Self-Proclaimed Meteorologist and Hurricane Expert Donald Trump Wants To Be Cool

September 10, 2019 at 11:00 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Self-Proclaimed Meteorologist and Hurricane Expert Donald Trump Wants To Be Cool

Ares the Greek god of war, Thor the Norse god of thunder and Morrigan the Irish Celtic goddess of war were sitting in a bar drowning their sorrows.

They had spent the past few years working together to start a major global conflict to help alleviate their boredom.

Now one of their best hopes for starting a global conflict- John Bolton- had resigned as National Security Advisor to Donald Trump.

Trump claimed he had asked Bolton to resign.

And Bolton said no- that he had offered his resignation first before Trump asked him to resign.

But the three deities didn’t care which came first- the chicken or the egg.

All they cared about was the fact Bolton had resigned.

A man who wanted war with North Korea, Venezuela and Iran.

But now he was gone.

As the three broke into the song of Roll Out The Barrel (set to the tune of a Soviet leader has just come down with a common cold and therefore will be dead in another 24 hours Radio Moscow Cold War era funeral dirge), the Norse trickster god Loki walked by wearing a t-shirt that said AYATOLLAHS FOR MARGARET ATWOOD.

“Hey,” Loki pointed out, “instead of blubbering away over Bolton’s resignation, you should be working overtime to ensure Bibi Netanyahu is elected Prime Minister of Israel next week. He’s your next best hope for starting a major conflict.”

The three rushed to the airport to book a flight to Israel.

“Well, I did advise Bibi last night that he should annex the Jordan Valley and the northern Dead Sea,” Morrigan remarked to the other two deities as she got into the taxi to the airport and suddenly noticed that she had a run in her pantyhose.

Meanwhile Donald Trump was dreaming about being a weatherman.

Trump tweeted, “It will be a beautiful sunny day today. Absolutely no chance of precipitation whatsoever.”

As the U.S. Coast Guard came into sight of a boat carrying a group of U.S. National Weather Service meteorologists who were sailing to safety in the area which had just been hit by the worst flooding and precipitation in over a century – the same area where Trump had tweeted calling for a totally sunny day, the Coast Guard fired a warning shot across the bow of the boat carrying the meteorologists to safety.

“This is your final warning,” a Coast Guard spokesman called out through a bull horn, “do not tweet out…. Repeat… Do not tweet out… tweets that contradict the most recent tweets of America’s Twitterer-In-Chief… This is your final warning…”

Trump then dreamed of meeting a genie who would grant him 3 wishes.

Trump’s first wish was, “I wish I was actually and truly cool like British MP Renfield R. Renfield is.”

Trump then dreamed he saw a news clip of himself addressing the news media and singing a paraphrased version of an old Harry Belafonte song,

“Hey Mr. Taliban, kissy my banana,
you blow up people and you want to do more….”

“Wow, I am cool like Renfield,” Trump smiled, “I’d be totally incapable of coming up with a song like that on my own.”

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster (who had just entered Trump’s dream) held up a sign that read I CANNOT DISAGREE.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher 
Tuesday September 10th
2019.


Morrigan the Irish Celtic goddess of war before hearing the news that John Bolton had resigned

2 Comments

  1. Jerry Brotherton said,

    Oh man, such goings on. I’m not sure Trump could have a dream as good as this. Now I have this song stuck in my head… “kissy my banana”…priceless.

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