Qonzilqointec Plots Against Trump Tariffs
The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was not happy with the tariffs Trump might levy on Mexico
The stock market fell at the news that Donald Trump might levy tariffs on Mexico if Mexico did not stop Central American immigrants from nearing the U.S.-Mexico border.
“Something must be done,” Qonzilqointec said to British MP Renfield R. Renfield over the phone.
“What did you have in mind?” Renfield asked.
“Well Trump will be in Britain for a state visit next week,” the Aztec vampiress pounded her fist on the desk, “I shall fly to Britain and we shall see what will be done.”
“I shall love to see the results,” Renfield smiled as he loved observing the outcome of a vampiress scorned.
“Strange,” Trump spoke to his aide as he woke up from his nap.
“What is it?” His aide asked.
“I had a dream where my name appeared on the cover of a book titled The Art of Making An Involuntary Blood Transfusion,” Trump seemed surprised.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday May 31st
2019.
Orson Welles’ Ghost Views The Only Scene Ever Filmed For Roman Polanski’s Wuthering Heights
The ghost of Orson Welles was admiring a small sculpture of the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow that the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set had recently purchased from the Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery.
The sculpture showed the Headless Horseman and his pumpkin head riding a black horse while the schoolteacher Ichabod Crane is seen getting run over by one of Santa’s reindeer who, after drinking too much Kickapoo Joy Juice, mistook Halloween night for Christmas Eve and was venturing in the forest near Sleepy Hollow following the Headless Horseman and his black horse and his orange pumpkin head mistaking the latter for Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer’s red shiny nose.
“What a delightfully eclectic and eccentric sculpture,” Welles’ ghost remarked as he looked at it while sampling a glass of spectral red wine.
Welles had been informed by British MP Renfield R. Renfield that Boris Johnson (the former Foreign Secretary of Britain) had purchased a retirement gift for British Prime Minister Theresa May at the Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery.
The gift was an 18th Century portrait painting of an 18th Century Irish Pirate of the Caribbean Captain Kerry Donegal.
Welles had recently met the ghost of Kerry Donegal in person when Renfield had brought him home after a night of carousing at the Oscar Wilde Pub.
Welles decided to go down to the Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in person to see what other great treasures were available there.
The door to the gallery was opened by Dashwood Forrest’s Irish manservant Mulligan the Irish zombie who was undergoing his own personal zombie apocalypse after having drunk too much Guinness stout and Jameson’s Irish whiskey the night before.
“Excuse the hand on the floor,” Mulligan remarked after his right hand came apart at the wrist and fell on the floor.
As Mulligan tried to re-attach his right hand to the rest of his right arm, Welles’ ghost was greeted by art gallery owner and curator Dashwood Forrest who had a martini in his own hand.
“You know the trouble with being dead is you’re decomposing all the time,” Mulligan the Irish zombie remarked as his right ear fell off.
“Mulligan never did have an ear for music,” Forrest invited Welles into his office, “but do come into my office. I have something that a great film director such as yourself would be interested in.”
As Mulligan managed to find his right ear below a portrait of Vincent Van Gogh, Dashwood Forrest closed the office door behind him and Welles.
“Let me run the film projector,” said Forrest, “for I have here on film the only scene ever completed and shot for a film adaptation of Wuthering Heights that Roman Polanski intended to make back in 1989 but financing for the movie was pulled at the last moment. Polanski was setting his version of Wuthering Heights in the late 20th Century. This was a scene between Heathcliff and Cathy.”
The projector ran and the Polanski 20th Century Wuthering Heights scene between Heathcliff and Cathy- a single still shot appeared:
“Where’s Heathcliff?” Welles asked.
“Heathcliff is the old car in the photo,” Forrest answered, “Polanski intended the movie as a cross between Emily Bronte’s Wuthering Heights and Stephen King’s Christine.”
“Now I’ve seen everything,” Welles looked stonefaced, “Jack Nicholson must have sent Polanski plenty of California grass that Roman smoked before he came up with the idea for this picture.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday May 30th
2019.
