Harvey Tallbanger Gets Trump To Call Off U.S. Military Retaliation Against Iran

June 21, 2019 at 10:20 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Harvey Tallbanger Gets Trump To Call Off U.S. Military Retaliation Against Iran

The London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set had sent his secret agent the invisible 6 foot 8 Welsh pooka bunny rabbit Harvey Tallbanger to spy on the meeting of Donald Trump’s Security Council last night.

The security council was made up of Trump, National Security advisor John Bolton, U.S. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, Rep. Nancy Pelosi, Sen. Chuck Schumer and various leading members of both houses of Congress.

Tallbanger hung around as Trump met with various leading Pentagon officials afterwards.

Trump was going to order military retaliation for the downing of a U.S. drone by Iranian forces.
However he happened to ask a general how many people might be killed in a retaliatory strike on Iran.

When the general answered at least 150, the invisible 6 foot 8 bunny rabbit spoke up, “You can’t kill 150 people just for the downing of an unmanned drone.
That’s totally disproportionate to what happened. Besides you shouldn’t be giving the president of Amazon any ideas for when their drone parcel deliveries are taken down either by accident or design.”

Upon hearing the words coming at him from an invisible voice, Trump called off the attack 10 minutes before it happened.

. . .

British MP Renfield R. Renfield told Athelstan the butler and valet to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set that he Renfield would not be named to the cabinet next month even if Boris Johnson won the British Conservative Party leadership and became Prime Minister.

“Apparently most world leaders, friend and foe alike, are resolutely opposed to me becoming Britain’s Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering,” Renfield informed Athelstan over his 24th glass of brandy of the past half hour.

“I’m most sorry to hear that, sir,” Athelstan brought Renfield another glass of brandy, “Weren’t there any world leaders that spoke in your favour?”.

“Only King Abdullah and Queen Rania of Jordan,” Renfield answered.

“I always admired King Abdullah and Queen Rania,” said Athelstan.

“Most intelligent people do,” Renfield answered.

“How does Boris Johnson feel about this?” Athelstan inquired.

“Hard to say,” Renfield downed his 25th glass of brandy, “Apparently Boris Johnson and his partner Carrie Symonds had a violent argument over the matter last night. Neighbours called police when they heard the commotion. Carrie Symonds told Johnson that he should tell Donald Trump, Recep Tayyip Erdogan and Emmanuel Macron to go fuck themselves along with the members of Britain’s deep dark state. Johnson apparently spilled red wine all over her sofa in response causing the ghost of Orson Welles to weep uncontrollably when he saw it happen.”

. . .

Allatallahbel the vampiress priestess of Baal had marked the morning of the summer solstice by performing human sacrifices in the catacombs below the Vatican.

Pope Francis awakened by the screams had spent the morning pondering what the French Jesuit theologian Pierre Teilhard de Chardin had thought of ETs (extraterrestrials) and whether he had written anything on the subject in his numerous writings.

. . .

Ares the Greek god of war, who had spent the night before celebrating with John Bolton and Mike Pompeo over the possibility of war with Iran, had spent all day today drowning his sorrows after Trump called off military action.

Athena the Greek goddess of wisdom on the other hand was very relieved.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday June 21st


  1. Hyperion said,

    Thank the gods below for invisible large bunnies. It is not unusual to call off strategic strikes. We do it all the time but this non-strike was publicized to impress both houses of congress with Emperor for Life GOO’s total lack of need for them. His ability to flip flop on any given subject as related to foreign policy is merely his way of confusing the hell out of everyone so they will never know when he will actually do something useful or tragic. It’s a brilliant plan as it keeps Fancy Piglosi and Buttlips Schooner focused on petty hate crimes against the American people while The Dear Leader tries to keep up with Renfield’s brandy count, grabbing the First Ladies kitty kat and humping elderly journalists in department store changing rooms. I see a little Caligula in our present day nemesis of common sense. But, to be fair, he is just trying to keep up with the manly-man Gladabeer Pootin. (OBTW How is that phone workin out with your online presence, my friend?)

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      ROTFL ! , Daniel. 😂

      I see the Emperor For Life GOO released a video on Twitter yesterday showing him as America’s leader (or Fuhrer as they say in German) in 2020, 2024, 2028, 2032 and to “Infinity and beyond” or Trump 4Eva as he put it.

      No doubt Trump is hoping to pay off some vampiress to turn him into a vampire so he can be Dictator For Life which would be Trump4Eva.

      The party will be ruined when a member of the Van Helsing clan puts a wooden stake through him and the Vampire Trump says, “Oh shit, I hadn’t thought of that.”

      He’ll disintegrate into dust before he has the chance to fire off some last nasty tweet about the said member of the Van Helsing clan.

      The phone is working fairly well, Daniel, my friend so I’m able to keep a longer on-line presence much to the dissatisfaction of all those who also dislike Renfield R. Renfield.

      • Hyperion said,

        Ha ha ha ha! Wouldn’t that be karma in a big way if the Trumpulator becomes an immortal vamp kitty grabber. The new Satan. And all those Renfield haters will get gender reassignments to escape Renfield’s justice only to fall under the laser machete of a very traumatised Pan Goatee.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And Barack O’ Bummer will wonder what happened to all those people he recruited into the U.S. Army.

        “I helped set the stage for the emergence of Islamic State,” O’Bummer will lament, “and this is the thanks I get. All my recruits for a U.S. Army truly reflective of 21st Century American society have all been beheaded.”

      • Hyperion said,

        That’s a scary thought. I don’t think the O’Bummer sychophants actually realized how successful he was in setting America on a collision course with anihilation. And to batten down the hatches of doom, the immortal emperor of Cat-N-Snatch is twittering our enemies into a rabid mood.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And the next time a rabbit (large and invisible) might not be able to stop the new Caligula from sending America’s enemies into a rabid mood.

