Taking A Photo of A Vampiress
Taking A Photo of A Vampiress
Genetically modified super soldiers were in London England awaiting their deployment to the Persian Gulf and the Middle East.
The super soldiers had been created by DARPA scientist Dr. Faustus Imhotep.
Among the many things they had been injected with was a youth serum to keep them young.
This mission to the Middle East was to be their first.
A chance for Imhotep to test their ability.
The DARPA doctor had booked the soldiers into a swanky London hotel.
Faustus Imhotep was sure the super soldiers would enjoy a little R and R before heading out on their mission.
And to stay in one of the best London hotels- surely nothing could possibly go wrong.
. . .
Selznick Foret was an aspiring photographer looking for his big break.
He sent an email to Vanity Fair magazine showing some of his work.
One of the editors answered saying that he was impressed with the photos and that if Foret sent them photos of a very unique and interesting subject, they might publish his photos.
Where, Foret wondered, would he find an interesting subject?
. . .
It just so happened that Foret ran into British MP Renfield R. Renfield now a member of the new British cabinet.
Foret had taken the photo for Renfield’s official parliamentary portrait and the MP loved his work.
Foret told Renfield his predicament.
It just so happened that the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was with Renfield at the time.
Van Helsing told Foret that his girlfriend the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was on her way to London.
She would probably agree to pose for a bunch of photos.
Foret was ecstatic.
And so was the editor at Vanity Fair.
Photographs of a vampiress would definitely sell a lot of copies of the magazine.
. . .
Qonzilqointec agreed to pose for the photos.
She would pose for them in her hotel room in a swanky London hotel.
When she arrived at the London hotel, she was looking very tired and haggard after a long flight.
The Aztec vampiress apologized for her appearance.
“Once I’ve drank blood, I should look really young again,” she smiled at him bearing her lovely teeth.
Selznick Foret suddenly felt troubled.
Would he have to make the ultimate sacrifice for getting the perfect picture?
Would he have to offer his neck and his blood to her in order to get her looking young and fresh for the photo session?
“It’s all right,” the vampiress smiled again as if she could read his thoughts, “I’ve got a suitcase of synthetic blood in my room. When I drink that, I should be fine.”
Selznick Foret went back to his own room to get his camera equipment while Qonzilqointec partook of her life giving refreshment.
The vampiress went to her room and when she checked her suitcases, she was horrified to discover that the hotel had misplaced her suitcase containing bottles of synthetic blood.
The blood had been delivered to the room of an American Internal Revenue Service auditor staying at the hotel along with a suitcase full of stones (that should have been sent to the room of a geologist staying at the hotel).
Qonzilqointec realized she’d have to break her promise to Dracul Van Helsing and drink real human blood in order to survive the night.
The vampiress walked around the hotel wondering who she should attack.
Meanwhile the genetically modified super soldiers were in their hotel room having a wild party.
The Aztec vampiress opened the unlocked door of the hotel room.
She recognized the men as genetically modified super soldiers from photos in a tweet that Donald Trump had published on his Twitter account in which he had boasted about American military superiority and intelligence.
Being Mexican, Qonzilqointec was not a big fan of Donald Trump to say the least.
And as it turned out, despite DARPA’s best efforts, the genetically modified super soldiers were no match for a good old fashioned vampiress.
After drinking all the blood of the genetically modified super soldiers, Qonzilqointec looked very young indeed.
The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec posing for a Selznick Foret photograph.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday July 31st
2019.
Samhain Cardinal Salaman and The Fountain
Samhain Cardinal Salaman and The Fountain
Vatican Cardinal Samhain Salaman (a former professional stage magician turned cardinal) was sitting in a Rome coffee bar drinking a cappuccino.
The coffee bar was across from a small fountain.
One of many scattered throughout the city.
Although the fountain did not have the famous name of the illustrious Fountain of Trevi, people still threw coins in the fountain and made wishes.
A small figure of Cupid being chased by a wolf stood atop the fountain.