Harvey Tallbanger Meets Gali-Gula
The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s personal invisible spy and secret agent the 6 foot 8 Welsh pooka invisible bunny rabbit Harvey Tallbanger was once again in Paris to spy on Emmanuel Macron’s pro-globalist and pro-EU forces in the wake of the European Parliament elections.
Tallbanger worked his way through a group of marijuana smoking architecture students from California who were smoking weed and drawing sketches for a re-vamped Notre Dame Cathedral in the wake of last month’s fire.
As a result of inhaling pot smoke, Tallbanger was able to see Gali-Gula the ET gray from the planet Nibiru who was sitting up at the bar in Quasimodo’s Cafe as soon as the very tall bunny rabbit entered.
Most creatures on planet Earth were only able to see the ET gray Gali-Gula if they had inhaled pot smoke.
Coincidentally, Gali-Gula was sitting up at the bar drinking a Harvey Wallbanger.
Only creatures who were drinking Harvey Wallbangers were actually able to see the 6 foot 8 Welsh pooka bunny rabbit Harvey Tallbanger.
Being able to see one another, the ET gray and the 6 foot 8 bunny rabbit struck up a conversation.
“So, what have you been up to on planet Earth?” The tall rabbit asked the ET gray as he stirred his Tequila Sunrise cocktail with a carrot.
“I used to be an advisor to Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau,” Gali-Gula answered, “until his pot smoking desert cactus plant named Strawberry Fields Forever got kidnapped by China’s intelligence service and is being held hostage in exchange for the release of Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou from Canadian custody. So Trudeau hasn’t been able to see me since last December.”
“So who are Justin Trudeau’s advisors now?” Tallbanger sipped his Tequila Sunrise cocktail.
“The demons Baal and Baphomet,” Gali-Gula downed his mixture of orange juice, vodka and Galliano.
“That doesn’t sound like a good thing,” the Welsh pooka ate his carrot.
“It isn’t,” Gali-Gula looked glum, “An exorcist might have to be brought in. Spitting French pea soup out of his mouth while his head is spinning around 360 degrees in every direction might go over well with Quebec voters but I really don’t think it will play out well in the rest of Canada.”
“I met an exorcist once,” the Welsh rabbit ordered Welsh rarebit off the Quasimodo’s menu, “the Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds who tried to exorcise a couple of demon possessed dogs in British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s constituency. The dogs managed to escape and are still creating havoc in the English countryside.”
Just then a pair of men in black sat down across from Tallbanger and Gali-Gula.
“So,” the first man in black adjusted his dark sunglasses, “Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has been unable to form a coalition government in Israel and the Israeli Knesset has voted to dissolve itself and call for new Israeli national elections to be held on September 17th.”
“What this means,” the 2nd man in black likewise adjusted his dark sunglasses, “is that the Jared Kushner peace plan, the so-called deal of the century as it has been dubbed in Donald Trump’s Twitter tweets, is now dead in the water. The plan was always delayed for some reason or other. Last autumn’s bodily dismemberment of Saudi journalist Jamal Khashoggi at the Saudi consulate in Istanbul certainly put a major kabosh into the Kushner peace plan. Then it had to be delayed because of the Israeli elections earlier this year. Then Ramadan came up. It was to be released early next month following the end of Ramadan. But now with new Israeli elections, its release will now have to be delayed until those elections are over. Then this fall will be too close to next year’s U.S.Presidential election and on the off-chance something goes wrong with the peace plan, Trump will probably delay the plan until after next year’s Presidential election. So it probably won’t be announced until well into 2021.”
“I guess this means Ivanka Trump will never see her husband win the Nobel Peace Prize,” the first man in black mused philosophically.
The two finshed their drinks and left the cafe.
As the men in black exited, the Egyptian vampiress Isis entered the cafe with the Greek god Ares on her arm.
“My boss,” Tallbanger referred to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set, “will be very interested to know those two are meeting.”
“You don’t suppose they’re here for the half price on Mexican nachos during Happy Hour?” Gali-Gula queried.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 29th
2019.
Egyptian vampiress Isis enters Quasimodo’s
Renfield Meets Captain Kerry Donegal In The Oscar Wilde Pub
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was sitting in a newly opened London pub called The Oscar Wilde.
