Renfield’s Political Incorrectness and Nomination For A Guest Host For TCM

April 10, 2019 at 10:24 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Television, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

BBC’s Geeta Guru-Murthy interviews Renfield R. Renfield

BBC News anchorwoman Geeta Guru-Murthy was asking British MP Renfield R. Renfield his opinion of the crowded race for the 2020 Democratic Party Presidential nomination.

“Mr. Renfield,” Geeta asked, “what do you think of Pete Buttigieg the first openly gay mayor of South Bend, Indiana becoming the first openly gay mayor to have a shot at winning the U.S. Presidency?”.

“Well,” Renfield replied, “I find it singularly appropriate that an openly gay mayor would have the words “butt” and “gig” as syllables in his last name. And I also find it singularly appropriate that the first openly gay mayor to run for President would be Mayor of a place called South Bend which of course describes the anatomical position either he or his partner would be in when they got up to or rather down to doing what comes naturally for them.”

As Geeta Guru-Murthy doubled over and tried desperately to save her job by not breaking into huge gales of laughter at Renfield’s highly politically incorrect and extremely sociologically insensitive and yet factually accurate statement, Amadeus Emanon turned off the TV and buried his head in his hands.

“It looks like Renfield’s parliamentary office is going to have to be issuing yet another statement and apology to members of the LGBTQ community,” Amadeus stated.

“You mean the group that Renfield refers to as the Alphabet Soup Perverts?” Angelique Dumont asked.

“We better try to keep the lid on that before the European Union’s Big Non-Binary Sibling of 1984 + 35 (aka 2019) goes after him,” Amadeus answered.

Meanwhile across the Atlantic pond over in the U.S.A., Donald Trump stated his opinion of the country’s founding father, “If George Washington had been smart, he’d have named Mount Vernon after himself.”

As Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had a vision of the Washington Obelisk falling on top of Donald Trump at a future date, Dr. Cadbury Rocher was busy watching his satellite TV which was picking up a current TCM (Turner Classic Movie) channel transmission from America.

TCM had recently asked notable figures from around the world to nominate a guest host who might someday fill in as a permanent replacement for TCM’s beloved host Robert Osborne who had died 2 years ago.

Tonight the man Renfield had suggested as a possible replacement for Robert Osborne was serving as the guest host.

A heavy metal headbanger looking man stood in front of the camera.

Heavy Metal Headbanger Looking Man: Hi, I’m Ozzy Osbourne. Guest host and potential permanent replacement for Robert Osborne. Tonight from 1948, we have a movie I’ve never heard of before- Hamlet. Starring an actor I’ve never heard of before- Laurence Olivier. Whose script was written by an author I’ve never heard of before- William Shakespeare.

As the heavy metal singer continued, the first thing that popped into Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s mind was, “An Osbourne is not an Osborne by any other name.”

Meanwhile Renfield left the BBC News Studios as pink leotards were being thrown at him by an angry group of protesters.

He got into the waiting Set Enterprises limousine and got on his smart phone where he ordered a Halloween costume as he had just found out that October 31st was the date the EU had extended Brexit to.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday April 10th


  1. David Redpath said,

    Isn’t it surprising that so many extremely sociologically insensitive comments are often factually correct. I guess that’s why
    we once had a thing called freedom of
    speech πŸ€” In Australia we are now not
    allowed to “offend” anyone. I find this new
    law particularly offensive. I wonder if I can
    sue the pants off the far left armchair
    moralist who suggested this new law,
    on that basis. And I’m not easily offended.
    I even watched the Osbourne coven, the satanic version of the Osmonds, on TV !

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, you should be allowed to sue the pants off the far left armchair moralist who suggested this law for being offensive in proposing it.

      Yes, I had never thought of the Osbournes as the satanic equivalent of the Osmonds but that’s a good description.

  2. David Redpath said,

    Donny and Marie think so too πŸ˜‡πŸ•ΆοΈ

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Because they lived on the morning side of the mountain
      And Ozzy lived on the twilight side of the hilll… 😎

  3. David Redpath said,

    Where the meth lab was hidden, next
    to the copper still full of moonshine πŸ™ƒπŸ•ΆοΈ

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      And Tommy Makem and the Clancy Brothers sang,
      “Oh moonshine, oh moonshine, oh how we love thee…”
      And Donny Osmond sang, “And they call it puppy love…”

      • David Redpath said,

        But sadly, you’ll never hear Donny Osmond,
        singing a number from the stage musical
        … The Book of Mormon 🀠

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        No, you won’t. πŸ˜‚

  4. Tanya said,

    Gita is fine but her husband is such a prick, krishnamurthi I guess is his name!! Interesting and hilarious read my friend!

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thanks, Tanya. ☺

      I don’t know much about Gita’s husband.

      I just remember Gita herself from the days I had BBC World News as part of my Cable TV package.

      • Tanya said,

        Funny character, πŸ˜‰

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Maybe I should Google him.

        His name is Krishna Murthy eh?

        Perhaps I could have him appear in a future vampire novel chapter. πŸ˜‚

      • Tanya said,

        Yeah guess so just type Gita’s husband lol and watch couple of his interviews and that smirk on his face, good character for you to include in vampire chapters!

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        All right, Tanya. πŸ˜ƒ

        I’ll do that.

      • Tanya said,


  5. Hyperion said,

    I was quite frightened by Renfield’s comments as I was certain it would bring the wrath of the Vatican. Clearly the angry crowd throwing the pink leotards was the Swiss Vatican guards. I snort laughed when I visualized the Washington obelisk falling on the GOO for making that misinformed statement about Mount Vernon. If the GOO would look around he might find the whole damned city is named after Washington as well as the farthest state in the northwest. The man has buck teeth from keeping his foot in his mouth.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      ROTLMFAO ! πŸ˜‚

      Yes, it never occurred to the GOO that the nation’s capital is named after Washington.

      To say nothing of the Capitals hockey and Redskins football teams.

      • Hyperion said,

        I fear the GOO has spent too much time in the Casa Blanche wine cellar. He is looking more and more like W.C. Fields without the humor or smarts.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes and if he had just opened the wine bottles and drank them like W.C. Fields would have done, he might have a more pleasing disposition. πŸ˜‚

      • Hyperion said,

        This is true. He would ha e that bright red nose that fashionably matched his hair and skin.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And should it happen that Rudolph gets shot down by an overzealous NORAD pilot anxious to prevent illegal immigrants from entering U.S. airspace, they can hook Trump up to the front of Santa’s sleigh and he can guide the jolly old fellow’s sleigh one foggy Christmas Eve.

      • Hyperion said,

        Not to mention all that hot air blowing out his backside helping the sleigh to travel at supersonic speed and stay warm.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Of course, Dasher, Donzer and Blitzen and all the rest will have to be treated for hazardous gas effects and PTSD afterwards to say nothing of Santa.

      • Hyperion said,

        Santa will likely appear like a WWI Sopwith Camel biplane pilot after the oil lines blow in the cockpit. Hope he’s wearing his goggles and scarf.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,


  6. Jessica said,

    Aw poor Renfield, to honest for his own good 😦 Hugs!
    But I got to leave it to him to coin out β€œbutt” and β€œgig” out of a person’s last name πŸ˜‚

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