Definitely unusual subject matter, Cardinal Salaman thought to himself as he sipped his cappuccino.
The cardinal often enjoyed sitting in this particular bar sipping a coffee beverage and watching the fountain and people throwing coins into it.
The place was far enough away from the Vatican itself that he didn’t have to worry about running into a cardinal or bishop.
Salaman found all the backstabbing and intrigue that went on around the Vatican a bit tiresome at times.
Here he could sit quietly and enjoy the Roman sun and watch people go by.
He had noticed yesterday what looked to be a type of seaweed growing around the statue of Cupid that he hadn’t noticed before.
Oddly enough the seaweed wasn’t growing on the statue of the wolf.
Today that seaweed seemed to have grown even more around Cupid’s statue particularly around his neck and gave the appearance of strangling the little cherub.
The sight made Cardinal Samhain think of an unusual story that he had heard a couple of months ago.
There was apparently a large piece of seaweed that had come out of the water down at the port of Marseille in France and had started eating people.
Then the seaweed went back into the water from whence it came.
So seaweed eating people down on the docks in southern France and now seaweed strangling the Roman god of love in a fountain.
The cardinal stood up, paid his bill and walked down the street in the direction of the Vatican.
And watched the sun set on the Eternal City.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday July 30th
2019.
Pan Goatee Saves Food Bank Patrons From Ravenous Elephants While Acheronus The Centaur Wreaks Havoc In Vienna
Pan Goatee Saves Food Bank Patrons From Ravenous Elephants While Acheronus The Centaur Wreaks Havoc In Vienna
The heroic genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was walking by a food bank when he noticed a medium sized fat ugly blimp helping herself to a whole bunch of food while genuinely hungry looking patrons looked on in agony and anguish.
“So we have laissez-faire ultra- capitalism in America and apparently laissez-faire ultra-porkism in Calgary,” Goatee unsheathed his astral laser machete from his belt, “something should really be done about this.”
Goatee immediately beheaded the medium sized fat ugly blimp.
“No need for you to be fatter and uglier than you already are,” Goatee kicked the head away.
He was immediately applauded by the famished looking food bank patrons.
“God bless us, everyone,” said a famished but now happy looking Tiny Tom on crutches.
Goatee left the area of the food bank, went into a store to buy some items and then headed out down the street.
This time an even fatter fat ugly blimp was waddling down the street in the direction of the food bank.
“Who’s going to save us from the pestilence of ultra-porkism which seems to be striking this land?” Goatee shouted towards the heavens as he once again unsheathed his astral laser machete, “It appears it takes a satyr to do a mortal’s job.”
Goatee immediately beheaded this particular fat ugly blimp and once again saved the city’s most vulnerable from the ravages of famine and porcine greed.
The ghost of the German Count Ferdinand Graf von Zeppelin appeared to Goatee and thanked the satyr serial killer for ridding the world of these repulsive and hideous looking creatures who were giving blimps a bad name.
Ditto! from the President of Goodyear Tires.
. . .
The evil Centaur archer Acheronus had been named after Acheron the river of woe that flowed through the Greek underworld of Hades.
Acheronus was the antithesis of Chiron the good centaur archer.
Acheronus often slew people on behalf of the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith as well as Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal who had recently seized control of the Vatican.
Today Acheronus was working for Ares the Greek god of war.
A meeting was being held today in Vienna Austria to see if the talks on Iran’s nuclear program couldn’t be kick started.
Ares of course held Roy Cohn’s pretty boy Donald Trump in the palms of his hands.
After carefully washing his hands in the Atlantic Ocean and Mediterranean Sea before heading up to Austria, Ares made a Huawei phone call to Acheronus the evil centaur.
Being a Huawei, the phone call was naturally monitored by the Black Dragon who was the supernatural entity advisor to China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping.
Acheronus had brought the Greek mind reader Yuxen with him to Vienna to read the minds of important delegates at the Vienna meeting.
Those delegates who secretly favoured war Acheronus would spare from his poisonous bow and arrow.