He was planning his strategy to have his friend the Kraken Napoleon VI elected the new President of the European Union Commission.
Seeing as how German Chancellor Angela Merkel and French President Emmanuel Macron were in disagreement as to who should be the new EU Commission President, this allowed an opportunity for a rogue Brit like himself to put a Kraken into that position.
Seeing as how this was The Oscar Wilde Pub, Renfield decided to order himself a glass of absinthe as this was the favourite drink of such notorious writers and poets as Oscar Wilde and Charles Baudelaire and artist/painters such as Henri Toulouse-Lautrec and Amedeo Modigliano.
Seeing as how Renfield was neither an American Jesuit priest nor a leading U.S. Democratic Party politician nor a Hollywood bigwig, he ignored the fact that absinthe was also drunk by such satanic low-lifes as Aleister Crowley.
After 21 glasses of absinthe, Renfield was able to see spirits so as soon as the ghost of the 18th Century Irish pirate of the Caribbean Captain Kerry Donegal walked through the door, the MP invited him to sit down.
They introduced themselves to another and gave their respective backgrounds.
“So,” Renfield ordered another glass of absinthe, “you’re the pirate’s ghost that my psychic lobster friend Michelangelo saw ride that supposedly riderless horse Bodexpress at the Preakness Stakes?”.
“That was me all right,” the ghostly pirate blushed adding a little rouge to his overly white complexion, “I came in second from last.”
“We all have our embarassing moments,” Renfield recalled the lovely actress Gong Li turning him down for a date after he had asked her out in a crowded elevator.
“So how’s your political career going?” Captain Kerry Donegal asked.
“Well if Boris Johnson wins the leadership of the British Conservative Party in July and becomes Prime Minister of Britain,” Renfield ordered a tuna fish sandwich, “I’ll probably become Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering and my parliamentary colleague and fellow Transhumanist MP the Welsh vampiress Morgana will probably become Deputy Home Secretary In Charge of Midnight Security.”
“Well, congratulations,” the pirate captain drank a toast in ghostly extra spirited absinthe.
“Still, I mustn’t count my chickens before they’re hatched,” Renfield helped himself to a plate of deviled eggs, “so what are your plans for the future?”.
“I haven’t quite decided,” Captain Kerry Donegal answered, “I moved out of 10 Downing Street last night after Prime Minister Theresa May invited me to watch the 1947 film The Ghost and Mrs. Muir starring Gene Tierney and Rex Harrison with her. After watching the film, I came to the conclusion that Mrs. May wanted to have a romantic affair with me so I left.”
“Yes, singing My Fair Lady to Gene Tierney isn’t so bad,” Renfield admitted, “singing it to Theresa May is another matter entirely.”
“By Liza, rather than sitting in the saddle to do little, I should have said to Bodexpress, move your bloomin’ ass,” the pirate captain reflected.
“And speaking of my fair lady, here comes my parliamentary colleague Morgana,” Renfield, after 23 glasses of absinthe, ran up to kiss her as she entered the pub.
“Why you predatory sexually harassing lecherous pervert,” Morgana said to him before kicking him out the door with one of her spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes.
“Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder,” were Renfield’s last words before succumbing to unconsciousness on the outdoor sidewalk.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 28th
2019.
Welsh vampiress Morgana: Not one to mess with
Jack O’ Hare and The Lovely Valley: A Poem
On the edge of the forest
as birds sang their chorus
a lonely jack rabbit did hoppily roam
He leapt through the valley
It was quite up his alley
’till he came to the edge of the fast flowing stream
In the background, the skylarks were singing
And on the hill, church bells were ringing
It was a symphony between heaven and nature
And Jack perked up his ears of very great stature
And hoped the poem’s readers would rhyme nate and state
As stats were damned lies according to Benjamin Disraeli
And the old man on the hill playing his ukulele
As the sun rose over valley and mountain
And Jack stopped to drink from the fountain
A beaver was building a home out of logs
And the effort was applauded by ribbiting of the frogs
Jack O’ Hare hopped contentedly on
making of this valley a home front lawn
it was for Jack a heavenly spot
where he avoided many a fox trot.
