The Basilisk and The Fire At Notre Dame Cathedral

April 15, 2019 at 9:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Romance, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Set Enterprises’ resident sanity challenged scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher entered British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s office with a face whiter than a ghost.

“Your face is whiter than I am,” the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill remarked.

“And me as well,” commented the ghost of Orson Welles who was still in a state of shock over the fact that someone commenting on Dracul Van Helsing’s blog had never heard of him Orson Welles.

“And whiter than I am,” added the ghost of the late Ugandan dictator Idi Amin who had dropped into Renfield’s office just for the Hell of it.

“It’s this fire at Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris,” Rocher sat down and helped himself to a bottle of Renfield’s whiskey.

“A devastating tragedy for all of humanity,” Renfield agreed.

And the ghosts of Churchill, Amin and Welles nodded their assent.

Within seconds, Amin’s ghost was chased back to the Underworld by Hades’ 3-headed dog Cerberus since it was Underworld policy that dictators and despots inclined to ethnic genocide should not be allowed to leave the place.

Amin returned to his spit alongside King Leopold II of Belgium down in Tartarus.

“Look at these photos someone text messaged me an hour ago,” Dr. Rocher showed Renfield his phone.

“Unholy smoke, Batman!” Renfield exclaimed, “They show a Jesuit priest (wearing his Jesuit robes and a t-shirt emblazoned with a photo of Aleister Crowley) riding a medieval basilisk and setting fire to repair scaffolding at Notre Dame with the basilisk’s fiery venom.”

“But I thought basilisks died out with the end of the Middle Ages,” Churchill bit the end of his spectral cigar, “so the Renaissance pope Julius II wrote in his diary when he hired Michelangelo to paint the Sistine Chapel in celebration of the death of the last basilisk.”

“Undoubtedly one of those evil 21st Century Transhumanist scientists has genetically re-created a basilisk again just to show the world they could do it,” Welles sipped a spectral glass of red wine.

“That would be me,” Dr. Rocher did a bad impersonation of American comic Bob Newhart whenever the comedian was caught with his pants down- metaphorically speaking (unlike Bill Clinton).

“You recreated a basilisk?” Renfield was shocked (and resolved never to screw in a lightbulb on his own again).

“I did,” Dr. Rocher held his head in shame, “just to show the world I could do it.”

“What did I tell you?” Welles’ ghost finished his wine and thought back to a radio commercial he once did about frozen peas growing in the ground in Norway in mid-July.

“Oh, shut up, Orson,” Churchill’s ghost was getting irritated.

“And you let this Jesuit have it?” Renfield wiped his spectacles, “Don’t you know that a great multitude of Jesuits are a bunch of satanic perverts?”.

“This Jesuit stole it from the barn where it was being held for safekeeping,” Dr. Rocher blubbered, “along with a Nazi vampire who’s the last surviving member of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau.”

“These Nazis never get up to any good,” Renfield fumed over his glass of whiskey.

“Agreed,” Chuchill’s ghost affirmed as he fumed over his glass of brandy.

“Most Jesuits never get up to any good either,” Welles poured himself another spectral glass of red wine and recalled a conversation he once had with film director Alfred Hitchcock on the subject.

On the television in Renfield’s office, the Kraken Napoleon VI addressed the world media with the fire smouldering Notre Dame in the background.

“My wife Medusa and I were married in that cathedral,” the Kraken wept octopus (as opposed to crocodile) tears, “we had ourselves crowned Emperor and Empress of France in that Cathedral even though most French citizens never recognized the coronation. The Egyptian vampiress Isis pushed world-famous Swiss scientist Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius to his death from the bell tower of Notre Dame. And Dr. Cadbury Rocher used the vampiress Isis’ secret laboratory below Notre Dame (which isn’t so secret anymore now that I just blabbed about it) to re-assemble the sub-atomic particles of the vampire Osiris after he had been disintegrated by a Russian laser death ray.”

“I didn’t know you had done that?” Renfield looked at Dr. Cadbury Rocher, “Does Set know you did that?”.

“He does now,” Dr. Rocher sighed.

Putting on a tartan kilt and a t-shirt emblazoned with a photo of Mel Gibson as Braveheart William Wallace, the Kraken swore to the world media that he would destroy whoever and whatever was responsible for the fire that engulfed Notre Dame.

“Wait until my great-grandmother the immortal dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes finds out I was the one responsible for creating the basilisk that caused the fire that engulfed Notre Dame,” Dr. Rocher continued to snivel, “I’ll be unable to sit down comfortably for the next decade.”

“With all due respect, Dr. Rocher,” Renfield admonished, “with this devastation of a great French, European and world cultural landmark, the prospect that your buttocks will be in the upmost suffering and agony for the next 10 years seems the least pressing of all the major problems afflicting the world at the present moment.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday April 15th
2019.


The immortal world famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes:
Will get to the bottom of whoever was responsible for creating the basilisk that caused the fire that engulfed Notre Dame

8 Comments

  1. Hyperion said,

    Let me first say that Sherrielock Holmes is looking mighty bootylicious for her age. I think it’s the red skirt, black stockings, and red high heels that frame her in a most exciting way. No doubt she will get to the bottom of this world heritage disaster and set Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s buns aflame. The visuals created here in the conversations were quite entertaining and as always, masterfully executed.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thanks very much, Daniel. ☺

      Sherrielock is indeed looking bootylicious for her age. 😍

      • Hyperion said,

        Sherry would be proud of how Sherrielock has turned out. Poor Michelangelo the psychic lobster must surely be afraid his holding tank will blow when Sherrielock comes to town.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        They were saying there was an 18 to 20 minute window of opportunity in fighting the fire in which all of Notre Dame could have been lost.

        Maybe they should keep a large flying aquarium on hand and whenever a historic landmark has a fire, fly the aquarium with Michelangelo inside and upon arriving on the scene, project a holographic image of Sherrielock as she looks above there.

        When the tank blows, hopefully the resulting downpour of water will douse the flames.

      • Hyperion said,

        A splendid idea. The spectacle would surely take away some of the angst that come with fires.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And Trump will take some of the credit for his tweet about using flying water tankers to douse the flames.

      • Hyperion said,

        I’m sure Set and company will have a very special tanker to fly by the GOO and take a dump.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        ROTFL !

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