Those delegates who secretly favoured peace Acheronus would slay with his poisonous bow and arrow.
Acheronus had brought the woman seer and clairvoyant Yuxen along to read the minds of the delegates at the Vienna meeting and see where they stood on the issues of war and peace.
One of the concierges at Vienna’s best hotel had put in a phone call to the hotel manager.
“A centaur is running around the hotel lobby and conference rooms slaying people with his bow and arrows,” said the concierge.
“I hate it when that happens,” the hotel manager buried his head in his hands.
Meanwhile on the banks of the Danube, a small orchestra was playing The Blue Danube Waltz by Johann Strauss.
Just for something to do, Acheronus slew the conductor with one of his poisoned arrows.
The conductor died on the spot despite the fact that a Vienna music critic was in the process of writing a rave review about his efforts.
The ghost of the late Soviet dictator Josef Stalin (who had managed to slip out of Tartarus and the underworld realm of Hades by throwing Cerberus three very juicy bones) then stood up on the platform and began to conduct the orchestra in a musical melody that he Stalin had written.
The name of the musical non-masterpiece was The Red Danube (red as in blood red).
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday July 28th
2019.
Pan Goatee’s Uglocide Evening, Macron’s Whining, Malachi Martin Anniversary and Roy Cohn’s Pretty Boy
Pan Goatee’s Uglocide Evening, Macron’s Whining, Malachi Martin Anniversary and Roy Cohn’s Pretty Boy
Pan Goatee had just entered the grocery store and went to pick up a cart when a medium sized ugly looking blimp approached to pick up a cart.
Goatee beat the blimp in picking up a cart first and then promptly beheaded the blimp.
“One must show patience,” remarked some idiotic bystander.
“You can spend all eternity showing patience,” Goatee answered as he beheaded the man.
Goatee then picked up the items he wanted to buy and then went and stood in line at the cashier.
Some ugly looking female stoat-human hybrid (in one of the many genetics experiments in southern Alberta gone horribly wrong) then went and rudely walked down the aisle past the customers waiting in line just to exit instead of using the proper exit.
Goatee then leapt across cash registers, got in front of the ugly looking female stoat human hybrid and beheaded her with his astral machete remarking, “You’re the best argument ever against the erroneous concept of white supremacy.”
Goatee wished he could track down the Nazi criminals from Argentina who had settled down in Calgary back in the 1990s and performed horrendous and blasphemous genetic experiments whose rotten hideous looking fruit were now coming to fruition in the teens decade of the early 21st Century.
But the Nazi criminals having done their damage apparently fled elsewhere.
. . .
French President Emmanuel Macron sat in his office feeling depressed.
In addition to being turned down for quickies from all the older women he had propositioned in Parisienne sidewalk cafés on this Saturday evening, Donald Trump had tweeted a nasty tweet against him earlier this week.
Macron was thinking of imposing a digital sales tax on American corporate tech giants when they sold items over the Internet in France.
Trump tweeted that if Macron went ahead with this proposal, he Trump would impose a tariff on French wines when they were imported into America.
And then in the unkindest tweet of all, Trump had brutishly tweeted, “American wines are better than French wines.”
Now Macron sat at his desk drowning his sorrows in a bottle of Paul Masson wine.
. . .
“It was 20 years ago today that Malachi Martin the former Jesuit priest (who left the Jesuit order because it was too homosexual and too Marxist for his liking) and well known exorcist and popular best-selling author died,” Cardinal JM the head of the Vatican’s Secret Intelligence Service remarked to Samhain Cardinal Salaman a former professional stage magician turned Vatican cardinal.
“I remember hearing about that at the time,” Salaman remarked, “what caused his death?”.
“He apparently fell off a ladder while trying to retrieve a book from the top of his book shelf in his Manhattan New York apartment,” Cardinal JM sipped a Manhattan cocktail and ate a New York bagel, “although there are some people who believe he was pushed off that ladder.”
“By whom?” Cardinal Salaman asked.