-A Jack O’ Hare poem
written by Christopher
Monday May 27th 2019.
Dracul and Semiramis In Paris
Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was at Quasimodo’s Cafe in Paris waiting for the European Parliament election results to come in.
He phoned his friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield who was in London.
“Hi, Renfield,” Dracul greeted him, “How’s your party doing?”.
“We’re ahead of the Conservatives,” Renfield was already on his 10th cognac in celebration, “so we’ll be sending a few MEPs to Strasbourg and Brussels. Nigel Farage’s Brexit Party has done the best so that must have been one lucky milkshake that some protester doused him with. How is the Kraken’s Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party doing?.”
“Well given the results so far, the Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party will be sending at least 2 MEPs to Strasbourg and Brussels,” Dracul looked at the television screen inside the cafe.
“So that means the Kraken Napoleon VI himself and his wife Medusa will be sitting in the European Parliament,” Renfield lit himself a cigar.
“That will be the case,” Dracul admitted, “Have you heard how Theresa May is taking the results?”.
“According to the gypsy fortune teller and psychic Dulcinea Lucia whom I ran into earlier tonight,” Renfield replied, “She says she saw Theresa May drowning her sorrows in a pub accompanied by the ghost of an 18th Century pirate.”
“Well, she’s one up on Margaret Thatcher then,” Dracul ordered a Napoleon brandy, “I don’t think the Iron Lady ever did that.”
“No, I don’t think so either,” Renfield considered the possibility, “The closest she ever got was when she said to Argentine President General Galtieri over the Falkland Islands Malvinas, your place or mine?”.
“The Kraken arrived in the cafe about an hour ago,” Dracul noticed the large octopus was downing champagne by the bucketloads, “He just got in from Tel Aviv. While there, he was told by Miranda the mermaid that sinister forces have developed a flesh eating killer seaweed designed to destroy France. Of course the Kraken already encountered that sinister piece of future sushi wrapping when he left Marseille for Tel Aviv yesterday.”
In the restaurant where Renfield was sitting, he ordered some sushi rolls from the waitress upon hearing this news.
“So, what’s new with you?” Renfield asked the vampire hunter.
“Well, a few days ago, I was kidnapped by the Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis while sitting in a Paris movie theatre attending a large screen showing of the movie Casablanca,” Dracul recalled.
“That must have been exciting,” Renfield was pleased by the restaurant’s quick delivery of the sushi rolls.
“It was,” Dracul smiled.
“What did she want?” Renfield said as he dove into the sushi rolls with his chopsticks.
“She wanted me to give her King Arthur’s battle banner on which was an image of a red dragon the famous Red Dragon Banner whose image is actually able to breathe fire in battle,” Dracul stated.
“And did you give it to her?” Renfield inquired.
“Oh, I gave it to her all right,” Dracul smiled again, “But not the Red Dragon Banner. That’s a family heirloom.”
“Well, I see the ghosts of Orson Welles and Winston Churchill are walking in through the door to join me in celebration,” Renfield finished his sushi rolls, “so I better go. Have a good night.”
“You too, my friend,” Dracul put his smartphone back in his pocket.
He looked towards a corner booth in the cafe and noticed Semiramis the legendary former Queen of Babylon sitting there.
As often happened when Dracul Van Helsing encountered goddesses and legendary queens, the setting had changed to black and white.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday May 26th
2019.
The Kraken Rises Off Israel
The Kraken Napoleon VI had got an urgent text message on his smart phone.
It was from Miranda the mermaid.
It was imperative that she meet him on the beaches of Tel Aviv, Israel.
“It must be something very important,” the Kraken thought to himself as he watched a TV commercial with the Greek god Poseidon advertising McDonald’s Restaurants current special of fresh Atlantic Fish and Chips.
It was a sad day the Kraken thought to himself when even the Olympians were selling out to American corporate conglomerates.
The Kraken was going to let his wife Medusa know where he was going but she was currently engaged in a leg wrestling match with the Egyptian vampiress Isis on the floor of Quasimodo’s Cafe in Paris.
