Donald Trump: I’m The Second Coming of God and There’s Something Rotten In The State of Denmark

August 21, 2019 at 10:48 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Donald Trump: I’m The Second Coming of God and There’s Something Rotten In The State of Denmark

Donald Trump was sitting up in his high chair in the White House dining room with a bib around his neck and his arms folded and was busy pouting, “Well, I’m not going to go to Denmark if I can’t buy Greenland. I’m going to cancel my state visit to Denmark so there.”

“Very good, sir,” Lexington his British butler and valet sighed, “Are you planning on finishing your mashed peas?”.

He pointed towards Trump’s plate.

“No, I’m not,” Trump answered in petulant fashion, “I don’t have to eat my mashed peas if I don’t want to.”

The President threw his spoon on the floor in a childish temper tantrum.

Lexington removed the spoon from the floor and the plate of mashed peas from the President’s high chair tray.

When Lexington left the room, Trump turned his attention to his long suffering teddy bear in the next high chair and started complaining to him, “WAAAAH! Danish Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen called my offer to buy Greenland “absurd”. How dare she call it absurd! Calling it an absurd idea. That was a nasty thing to say. All she had to say was “no”. But she called it an absurd idea. That was so nasty! What sort of person goes around saying nasty things?”.

Trump picked up his smart phone and quickly tweeted that Jews who voted for the Democratic Party were “traitors”.

He also tweeted more uncomplimentary language about the 4 Democratic Congresswomen whom he now referred to as “AOC plus three”.

Lexington returned with Donald Trump’s dessert and put it down on the high chair tray in front of the President.

“Lexington!” Trump ordered, “I want you to call Ivanka and get her to summon an emergency meeting of the cabinet and national security council. I’m going to sign an Executive Order proclaiming that all Cinnamon Danish buns bought and sold in the U.S. can no longer be called Cinnamon Danish buns. They’ll have to be called Cinnamon Florida buns. Florida is a great state. Denmark isn’t. There’s something rotten in the state of Denmark.”

“Very good, sir,” Lexington left the dining room to call Ivanka.

Trump turned his attention back to his long suffering teddy bear, “Teddy, you know what a conservative political commentator said about me and Israeli Jews. He said Israeli Jews (who aren’t traitors) think of me as the new King of Israel and the Second Coming of God.”

Despite his inanimate state, the long suffering teddy bear grimaced into a sheer expression of horror (the same expression that Mr. Bean’s teddy bear had on his face the night Mr. Bean lost his virginity).

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher 
Wednesday August 21st
2019.


Summoning the spirit behind the new King of Israel and the 2nd Coming of God

45 Comments

  1. annieasksyou said,

    Aside from the high chair and Lexington, you really didn’t have to stretch much to find the terrifying conjoined farce/tragedy in this one. As we watch the leader of the world’s most powerful nation unravel at an ever-quickening pace, we gasp in horror—at him, and at the spineless sycophants in his party who purportedly wring their hands while saying zero.

    You notice that he reserves the word “nasty” for strong women? One thought that came to mind while reading your chapter was that after saying, “There’s Something Rotten in the State of Denmark,” he probably would have added: “That’s true, and I’m the first one who’s ever thought to say it!”

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, John McCain was the only Republican who ever stood up to Trump and sadly he died from brain cancer.

      Where are the Pete McCloskeys who ran against Nixon for the Republican nomination in 1972?

      Yes, I notice Trump seems to reserve the word “nasty” for strong women.

      And Trump would definitely think that he was the one who coined the term “There’s something rotten in the state of Denmark.”

  2. George F. said,

    What’s absurd is that I almost wrote in my blog that Trump buy Mexico as a solution to the immigration crisis. I thought was even too absurd for fiction…but this shit is getting bizarre! And I haven’t written much lately which made me notice even more how prolific you are. You write nearly every day!!!

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, writing nearly every day seems to help keep my clinical depression at bay.

      Pointing out the absurdity of the world seems to give my life a sense of purpose and keep me going.

      Too bad you hadn’t posted that chapter about Trump wanting to buy Mexico.

      You’d have been acclaimed a prophet.

      And then you’d have been arrested for public vandalism while writing on the subway walls and the arresting officer would have been humming the tune to the Simon and Garfunkel song The Sounds of Silence as he put you in the back of the police car.

      • George F. said,

        Well, I have it. Didn’t post it. I’ll accept the prophet label, even if only you and I know it. (And I know the song reference…lol!)

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And in the corner stands Mike Tyson while Chef Gordon Ramsey searches for parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme and the ghost of Sen. Teddy Kennedy once again finds himself in a car underneath a bridge.

      • George F. said,

        Buying Mexico was too crazy even for fiction…yet, here we are.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, here we are.

        Today’s satire is tomorrow’s reality.

      • George F. said,

        Amazing I’d say. Drop into new post btw,

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Just checked out your blog. 🙂

      • George F. said,

        Just took it off FB too…

      • George F. said,

        Speaking of depression, how does you mind entertain these questions about writing a blog: Who cares? Who reads it? What’s the point? My answer is: well, if nothing really matters then just entertain myself. What’s yours? And how come I’m afraid or embarrassed to post my blog on FB and you’re not? Zup with dat?

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I actually write to entertain myself.

        And fortunately for me, other people find it entertaining as well. 😀

        As for being embarrassed about posting on FB, as the Janis Joplin lyrics noted, “Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose.”

        After being thrown out of my dad’s house by the Estate Executor and lawyer 9 years ago after my dad died and then losing my apartment and most of my possessions in Vancouver in 2016 and winding up homeless in Calgary that same year, I figure I have nothing less to lose.

        So I write blogs and post them on FB and give the world’s political, media, entertainment and cultural elites the raspberry they so richly deserve.

