Theresa May Announces Her Resignation On Queen Victoria’s 200th Birthday

May 24, 2019 at 8:43 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The date was May 24th 2019.

It was Queen Victoria’s 200th birthday.

And British Prime Minister Theresa May stood in front of 10 Downing Street in London and announced that she would be resigning as British Conservative Party leader effective June 7th 2019.

From then on, she would carry on as a caretaker Prime Minister until the British Conservative Party elected a new leader in July.

British MP Renfield R. Renfield met in a pub not far from the Westminster Parliament with his friends Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont to discuss the resignation.

“I didn’t think she’d announce her resignation until next month,” Amadeus commented as he worked on his 3rd plate of the pub’s steak and kidney pie.

“Neither did I,” Renfield sipped his pint of brown ale, “I’ve been told that the Prime Minister decided to resign after apparently looking at an oil painting of an 18th Century Irish pirate of the Caribbean that former Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson had given her as a gift.”

“That must have been one Hell of a picture,” Angelique remarked.

“It must have been,” Renfield admitted.

“So, who do you think will replace her?” Amadeus asked as he ordered a 4th piece of steak and kidney pie.

“Well, the London bookmakers seemed to favour Boris Johnson,” Renfield ate his rice pudding, “and the fact that the pro-globalist and pro-New World Order The Economist Magazine came out against Boris Johnson as Prime Minister is another plus in his favour. For what’s bad for The Economist is good for Britain. And what’s bad for Britain is good for The Economist.”

“I’ve noticed that The Economist has never had anything positive to say about you,” Amadeus ordered himself another Shirley Temple children’s cocktail.

“Which is why I rest my case on the matter,” Renfield washed down the last of his brown ale.

Meanwhile at 10 Downing Street, the residence’s staff were putting up a painting of Captain Kerry Donegal in the main hall.

A temporary location until Mrs. May moved out of 10 Downing Street.

“It’s like staring into a mirror,” the ghost of the pirate Captain Kerry Donegal remarked as he looked at the painting.

“Good God!” Mrs. May exclaimed as she walked down the hall.

It turned out that unbeknownst to herself until now, the Prime Minister had the psychic ability to see ghosts of pirates.

Mrs. May went weak at the knees and fainted.

As she lay on the floor she dreamed of a Harlequin historical romance novel book cover in which she appeared held in the arms of a pirate with an open shirt and a muscular hairless chest.

“That’s the first time I’ve seen Mrs. May look happy all day,” 10 Downing Street’s head butler remarked.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday May 24th
2019.

16 Comments

  1. David Redpath said,

    Obviously Theresa May wasn’t dreaming
    of being taken captive by Red Beard, to be
    sold in a Moroccan slave market.
    But perhaps a nightmare she’d prefer than
    having to deal with the beurocrats of Brussels
    (suffering from the delusion of autocracy).
    I’ve heard whisper that Recep Erdogan is
    most receptive to a plan to revive the
    Barbary Pirates in order to deal with the
    infidels in the West. Apparently the Barbary
    Corsairs served well the Caliphs in the past.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, the Barbary Corsairs did serve the Caliphs well in the past.

      And eventually led the French to take control of Algeria in an effort to rid the Mediterranean of the Barbary Pirates.

  2. David Redpath said,

    ” ๐ŸŽถGive it up, Theresa,
    I think I got something to say to you.
    It’s late May and we really
    should be out of the E.U.
    I know you kept us amused,
    but I’m sorry you felt abused.
    Oh, Theresa , you couldn’t have tried
    any more.
    You kept pushing a bad deal
    as the Brexiteers began to squeal.
    You broke their hearts ๐Ÿ’”
    and that’s a pain I can do without.
    We laughed at all of your jokes,
    my contempt you didn’t need to coax.
    Oh, Theresa, I couldn’t have tried
    to undermine you any more.
    All we needed was a Prime Minister
    to lend a guiding hand.
    But you turned into a lover, and, mother, what a lover you wore us out.
    All you did was wreck my bed, and in the morning, kick Jeremy Corbyn in the headOh, Theresa, I couldn’t have done any more ๐ŸŽถ”
    ~ Boris Johnson

  3. David Redpath said,

    Britain will be dancing to Boris Johnson’s
    tune, rather than the Brussels Dirge๐Ÿ˜Ž

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      The Brussels Dirge which is always played to the tune of that Radio Moscow dirge that was always played when they announced that a Soviet leader had come down with the common cold.

      Common colds were always fatal to Soviet leaders because a few days later the Kremlin would finally admit that the Soviet leader had died.

      • David Redpath said,

        But when Putin sniffles . . . ๐Ÿคง
        someone catches radioactive isotopes ๐Ÿ˜จ

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        The Geiger counter reading causes Donald Trump’s toupee to stand on end. ๐Ÿ˜จ

      • David Redpath said,

        Even more than Stormy Daniels ๐Ÿ˜ฒ

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        As the group Imagine Dragons radioactively sing,

        “This is it, the Apocalypse
        Whoa

        I’m waking up, I feel it in my bones
        Enough to make my systems blow…”

        Stormy Daniels’ lips and mouth just couldn’t compete.

      • David Redpath said,

        “I love the smell of Apocalypse in the morning!”
        ~ An ecstatic End Times Prophet

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        (To the tune of the Folgers Coffee TV Ad song) : Apocalypse in your cup.

  4. janowrite said,

    Brilliant post! Loved it! I fully expect BoJo to appoint Renfield to Something Important. ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿฅ‚

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thanks, Jan. ๐Ÿ˜„

      Yes, Renfield will undoubtedly be appointed to an important position in BoJo’s government so that the United Kingdom can make better use of Renfield’s talents. ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

  5. 2019 in the words of Tychy et al. | Tychy said,

    […] “Theresa May Announces Her Resignation On Queen Victoriaโ€™s 200th Birthday,” Dracul Van Helsing (May). […]

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