Their slit skirted and black silk nylon legs wrapped around one another’s throats would have sent the Irish Jewish science-fiction writer George Finneganburg and his Greek Norse fantasy writer friend Hyperion Sturm into sheer frenzy had they walked through the cafe at that moment.
The Kraken decided to text message Medusa the news later.
The Kraken hopped on his skateboard and skateboarded all the way from Paris down to the port city of Marseille.
From Marseille, he planned to swim all the way across the Mediterranean to Tel Aviv to meet with mermaid Miranda.
The Kraken had a slight delay in Marseille when he was attacked by a giant piece of seaweed who tried to eat him.
It was fortunate for the Kraken that he had ordered the Giant Spinach Salad for dinner at Quasimodo’s Cafe in Paris because the spinach had made him super strong like Popeye the Sailorman.
The Kraken ripped apart the killer seaweed and was able to swim away before the seaweed grew back together again.
After doing 4 simultaneous breast strokes with his 8 arms, the Kraken was soon in sight of the beaches of Tel Aviv.
The Kraken decided to dive underwater and then rise up again in order to make a grand and impressive entrance on to the beach.
He dove and then rose again.
As he rose, he brought up the Russian Navy submarine The Pride of Saint Petersburg (that had been doing surveillance work up and down the coast of Israel) on his head.
Wearing the submarine like a hat on his head, he stepped on to the beach and announced to Miranda the Mermaid that he had arrived.
. . .
A group of tourists were on the beach at Cefalu, Sicily.
Only a week earlier, a young 7-year-old female sperm whale had been found dead on that beach.
Its stomach was full of plastic bags and other plastic objects that had caused her death.
Now the bozo group of tourists on the beach were littering it with plastic bottles, plastic cups and plastic straws after their huge gluttonous picnic and beach party.
The Celtic stag god Cernunnos emerged from the hills above the beach carrying his crossbow and poisoned arrows.
The horned stag quickly fired poisoned arrows into the huge crowd of plastic littering bozos killing them all.
The Greek god Ares who had been walking along the beach likewise threw down a huge plastic cup and plastic straw.
Cernunnos fired a poisoned arrow marked MADE IN PARIS into Ares’ Achilles heel.
The Greek god of war fell on to the beach crying out, “I hate it when that happens.”
. . .
Allatallahbell the Vampiress Priestess of Baal would be meeting in the Vatican Gardens today with Medusa’s sisters Sthenno and Euryale.
In the meantime she was performing a sacrifice to Baal in one of the side chapels in the Vatican.
As Allatallahbell was busy sacrificing to Baal, Pope Francis was strolling through the Vatican grounds.
A couple of days earlier, Pope Francis had given a talk to a group of people on one of his favourite topics the God of Surprises.
The God of Surprises always reminded him of the boxes of Cracker Jack popcorn that he bought as a kid which always had a prize inside.
His friend Samhain Cardinal Salaman had just found a shop in Rome which sold Cracker Jack popcorn.
Pope Francis walked through the Vatican contentedly munching on the molasses-flavoured and caramel-coated popcorn which came from the box with the pictures of Sailor Jack and his dog Bingo on it.
He wondered what prize lay for him at the bottom of the box.
What did the god of surprises have in store for him?
With that thought in mind, he walked into the Vatican Gardens where there stood Sthenno and Euryale the sisters of Medusa:
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 25th
2019.
Theresa May Announces Her Resignation On Queen Victoria’s 200th Birthday
The date was May 24th 2019.
It was Queen Victoria’s 200th birthday.
And British Prime Minister Theresa May stood in front of 10 Downing Street in London and announced that she would be resigning as British Conservative Party leader effective June 7th 2019.
From then on, she would carry on as a caretaker Prime Minister until the British Conservative Party elected a new leader in July.
British MP Renfield R. Renfield met in a pub not far from the Westminster Parliament with his friends Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont to discuss the resignation.
“I didn’t think she’d announce her resignation until next month,” Amadeus commented as he worked on his 3rd plate of the pub’s steak and kidney pie.