      • George F. said,

        …and they do richly deserve it

  3. Hyperion said,

    This was absolutely one of The GOO’s best slapstick comedy routines to stir up the entire world over a comment to buy Greenland. What fools the Danes are for not selling it for a prophet now before the entire island melts from non existent global warming and the ocean turns it into an underwater fish bowl. Talk about missing an opportunity. The US is the only country that could turn Greenland into a vacation theme park for snorkelers. That aside, your realistic portrayals of the Supreme New God of Absurdity are uncannily spot on. I hear Congress has appropriated 10 million bucks to replace the carpets because all of the food thrown on the floor and. Of course there is that problem with Clintoon leaving big spooge marks on the walls in the secretarial pool. Of course virtually no one will mention the fried chicken grease stains on all the furniture from a previous Era. The place is a wreck and needs major overhauling. Privilege characters rarely see themselves as unhealthy influences on the decor.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, the U.S. could definitely turn Greenland into a vacation theme park for snorkelers. 😂

      ROTFLMFAO ! at your descriptions of all the stains left on and around the White House by various administrations.

      It may turn out to be the case that la Casa Blanca is a write-off.

      Perhaps the re-enactment of an event from the War of 1812 which is rarely mentioned in most U.S. history books where Canadian militias came down all the way from Canada to Washingon and burnt down the White House could be done.

      The performance artist Canadian militias could bring down legalized Canadian cannabis with them and distribute them to members of Congress to light up courtesy of the White House flames and inhale the smoke.

      Then the White House could be re-built from scratch.

      • Hyperion said,

        Waaa haaa haaaa! The burning of the Casa Blanca has always been attributed to James Madison lighting farts in bed. He was quite the jokester. I think you have a great idea. We could invite everyone who has been offended by the GOO to the bon fire. That should ensure a huge crowd. They will have to pay $2.00 for an entry fee with lots of vendors selling food, drink, and pot. That should raise enough money to build a new modern House with all the amenities. I’ll bet half the world population will try to come.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And Greenlanders can bring buckets of ice before it all melts. 😂

      • Hyperion said,

        Yep, in a couple of years there will be no ice on Greenland and everybody will have beach front property.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Polar bears will be wearing sunglasses and shaving their fur.

      • Hyperion said,

        The Polar Bears will look like Russian tourists.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Either that or the Hillarybeast if she had ever posed as a Playboy playmate.

      • Hyperion said,

        I just tossed my oatmeal all over my screen. Luckily, I had a little bit of Sherrie’s magic mushroom cleaner and a bottle of bleach on hand. Whew, that visual was worse than seeing the Kraken in a Chartreuse Speedo. 🤮😬😳🙈🙊🐙

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        It is the stuff nightmares are made of. 😲😱

      • Hyperion said,

        Yes indeed! I imagine several very good horror writers could really scare the bejeezus out of us with an expanded version.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        It will be Stephen King’s most frightening novel ever.

      • Hyperion said,

        He could do it. Mass pants poopage.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        A good time to invest in the adult diaper industry.

      • Hyperion said,

        Someone could invent industrial strength blow proof adult diapers that can withstand heavy loads and high pressure overloads without side splatter or blow through. They’d be rich and millions of men could enjoy an active life again.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        It’s something that Elon Musk should consider doing rather than talking about Nuking Mars and printing up t-shirts to that effect.

        Perhaps a group of contemporary peace activists could stand outside Musk’s house and sing an updated version of an old 1960s folk song, “All we are saying is give Pampers a chance…”

      • Hyperion said,

        LMAO 😂. It’s time to Pamper up!

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Donald Trump can wear them while tweeting. 😂

      • Hyperion said,

        Waaaaa haaaaa haaaaa! Red, white, and blue with the POOTUS seal emblazoned on the bum.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Vladimir Putin will need to use his new hypersonic nuclear missile (of the variety that exploded in Russia’s Far North on August 8th) to penetrate through all that to get to the bottom of things.

      • Hyperion said,

        Then there will be the mushroom cloud rising above the POOTUS Loo giving the radical left the toxic fallout they so dearly desired.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s last words will be, “My green New Deal has turned brown like those mushroom spores.”

      • Hyperion said,

        Upon exposing AOC’s new brown deal, the public asks who farted.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And someone will write a book about it called None Dare Call It (Bovine) Flatulence.

      • Hyperion said,

        And all that wild speculation on the news and internet will whip up the gullable populace of the world and in their great desire to conform to the new brown deal, AOC will become the new Typhoid Mary that hastens the end of the world through inundation in brown digestive stuff. Somewhere, a dung beatle population will explode, evolve, and take over.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And Lenin will have been shown to be wrong for the world will end not with a bang nor a whimper but with a bowel movement.

      • Hyperion said,

        Bwaaaa haaa haaaaa! I am seeing the story title, Rise of the Dung Beetle, as my next literary undertaking.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Someone should start a campaign Dung Beetle For President 2020.

        At least a politician would be campaigning with an honest name describing what they are.

      • Hyperion said,

        Ha ha ha haaa! Honesty in an American election campaign is what the people want but the politicians have no way of determining what honesty is. They have never seen it before among their peers and so noble virtue and honesty scares the crap out of them, which would be to the Dung Beetle’s advantage. I do believe that if a Dung Beetle ran for president with a stink bug VP, they would sweep the nation in a landslide victory.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Dung Beetle/Stink Bug- there’s the golden ticket.

        Gives a whole new meaning to the term Charlie, Willie Wonka and The Chocolate Factory.

        Everything is bubbling up brown.

      • Hyperion said,

        Haha haaaa! I call that the California Effect due to an average of 35 tons of feces picked up off California sidewalks every year.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: