Boris Johnson’s Historic Day, Trump’s Hurricane Bluster, Harvey Tallbanger, Greek Goddess Artemis and Dracul Van Helsing

August 28, 2019 at 10:54 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Boris Johnson’s Historic Day, Trump’s Hurricane Bluster, Harvey Tallbanger, Greek Goddess Artemis and Dracul Van Helsing

British Prime Minister Boris Johnson was sitting in his office at 10 Downing Street going over some papers this evening.

Earlier in the day, Johnson had sent three Privy Council members up to Balmoral Castle in Scotland to get Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II to prorogue (suspend) Parliament for a month to cut back on the amount of time opposition MPs could use to prevent a No Deal Brexit on October 31st (the biggest Halloween trick or treat in British history).

Outside 10 Downing Street, protestors were shouting “Way hey, ho-ho, this BJ has got to go…”

Inside an adjacent cabinet meeting room, Renfield R. Renfield the Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering was thinking to himself, “What have those protestors got against blow jobs?”.

. . .

BBC News Anchorwoman Geeta Guru-Murthy was reading the news headlines, “And in other news, U.S. President Donald Trump has blasted the territory of Puerto Rico for having Hurricane Dorian barrelling down in their direction…”

The news clip shows Trump speaking to the media before boarding a helicopter, “I’d just like to say that it’s very very inconsiderate for Puerto Rico to have a hurricane barrelling in their direction for the third time in two years. Not cool at all. Two years ago they were hit by Hurricane Irma and then they were severely hit by Hurricane Maria which caused massive amounts of damage. Then they had the post-Maria nerve to say that it was a disaster and they required emergency aid from Washington DC. Again not very cool. And now a mere 2 years later, Hurricane Dorian is heading towards them. Yet again not very cool. What makes Puerto Rico think that regular American taxpayers will keep bailing them out every time they allow themselves to get hit by a hurricane? Like I say very very inconsiderate of them.”

Geeta Guru-Murthy: Mr. Trump then boarded the helicopter where he got hit in the face with a cream pie thrown at him by a 6 foot 8 tall invisible bunny rabbit according to descriptions by Harvey Wallbanger drinking secret service agents.

. . .

The Greek goddess Artemis was waiting for Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing in a London hotel room.

“Mr. Van Helsing,” Artemis beckoned him, “I’m here to tell you about the suspicious activities that have been happening at the Thule Air Base in Greenland but let’s get down to other business first…”

And that other business that Artemis had in mind turned out to be very pleasant indeed.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday August 28th
2019.

34 Comments

  1. Hyperion said,

    I have to agree with the GOO. What sane and responsible body politic would place their island nation where hurricanes can constantly ruin the music festival joie de vivre that lives in the hearts of the citizenry? That’s just plain Loco Librettist politics right there. Of course, here is a good place to station hurricane busters to try out. If the GOO successfully blows up a hurricane, we can call it a MOAT. Mother of all Trumpulations.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      And if New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady accidentally shoves his deflated balls up the GOO’s backside, we can call it the GOAT in the MOAT.

      • Hyperion said,

        I’m sure Hasbro will then come out with a board game where the objective is to rescue the goat from the moat.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And young Sherrielock Rocher hopes that a Barbie and GI Joe will be among the pieces included in The GOAT In The MOAT game. 😂

      • Hyperion said,

        Barbie and GI Joe will come with the game. The Goat is somehow a part of the score.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And the opening lines of the children’s book The GOAT In The MOAT will start with the MOAT (Trump’s rear end) saying, “I do not like green AIDS and spam…”

      • Hyperion said,

        😱. Eeeeeek! I just had a visual on that.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Another absolutely terrifying Stephen King and H.P. Lovecraft moment to be found this time in a children’s book.😨

      • Hyperion said,

        It will likely sell out to like minded parents looking to raise their children in the image of their idols.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Bringing perversion, depravity and brainlessness to the next generation.

        Or as they say in TV ads, “Watch it on Netflix anytime, any place, anywhere.”

      • Hyperion said,

        Yes, our only hope is ANTIFA where none of the members know why they are members or what ANTIFA stands for. This will definitely result in rapid onset of the zombie apocalypse and give us a common subject of discussion.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, a zombie apocalypse where zombies die of starvation due to lack of brains to eat.

      • Hyperion said,

        There is no better pandemic than one that fights and destroys itself.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Very well put.

        It should be the motto of the World Health Organization.

      • Hyperion said,

        One Pandemic for all to share in the heat of non-global warming.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        One Pandemic to rule them all and in the flatulence bind them.

      • Hyperion said,

        Inspiring words Chris! I can invision it in my mind as a mantra carved in ancient stone by Loki just before his brother, Thor the Thunder God, hammered his ass for turning the air to a sulphuric green haze.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Which was the true cause of global warming overlooked by AOC and her fellow authors of the Green New Deal.

      • Hyperion said,

        Indeed, Airhead AOC thinks global warming is caused by real men doing real men’s work thus heating the atmosphere and melting icy hearts. Since she started her self love relationship with an adult toy, battery stocks have soared. We all know that battery’s overheating is the real cause of global warming.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        These are the photo slides and video clips that Al Gore should be showing if he makes the movie An Inconvenient Truth Part III.

      • Hyperion said,

        Indeed, Al Gore, the father of the Internet, may be our only hope.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        “Civilization is truly lost,” as Renfield R. Renfield said in his House of Commons speech when the Westminster Parliament voted in favour of Jeremy Corbyn’s bill against Brexit by Halloween of this year.

      • Hyperion said,

        I see every decision and act in these end times as a plot to bring the human race to ruin. We are headed back to caves to start over and suicide will be rampant as soon as the world notices their smartphones don’t work anymore.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Non-working smart phones will produce the biggest case of widespread Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder in all recorded history.

        It will be a certain world leader’s inability to tweet on Twitter that will lead to the first use of nuclear weapons in the coming cataclysm.

      • Hyperion said,

        Without smart phone apps to control one’s adult synthetic AI sex doll, wide spread buggery could take place.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        It will be like a widespread (anally) U.S. Conference of Catholic Church Bishops meeting all over the planet.

      • Hyperion said,

        A mega epidemic of altar boys in the local area being treated for bootie soreness.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Eventually the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops will meet with the same fate as the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah.

        Hence why the bishops tend to avoid holding their conference gatherings in cities with either active or dormant volcanoes close by.

      • Hyperion said,

        Ha ha ha! Well, they are crafty devils, for sure.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Who serve up a devilishly crafted craft brew.

      • Hyperion said,

        That never fails to sell out

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        The #1 best selling brand.

      • Hyperion said,

        😂🎮

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        😂😅

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