“Well one theory is it was by demons,” Cardinal JM bit into a devilled egg, “and the other is it was by a priest or bishop or maybe even a cardinal who was full of the spirit of Vatican II.”
“I’ve heard that it was Malachi Martin’s book The Keys of This Blood that inspired Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing to become a geopolitical analyst,” Cardinal Salaman sipped his coffee.
“I’ve heard that too,” Cardinal JM shrugged, “anyhow Malachi Martin’s July 27th 1999 death couldn’t have come at a better time for the Vatican.”
“Why is that?” Salaman ate his baked salmon.
“Well the Jubilee year of 2000 was approaching and many people were pissed that the Catholic Church had never released the Third Secret of Fatima which it was supposed to have done in 1960 according to the Virgin Mary’s instructions,” Cardinal JM started eating a Belgian waffle, “but the Vatican plan after John XXIII was only to release the vision associated with the Third Secret not the text (Mary’s spoken words) of the Secret itself. However that posed a problem after Malachi Martin (who was the secretary to the Vatican Jesuit Cardinal Augustin Bea in 1960) left the Jesuit order. Martin as secretary to Cardinal Bea had read the Third Secret although he had taken an oath not to reveal it. And he never did reveal it. Although he dropped vague hints as to what was in it when he appeared on Art Bell’s Coast-To-Coast AM radio program back in the late 1990s. So the Vatican could never release the vision of the Third Secret and claim it was the text (Mary’s actual words) while Martin was still alive because then Father Martin would have said that the Vatican was full of you know what.”
Cardinal JM wiped his mouth with a napkin after eating a chocolate covered figure of a bull.
“Why doesn’t the Vatican want the text (Mary’s words) of the Third Secret released?” Cardinal Salaman asked.
“Well of course the Vatican has no problem with the global war or the fire falling from heaven causing tsunamis of steam to fall across the nations of the world everywhere or millions of people dying by the minute that’s mentioned in the Third Secret,” Cardinal JM cheerfully ate a gingerbread horse of the Apocalypse, “what it does have a problem with is Mary saying that Satan will infiltrate to the very top of the Church itself. Catholics across the world might stop dropping their money in the collection plate if word on that got out.”
“A wise decision indeed,” Cardinal Salaman bit into his Montreal smoked meat sandwich.
. . .
Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol was in New York City.
What brought him to New York were appearances of notorious American lawyer Roy Cohn’s ghost appearing across the world.
Whitstable deduced that Hades and Persephone had granted Cohn’s ghost permission to leave the Underworld for some reason.
So Whitstable had gone to New York to find out more about Cohn’s background.
The Interpol detective knew that Cohn had been Chief Counsel to the notorious Wisconsin Senator Joe McCarthy back in the 1950s.
He had also represented and defended several New York City Italian crime family bosses back in the 1970s.
Whitstable was currently interviewing an old acquaintance of Cohn in a run down New York City apartment.
The informer wore an empty cement bag on his head and a pair of used Nike running shoes on his feet so he wouldn’t be recognized.
“Well, Roy died of AIDS back in 1986,” the informer said.
“AIDS?” Whitstable repeated the statement.
“But Roy wasn’t gay,” the informer stated emphatically, “he always said that he enjoyed having sex with men. But he always insisted that he wasn’t gay.”
“Okay,” Whitstable nodded.
“But Sen. Joe McCarthy was gay,” the informer went on, “Roy’s personal secretary mentioned that in the book she was going to publish had she lived. But McCarthy covered it up during his life time. Being gay was the kiss of death for a U.S. politician in the 1950s. Unlike today where it seems to be working out very well for the current Mayor of South Bend, Indiana.”
“So Cohn said that he enjoyed having sex with men,” Whitstable took notes, “were they all one night stands or did he ever have a long term relationship with a man?”.
“There was one he had,” the informer answered, “in fact Cohn said in a public interview back in 1980 that this man used to call him 18 to 20 times a day each day. So you can see how intense the relationship was. This man also said himself in a public interview back in 1980 that Cohn protected him to the point of viciousness.”
