With Versatility Comes The Versatile Blogger Award
Jessica recently nominated me for The Versatile Blogger Award.
Thank you, Jessica. ☺
Her blog can be found at https://jessicaelarsen.com
Jessica writes on a variety of topics including life experiences, her travels and also posts the occasional short story.
I heartedly recommend her blog.
WHAT IS THE VERSATILE BLOGGER AWARD?
The Versatile Blogger Award was created to celebrate blogs who have unique content, strong writing, and beautiful images or photographs.
RULES
-Thank the person who gave you the award.
-Include a link to their blog.
-Select 7 blogs/bloggers that you’ve recently discovered or follow regularly.
-Nominate those bloggers for the Versatile Blogger Award.
-Finally, tell the person who nominated you 7 things about yourself.
I’M FORWARDING THIS AWARD TO:
https://highwaybloggery.com
https://annieasksyou.com
https://whenanintrovertspeaks.home.blog
https://thebookofjess.wordpress.com/blog
https://sarejess.wordpress.com
https://sherriedevaleriahendrie.wordpress.com
https://nicholasrossis.wordpress.com
7 THINGS ABOUT ME
1. I prefer reading books in print rather than e-formats such as Kindle.
2. I’m not much of a sports fan.
3. Most of my favourite films/movies are from the decade of the 1940s.
I absolutely love that decade when it comes to movies.
4. I enjoy listening to Baroque, Renaissance and classical music.
5. My favourite fictional character is Sherlock Holmes.
6. My favourite authors are William Shakespeare, the Bronte Sisters, Charles Dickens, Jane Austen, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Edgar Allan Poe, Dostoevsky, Cervantes and J.K. Rowling.
7. I long to visit the South Seas Island that often shows up in my dreams.
Of course it would help if I knew which island it was.
It just appears there in my dreams.
Creator of Psychic Lobsters and Harvey Tallbanger Bunny Rabbits Receives Mystery Blogger Award
I’m honoured to have been nominated by Zealous Homo Sapiens for the prestigious Mystery Blogger Award.
Her blog can be found at
https://whenanintrovertspeaks.home.blog
Her blog is a mixture of amazing photos and quotes and sometimes very short (often less than 100 words) short stories.
Thank you so much for this nomination, Priya.
WHAT IS MYSTERY BLOGGER AWARD?
“Mystery Blogger Award is an award for amazing bloggers with ingenious posts. Their blog not only captivates; it inspires and motivates. They are one of the best out there and they deserve every recognition they get. This award is also for bloggers who find fun and inspiration in blogging, and they do it with so much love and passion.”
-Okoto Enigma
Thank you, Priya, for thinking I deserve this award.
RULES:
1. Put the Award Logo/Image On Your Blog.
Okay that right there is a problem since my ability to figure out html on my blog amounts to nil.
The listings at the top of my WP Blog Edit Page might very well be Ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics as far as I’m concerned.
In fact, they very well could be ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics and I haven’t really noticed that yet.
It was only recently a few years back that I managed to figure out how to properly use the Add Media button to put photos on my blog.
No doubt my readers George F. and Hyperion are very grateful for that since they seem to be very ardent admirers of the photos I use. 😂
So just like my character Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster is taught to visualize before he arrives (telepathically speaking) at the remote viewing spying location he’s supposed to be at, I ask my readers to visualize a Mystery Blogger Award Logo appearing at the top of my page.
No doubt what a Mystery Blogger Award Logo looks like will appear to be a great mystery to most of my readers when they find out that their visualization techniques are not on a par with Michelangelo’s (which explains why Michelangelo works at Set Enterprises a scientific research and development firm in London, England owned by a billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire and they don’t).
However perhaps it is appropriate that a Mystery Blogger Award Logo should be a mystery. 😄
2. List the Rules.
My character British MP Renfield R. Renfield informs me that’s what I’m currently doing.
3. Thank the creator of the award and provide a link as well.
My character the concert pianist and musician Amadeus Emanon notes that I did that in the first paragraph of this blog post.
