Renfield Discusses The Biarritz G-7 Summit, Trump Proposes To Nuke Hurricanes and Prince Andrew Issues Statement On Epstein

August 26, 2019 at 10:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Renfield Discusses Biarritz G-7 Summit, Trump Proposes To Nuke Hurricanes and Prince Andrew Issues Statement On Epstein 

“As Britain’s new Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering, why weren’t you at the G-7 Summit in Biarritz, France?” Amadeus Emanon asked his friend Renfield R. Renfield.

“Because Trump Administration officials objected to my being there,” Renfield answered.

“In the name of God (who isn’t Donald Trump), why?” Amadeus inquired.

“They were afraid that I’d punch the living daylights out of Donald Trump,” Renfield put on a pair of dark sunglasses.

“And would you have done so?” Amadeus questioned.

“Oh probably,” Renfield replied.

“I see Trump skipped the session where they discussed Climate Change,” Amadeus noted.

“He did, the silly ass,” Renfield acknowleged.

“And even though he wasn’t at the summit, I see Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro the Donald Trump of South America insulted Emmanuel Macron’s wife because summit host Macron convinced the G-7 nations to send money and equipment to help fight the massive Amazon rainforest fires,” Amadeus quoted an article.

“Yes, Bolsonaro was babbling about neo-colonialism, the silly ass,” Renfield sipped his glass of whisky, “forgetting that the Amazon rainforests are vitally important to the future of the entire planet. It’s because of stupid ass extreme nationalists of the Donald Trump style variety such as Bolsonaro that the peoples of the world might seriously consider getting rid of all forms of national sovereignty and pave the way for a one world government which would probably inevitably become an all encompassing Marxist-Leninist-Stalinist-Maoist global totalitarian state. So because of the Amazon rainforest fires, we might end up with a one world government and then with the upcoming Vatican Synod On The Amazon in October, we might end up with a one world religion.”

“Setting up the stage for the arrival of the False Prophet and the Antichrist,” Amadeus shivered.

“Just in time for next year’s G-7 summit to be held at Trump’s Doral Florida golf resort,” Renfield reflected, “Which reminds me I should really start working on my golf swing. His secret service agents used to joke that the late former U.S. President Gerald Ford might have made a truly deadly assassin with the way he hit his golf balls.”

. . .

Donald Trump informed the members of the press present, “I’ve asked our best government scientists to look into the possibility of using nuclear weapons to destroy hurricanes before they reach landfall.”

A bunch of toy glass marbles fell out of Trump’s pocket as he made the suggestion.

“Excuse me,” Donald Trump got down on the ground and started picking them up, “I seem to have lost all my marbles.”

. . .

Prince Andrew was standing at the top of the steps in front of a London repertory movie theatre which was showing the 1942 Classic Hollywood film Casablanca.

He was looking down at the news media on the steps below.

The Prince was standing next to a man who was dressed up as the Claude Rains movie character of Captain Louis Renault.

Said the Prince to the media, “I’m shocked! Shocked I tell you to find out that Jeffrey Epstein was a pedophile!”.

World famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes happened to be walking by at the time and she used one of her spiked stiletto heels to kick the non-illustrious Prince Andrew in the seat of the pants.

The kick sent the Prince tumbling down the steps and then tumbling down the sidewalk and then tumbling down the street where he fell down an open sewer hole.

After the Prince landed, he came face to face with a huge sewer rat.

The rat glared at him as if it were saying to itself, “Why of all the rat holes in all the world did he have to fall down this one?”.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Monday August 26th


  1. Judy Kim said,

    Hilarious ending

  2. Hyperion said,

    An excellent bipartisan exploratory of how all the despots of the world have been subsummed by the GOO. The GOO has outwitted the media at every turn. In my last meeting with him, I suggested he begin throwing out nuclear solutions to every problem the Congress was too impotent to solve. Low and behold, he throws out nukkin’ hurricanes. Brilliant peace of work. He actually is laughing his butt off at the silly media trying so desperately to believe his every utterance and find fault with every twitch of the GOO’s nose. Once he farted at the podium and the twitter storm that followed gagged the entire world internet. And, with all that adoration that the GOO dearly loves, Pootin, Ballsofire, Xi, and all the wanna be leaders of the enslaved world can’t get an evil sound bite in edgewise. Brilliant! Loved the cameo by Sherrielock. I wonder if anyone really believes Epstein hung himself. He had the dirt on every Tycoon and Politician in the world and apparently Royalty as well. I believe nanites were used to choke Epstein with his own hands, which is hard to do while unconscious.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, strangling himself with his own hands while unconscious shows that Epstein was a greater performance artist than even Houdini.

