Harvey Tallbanger Knocks Out Zeus With A Lightning Bolt

June 9, 2019 at 9:54 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Harvey Tallbanger Knocks Out Zeus With A Lightning Bolt

The gypsy Esmeralda had just finished a dance and was sitting in a corner of Quasimodo’s Cafe in Paris.

Suddenly she was approached by the Greek god Zeus.

“Howdy,” said Zeus who had been sitting up at the bar and shooting the breeze with a Texas oilman, “How would you like to see my Olympian sized Greek sausage?”.

The deity started to raise his Greek toga.

“Be a gentleman,” said the 6 foot 8 tall invisible Welsh pooka bunny rabbit secret agent Harvey Tallbanger who hit Zeus over the head with one of his own lightning bolts that he had left behind in an Adidas bag full of lightning bolts next to his stool.

As Zeus hit the floor, he moaned, “That’s the first time in history I’ve been hit by one of my own lightning bolts. And by a bunny rabbit at that.”

“By a very tall bunny rabbit though,” Esmeralda said as she sipped a Harvey Wallbanger allowing her to see the usually invisible (to mortals) bunny rabbit.

“I’ll be the laughing stock of the Vegreville summit,” Zeus sighed, “Vegreville being to the gods and goddesses of the world’s nations – the Greeks, the Norse, the Egyptian, the Celtic, the Phoenician, Babylonian etc. what the Davos summit is to mortal men and women.”

“You gods and goddesses meet yearly in the city of Vegreville, Alberta, Canada?” Harvey Tallbanger was shocked, “In the name of God, why?”.

“I hear Vegreville has the world’s tallest Easter egg,” Esmeralda pointed out.

“Well it wasn’t me who laid it,” Harvey the rabbit said in his own defense.

“It may have been me,” Zeus remarked before succumbing to unconsciousness as a result of being hit by one of his own lightning bolts.

. . .

The Greek goddess Hera

“I have the feeling my husband Zeus is once again up to no good,” the Greek goddess Hera remarked to private eye Carson Cody Albion.

Years before, Hera had hired Albion to spy on her horny husband and now she was doing so again.

“What makes you think so?” Albion lit himself a cigarette.

“Well,” Hera got up from her chair, turned around and looked at Albion:

“We were at the 75th Anniversary celebrations of D-Day on Juno Beach last Thursday,” Hera explained and smoothed the top of the chair, “Juno Beach was named after me, you understand? Or at least the Roman side of my persona. Donald Trump had just signed his name at the top of the 75th Anniversary D-Day proclamation whereas every other world leader present had signed their name at the bottom when Zeus told me, he had to get back to Paris for some reason and he wasn’t talking about the long dead Trojan who had slain Achilles with an arrow to the foot.”

“You suspect he’s got something going on in Paris?” Albion closed his notebook and put it in his pocket.

“I do,” said the goddess as she fanned herself.

Albion marvelled at how in the past 2 minutes, Hera was able to make clothing changes even faster than Japanese pop music superstar Moritaka Chisato.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday June 9th


  1. Hyperion said,

    Good job with the images Chris. Esmeralda and Hera look quite nice in a vintage sort of way. It’s about time that old Zeus got a clobbering after all his philandering about in a swan suit.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, it’s about time that Zeus started singing his swan song.

      • Hyperion said,

        I hope he puts it up on YouTube πŸ˜‚

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, as Leda in ballet tights tells Zeus to go jump in the lake. πŸ˜‚

  2. David Redpath said,

    Β β€œHow would you like to see my Olympian
    sized Greek sausage?”.
    That was the exact line Aristotle Onassis
    used to win the hand of Jackie Kennedy.
    Must be a Hellenistic thing 😎

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      ROTFL !

      As Benjamin Netanyahu said after meeting with an Athens government cabinet minister (who was into re-enacting ancient Spartan army night time manoevres), “It’s all Greek to me.”

      And as an opposition Rabbi member of the Knesset asked, “Was that sausage kosher?”.

      • David Redpath said,

        At least he was circumspect,
        . . . so to speak 😎

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, it was an evening of intense circumspection.

        Trojan condoms were used as the Israeli Prime Minister remembered the saying “Beware of Greeks bearing gifts.”

  3. David Redpath said,

    Hera looks very much like a young Lily Munster.
    Just as Zeus seems to be a bit of a tailbanger.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, Hera does look like a young Lily Munster.
      And Herman’s goring the bull riding Europa being the tailbanger that he is. 😎

      • David Redpath said,

        Move over Herman! Eddy Munster rides again.
        It Boris Johnson’s turn to Al Gore Europa 😎

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Leaving Earth in the balance. 😎

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