Margarita Carmen Cansino, Orson Welles and Jack Benny
Margarita Carmen Cansino, Orson Welles and Jack Benny
The Norse trickster god Loki sat at the controls of the CERN Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland.
He had just finished sampling a month’s supply of Chemical of The Day Club (as opposed to Book of The Month Club) samples sent to him by a friend in Australia who went by the cheery sounding name of Uncle Ernie.
With Uncle Ernie’s Chemicals of The Day fully in control of his mind, Loki was now creating many a time warp down at CERN.
With Liberace and Olivia Newton John performing a duet of the song Let’s Do The Time Warp Again (from The Rocky Horror Picture Show) in the background, Loki was doing much temporal mischief.
The ghost of Orson Welles (who currently lived as a spectral guest in the colossal London mansion of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set where, along with the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill, he served as a spirit advisor to British MP Renfield R. Renfield) found himself sent back in time to the year 1935.
Tears came to Welles’ spectral eyes when he saw the young Margarita Carmen Cansino (who was later forced by Hollywood studio producers to change her name to Rita Hayworth) standing there.
“I should have been a more loving husband to her,” Welles’ ghost sobbed as he ordered a bottle of Chardonnay from the studio gopher.
“I can’t believe the nerve of that white guy who wanted to audition for the role of Charlie Chan,” Margarita Carmen Cansino shook her head.
“Would that have been Warner Oland?” Welles asked.
“No,” Rita shook her head, “Some non-talented entity from up in Canada who had listed High School Drama Teacher in Vancouver on his resume.”
Welles’ ghost went over to the next studio where the great American comic actor Jack Benny was holding auditions for his next movie.
Some obviously white guy wearing blackface stood on stage at the microphone.
“Hi,” said the man, “My name is Justin Trudeau and I’d like to audition for the role of Rochester.”
“Someone get that bum out of here,” Benny remarked.
Cerberus the 3-headed dog from the Underworld of Hades chased the Rochester wannabe off stage.
Welles began returning to the year 2019 when Loki hit another control at CERN.
As Welles whizzed through the year 1968, he encountered a newspaper boy shouting, “Read all about it. Peter Sellers beats out a Canadian for the role of Hrundi V. Bakshi in the movie The Party.”
Welles went back momentarily to the year 1965 where Mel Brooks the Executive Producer of the TV series Get Smart was remarking, “I don’t even want that Drama teacher auditioning for this role never mind getting it,” as a KAOS villain shouts, “Not Claw, Craw!”.
Welles eventually landed back in 2019 where he arrived in the Set Mansion living room as Amadeus was watching the 2016 remake of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday September 21st
2019.
Dracul Van Helsing 
David Redpath said,
September 22, 2019 at 2:53 am
“I don’t take drugs.
Drugs take me” ~ Uncle Ernie
Dracul Van Helsing said,
September 22, 2019 at 5:39 pm
That would have probably been a more interesting recruiting slogan for the British Empire during World War I than that picture of Lord Kitchener pointing his finger at you and saying, “Your Country Wants You.”
David Redpath said,
September 22, 2019 at 5:43 pm
“Lord Kitchener was a wry count,
alright!” ~ Winston Churchills
Dracul Van Helsing said,
September 22, 2019 at 6:29 pm
And I hear Churchill often dropped the o in “”count” in his private descriptions of Lord Kitchener.
David Redpath said,
September 22, 2019 at 7:07 pm
Have a cigar, Christopher 👍
Dracul Van Helsing said,
September 23, 2019 at 12:09 am
Thanks, Winnie and David.
I don’t mind if I do. 😎
David Redpath said,
September 22, 2019 at 5:45 am
BTW … Dracul, I’m not actually
related to Uncle Ernie. He was a
neighbour near where I grew up
that my mother would invite over.
She felt sorry for him as he’d often
be wondering around town, having
forgotten to put pants on under his
raincoat. Come rain, hai, or shine.
He was always ready to give a hand
with kiddie parties. Making the punch,
and so forth. Wish I could remember
those happy birthdays?