      • Hyperion said,

        It’s all slight of hand. I’m sure he had a rubber chicken in his pocket to distract the guards while he performed this feat of extraordinary accomplishment.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Sadly all the cameras in his cell block just happened all not to be working the night he did himself in so this extraordinary endeavour was lost to posterity.

      • Hyperion said,

        Yes, it seems anytime someone with expert witness knowledge of political perversion that sweeps the entire world order, all methods of skullduggery recording suddenly fail and the witness dies of strange circumstances. If that isn’t proof of Satan’s hand then I’m out of suggestions. I suspect Harvey Weinstein will also die of buggery in prison one day and no one will have seen a thing except his buggered bootie frozen in the air by rigor mortis.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, there was a female Argentine porn star named Natacha Jaitt who died under mysterious circumstances this past February just two weeks before she was to testify at a court hearing investigating a child sex trafficking ring in Argentina.

        The head of this suspected child sex trafficking ring is a close personal friend of Pope Francis and among the more explosive evidence she’d present at the hearing she told a TV interviewer is that the man actually did traffic to high ranking officials in the Vatican.

      • Hyperion said,

        And this will likely disappear under the Vatican rug and the Pope will be furious if the children turn out not to be young alterboys. One must keep up appearances.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,


        Hold up a Save The Environment and Earth Mother Goddess Gaia sign while busy humping an altar boy in order to save the whale.

      • Hyperion said,

        That pretty much sums it up. Thankfully, the GOO is taking over as God to straighten every thing out. 🙄

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        He should start with “straightening” out San Francisco first.

      • Hyperion said,

        I’m afraid since SF was declared a living hell for the residents, we have to assume that god GOO must let SF remain in operation otherwise no one would need the GOO to protect them from hell if hell didnt exist. No, wait a minute. Didn’t the Pope already declare Hell doesnt exist? Hmmmm. The GOO may need to evaluate this before he dictates actions to the Pope.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        The Pope and the GOO will have plenty of time to compare forever notes when they’re both cast in the Lake of Fire by the real God at the end of time.

      • Hyperion said,

        That is one lake that won’t have a spare square inch of lake front property or beach to plop down on due to extreme over crowding. It will likely be just another Los Angeles but with out the Poo Patrol to keep the sidewalks tidy.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, it will be Los Angeles meets the sidewalks of San Francisco with a dash of undrained Washington D.C. swampwater thrown in for good measure.

      • Hyperion said,

        Eeeeewwwwwww! That does seem like pure Hell. Our only hope is if God GOO finally throws Californication into the ocean. He may have to gin up an earthquake for that unless he has a Lemming virus he can spread via that PooLoo effect.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, He’ll send a giant sea horse with the power to whinny like a giant land horse and the sea horse will whinny and send the poo flying all over Californication burying the state under miles of poo instead of miles of volcanic ash.

        The horse will go down in history under the name Whinny the Poo.

      • Hyperion said,

        I think you just wrote a modern day fairytale that secretly predicts the future.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I think I did, Daniel.

        A future that the current crop of perverts and degenerates at Disney have not seen.

        Otherwise they’d have built their current expanded Disneyland in the Nevada desert where they’d have a beach front view once Californication sinks under the weight of all that dung into the depths of the ocean.

      • Hyperion said,

        Looks like Disney’s Atlantis theme park may get a chance to go under water for a more realistic visitor experience.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And someone sings “To Susan on the West Coast waiting from Randy in Atlantis drowning. And it’s now the same place…”

        That was inspired by an old 45 record my sister had.

