythological gods, goddeses and beings inhabit our contemporary world and influence its geopolitics.

      • Jessica said,

        Wow! What a story ❤ Good thing you encountered it. You've got a complete different charm of writing than J.K but a great writer nonetheless.

        I on the other side saw the movie first (only the first one) I later found out after moving to Europe (after the series was completed) that Harry Potter movie was based on books.

        I read the first book and went on the hunt for the rest of the series. I read all the book without rest and went to bed sad after that tragic event in book 7… 😁

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I guess I read the last book in the Harry Potter series back in 2009 which is 10 years ago now.


        Time has flown!

        It being so long since I read it, who was your favourite animal character that died in Book.7?

      • Jessica said,

        So true! I’m having a hard time thinking that 2009 was 10 years ago. 😅

        Hedwig 😭 I will re-read the whole series again so I’m bracing my heart for a lot of heartache.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Oh yes, Harry’s owl. 😥

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