4. Tell your readers 3 things about yourself (I will do that a little later).
5. Nominate 10 to 20 people (I will do that later).
6. Notify your nominees by commenting on their blog (I likewise will do that later).
7. Ask your nominees any 5 questions of your choice; with one weird or funny question (does it have to be just one?) 😉
3 THINGS ABOUT ME:
1. I have two godchildren whom I’ve never met in person.
One is a goddaughter named Nyssa who lives in Delhi, India and the other is a godson named Joshua who lives in Port Elizabeth, South Africa.
2. If I could have been any person in history, I think I’d like to have been C.S. Lewis.
3. If I could have been any person in literature, I think I’d like to have been Sherlock Holmes.
PRIYA’S QUESTIONS
1. How do you give your ultimatum in an argument?
Well seeing as how I find arguments to be a waste of time, I don’t argue much.
But if I were to give an ultimatum in an argument, I’d do it with style like Clint Eastwood did in one of his films and pull out a .44 magnum and say, “All right, now you have to ask yourself, do you feel lucky today?”.
2.If you had to open up a charity, what would you name it and what would be its aim?
The Robin Williams Foundation To Combat Depression.
Named after Robin Williams the great comedic and acting genius who fought depression all his life.
Its aim would be to train and employ compassionate people who would help those who combat depression, anxiety and PTSD in their lives.
So that they wouldn’t feel alone and isolated like Robin Williams felt at the end of his life and end up taking their own lives like he did.
3. How is your best friend different from you?
As far as I know, he doesn’t talk to invisible tall bunny rabbits in public like I do.
4. Do you have a pet? If yes, then what? If no, then would you want to have one? (Tell me their names too).
No, I don’t have a pet. Although I would like to have a dog and a cat someday.
5. Sweet, savoury or spicy dishes?
Spicy.
That’s why I love Mexican, Korean, Thai and South Indian cuisine.
MY QUESTIONS
1.
If you were stranded on a desert island and the film projector you miraculously managed to rescue from your sinking ship only had 5 movies available on its reels, what 5 movies would you wish they be?
2.
What would be an ideal dinner for you?
3.
If you could have coffee with any person in history, who would it be and why?
4.
What person in literature do you wish had actually lived in reality?
5.
What type of water do you prefer to swim in? Fresh water or salt water?
I nominate:
iScriblr
AnnieAsksYou
David Redpath
TheBookOfJess7504
Sunshiny SA, Kavitha
PositiveSideOfCoin
Harvey Tallbanger and The Artist
The night was somewhat cool as if February had crept in to steal a backwards glance in the midst of a late April evening.
And Liam Van Stope carried his work with him as he walked from place to place.
For Liam Van Stope was an artist and the work he carried was a huge white sketchpad along with a box of pastel crayons.
There he would walk from cafe to cafe sketching and colouring the patrons and customers.
For Liam Van Stope wished that the Paris of Toulouse-Lautrec and Vincent Van Gogh would never go away.
Oblivious to the idea that the Paris of Van Gogh and Lautrec was separate from the Paris of 2019 by more than a century.
And soon the Paris of F. Scott Fitzgerald and Ernest Hemingway would likewise be separated from the contemporary Paris by a century.
And as far as the thinking of Emmanuel Macron and some of the world’s so-called leading architects goes, the Notre Dame of the ages would soon be separated by a new Notre Dame by vast millenia.
Liam Van Stope walked into Quasimodo’s Cafe an establishment named after Victor Hugo’s famous character who had carried a hunted gypsy girl across the threshold of the Notre Dame of the ages and cried “Sanctuary”.
Liam recognized Esmeralda the gypsy girl who like her namesake in Victor Hugo’s novel danced the eternal dance of the gypsies though unlike her namesake danced in this cafe on weekends and not on the streets in front of Notre Dame at night unintentionally arousing the lust of a Notre Dame archdeacon who would endeavour to bring Hell on earth instead of absolution when his lust went unrequited.
Liam ordered a cognac and looked around the cafe on this quiet Sunday evening wondering whom he could sketch.
When he first entered the cafe, he had noticed Esmeralda talking animatedly to the empty seat next to her.
Ah, Liam thought to himself, when he had seen this, that will soon be all of us one day. All of us talking to ghosts. Talking to ghosts of a Paris that will soon be found only in the history books.
Esmeralda noticed Liam sitting in the corner booth with his sketch pad open at a blank page and his sketching pencil in hand waiting to draw when the inspiration hit.