        A song based on a letter written from a GI in Vietnam which was To Susan On The West Coast Waiting on one side.

        And a song about Atlantis on the other side.

      • Hyperion said,

        It was well established that soldiers in Vietnam became instant philosophers after smoking the wild weed of the Hmong tribes.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        They traveled far to become philosophers.

        Carlos Castaneda that “enigma wrapped in a mystery wrapped in a tortilla” was able to do it much closer to home by smoking peyote and jimson weed provided by that Yaqui Indian shaman named Don Juan from northern Mexico (whom miraculously only Castaneda was able to see).

        Although to be fair, Castaneda did inspire a few catchy tunes by the Eagles such as Hotel California.

        No doubt if Castaneda was still alive today, he’d be disappointed by Trump’s efforts to build a wall.

      • Hyperion said,

        Where have all our gurus gone? Trumps wall is surely interfering with the spread of peyote pollen and mushroom spores.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, the plant imbibing botanists who make up 99.9% of the San Francisco Public Civil Service and plan 100% of the policies advocated by the San Francisco City Council Board of Supervisors are quite upset with the decrease in peyote pollen and mushroom spores in the city.

        It sort of provided a slight heavenly scent to the widespread aroma of dung throughout the sidewalks of the city.

      • Hyperion said,

        I heard recently that $35,000,000 USD was spent by SF to create a dung patrol using the pooch poo pick-up technique whereby a city employ follows the dirty dungers and scoops up behind them. All of the money was absorbed in salaries for civil servants and they ran out of cash before they could hire a single dung scooper and supply the worker with a poo scooper and plastic bag. They do have all the supervisory staff in place though.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, it’s always amazing how all the supervisory staff remain in place even when no practical workers are ever hired to do the actual work in most government programs for years and years upon end.

      • Hyperion said,

        For years and years. Well, Nero found out what happens when you fiddle around while your empire burns.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        You blame it all on the Christians.

        Which is probably what will happen if a Democrat takes control of the White House in 2020.

      • Hyperion said,

        DemoGeddon will occur as soon as the polls are in and only increase in intensity as normal well adjusted people full of compassion and righteousness are hunted down and mass murdered in retribution. The unintended consequence to this wholesale elimination of the tax payers will result in the San Francisco effect all across the nation and in a final irony, the ithyphalic leftists who have no known skills will drown in their own excrement. The mass of CBD oil and marijuana consumed will ensure a sticky brown aromatic digestive goo no one can escape. Problem solved.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I think you have seen the future, Daniel… and it’s very shitty in outlook.

      • Hyperion said,

        Perhaps I had poop in my eyes from reading about how the left wingers want to murder all the right wingers. Nothing is more evil than a liberal willing to commit mass murder for the right to be a pervert. I wish they would all do a stint in Syria as Pootin’s guest. That would change some minds.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        ISIS Vs. The Hollywood Leftist Elites Who Want To Hunt Deplorables As Seen In The Now Postponed Hollywood Movie The Hunt.

        Now there’s an international co-produced reality TV show!

      • Hyperion said,

        Egads! It just never ends.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Until the ghost of Howard Beale from the 1976 movie Network arrives on the scene and says, “Hell is as mad as Hell. And it’s not going to take it anymore.”

        Whereupon the Lake of Fire explodes and the entire earth is covered in fire and smoke and brimstone and sulfur and dung.

        The entire scene fades to black when Bugs Bunny eating a carrot at the top of the 666 trillion mile high dung heap and standing himself on the quickly deflating breasts of Nancy Pelosi waves at the camera and says, “That’s all, folks.”

      • Hyperion said,

        An apoplectic vision that everyone knows is coming except Fancy Piglosi. No one will notice she is standing on a naked Burnme Sanders.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        With the notable exception of Burnme Sanders. 😂

      • Hyperion said,

        Waaaa haaaa haaaa! His ancient brain slips as his feelings of grandeur grows.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Dementia and megalomania – the new 2-in-1 for Bernie Sanders.

      • Hyperion said,

        What a bargain to get a two for one.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        A phrase you’ll never hear spoken in a STD clinic anywhere.

      • Hyperion said,

        Thankfully 😬

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