Anubis Raids The Jeffrey Epstein Ranch

September 2, 2019 at 11:50 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Anubis Raids The Jeffrey Epstein Ranch

A Fox News crew was up in Calgary, Alberta, Canada to see how world famous genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was spending his Labour Day Monday.

They noted Pan Goatee walking up to his neighbourhood shopping mall where he beheaded an ugly female cyclist on the way.

“On a bicycle now built for none,” Pan Goatee sang a very old song whose tune was only now heard on Ice Cream Trucks music speakers.

He then went to the Food Court and ordered himself a submarine sandwich.

He then ate the sub while reading Jules Verne’s 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea.

He wondered how Captain Nemo ended up a Disney animated film fish cartoon character.

He then left the mall where he encountered a fat ugly blimp carrying a terrified and screaming small child.

He beheaded the fat ugly blimp while whistling the tune to that old Second World War song “We’ll hang out our washings on the Siegfried Line…”

The small child was very grateful to get away from the fat ugly ogre as he ran away screaming down the street.

The Pan Goatee clip was followed on Fox News by a Tucker Carlson commentary in which Carlson said that Labour Day was a plot by the working classes to enslave wealthy capitalist entrepreneurs into paying them holiday pay if they had to work on the first Monday in September.

Carlson ended the commentary by smoking a marijuana joint and then shooting out the lens of the cameras by firing a semi-automatic pistol he had purchased at Wal-Mart a few hours earlier.

. . .

Air headed representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez had spent her Labour Day weekend publishing tweets in which she criticized the “supposed” masculinity (her words) of straight males proud of their heterosexuality.

British MP Renfield R. Renfield (a proud heterosexual) decided to get his revenge on the air headed representative for the aptly named Queens district in New York City.

If Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez thought she could act like a leftist female equivalent of Donald Trump and be prone to making idiotic statements in public, she’d have to face the wrath of Renfield.

Renfield had heard from his spy network in New York City that the airhead would be taking part in a Father James Martin SJ blessed Gay Pride Parade in her congressional district.

Renfield sent drones over the parade as the airhead (burning her bra with a pink candle) marched at the front.

As the airhead suddenly realized that she should have probably taken her bra off first before setting fire to it, the drones began playing on their loudspeakers Renfield R. Renfield singing in a Johnny Cash style voice his own paraphrased version of an old Johnny Cash song,

“Sodomites and their supporters got thrown into a burning Lake of Fire,
And they went down down down
And the flames went higher
And it burns burns burns 
The Lake of Fire,
The Lake of Fire…”

. . .

Anubis the Egyptian god of death and the son of the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set had become reconciled with his estranged father this past Thursday and had celebrated the commemoration of the beheading of Saint John the Baptist with his dad by participating in eating some live crocodiles wrapped in freshly made giant sushi rolls.

Anubis was now leading British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s personal British Army brigade of Gurkhas in a raid on Jeffrey Epstein’s Zorro Ranch in New Mexico.

They were looking for the living disembodied heads of 12 Nazi SS officers.

Suddenly Anubis and the Gurkhas found themselves under attack by Mossad operatives and Israeli commandos.

It looked like Mossad and the Israelis would win the battle even against accomplished Gurkhas.

However Sherrielock Holmes and the Dragon Sisters of the Dragon Sisterhood of The Plumed Phoenix Dragon arrived on the scene.

They pulled down the pants of the Mossad operatives and Israeli commandos and tomatoed their buns.

The Mossad operative in charge, Star of Azazel, called a hasty retreat.

The 12 heads would end up in the possession of Set Enterprises as a result of the bun tomatoing inflicted on these errant sons of Jacob.

. . .

A black and white vision of the late film director Alfred Hitchcock appeared to Pope Francis
as he lay in bed:

Hitchcock spoke these words unto Pope Francis, “And Judas Iscariot went out and hanged himself. Go thou and do likewise.”