She motioned to the maitre’d and pointed in Liam’s direction.
Within minutes, the maitre’d arrived at Liam’s table with a drink in hand that looked to be partially made from orange juice.
‘Excuse me, sir,” the maitre’d said, “but Miss Esmeralda thinks you might like to drink this for inspiration.”
“What is it?” Liam asked.
“It’s called a Harvey Wallbanger, sir,” the British maitre’d working with stiff upper lip in a Parisienne cafe replied.
The maitre’d bowed and left.
Liam took a sip of the drink.
Then another.
And then another.
It was good, Liam had to admit.
The artist then noticed that sitting next to Esmeralda at the bar was a bunny rabbit.
A very tall bunny rabbit.
Probably about 6 foot 8 in height, Liam estimated.
The bunny rabbit was white in colour with big pink floppety ears and a big pink floppety tail.
He was wearing a pair of denim blue colour overalls as well as a tall black bowler hat that his big pink floppety ears were sticking through.
Liam began sketching and began applying the pastel crayons to his subject.
He had soon completed the picture.
“Excuse me, sir,” Liam walked up to the bunny rabbit, “but what is your name?”.
“Harvey Tallbanger,” the rabbit replied.
“A name that must be recorded for posterity,” Liam said as he wrote down the name.
The artist then bowed to Esmeralda and said, “Thank you for the drink.”
When he returned to his studio apartment, Liam had been doing some reflecting on his subject of Harvey Tallbanger.
There was something quixotic about that bunny rabbit, Liam thought to himself.
He went over to his palette and canvas.
He decided he would paint Harvey Wallbanger as Don Quixote.
Minus the knightly armour.
He would have Harvey wearing his denim blue coloured overalls and his bowler hat (through which his big pink floppety ears would stick through) but he’d be riding Don Quixote’s horse Rocinante and he’d have a lance in his hand and he’d be charging at the windmill atop the Moulin Rouge cabaret in the Montmartre district of Paris.
As he painted, Liam sang the theme song from the musical Man of La Mancha:
“To dream the impossible dream
to fight the unbeatable foe
…
To run where the brave dare not go
…
To reach the unreachable star…”
And with that, Liam Van Stope a dreamer painted his quixotic picture of the 6 foot 8 invisible Welsh pooka bunny rabbit Harvey Tallbanger now visible in his blue denim coloured overalls and black bowler hat (through which his big pink floppety ears stuck through) as Don Quixote riding his horse and battling the windmill atop the Moulin Rouge cabaret.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday April 28th
2019.
Esmeralda the gypsy: Inspiring bunny rabbits like Harvey Tallbanger
and artists like Liam Van Stope.
Harvey Tallbanger In Paris
The 6 foot 8 Welsh pooka invisible bunny rabbit Harvey Tallbanger who was personal spy to the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was in Paris to see how the Kraken Napoleon VI’s Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party was doing in preparation for next month’s European Parliament elections.
The French Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party leader Napoleon VI (a Kraken) had formed an alliance with one of Set’s former employees the British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield to run under a joint party banner for the elections.
Of course if Britain somehow managed to Brexit before the elections, Renfield’s party would be out of the running.
Most big shot bureaucrats in Brussels as well as French President Emmanuel Macron and Pope Francis were hoping Britain would manage to Brexit before the elections to prevent Renfield from getting into the European Parliament where he would no doubt use his influence to finish off the globalist New World Order European Union once and for all.
Militant Islamist terrorist groups and the Jesuit order were also upset by Renfield’s decision to sit as an atheist representative on the Committee For The Canonization of Charles Martel.
Of course Charles Martel had a snowball’s chance in Hell of being proclaimed a Saint by the Catholic Church as long as Francis was Pope but it was the principle of the matter that upset the militant Islamist terrorists and the Jesuits.
Harvey Tallbanger had spent the day touring Notre Dame Cathedral with the Kraken Napoleon VI and his lovely wife Medusa (who was now beautiful again after having her head shaved of snakes).
Security personnel did not try to stop Napoleon VI and Medusa from entering the burnt Cathedral because how does one stop a Kraken and a famed former Gorgon from Greek mythology doing something?
As for Harvey, since he was invisible, they were unable to stop him from entering.
