Pan Goatee Strikes Again, Joe Biden’s Increasing Senility, Cthulhu Rises Over Hong Jong and Star of Azazel Rises In The Middle East
Pan Goatee Strikes Again, Joe Biden’s Increasing Senility, Cthulhu Rises Over Hong Kong and Star of Azazel Rises In Middle East
Pan Goatee was walking back from the shopping centre when he suddenly encountered 4 people walking down the sidewalk.
He noticed 3 somewhat attractive girls and another person he assumed was male.
However when he got closer, he noticed the person he thought was male was actually a hideously repulsively ugly female gargoyle.
Goatee promptly beheaded the gargoyle and cut her up into 666 trillion pieces for good measure.
Goatee then beheaded the 3 attractive looking girls remarking, “If you’re going to be walking around with someone that ugly, there is no doubt that that ugliness is probably highly contagious.”
He moved with a swiftness that would have done a WHO (World Health Organization) Crisis Epidemic Action Team proud in the way he quickly contained the potential ugliness epidemic.
. . .
BBC News Announcer on Headlines News: U.S. Democratic Presidential Candidate Joe Biden (who may or may not be senile to paraphrase an expression often used in conversations between a vampire novelist and a science-fiction writer) shocked the media and campaign audiences last week with his whopper of a tall tale on how he encountered his first black person.
According to Mr. Biden’s incoherent ramblings on that day, he encountered his first black person while working as a white life guard in a blacks only swimming pool.
Today Mr. Biden told the media and audiences that he encountered his first Chinese person while eating Chinese food in a Chinese restaurant. He added that he encountered his first gay person when he was sodomized in the rear end in an all male Health Club sauna room…
. . .
Some of the pro-democracy protestors in Hong Kong were becoming more violent thanks to Cthulhu’s leadership efforts.
On the other side, the Black Dragon (supernatural entity advisor to China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping) was encouraging pro-Beijing one China civilian hoodlums to attack and club peaceful pro-democracy protestors while the Hong Kong police stood around and watched while consuming vast quantities of coffee and donuts prior to going back and shooting tear gas and rubber bullets at protestors.
Cthulhu thought it would only be a matter of time before Beijing actively intervened.
Therefore for his own part, he was hoping to get the U.S. military involved in the Hong Kong conflict.
But how?
Cthulhu had a video conferencing call with the demon Mephistopheles who had a great deal of influence in the Trump Administration.
Cthulhu hoped to bring Mephistopheles on board into getting the U.S. military involved in the Battle for Hong Kong.
Mephistopheles: Having a video conferencing call with Cthulhu the Great Old One from the Nemo Point of the South Pacific
. . .
The demon Asmodeus was sitting in a lox cream and bagel shop in Tel Aviv watching the Israeli election results come in.
“It looks like another minority government,” the chain smoking Asmodeus remarked to the Norse trickster god Loki who was eating a plate of lutefisk.
“That would appear to be the case,” Loki was now vaping an e-cigarette lethally laced with a combination of Canadian marijuana and Jim Beam doused Australian cactus plant.
“So who do you think is responsible for the attack on the Saudi oil refinery this past weekend?” Asmodeus asked Loki, “The Houthis? The Iranians themselves?”.
“Well, the mighty Thor thinks it was an Israeli operation to get Saudi Arabia and the U.S. into waging war on Iran in order to save Benjamin Netanyahu’s sagging political career,” Loki used a large bottle of vodka to wash the lutefisk down.
“Really?” Asmodeus lit himself another dozen cigarettes which he smoked simultaneously.
Meanwhile over Jerusalem, the Netanyahu government was using a great search light to cast the non-Gotham City bat signal into the night sky to summon the mysterious Mossad operative called Star of Azazel.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday September 17th
2019.