“Wow,” Whitstable agreed, “That does sound pretty intense. Who was this man?”.
“The current occupant of the Oval Office in the White House,” the informer replied.
Roy Cohn and a mascara and make-up wearing young Roman soldier Donald Trump having a gay old time at a New York City nightclub on Saturday June 24th 1972.
The photo accompanied a story in the New York City edition of The Times of London on Monday June 26th 1972.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday July 27th
2019.
The Russian Spy Beluga Whale Defector, Dracul Van Helsing and Norse Goddess Freya
The Russian Spy Beluga Whale Defector, Dracul Van Helsing and Norse Goddess Freya
A beluga whale who was a spy for the Russians had recently defected to Norway a few months back.
The whale had been helped in his defection by the ghost of Orson Welles.
After the whale had successfully defected, Welles’ ghost eventually returned to England where he served as a spirit advisor to British MP Renfield R. Renfield (who had just been named to the British cabinet as Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering).
The whale meanwhile had spent the past few months being debriefed by Norwegian Navy and Norwegian Intelligence officials.
The beluga had ate a great quantity of fish during this time although the whale said he “didn’t care much for lutefisk” much to the disappointment of Norway’s Minister of Culture.
The beluga told the Norwegians that much was happening under the sea these days.
Poseidon had had his trident stolen by the Syro-Phoenician mermaid goddess Atargatis.
The trident was given to Russian scientists who had developed a new submarine weapon with it.
The beluga (who had taken the name Melville) also said that the Norse deity of the ocean who was the sea jotunn Aegir and was also the major thrower of parties for the Norse gods and goddesses had recently started selling his ale (brewed in a huge cauldron provided by Thor and Tyr) to mortals.
Most mortals were incapable of handling the hangover that the ale gave them, the beluga stated, and when combined with certain other liquors could prove fatal to mortals.
One of the last things he had heard, Melville said (while posing for a photo with someone wearing a Herman Munster mask), was that The Ten Bells Pub in London used Aegir Ale and combined it with 9 liquors to make a shooter called The T-Rex.
If any mortal drank more than one T-Tex shooter, it would kill them.
The Norse goddess Freya, who had her own stenographer present at the beluga whale debriefing, informed Dracul Van Helsing of this.
“Renfield,” Dracul replied, “as in many other matters, is an exception to this rule.”
“Well,” Freya stood up from her dressing table and chair, “come and show me what rules you’re an exception to.”
Dracul did just that.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday July 26th
2019.
How Boris Johnson and Renfield R. Renfield Spent Saint Christopher’s Day
How Boris Johnson and Renfield R. Renfield Spent Saint Christopher’s Day
July 25th is Saint Christopher’s Day (even though the post-Vatican II Catholic Church from 1969 onwards taught that in their opinion, Saint Christopher never existed, the Saint Christopher medal continues to be popular among travellers and surfers).
Boris Johnson spent Saint Christopher’s Day giving his first speech as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom in the British House of Commons.
Meanwhile across the Pond (otherwise known as the Atlantic Ocean), Donald Trump spent the day looking at a photo of himself speaking at a recent event and noticed for the first time that the seal of the President of the United States of America bore a double headed eagle clutching a bag of golf clubs in one of its claws.
“I could have sworn that it was a single headed eagle clutching arrows in one of its claws,” Trump scratched the dandruff out of his toupee.
Back across the Pond again, the Welsh vampiress Morgana sat on the government benches in the House of Commons as Deputy Home Secretary In Charge of Midnight Security.
She applied mascara to her eyelashes and red finger nail polish to her finger nails as Johnson gave an impassioned speech to the Commons on how he was going to deliver Brexit.
As Johnson spoke, British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield likewise sat on the government benches in the Commons as Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering.
While Johnson continued speaking, Renfield was busy text messaging his former boss the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.