“I see both the Cross and the Pieta statue of the Virgin Mary holding the Crucified Jesus at the High Altar were saved,” Harvey noted.
“Yes, a Jesuit priest Father Caiaphas bar Yochai was quite ticked off they managed to survive,” Medusa noted, “he said as much in an interview with a French newspaper yesterday.”
Harvey nodded.
He was aware that Father Caiaphas was the one who had helped the basilisk Basilisk Wrathsbone to escape the Set Enterprises secure barn in England and had then ridden the basilisk to start the fire at Notre Dame by breathing venomous fire.
When they had finished the tour, Napoleon VI and Medusa returned to campaigning for the European Parliament and Harvey had retreated to a Paris cafe called Quasimodo’s.
The cafe had a gypsy dancer called Esmeralda appropriately enough.
When she had finished dancing, she went up to the bar to talk to the 6 foot 8 invisible bunny rabbit.
“You can see me?” Harvey was astonished, “Have you been drinking Harvey Wallbangers?”.
“No, being a gypsy, I have psychic abilities so I can see you,” Esmeralda answered.
“A psychic lobster in London called Michelangelo can also see me,” Harvey nodded.
Esmeralda and the bunny rabbit got around to discussing the fire at Notre Dame.
Harvey Tallbanger happened to mention that there was an animated short film called I Pet Goat 2 made back in 2012 that seemed to prophetically show the spire of Notre Dame Cathedral collapsing like happened this year.
“And the name of this animated short had Pet Goat in the title?” Esmeralda queried.
Harvey affirmed that it did.
“You know the character of Esmeralda in The Hunchback of Notre Dame had a pet goat,” Esmeralda pointed out.
“That’s right, she did,” Harvey recalled.
“Djali was its name,” Esmeralda mentioned.
Harvey ate his jelly donut with a side of goat’s cheese.
Father Caiaphas bar Yochai who had been sitting at a table in the corner of Quasimodo’s and drinking Harvey Wallbangers by the dozen suddenly looked in the direction of the French Roma Gypsy girl and the Welsh pooka bunny rabbit.
“A bunny rabbit?” Father Caiaphas seethed, “I hate bunny rabbits.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday April 27th
2019.
The gypsy Esmeralda
Harvey Tallbanger and Daniel Craig
After his successful spying mission at the Vladivostok Summit between Vladimir Putin and King Jong-un, the 6 foot 8 invisible Welsh pooka bunny rabbit Harvey Tallbanger returned to London.
He went to the Hare and Hound Pub.
Standing inside the doorway of the Hare and Hound Pub was the stuffed original Hound of The Baskervilles who had been found a few years ago.
“I see the hound but where’s the hare?” Harvey Tallbanger asked as he sat up at the bar.
“You know, I’m sick of people asking me that…” the pubkeeper looked up from behind the bar and stopped, “Say, who’s there?”.
“Harvey Tallbanger,” the 6 foot 8 bunny rabbit replied, “I’m invisible. But I do have money to pay.”
The rabbit brought visible British £ currency out of his invisible blue denim coveralls.
“Oh God, I’ve gone insane!” The pubkeeper said.
“No, you haven’t,” Harvey flashed his most attractive invisible smile, “if you were, you’d be in the Oval Office right now with one hand smoothing down your ridiculous looking toupee and your other hand with its finger on the nuclear button when it isn’t busy tweeting on Twitter.”
“What will you have, my invisible friend?” The pubkeeper asked.
“A Tequila Sunrise, please,” the pooka answered.
The pubkeeper made a tequila sunrise and handed it to the tall bunny rabbit.
Actor Daniel Craig and actress Naomie Harris entered the pub.
“Oh, wow, James Bond and Miss Moneypenny!” Harvey exclaimed, “My hero and my heroine!”.
“Who was that?” The acting duo asked at the same time.
“Don’t mind him,” the pubkeeper answered, “He’s invisible.”
Bond and Miss Moneypenny (as Harvey thought of them) both ordered pints of the local draft.
“What?” Harvey was incredulous, “No martini shaken not stirred?”.
“That’s only in the movies,” Daniel Craig answered.
“How disappointing fiction is from reality,” Harvey remarked as he sat next to the poster of Claude Rains as The Invisible Man.