Dracul Van Helsing 
Hyperion said,
September 18, 2019 at 6:25 am
This post was chocked full of insightful information of world affairs. It seems Bootie Clutcher Biden has had a lot of gleeful experiences in American culture. I’m sure that makes him a great American worthy of our votes. Now this thing about the American military intervention with Hong Kong. I have it on good authority that since the American military has adopted the doctrine of endless war that they find themselves with their hands full piddling around in places of no strategic importance while Saudi Arabia burns. The GOO has come up with some innovative ways to avoid expanding the war on 77 fronts which didn’t work for Rome either. The US will watch CNN carefully and if violence erupts in Hong Kong, the US will embargo all Chinese made glass beads and faux Native American blankets. That should cool their jets. For Iran, we can punish them severely by invading Turkey, however it would be bad form to do that without a UN mandate and full cooperation of NATO and the EU. We are standing by NBC news reports to monitor the UN and NATO’s willingness to allow a take over of Turkey to scare the willies out of Iran. This all seems like an effective strategic plan but without tactical flatulence at all the meetings, we aren’t going to get anyone moving quickly in any direction. The gavel pounds fiercely with decision when a fart fills the air. 🤣💨😬
George F. said,
September 18, 2019 at 9:38 am
Doctrine of endless way is correct…if you don’t have an enemy today, go out and make out! This will make it into my own blog…if I ever get my ass in gear again…hopefully I will before you begin your hike!
George F. said,
September 18, 2019 at 9:39 am
Go out and make one! But go out and make out reflects what is truly on my mind at all times…lol!
Hyperion said,
September 18, 2019 at 5:36 pm
Yes indeedy, it’s the new way of doing things. Endless conflicts of every conceivable kind. Your ass is always in gear, just give it a little gas and go go gooooo. I’ll be keeping an eye out.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
September 18, 2019 at 3:05 pm
You have summed up American foreign policy quite well.
And any resemblance between contemporary American foreign policy and the foreign policy of the ancient Romans is purely coincidental. 😂
Hyperion said,
September 18, 2019 at 5:32 pm
Except for the orgies on the senate floor, not much has changed. 😬🙄😂
Dracul Van Helsing said,
September 18, 2019 at 7:59 pm
Yes, they need to instill orgies on the U.S. Senate floor.
After all those who broadcast live coverage of Senate debates and discussions on little watched Public Television probably could use a sudden spike in their ratings and their audience viewing for once.
George F. said,
September 18, 2019 at 9:36 am
Seems most of the candidates are senile. Time to elect a millennial as President! All these old farts running around in politics reminds me of an Einstein saying: “It takes an entire generation to die out before a new idea takes hold.” Yea, I’ll drink to that!
Dracul Van Helsing said,
September 18, 2019 at 3:16 pm
In my opinion, Tulsi Gabbard the Congresswoman from Hawaii seems the best and brightest of all the Democratic Presidential candidates.
Of course the DNC made up of senile assholes themselves is doing everything possible to keep Rep. Gabbard out of the debates by ignoring all the polls in which she’s ahead and loading senile old fools Biden, Bernie and Elizabeth “She’s no Pocahontas” Warren off on the American people.
Of course I don’t support Gabbard on every issue like abortion and support for the rainbow alphabet soup perverts but I agree with her on Medicare for All, better treatment for immigrants, banning the sale of semi-automatic weapons and not trying to start a war someplace on the globe.
George F. said,
September 19, 2019 at 8:46 am
Glad to see you’re not a “one issue” voter.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
September 19, 2019 at 5:09 pm
Since every candidate and every political party seems to hold stupid opinions on at least one issue and a sensible opinion on another one issue, it’s difficult to be a one issue voter these days since the politicians they make these days seem to be a combination of Mammon and Mephistopheles on one hand and Baal and Baphomet on the other.
David Redpath said,
September 19, 2019 at 5:42 pm
“True democratic freedom for
the peoples of Hong Kong will
come at a high Vincent Price!”
~ Babylon Ho
On another issue, Christopher …
Uncle Ernie and the Norse trickster
God, Loki, are old acquaintances.
So I’m afraid,that old bugger has
been a bit indiscreet about the
soporific qualities of the cacti
twin’s vapourific fumes 🌵🔥🌪️🌀🌈
Dracul Van Helsing said,
September 19, 2019 at 5:57 pm
That was a great quote from Babylon Ho.
Yes, it looks like Uncle Ernie has definitely been back to his old tricks again.
There are rumours now floating that Ragnarok will start with kangaroos hopping in Alberta’s Columbia ice fields.
David Redpath said,
September 19, 2019 at 6:42 pm
Ragnarok could also do with some
crocs 🐊 As Thor himself cold turkeys
after getting off the hammer ⚒️
(thats a street reference to heroin,
Chris. I didn’t think you would know
this, being such a nice clean-cut
person. But I thought it was so witty,
if I say so myself, I couldn’t resist 😂)
Dracul Van Helsing said,
September 19, 2019 at 7:36 pm
No, I would not have known that the hammer was a reference to heroin.
It was a very witty remark indeed. 😎