July 20th 2019: A Very Historic Anniversary

July 20, 2019 at 10:53 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Humour, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

July 20th 2019: A Very Historic Anniversary 

July 20th is a significant date in world history.

It was on this date in 356 BC that Alexander the Great was born.

It was 75 years ago today (on July 20th 1944) that the German colonel Count Claus von Stauffenburg tried to assassinate Adolf Hitler in the plot known as Operation Valkyrie.

And it was 50 years ago today (on July 20th 1969) that Neil Armstrong spoke these words from the moon after the Apollo 11 Eagle had landed, “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.”

On this day July 20th 2019, Alexander the Great’s half-sister Thessalonike of Macedon (who had turned into a mermaid after hearing of her brother’s death) was swimming in the Mediterranean Sea not far from the Egyptian city of Alexandria when an ancient shield happened to float by.

“It’s my brother’s shield!” She cried.

Just then the British destroyer The H.M.S. Balderdash happened to go by en route to the Suez Canal to the Indian Ocean and through the Strait of Hormuz to the Persian Gulf where it would attempt a rescue of the British oil tanker Stena Impero recently seized by Iran.

Thessalonike then posed the same question to the sailors aboard the H.M.S. Balderdash that she posed to the sailors aboard every ship that she had encountered throughout the centuries.

“Is Alexander the King alive?” She asked.

“Which Alexander the King would that be?” Asked Lt. Chamberlain Neville of the H.M.S. Balderdash.

“Alexander the Great, you idiot!” Thessalonike spat seaweed at him.

The correct answer as far as Thessalonike the mermaid was concerned was “He lives and reigns and conquers the world.”

The captain of the ship H.M.S. Balderdash who was none other than Gladstone Disraeli answered, “No, Alexander the Great died centuries ago in the year 323 BC.”

“Wrong answer!” Thessalonike foamed at the mouth spraying sea foam in every direction.

She then turned into a raging Gorgon tearing apart the ship and sending it and every sailor aboard to the bottom of the sea.

Trump would later blame the incident on the Iranians.

Meanwhile the Grey Wolf Formerly Known As Adolf (because it was a grey wolf possessed by the ghost of Adolf Hitler who had been let out of the Underworld a few years ago by Hades and Persephone at the request of the Norse-Germanic god Odin/Wotan) was walking the streets of Saint Petersburg Russia.

“I thought this place was supposed to be called Leningrad,” Adolf thought to himself as he looked at all the street signs.

“And to think I should have taken possession of this city but I failed!” Adolf snarled.

Meanwhile on the moon this day, the demon Asmodeus was walking around because he had never been to the moon and he figured since humans went to the moon, he might as well.

Of course Asmodeus had never learned to fly.

He had skipped the Demonic Learning To Fly Class back in Hell High School because he had been outside smoking cigarettes.

So the chain smoking demon asked the two high flying owls (who were companions to the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith) to grab hold of each one of his arms and fly him to the moon.

Now he was walking around the moon’s surface.

Unbeknownst to Asmodeus, the Norse trickster god Loki had been walking around the moon earlier that day (having been flown to the moon through the help of Valkyries).

Loki had eaten a banana while on the moon and had thrown the peel behind him.

As Asmodeus walked along smoking and coughing and singing that old Frank Sinatra song Fly Me To The Moon, he wasn’t watching where he was going.

The chain smoking demon slipped on the banana.

After hitting backside down on the lunar surface, Asmodeus remarked, “That’s one small slip for a banana, one giant pain in the ass for demonkind.”

The Chinese moon goddess Chang’e and the Moon Rabbit remind you:
Only you can prevent lunar fires.
Always douse your campfire and be careful with your cigarette butts.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Saturday July 20th
2019.

23 Comments

  1. Leonie M. said,

    I enjoy reading it. As always it is a great masterpiece. Thank you for sharing.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thank you very much, Leonie. 😀

      I always love it when something I’ve written is called a great masterpiece. ❤

      I’m always glad to share my writing. 🙂

  2. shehannemoore said,

    Brilliant ending. So glad to know all this went on on that day as well …….

  3. David Redpath said,

    And tomorrow, July 23, is the
    anniversary of four British ships
    arriving in Boston to drive the Dutch out of New York, back in 1664.
    Could they use those ships now!

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, David, they could definitely use those ships now. 😂

      • David Redpath said,

        “You can take the tanker out
        of the straights of Hormuz.
        And you can take the boy out of Greece.
        But you can’t take the geek out of the boy.”
        ~ The Midnight Macedonian

      • David Redpath said,

        (that’s ‘Greek’ not ‘geek’. My new Huawei spell check didn’t like that comment!?)

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        “I seem to have lost all my rrrrrrrs this morning. Now it’s all geek to me.”

        -The Flying Scotsman

  4. Judy Eun Kyung Kim said,

    I love it, the banana peel especially, Loki on the moon is perfect

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thank you, Judy. 🙂

      Yes at the start of last week, I had no idea what I was going to write for the 50th Anniversary of the moon landing.

      Little did I realize I’d write a post with Loki and a banana peel on the moon. 😂

      • Judy Eun Kyung Kim said,

        bananas are funny slapstick/sexual metaphor and trickster Loki go well in the moon setting, your writing is metaphorical and believable through comedy 🍌😀

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, I guess watching the British comedies Monty Python and later Mr. Bean had its effects on me. 😅

      • Judy Eun Kyung Kim said,

        I think the banana peel never gets old, it’s so silly and that’s its charm. Mr Bean ha he’s a master of facial expressions and Monty Python is classically good. 😀

  5. Hyperion said,

    Only Loki would throw a banana peel on the moon’s surface creating a poo-storm of conspiracy theories and Russian Facebook Memes. Stand by for a GOO Twitter tsunami from GOO Social Media truthsayers blaming those cheeky Iranians for putting Rocket Panties Kim up to it.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      The NASA tallyman tallied Loki’s banana at the cost of some several trillion dollars (to put Harry Belafonte’s banana boat song in 2019 perspective).

      Bernie Sanders said the money could have been better spent on “Underwear for all.”

      • Hyperion said,

        We must never let Banana-Gate be forgotten in the anus of political history lest we leave a bunch of bananas on the moon wondering where all the bananas go after the bananas are gone. I’m voting for Bernie. We need to add comedy back in the White House after 14 years of going bananas.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Very true, Daniel.

        Ukraine elected a comedian as its President.

        It’s time for the U.S. to follow Ukraine’s lead.

      • Hyperion said,

        I think some comic relief in the Casa Blanca is just what the proctologist ordered for all of the Tump Butt Hurts out there.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        … And the cigarette smoking ghost of Humphrey Bogart says, “Of all the enemas in all the world…”

      • Hyperion said,

        While Rita Hayworth in a pensive mood purred, just squeeze it, already.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And Orson Welles remarked, “I tell you that the turd man is not Harry Lime.”

      • Hyperion said,

        I foresee a story emerging. The Turd Man of Alcatraz.

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