“Isn’t there any way people can see you?” Naomie Harris asked.
“My creator Dr. Cadbury Rocher informs me that if people drink a Harvey Wallbanger, they can see me,” the pooka replied.
“What’s in a Harvey Wallbanger?” Craig asked.
“1 1/2 ounces of vodka, 3 ounces of orange juice and half an ounce of Galliano,” Harvey replied.
“I should try making one of those,” the pubkeeper remarked and proceeded to do just that.
“So after Bond 25, you’ll be sailing off into the 007 sunset,” Harvey said over his sunrise.
“I will indeed,” Craig admitted.
“Howdy, Bartender,” a man with a Texas drawl entered the pub.
“Oh no,” the pubkeeper shook his head, “The idiot who keeps asking me the same question day after day.”
“Say, bartender,” the Texan pointed towards the stuffed Hound of The Baskervilles, “for a place called The Hare and Hound, I can see the hound but where’s the hare?”.
“Try one of these,” the pubkeeper placed a Harvey Wallbanger in front of the Texan.
The Texan took a few sips of the Wallbanger and then pointed at Harvey sitting on the other side of the bar, “It’s the hare. It’s the hare.”
“What?” Daniel Craig and Naomie Harris both looked in the direction of the invisible entity.
“It’s my shiny locks,” the bunny rabbit flashed an invisible grin to Daniel Craig, Naomie Harris and the pubkeeper, “and all because I use Johnson’s Baby Shampoo.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday April 26th
2019.
Miss Moneypenny had many adventures in life and someday she’d meet an invisible bunny rabbit.
Michelangelo and Harvey, Vladimir and Kim Jong-un
Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher was taking a holiday lying face downwards on a water bed.
He had genetically created the fire breathing venomous basilisk Basilisk Wrathsbone who had escaped from his prison barn and set fire to Paris’ Notre Dame Cathedral.
As luck would have it, Dr. Rocher’s quite literally immortal great-grandmother Sherrielock Holmes (who was Sherlock Holmes’ twin sister) is a great admirer of Notre Dame Cathedral as well as a world-famous dominatrix.
Which explains why Dr. Rocher is currently lying face downwards.
So Set Enterprises’ Executive Secretary Miranda Singh was currently writing down the notes of Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster’s visions at Set Enterprises’ laboratories in London.
Dr. Rocher had recently created an astral realm companion for Michelangelo’s remote viewing abilities.
The astral realm companion was named Harvey and was a 6 foot 8 Welsh pooka invisible bunny rabbit named after the identical character of the same name in the 1950 film Harvey that starred Jimmy Stewart.
The astral realm companion’s full name was Harvey Tallbanger since being so tall, he often banged his head on the ceiling of every room he entered.
Harvey Tallbanger had been sent to the Russian city of Vladivostok to spy on the summit meeting between Russian President Vladimir Putin and North Korean leader Kim Jong-un.
Since Harvey Tallbanger spoke and understood 153 languages (including Russian and Korean), there was no need to bring along an astral realm translator for the ride.
Harvey Tallbanger entered the summit room just as Vladimir and Kim were toasting one another.
“Jesus Christ!” The 6 foot 8 invisible Welsh pooka bunny rabbit said as he hit his head on the ceiling upon entering.
“What was that?” A startled Kim asked.
“Well,” Putin noted, “whatever invisible entity it is, it can’t be demonically possessed since it’s able to utter the name Jesus Christ. The same cannot be said for most U.S. politicians and major media outlets.”
“So, what is this good news you have to tell me?” Kim asked.
“Well, this past April 23rd, Russia launched the world’s longest submarine The Belgorod. The Belgorod is capable of carrying the Poseidon AI torpedo submersible drones (each one of which has the power of the Greek god Poseidon’s original trident that was stolen by the Syro-Phoenician mermaid goddess Atargatis and given to us by her for scientific examination and evaluation). Those drones can produce 1500 foot tsunamis capable of wiping out whole coasts,” Putin smiled as he sipped his ice water.
“I don’t think Trump would really weep if a tsunami wiped out California,” Kim pointed out.
“Yes, but he’d weep if a tsunami wiped out Florida and the Mar-a-Lago resort,” Putin smiled.