Renfield was expressing his opinion to Set that Johnson probably wouldn’t be able to negotiate a Brexit deal with the European Union for 3 reasons:
1) European Union bureaucrats would probably continue to act like Soviet commissars on the question of the backstop on the Irish border between the British province of Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland
2) Irish Taoiseach (Prime Minister) Leo Varadkar would probably continue to act like Oscar Wilde on steroids on top of Lord Alfred Douglas on the Irish border backstop question
3) The notorious drunken leprechaun Yaldabaoth (viewed as the Demi-Urge who created the material physical universe by various Gnostic groups throughout the centuries) would probably continue to sleep across the border- half on the north side and half on the south
It was for these reasons, Renfield advised Set, that he should expect a no-deal Brexit.
A hard Brexit.
As Set sat in The Ten Bells Pub in central London and read Renfield’s text message, he put his construction hard hat on, got a hard on as he looked at a poster of the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec, ordered 10 T-Rex shooters (guaranteed to kill any mortal dead) and when he had finished drinking and paid his bill, went off to Harrods to stock up on candies and various other treats for this coming Halloween.
Meanwhile in Moscow, Russian President Vladimir Putin had summoned the Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva of the FSB to his office to discuss the most recent actions by Ukraine.
The Russian tanker Nika Spirit (formerly called the Neyma) had been detained by the Ukrainian security service (SBU) in the Black Sea port of Izmail, Ukraine.
10 crew members who were aboard the Nika Spirit were held briefly for a few hours and then released.
Speaking to reporters in Kiev, Svetlana Kireeva’s vampiress rival and arch enemy the Ukrainian vampiress Inna Huculak of the SBU said that the Nika Spirit in its previous maritime ship incarnation as the Neyma had been the ship responsible for blocking the Kerch Strait to the Sea of Azov on November 25th of last year allowing the Russian Navy to seize the Ukrainian Navy gunboats The Nikopol and The Berdyansk and a Ukrainian Navy tug allowing the Russian Navy to capture 30 Ukrainian sailors of whom 24 remain in Russian custody.
After the incident had happened last November, the Ukrainian vampiress Inna Huculak had approached Renfield R. Renfield for help.
Renfield had set sail on the Dr. Cadbury Rocher designed submarine The Amphitrite II with his own personal brigade of British Army Gurkhas.
They sailed straight through the Strait of Kerch to the Sea of Azov.
There they captured a Russian Navy submarine The Svyatoy Ivan and took 66 Russian Navy sailors hostage.
The sailors would be released in return for the release of the 24 Ukrainian sailors.
However Putin absolutely refused to negotiate with Renfield R. Renfield as Renfield had once stolen a bunch of antique Bavarian beer mugs from the Russian leader’s antique Bavarian beer mug collection back in August 2014 and Putin had never forgiven him for it.
The 66 Russian sailors had been held prisoner at a castle in the Scottish highlands under guard from Renfield’s personal brigade of British Army Gurkhas ever since.
How CNN News reported Renfield R. Renfield’s capture of the Russian Navy ship The Svyatoy Ivan at its web site on November 29th of last year:
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday July 25th
2019.
Boris Johnson, Greek God Ares, Dracul Van Helsing and Norse Goddess Freya
Boris Johnson, Greek God Ares, Dracul Van Helsing and Norse Goddess Freya
It was the last Prime Minister’s Question Period in the British House of Commons for Theresa May in her role as Prime Minister of The United Kingdom prior to passing the Prime Ministerial baton to Boris Johnson.
The very last question to her was posed by Renfield R. Renfield the British Transhumanist MP for Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds.
Renfield stood up and asked Mrs. May, “What is the speed velocity of a swallow?”.
To which Mrs. May responded, “Are you talking about the African swallow or the European swallow?”.
To which Renfield replied, “I don’t know.”
Soon Renfield found himself being carried by an invisible force through the air.
Unlike the poor sap medieval hermit in Monty Python and The Holy Grail who asked “Questions three” by the bridge to King Arthur’s knights, Renfield was not sent into a deep chasm in the earth for not knowing the answer but found himself transported upwards to the House of Commons Press Gallery where he ended up in the lap of BBC News Anchorwoman Geeta Guru-Murthy.
