Pan Goatee, Donald Trump, Prince Andrew and Benjamin Netanyahu

July 16, 2019 at 9:33 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee, Donald Trump, Prince
Andrew and Benjamin Netanyahu

Pan Goatee had just finished buying cans of Diet Coke in the dollar store and was walking towards the mall’s food court when he encountered two fat ugly blimps of sisters waddling around the confines of the food court.

“A blimp is a blimp by any other name,” Goatee paraphrased Shakespeare as he beheaded one of the walrus-semi-human hybrids that were unfortunately vastly (in more ways than one) indigenous to this particular locale of western Canada.

“And the same goes for you,” Goatee remarked as he beheaded the other fat ugly blimp of a sister.

Sadly both fat ugly blimps had obviously not been carried away by a tornado that had recently hit the region a couple of days earlier.

“I guess that poor twisting vortex of a funnel cloud did not want to come down with a hernia,” Goatee reflected to himself.

Meanwhile in Washington DC, Donald Trump (after talking to the ghost of Richard M. Nixon who had famously said once, “I am not a crook”) had tweeted, “I am not a racist.”

He then added, “There’s not a racist bone in my body.”

At DARPA headquarters, the head of DARPA Dr. Faustus Imhotep was trying to keep under wraps medical x-rays that showed the current U.S. President did not have a skeleton but rather a strange mass of alien slime under his skin.

Dr. Faustus Imhotep was now pondering the question, “Was Trump an illegal alien from a galaxy far, far away?”.

Meanwhile over in England, Prince Andrew was reflecting on the U.S. arrest of one of his acquaintances Jeffrey Epstein.

The radio in his room was playing an old song recorded by Ringo Starr, “You’re 16, you’re beautiful and you’re mine.”

Andrew shut the radio off as it brought back memories of a time that could possibly land him in hot water.

And at his parliamentary office in Westminster, British MP Renfield R. Renfield was looking at photos taken by Belvedere the ghost of a ghost white salamander reporter for The Times of London.

The photos were recently taken in Jerusalem.

It was at a press conference in which Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu named the South African born academic Dr. Evan Cohen as his new spokesperson to the international media.

Standing behind Netanyahu at the press conference was the Rome-based Egyptian deity Osiris and the demon Baphomet.

“Does this mean Osiris and Baphomet have formed an alliance with one another?” Amadeus Emanon asked Renfield as he looked at the photos.

“If they are, the Boss won’t be very happy about that,” Renfield remarked.

Renfield still referred to his former employer the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set as the Boss.

The remark confused a lost American tourist as he walked down the corridors outside Renfield’s office and had come to the conclusion that this place was probably not Westminster Abbey.

Why, the tourist wondered, would Bruce Springsteen object to Osiris and Baphomet forming an alliance?

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday July 16th


  1. shehannemoore said,

    The Boss… love it

  2. David Redpath said,

    I’ve heard that Canada is famous
    for it’s vast open spaces. Despite
    Pan Goatee thinning the herd
    … so to speak 😎

  3. David Redpath said,

    To have a full appreciation
    of modern Western culture,
    one needs to be born in the U.S.A. 😎

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      And then spend a great deal of time abroad like T.S. Eliot, Ernest Hemingway, Mark Twain and Orson Welles.

      • David Redpath said,

        “Nothing broadens the mind
        like a broad abroad.” ~ Sam Spade

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        “Is that why they call the 4 Congresswomen The Squad?”

        – Donald Trump

  4. Judy Eun Kyung Kim said,

    Ha, was Epstein arrested again? He’s such a creep with a tiny tear shaped penis (according to the girls he exploited, from Patterson’s book about him) and Prince Andrew too yuck. Why do royals still exist?

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, Epstein has been arrested again.

      This time in New York State.

      Hopefully the prosecutors there won’t give him a similar sweet deal that he got in Florida back in 2008.

      • Judy Eun Kyung Kim said,

        Yay I’m glad he got arrested, (I avoid the news). Yes he was definitely protected the last time.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Hopefully now he’ll enjoy the same fate as that of El Chapo Guzman.

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