“That’s very true,” Kim grinned beatifically like the Smiling Buddha when he heard this bit of news.
And as U.S. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo was busy watching the 1959 film version of The Last Days of Pompeii at his home in the U.S., Harvey Tallbanger used his rabbit ears to telepathically transmit the message to Michelangelo’s lobster antennae of the launch of The Belgorod submarine capable of carrying the Poseidon AI torpedo submersible drones with a possible target being Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago resort.
Michelangelo used his lobster claws to type the message on the keyboard of his waterproof iPad.
Miranda Singh wrote the message down in her FOR THE VAMPIRE SET’S EYES ONLY notebook when it came up on her computer screen.
Before delivering the message verbatim from Harvey Tallbanger, Michelangelo ordered the Neptune Seafood Submarine Sandwich (with strict orders to hold the lobster) from Subway and also cancelled his summer vacation to Florida this year and booked a round of golf at the Saint Andrew’s Golf Resort in Scotland instead.
Miranda Singh put in the appropriate order to the nearest Subway restaurant and also telephoned Michelangelo’s travel agent with the appropriate changes to the lobster’s summer travel plans.
Then she headed off to tell Set the big news about the Putin-Kim summit in Vladivostok.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday April 25th
2019.
Miranda Singh: Executive Secretary to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set
Pan Goatee Has A Mental Breakdown
Satyr serial killer and DARPA contract assassin Pan Goatee had not been venturing out of the house much in this turbulent off and on again spring weather.
Which was fine with him as the city these days seemed to be crawling with loads of ugly looking white women which put the lie to the myth that was white racial supremacy.
He had been watching episodes of The Young and The Restless which caused one of his roommates to remark, “There are only two kinds of people I know who watch soap operas- women. And you.”
Tonight however he would have to venture forth to the store as he had run out of fudgesickles and chocolate bars.
As he made his way to the freezer section, an ugly looking white woman happened to walk by the spot where the fudgesickles were.
Odious creatures.
These Hellspawn from the depths of Tartarus no doubt did those sorts of things deliberately just to agitate him.
He had to wait for a beautiful looking immigrant woman to walk by to remove the voodoo spell on the spot that was cast by the walking dandelion from Hell.
He grabbed the sole remaining box of 30 fudgesickles for $8 that was left.
No doubt the rest had all been snapped up by the city’s fat ugly blimps with the entire package serving as the first course of a 39-course meal for all fat ugly blimps concerned.
He then went to get his chocolate bars.
When he returned to the front, the ugly dandelion from Hell was at his favourite cashier.
Stupid ugly looking bitch.
He would now have to go over to his 2nd favourite cashier to avoid standing in line behind the ugly looking freak that no doubt would be honoured with a coin minted of her looks since Justin Trudeau seemed to enjoy minting coins depicting total freaks ever since he became Prime Minister of Canada in that disastrous year of 2015.
Justin’s latest coin unveiled today had caused British MP Renfield R. Renfield to quip, “In Canada, rather than rendering unto Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, they believe in rendering unto sodomites the things that are sodomites’.”
Unfortunately, the people ahead of him had a great deal of stuff they were ringing through.
Not of course as much as the city’s fat ugly blimps who normally had 20 grocery carts stacked high to the ceiling with food with them.
Just then a beautiful looking immigrant woman went and stood behind the ugly looking dandelion from Hell at his favourite cashier.
He decided to go stand behind her since she would remove the voodoo spell being cast by the ugly looking dandelion from Hell.
The ugly looking dandelion from Hell was of course taking her sweet time figuring out how to use the debit machine.
Like all ugly looking women in the city, she was not only ugly but stupid as well.
By the time the ugly dandelion from Hell had figured out how to use the debit machine, her equally brainless husband (he was brainless for being married to the likes of her) had finished packing the groceries.
Off went the ugly dandelion from Hell and her brainless husband who held the Guinness World Record For Lousy Taste In Women.
Pan Goatee packed up his fudgesickles and chocolate bars and headed out the door.
He thought he had seen the last of the ugly dandelion from Hell.
But the ugly thing then came walking out of the Dollarama store next door and then started following behind Goatee.
Goatee had had enough of this degenerately botched abortion at this point.