“Neither did I,” Renfield sipped his pint of brown ale, “I’ve been told that the Prime Minister decided to resign after apparently looking at an oil painting of an 18th Century Irish pirate of the Caribbean that former Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson had given her as a gift.”
“That must have been one Hell of a picture,” Angelique remarked.
“It must have been,” Renfield admitted.
“So, who do you think will replace her?” Amadeus asked as he ordered a 4th piece of steak and kidney pie.
“Well, the London bookmakers seemed to favour Boris Johnson,” Renfield ate his rice pudding, “and the fact that the pro-globalist and pro-New World Order The Economist Magazine came out against Boris Johnson as Prime Minister is another plus in his favour. For what’s bad for The Economist is good for Britain. And what’s bad for Britain is good for The Economist.”
“I’ve noticed that The Economist has never had anything positive to say about you,” Amadeus ordered himself another Shirley Temple children’s cocktail.
“Which is why I rest my case on the matter,” Renfield washed down the last of his brown ale.
Meanwhile at 10 Downing Street, the residence’s staff were putting up a painting of Captain Kerry Donegal in the main hall.
A temporary location until Mrs. May moved out of 10 Downing Street.
“It’s like staring into a mirror,” the ghost of the pirate Captain Kerry Donegal remarked as he looked at the painting.
“Good God!” Mrs. May exclaimed as she walked down the hall.
It turned out that unbeknownst to herself until now, the Prime Minister had the psychic ability to see ghosts of pirates.
Mrs. May went weak at the knees and fainted.
As she lay on the floor she dreamed of a Harlequin historical romance novel book cover in which she appeared held in the arms of a pirate with an open shirt and a muscular hairless chest.
“That’s the first time I’ve seen Mrs. May look happy all day,” 10 Downing Street’s head butler remarked.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday May 24th
2019.
The Kraken Meets The Ghost of Orson Welles In Paris
Voting in the European Parliament elections had begun today and would continue until May 26th.
The Kraken Napoleon VI, leader of the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party, sat in the Quasimodo Cafe and calmly sipped Lemon Tea and dipped potato chips into Sour Cream and Onion Chip Dip as he awaited the first of the results to come in.
His wife Medusa the ex-Gorgon (who had been cured of her Gorgonism by Set Enterprises’ Chief Scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher) sat calmly painting her fingernails a lovely Moulin Rouge.
The ghost of Orson Welles (who sat across from Medusa and the Kraken) recalled how his late former wife Rita Hayworth had once performed the Can Can (to the tune of Jacques Offenbach’s Orpheus In The Underworld) with her fingers while wearing a pair of black leather gloves.
The performance was considered too hot to handle and was not included in Miss Hayworth’s 1946 film Gilda.
“Johnny, be good,” an impromptu line spoken by Miss Hayworth was also edited out of the film.
“Did you ever consider running for political office when you were alive?” The Kraken asked Welles’ ghost.
“Well, Democratic Party organizers in Wisconsin the state of my birth did ask me to consider running as their candidate for the U.S. Senate in Wisconsin in 1946 but I declined,” Welles sipped a nice spectral glass of spectral red wine, “something that I regretted later as my Republican opponent would have been none other than Joe McCarthy. U.S. political history might have been different had I chosen to run.”
“There’s the Egyptian vampiress Isis,” Medusa spoke critically as the Egyptian vampiress walked through the door wearing a French flag tricoloured evening dress.
“Did you know Isis was the model for Frederic Auguste Bartholdi’s Statue of Liberty?” Welles recounted aloud some knowledge he had uncovered during his time spent in Purgatory.
“I’d heard that,” the Kraken ordered a cognac from the waiter.
“Isis is backing Emmanuel Macron’s party in the European Parliament elections,” Medusa’s voice dripped with contempt like a lethal dose of snake venom.
“I think Freemasons generally support the idea of a fully integrated European Union,” Welles lit a spectral cigar, “and since both Isis and Osiris are the prevalent deities worshipped in a lot of Masonic lodges around the world, it’s no surprise that Isis and the Masons would share a similar political viewpoint.”