. . .
Donald Trump was watching Mrs. May’s final Prime Minister’s Question Period on television in the Oval Office.
“Lexington,” Trump remarked to his British butler and valet, “is there really a difference in the speed velocity of swallows between Europeans and Africans and who has the greater speed velocity?”.
“Sir,” Lexington who knew Trump’s mind (or lack thereof!) inside and out answered, “I believe the swallows to which both Mr. Renfield and Mrs. May are referring are the variety of birds and not what you’re thinking about.”
“Oh,” Trump answered.
Bill and Hillary Clinton were carrying on a very similar conversation.
. . .
The Greek god Apollo was lying in a lounge chair in a garden not far from the Acropolis when Ares walked by looking a little downcast.
Apollo (who was Greek god of music) was listening to the songs of Nat King Cole on his iPhone headphones when Ares walked by.
Apollo took off his headphones.
“You look very depressed,” Apollo said looking somewhat concerned.
“It turns out Boris Johnson is naming Renfield R. Renfield to the British cabinet as Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering after all,” Ares wept crocodile tears (as he had put crocodile DNA rather than eye tear droplets in his eyes this morning), “this may ruin the best laid plans of Morrigan the Celtic goddess of war, Thor the Norse god of thunder and myself for planning a global war.”
Apollo put his iPhone headphones back on and went back to listening to Nat King Cole as Ares continued to weep crocodile tears.
. . .
The Norse goddess Freya was in her country estate in Norway listening to the radio when she heard the news that Renfield had been appointed to the British cabinet as Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering and his parliamentary colleague the Welsh vampiress Morgana had been named Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Midnight Security.
At that moment, the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing showed up at the door with a bottle of wine.
“Mr. Van Helsing,” Freya said to him, “how would you like to step into my art studio and I’ll show you my etchings?”.
Norse Goddess Freya: Offers to show her etchings to Dracul Van Helsing
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday July 24th
2019,
Boris Johnson, The Black Dragon and Thessalonike of Macedon
Boris Johnson, The Black Dragon and Thessalonike of Macedon
Today Boris Johnson was elected leader of the British Conservative Party.
In a ballot of Conservative Party members, he defeated his rival British Foreign Secretary Jeremy Hunt.
Boris Johnson received 92,153 votes to his rival’s 46, 656.
Boris Johnson was Mayor of London from 2008 to 2016.
He once won a magazine limerick contest for writing the best limerick making fun of Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan.
He’d have probably lost the limerick contest to MP Renfield R. Renfield but Renfield had submitted his limerick a couple of hours after the deadline because he spent the night drinking T-Rex shooters in a bar (the t-Rex shooter contains a lethal and deadly combination of different liquors. Renfield is the only known mortal in history to have drunk more than one T-Rex shooter and lived. Every other person was now as dead as the variety of dinosaur it was named after) so the limerick was disqualified with much regret by the contest judges.
Mr. Johnson will also now become Britain’s first Roman Catholic Prime Minister.
Although Mr. Johnson is not a practicing Catholic.
Only a baptized Catholic.
Shacking up with a woman he was not married to wouldn’t be in accord with current Catholic teaching.
Although that might change (along with several other things) if the German Conference of Catholic Bishops have their way at the upcoming papal Synod On The Amazon this October.
Tomorrow the current UK Prime Minister Theresa May will take part in her last Prime Minister’s Question Period in the House of Commons.
After lunch, she will make a short farewell speech outside 10 Downing Street.
She will then travel to see Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II at Buckingham Palace to tender her resignation as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.
Boris Johnson will then arrive at Buckingham Palace for an audience with the Queen where he will be invited to form a government.
Afterwards he will then be driven to 10 Downing Street where he will make a brief speech before entering the building for the first time as Prime Minister.
After Boris Johnson delivered his victory speech to Conservative Party supporters tonight, he left the Queen Elizabeth II Centre in London with 3 things on his mind.
Would he be able to get the British oil tanker Stena Impero released without going to war against Iran?