He removed his laser machete and started carving up the ugly looking dandelion from Hell starting with her ugly face.
“You ugly looking thing, can’t you get it through your stupid ugly heads that satyrs or any being from classical Greece can’t stand being in your presence,” Goatee went livid, “what just because you’re blonde, you think you’re beautiful? You’re no Marilyn Monroe, you peroxide washed green haired gargoyle who was certified as being too ugly for Notre Dame. A transgendered looking Yoda would come across as being of Helen of Troy in her looks compared to the likes of you.”
Goatee continued to rage as he cut her up into 666 trillion x 666 sextillion pieces.
Krampus the 2nd who had arrived on the scene to gather up the pieces of the ugly looking dandelion from Hell to cast them into the flames of Tartarus became quite concerned about Goatee’s mental state.
Goatee turned the corner and came across the stupid husband of the ugly looking dandelion from Hell.
He was sitting in the passenger side of the car waiting for her to show up.
“What you brainless Neanderthal with the taste of a Philistine, you mean to say you let your ugly looking wife wear the pants in the family and sit in the driver’s seat?” Goatee then started dismembering the brainless husband.
By the time he was finished, the DARPA sanity squad arrived on the scene to take Pan Goatee to a clinic for psychiatric assessment.
Donald Trump was informed of the DARPA contract assassin’s mental breakdown a few hours later.
“And who is this Pan Goatee again?” Trump asked, “What does he do?”
“He kills ugly looking women,” the DARPA operative replied.
“No wonder he had a mental breakdown,” Trump sympathized, “In this day and age, that would be a full time job.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday April 23rd
2019.
Asmodeus In London
The heavy cigarette smoking demon Asmodeus was in London, England having lunch with his compatriots the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith and her little green frog companion Nimrod (who was the Nimrod of Book of Genesis fame reduced to an amphibian).
“Has there been a revival of Eostre worship in this day and age?” Asmodeus asked Lilith.
Eostre was the name of an Anglo-Saxon goddess worshipped by Anglo-Saxons in England.
The early medieval English Church historian Bede had mentioned in his 8th Century manuscript The Reckoning of Time that during the month of Eosturmonabp (the Anglo-Saxon equivalent of the Roman month of April), the pagan Anglo-Saxons had held feasts in Eostre’s honour but during Bede’s time, this had been replaced by the Christian Paschal month a celebration of the resurrection of Jesus.
Tales associated with the Anglo-Saxon goddess Eostre included bunny rabbits laying eggs.
As The Guardian Newspaper writer and former Catholic Herald editor Peter Stanford ate a chocolate covered Baphomet at a table sitting across from them, Nimrod noticed on the television in the restaurant a news story about a woman telling Pope Francis that she had seven children.
Pope Francis admonished the woman that one shouldn’t go around breeding like rabbits.
At that point, a giant bunny rabbit hopped by in Saint Peter’s Square and laid a rainbow coloured egg on top of the Pope’s head.
Peter Stanford started choking on his chocolate covered Baphomet.
“I hadn’t heard there was a revival in Eostre worship?” Lilith looked perplexed, “Why do you ask?”.
“Well, there were headlines on both ABC News and The Washington Post that Tourists, Easter worshippers lament closing of Notre Dame. Then after the attack on churches and western tourist hotels in Sri Lanka that killed at least 290 people and injured 500 others, Barack Obama tweeted, The attack on tourists and Easter worshippers in Sri Lanka are an attack on humanity. And Hillary Clinton tweeted, I’m praying for everyone affected by today’s horrific attack on Easter worshippers and travellers in Sri Lanka. And Fox News talked about the attack on Easter worshippers in Sri Lanka that left so many dead. I was wondering with all these references to Easter worshippers if the worship of Eostre had been revived.”
“Well, you as a demon can’t mention aloud the Name of Jesus Christ can you?” Lilith smiled.
Asmodeus struggled to say the name but eventually gave up.
“Well, just like you as a demon can’t say the name of Jesus Christ, the Vatican’s chief exorcist for so many years Father Gabriel Amorth (who definitely had a 24/7 full time job performing exorcisms at the Vatican) noted that mortals who are under demonic influences likewise have trouble saying the name Jesus Christ. So since the term Christian has Christ in it, no doubt ABC News, The Washington Post, Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton and Fox News can’t bring themselves to say that Christians were killed in the bombings so they use the term Easter worshippers instead.”