Anyway, he’s been hanging about
ever since.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
September 22, 2019 at 5:43 pm
Not putting pants under his raincoat and coming in to kiddie parties always ready to give a hand?
Good thing for Uncle Ernie that he lived in Australia.
He’d have been arrested doing stuff like that in Canada.
David Redpath said,
September 22, 2019 at 5:56 pm
Yes, Ernie is a character, despite
the total lack of any character.
He does have a good lawyer, and
psychiatrist , who often testify
that Uncle Ernie is a perpetual
pin up of a mental healrh issue 🤔
Dracul Van Helsing said,
September 22, 2019 at 6:33 pm
Having a good lawyer and a good psychiatrist is a very handy thing to have.
Especially if one makes numerous courtroom appearances and one’s name isn’t Perry Mason.
David Redpath said,
September 22, 2019 at 7:00 pm
All of Uncle Ernie’s proceed from
delivering his”Designer Dirty Rugs”
goes to the notorious Australian
Layer X. But she gives all sorts of
good service.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
September 22, 2019 at 7:03 pm
Layer X?
I wonder if she’s related to Madame X?
David Redpath said,
September 22, 2019 at 7:06 pm
You should give her a Google.
Her story is proof that truth is
often more factually fascinating
than fiction.
Much like your writing 😎
Dracul Van Helsing said,
September 23, 2019 at 12:07 am
Wow.
What a story!
David Redpath said,
September 23, 2019 at 1:03 am
And, as always, old Uncle Ernie
is in the thick of it 🙄
Dracul Van Helsing said,
September 23, 2019 at 1:17 am
Vaporizing with his lethal combinations. 😨
David Redpath said,
September 23, 2019 at 1:55 am
He’s gone back to rolling his own
“Scoob Deluxe with the Lot, Plus
Ketamine Feelin’ Fine Midnight
Specials”, thankfully. So we’re not
worried about those recent vaping
fatalities. There is only one Uncle
Ernie 😎
Dracul Van Helsing said,
September 23, 2019 at 2:58 am
Scooby Doo with Scooby Deluxe!
Hooked on a feeling!
David Redpath said,
September 23, 2019 at 3:51 am
As you know, Christopher,
Uncle Ernie is a hound dog
with a gorilla on his back 🦍
Dracul Van Helsing said,
September 23, 2019 at 2:52 pm
That must be a real pain in the ass for Uncle Ernie.
Jennifer Vasquez said,
September 22, 2019 at 5:48 pm
I love Rita Hayworth! We have the same birthday. And I’m glad you mention her real name:)
Dracul Van Helsing said,
September 22, 2019 at 6:36 pm
Yes, Rita Hayworth is my favourite actress.
So that means your birthday will be coming up next month.
And her real name Margarita Carmen Cansino was a very beautiful name. ❤
Jennifer Vasquez said,
September 28, 2019 at 9:20 am
Yes, it is! I’m honored to share a birthday with a fellow Libra. And I agree, her real name was lovely.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
September 28, 2019 at 3:05 pm
Libra. The scales of justice. 🙂
Shreya Yadav said,
September 23, 2019 at 2:27 pm
Wow..Such amazing words
https://parrotinpink.com/
Dracul Van Helsing said,
September 23, 2019 at 3:40 pm
Thank you. 😀
annieasksyou said,
September 23, 2019 at 8:03 pm
Merely putting Jack Benny in the title was enough to make me giggle.
I agree: Margarita Carmen Cansino is a lovely name—far more lyrical than Rita Hayworth, which sounds like a farmer’s crop assessment. Whoever renamed her had no imagination.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
September 23, 2019 at 11:20 pm
Jack Benny was one of the greatest comedic talents of all time.
I loved that 1942 film he did with Carole Lombard- To Be Or Not To Be.
A great classic.
And I agree- who ever renamed Margarita Carmen Cansino definitely had no imagination.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
September 23, 2019 at 11:24 pm
I just got your pun now about Hayworth = farmer’s crop assessment. 😂
Very good. 😂