Would he be able to negotiate a Brexit deal with the European Union before the October 31st Halloween deadline or will it turn out to be a no deal Brexit?
Should he name British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield to the cabinet as Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering?
. . .
Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol was reviewing information that was sent to him by an Interpol operative in Hong Kong.
The first set of videos and photos that Whitstable viewed showed a man 7 foot 6 whose name was Wang (and who could best be described as a tall thin unsmiling version of the short chubby jovial Chinese Smiling Buddha whose statue is often seen in Chinese restaurants around the world) addressing a group of pro-democracy protestors in Hong Kong a couple of weeks ago and telling them to become more violent and to attack a police station during their protests.
The next set of photos and videos that Whitstable viewed showed a group of white shirt wearing Triad members being addressed by a sinister looking Black Dragon this past weekend and being told to attack pro-democracy protestors with batons and clubs in the Hong Kong subway station this past weekend.
Wondering who this sinister looking Black Dragon was, he sent copies of the photos and videos of the mysterious Black Dragon to a professor of East Asian Folklore and Occultism at Oxford University.
The professor responded that the Black Dragon was a supernatural entity known to appear at various times in Chinese history when the governing leader or ruler of China was a diabolically evil person.
The professor noted that the Black Dragon was able to shapeshift into human form.
The professor text messaged Whitstable a sketch of the Black Dragon in shapeshifted human form.
The sketch of the Black Dragon in human form perfectly resembled Wang in appearance.
. . .
Boris Johnson was receiving a special intelligence briefing from Theresa May over tea and sandwiches at 10 Downing Street on this night which was Mrs. May’s last evening as Prime Minister.
Mrs. May was giving Boris a briefing on the latest facts regarding the destruction of the British destroyer the H.M.S. Balderdash that sank in the Mediterranean Sea not far from Alexandria Egypt (while it was en route to the Persian Gulf via the Suez Canal) this past Saturday July 20th.
Trump was trying to convince the British government that it was the Iranians who were responsible for the sinking of Balderdash.
However it had recently come to light that an Irish drone had been flying in the vicinity of the Mediterranean Sea near Alexandria at the time.
The drone was operated by an Irish drone operator who had been drinking way too much Guinness while on duty.
As a result the drone had found its way from Ireland’s Galway Bay (where it was supposed to be watching the sun go down) to the said part of the Mediterranean Sea off Egypt.
The drone happened to have a camera on board taking photos with a Huawei P30 Pro operated by a robotic leprechaun that was created bearing the likeness of the notorious boozing Irish leprechaun Yaldabaoth.
The photos clearly showed a mermaid turning into a giantess near the ship H.M.S. Balderdash and destroying the destroyer.
Copies of the photos had been sent to a noted mermaidologist who lived in Calgary, Alberta, Canada in hopes of finding out the mermaid’s identity.
The mermaidologist had identified the mermaid turned giantess as Thessalonike of Macedon the immortal half-sister of Alexander the Great.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday July 23rd
2019.
Reblog of Some Comedy for a Change – Mr. Christopher Milner’s “The Giant Rat of Sumatra”
The first book review of my 1st novel The Giant Rat of Sumatra when it was published back in January 2016.
Dear, the Dearer, the Dearest, today is the day when I’d like to make one of my rather rare book recommendations. I couldn’t resist this one. It’s from an author that I follow regularly, because he has such cool, erudite humour that often makes my day.
As you know by now, I always try to stay as honest as honest goes, and will admit this: what attracted me to this author are his absolutely hilarious, super skilfully crafted and witty Vampire Novel series, made mostly of scenes and snippets between characters you come to know and love very quickly. As a gal, I’m totally into THOSE.
But today Chris has published his first novel, a Sherlock Holmes Fan Fiction “The Giant Rat of Sumatra” which gives a taste of his unique brand of humour. My personal opinion is that this book will be especially appealing to men, but us gals…
View original post 466 more words
Dracul Van Helsing 
You must be logged in to post a comment.