“I still suspect our party will do well though,” the Kraken reached for 8 glasses of cognac with his 8 arms.
“I hear our ally across the Channel Renfield is doing well in most polls there,” Welles ordered a California wine much to the displeasure of the French waiter.
“He is,” the Kraken smiled, “I wonder how long he’ll be in the European Parliament before Brexit happens.”
“I imagine EU bureaucrats will be more sympathetic to the idea of a rapid Brexit to prevent Renfield from entering the European Parliament,” Welles brushed cigar ash out of his ghostly beard.
“I hear,” Medusa changed the subject, “that Prince Harry and Meghan the Duchess of Sussex were considering asking Renfield to be their son Archie Harrison’s godfather but that the Prince of Wales is strongly opposed to the idea.”
“That I heard as well,” Welles reached for the glass of Paul Masson Wine which was sold before its time, “and the Prince of Wales might have a point. Renfield could easily become the Falstaff to young Archie’s Prince Hal.”
On the other side of the cafe, the vampiress Isis ordered a Singapore Sling as she too waited for the first of the European Parliament election results.
Meanwhile in a Paris cinema, the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was attending a large screen repertory showing of the 1942 film classic Casablanca.
Suddenly appearing on the screen in front of him was a scene he hadn’t recalled seeing before.
That’s because the black and white scene wasn’t part of the movie Casablanca.
It was the Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis beckoning to him.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday May 23rd
2019.
Dashwood Forrest Meets Captain Kerry Donegal
Dashwood Forrest was in his art gallery putting the finishing touches in hanging paintings for a new exhibition that would soon be opening.
“A remarkable likeness,” said the ghost of Captain Kerry Donegal who had just walked in off the street.
Forrest, who was somewhat psychically sensitive, turned to gaze at the speaker and noticed how much he resembled the figure in the painting.
“Captain Jack Sparrow!” Forrest gasped.
“Actually the name is Captain Kerry Donegal!” The pirate bowed, “But a few other people with the ability to see me around London have called me by that name.”
Former British Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson entered the gallery at that moment.
“Hello, Dashwood,” Johnson walked right through Kerry Donegal’s ghost since he couldn’t see him, “my sources tell me that you have a painting of Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow for sale.”
“I’ve just been told by an expert that it’s Captain Kerry Donegal,” Forrest mentioned.
“Well, whoever,” Johnson looked at the painting, “I’ve just been told on the highest authority that British Prime Minister Theresa May goes into orgasm whenever she sees a handsome looking pirate. No wonder the boys in Brussels were able to sweep her off her feet and get a Brexit deal to their liking and not to Britain’s. Although I’ve been told by an old school chum of mine that the boys in Brussels aren’t all that handsome. I wonder why he’d take note of that. Fills one with trepidation when I recall we shared a locker together in the school gymnasium’s shower and changing room.”
“You want to buy this painting for Theresa May?” The flower dropped out of Dashwood Forrest’s lapel.
“Yes,” Johnson nodded, “as a good-bye present. The old girl is undoubtedly on her way out. She’ll undoubtedly fail in her 4th attempt to get a Brexit deal passed through Parliament. Hell, even Renfield R. Renfield’s British Transhumanist Party is now ahead of the British Conservatives in the opinion polls for the upcoming European Parliament elections. I’m not sure how much more humiliation she can take. So she’ll probably resign soon. I’m sure this painting of a pirate captain will lift her spirits as she exits 10 Downing Street while I’m on my way in.”
“Hasn’t this fellow ever heard that expression, Don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched?” Captain Kerry Donegal asked in a thick Irish brogue.
“Did you feel a breeze just then?” Johnson looked around.
“Come to the office and I’ll write you up a Bill of Sale,” said Forrest.
“I’m sure it was this question of the Irish backdoor that did her in on Brexit,” Johnson remarked.
“Don’t you mean the Irish backstop?” Forrest asked.
“Oh yes, of course,” Johnson nodded, “why did I have Irish backdoor on my mind?” .
He once again walked through Captain Kerry Donegal’s ghost as the pirate was bending over to pick up his sword.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 22nd
2019.
Dracul Van Helsing 
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