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Monday September 2nd 


  1. George F. said,

    “Sodomites and their supporters got thrown into a burning Lake of Fire…” Omg had to take a break to recapture my breath. Ya know, while I have come to think that most human activity is either a waste of time or building a pyramid of self-aggrandizement, I’ve also come to conclude that beheading fat ugly blimps is perhaps the most worthwhile activity one can indulge in.

  2. Dawn Renee said,

    Oh, that morbid sense of humor possessed by the Pan Goatee…
    He entertains himself.

  3. Hyperion said,

    Thank the Egyptian gods below for Sherrielock Holmes and the nubile Dragon Sisters or poor Renfield might be another live head at the Epstein Ranch.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, poor Renfield might be just another living head on Epstein’s Ranch of Horrors. 😲

      • Hyperion said,

        Worse, Renfield could be buried out back, buttocks up, and used as a bike rack

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        There is actually a bike rack located at the back of a huge RV that was parked in the parking lot of the Epstein Ranch in a news video I watched about a week ago.

        I wonder what poor snook’s buttocks they actually used?

      • Hyperion said,

        This would make a great titillating crime mystery novel, The Bike Rack Buttocks – A true crime story of the ill fated butt of a Jeffery Epstein pimp.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I can see it prominently displayed in the paperback book racks of stores everywhere.

      • Hyperion said,

        I think its a best seller. Nabakov’s Pedo had nothing on Epstein, a true demented and souless stooge of powerful pedoes.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Epstein was indeed the Prof. James Moriarty of all pedophiles.

        If he had not successfully done himself in after hanging himself while unconscious, Sherrielock Holmes would have disposed of him in the same manner as her brother Sherlock had disposed of the original Napoleon of Crime of the Victorian era.

      • Hyperion said,

        I think since ole Lecherboy Democrat pedo, Bubba Klintoon was a close friend and booty buddy for Epstein, Hildebeast had him knocked off like the other 27 close friends of Klintoon that met with suspicious ends. The real amazing thing was how they got him to do himself in while totally unconscious. That is a feat that actually scares the bejeepers out of me because only close ties to Satan have such suggestive powers come into play.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, not even Houdini could hang himself while unconscious.

        An Arkancide magic act that reality television will never get to see since all the cameras in that wing of the prison simultaneously stopped working at the same time.

        As Father James J. Martin SJ (Pope Francis’ most pre-eminent gay apologist) might put it, “What a bummer .”

      • Hyperion said,

        It’s always so strange how these things happen and all yhe multitude of safety systems seem to fail at once. Surely a sign of Beelzebub’s presence.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Beelzebub- the demonic originator of the cosmos’ first EMP (electro-magnetic pulse).

      • Hyperion said,

        With a name like Beelzebub, there is no chance you would survive your first ANTIFA rally so he naturally turned to supernatural nefarious activity.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And the world hasn’t been the same since.

      • Hyperion said,

        Luckily, history does repeat itself so he should be back in style before too long.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,


        Of course his Hebrew name Beelzebub in English translates to Lord of The Flies (referring to the tiny black winged insects and not Bill Clinton’s usually open zippers).

        However historically speaking that wasn’t his original name in Hebrew.

        His original name Beel-something or other (aka Baal-something or other) translated to Lord of The Dung Heap in English.

        However the translators of the King James Bible decided to use the more polite term Beelzebub (Lord of The Flies) rather than Lord of The Dung Heap.

        Flies were noted to hang around dung heaps so they figured Lord of The Flies would amount to describing the same demonic entity.

        However dung heaps are really big in Nancy Pelosi’s home city of San Francisco these days so Beelzebub is really making a big comeback there.

      • Hyperion said,

        Indeed this was enlightening informstion and it makes more sense now than ever. Fancy Piglosi is the Playfem of the night to the Lord of the Flies among the busy dung heapers in SF.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, Beelzebub, unlike Lucifer the numero uno in the realm of fallen angels, always had lousy taste in women.

        Which explains his gravitation towards little black winged insects and dung heaps.

      • Hyperion said,

        Alas, Pan Goatee was eliminating Beel’s beloveds faster than he could sign them up on his favorite dating site.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Exactly. 😀

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