      • Hyperion said,

        It’s true that Caligula modeled Emperors tend to be hard headed and erratic thus putting everyone in a rabid mood. Lunacy is infectious.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, the whole Empire tends to become one huge lunatic asylum.

      • Hyperion said,

        I think we’re there 😳

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        As a transgendered Norman Bates sings in the shower,

        “We’ll hang out our curtains over the shower rails,
        anyone for meat carving, mother dear?…”

      • Hyperion said,

        That Norman Bates was a scary dude. That story sprang from the fertile mind of Alfred Hitchcock who must have been an evil genius.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Hitchcock certainly had profound insight into how the human psyche worked.

      • Hyperion said,

        I wonder what he would do if his ghost visited with Renfield and he could see how movies are made now and how real life is far more bizarre than anything Hollyboner could dream up.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        It’s interesting when you look at the movies he made from 1947 to 1960, a lot of his most unfeeling psychologically imbalanced murderers were either gay or transgendered.

        It’s as if he was showing the future of things to come.

      • Hyperion said,

        That was a time when alternative gender identity was the most feared thing on the planet. The Russians feared it more than a nuclear war. America feared it publically while fostering its booming population secretly. The only difference is it has finally gone mainstream, which was the plan all along. I’m sure Alfred knew this because of his Hollyboner connections and chose to expose the exploitation in his screenplays. However, he mysteriously died before he was sucessful.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I think you’re definitely on to something there, Daniel.

        Another thing in Vladimir Putin’s favour.

        In addition to standing up to militant Islam, he’s also stood up to LGBTQ militancy.

        No doubt, another reason he’s so hated and despised by the U.S. Democratic Party as well as the mainstream media in the West.

      • Hyperion said,

        Yes, you may recall in the Olympics the liberal news with pervert Matt Lauer tried to taunt Russia by only highlighting the gay US athletes and constantly bantering about gay sexuality. It was during the Olympics he tried to molest several of the females which led to his very justified Me Too hanging. I personally don’t care what people do in their private life. It’s none of my business, I just dislike that the liberal media wants to pursue an aggressive agenda over sexuality versus the character and virtue or accomplishments of a newsworthy individual or group. A guy just wins the gold and Matt Lauer wants to know if he has donkey konged any gay booties while in Russia so he can let Pootin know that our stoopidity is confirmed. It really doesn’t have to be that way but the activists want to push that agenda. We are a sad nation consumed by the notion that we can hasten our doom if we just act up on a regular basis. There may be some truth to that.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        That was the philosophy behind some kabbalistic groups back in the 17th Century.

        They thought if they engaged in all kinds of sexual immorality and debauchery, this would hasten the coming of the Messiah.

        Unfortunately for them, the guy they tauted as the Messiah Sabbatai Zevi converted to Islam when the Ottoman Sultan gave him the choice of conversion or death by beheading.

      • Hyperion said,

        It’s very strange how fast people convert under a little pressure. I think the Marquis de Sade also had a philosophy of debauchery too. He had a rough life because the church totally disagreed and was always trying to hang him. His problem was he went after young females. If it was little boys, he would have had the blessings of the church.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        He’d have probably ended up a cardinal like Theodore McCarrick.

      • Hyperion said,

        Yep, the fastest way to rise to the top of the clergy is to emulate those above as they did when they went from well seasoned alterboy to youth counselor where they learned the games of Beelzebub.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, well did Mary say in the 1917 Third Secret of Fatima (which She revealed to a Japanese nun at Akita Japan in 1973 when they didn’t release the message like they were supposed to in 1960 nor did they release the message in 2000 as they claimed), “Satan will infiltrate to the very top of the Church.”

        Covering up for pedophiles is about as satanic as they come.

      • Hyperion said,

        Indeed it is. I believe the faithful have shared their church with Satan from the beginning. Where better to hide in plain sight?

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, Christ said in the parable of the wheat and the tares that the tares would grow along with the wheat in the Church until His Second Coming.

      • Hyperion said,

        I believe Christ got that one right unlike Nostril Dummass

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, Nostril Dummass has to go through drastic revisions every few years in an effort to make his prophecies look good.

        The History Channel series Ancient Aliens episodes before December 21st 2012 got to be somewhat problematic after that date when the world didn’t end like their particular interpretations of Nostril Dummass predicted.

      • Hyperion said,

        Waaa haaaa haaaaa! Ole Nostril is in his 180th printing now. Every year we get new updates on the previous year’s predictions. I remember that messy issue we had at the end of the Mayan Calendar when nothing happened and all the Mayan calendar guild was now in the drug trade and border crossing industry and didn’t see a need for a calendar anymore. There is always Ragnarok to look forward to. I don’t know for sure. Ever since the Norsemen pitched Odin out on his ass, we haven’t heard much from him although Thor is doing well in the movies.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        One of the old Norse myths had Thor dressed as a woman.

        No doubt this appeals to the perverts of Hollybonerwood and that’s why Thor continues to enjoy a prosperous film career.

      • Hyperion said,

        LOL 😂. That story about Thor was really an English subterfuge and that is why the Vikings invaded and took England away from them. Never piss off a big dude with a heavy axe no matter how funky he dresses.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Sound advice.

        We can only hope the GOO pisses off a sumo wrestler with a heavy axe over in Japan.

        Maybe with a statement like, “Is that kimono you’re wearing an authentic trademark Kim Kardashian?”.

      • Hyperion said,

        Waaaa haaa haaa! They would call in the Kimono ninja squads on that one.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Indeed they would. 😂

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