Peter Stanford who seemed to be having a wrestling match with his chocolate covered Baphomet quickly left the restaurant.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday April 22nd
2019.
Reblog of MY GOOD OLD DAYS
An excellent short story written by Priscilla.
I took the flowers from the windowsill, grabbed a cup of coffee and trudged to the sitting room. My little angels roamed around with their tiny feet’s, i could hardly focus on the movie i was watching. My phone rang – Mum,displayed as the callers ID.
A rash eagerness engulfed me and i picked up. In glee, i screamed “hello mum!” As though it was still 2005 when i had finished my secondary school and was waiting for my JAMB results to determine if i was to go to college or not. “ah!…its me, the Gen man” the person said and i froze as though my mum could actually call me just as she did each time i stayed for prep after school. “Hello Jennifer, my daughter how are you?…may God grant you wisdom, knowledge, understanding, high intelligence, smartness…” and she would go on and on…
View original post 1,153 more words
Dracul Van Helsing 
Renfield On Why Putin Didn’t Want Hillary As President
April 24, 2019 at 10:07 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Renfield R. Renfield)
Renfield R. Renfield MP was once again being interviewed on BBC News.
The topic was why Vladimir Putin didn’t want to see Hillary Clinton elected President of the U.S. in 2016.
“Well,” Renfield answered, “I’m sure Putin observed very carefully the successful foreign policy that Hillary implemented as Barack Obama’s Secretary of State. Her and Barack Obama’s interference in the internal affairs of Libya and Syria turned those two countries into the bastions of stability and beacons of light that the world can easily recognize in both nations today. Had not Gen. Abdel al-Sisi overthrown the hardline Islamist government of Egypt that was elected to power in the wake of Bararack and Hillary’s toppling of long time western ally Hosni Mubarak, Egypt would most likely be an anarchic basketcase like Libya or a war-torn bombshell of a country like Syria. The only successful case in the entire so-called Arab Spring of 2011 was in Tunisia and that was because that insurrection was planned by the Tunisian people themselves and not interfering American busybodies like Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton. Fortunately for the world, Hillary retired as Secretary of State in 2013 to start planning her campaign to be U.S. President in 2016. Also fortunate for the world, Putin recognized that with the incredible harm Hillary managed to accomplish as U.S. Secretary of State, she would manage to do even more incredible harm as President. From thereon, she was a marked woman as far as Putin was concerned. Now today, she’s a woman reduced to sticking pins in voodoo dolls as she herself mentioned in her last book. Fortunately for her opponents, her voodoo is about as good as the witchcraft spells being cast on a daily basis by Antichrist Hollywood’s resident airhead Alyssa Milano.”
“And so America got stuck with Trump?” The interviewer noted.
“Yes, America got stuck with Trump,” Renfield nodded, “we now know that Trump’s idea of making America great again was to have the country looking like Paris’ Notre Dame Cathedral on the morning of April 16th 2019. But at least it’s just America that has paid the price. We don’t have to worry about other countries falling into either anarchy or civil war because those on the American so-called progressive Left figure that what’s good enough for the American so-called progressive Left is good enough for the rest of the world.”
Hillary made a voodoo doll of Renfield after watching the interview.
“Ouch!” She suddenly screamed from the living room.
“What’s up?” Bill called out from the kitchen where he had been making himself Joe Biden’s recipe for a baloney sandwich.
The same recipe Biden would be using before delivering an important speech tomorrow.
“I’ve pricked my thumb with a pin,” Hillary cried.
“Have you been making voodoo dolls again?” Bill asked.
“Yes,” Hillary answered.
“Say, you weren’t expecting a visit from Alyssa Milano were you?” Bill queried.
“No,” Hillary shook her head, “why do you ask?”.
“I noticed some damned fool just flew her broomstick into the birdbath and now she’s being attacked by a flock of pigeons,” Bill gave verbal commentary while looking out the kitchen window.
“Charmed, I’m sure,” the talking pigeon who led the flock of birds quipped as he crapped all over her.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday April 24th
2019.
Permalink 14 Comments