Phoenix Diabolicus The Vicar of Lucifer
Phoenix Diabolicus The Vicar of Lucifer
The figure of Phoenix Diabolicus (the demon who was the Vicar of Lucifer On Earth) emerged from his painting in the Vatican Art Collection.
Something that startled Samhain Cardinal Salaman.
The Cardinal had been told who was the subject of the painting but he had never expected the figure to come to life.
“Good evening, Cardinal Salaman,” said Phoenix Diabolicus.
The Cardinal was too shocked to say anything.
“I’m pleased with the way the world is going,” Phoenix Diabolicus stretched his long black wings which felt tired and sore after being kept cooped up in that painting for so long.
“Oh yes?” Cardinal Salaman was flicking through the pockets of his robes trying to find his Rosary (a gift to him from a Polish priest and an object he had never used before).
“Indeed,” Phoenix Diabolicus stroked his moustache, “A potential for civil war or Beijing military intervention emerging in the island of Hong Kong. Tensions running rampant in the United Kingdom over Brexit. The Democrats setting up an impeachment inquiry into Donald Trump only adding to the further polarization in that already polarized nation that is called the United States of America. And what’s really advantageous is there’s no Abraham Lincoln like figure in sight. So the divided house will fall. The State of Israel is in chaos. War looms between Saudi Arabia and Iran in the Middle East. And your own boss Pope Francis is paving the way for the worship of the spirits of the Amazon Rainforest next month totally oblivious to the fact that not all the spirits in the Amazon Rainforest are good. Or at least not good in the sense that Our Enemy On The Cross defines it.”
The figure of Phoenix Diabolicus stepped back in the painting.
And Samhain Cardinal Salaman stood there.
Unable to move.
. . .
Private eyes Magog Rhys Petley and Agathor Christie were trudging their way through the Amazon Rainforest.
They had recently been hired by Lev Tomi the Secretary-General of The United Nations Secretariat On The Environment and Climate Change to discover who had been setting the fires in the Amazon Rainforest this past summer.
Now they were in a dense little travelled section of the Amazon Rainforest.
“I hope our native guide knows his way back,” Agathor remarked.
“I hope our native guide isn’t a cannibal planning to eat us,” Magog stated as he wiped his sweating forehead with his handkerchief.
“That statement ranks of cultural imperialism,” Agathor the former British Conservative MP teased his Marxist friend the former Labour MP Magog.
“Being out here does that to a person,” Magog continued to wipe his brow.
Their guide bowed down to a tree.
“Must be a sacred tree,” Agathor remarked.
Magog pointed to a small carved figure standing at the base of the tree and asked, “What’s that?”.
“Father and Mother of All Life,” the native said in English as he bowed.
“Justin Trudeau would be pleased with this native’s feminist and transgendered sensibilities,” Magog remarked.
“Doesn’t that wooden idol look familiar?” Agathor asked.
Magog took a closer look and commented, “It looks like the Baphomet that supernatural entity worshipped by those Satanic Temple groups in the U.S. and Canada.”
“That’s because it is the Baphomet figure,” Agathor said as he put on his monocle and looked at it.
“Baphomet is worshipped by some of the natives here in the Amazon?” Magog was genuinely surprised.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday September 26th
2019.
Dracul Van Helsing 
Hyperion said,
September 27, 2019 at 8:49 am
I almost felt like Phoenix Diabolicus was trying to warn us of impending gloom. And that rainforest thing! I had always believed the rain forest was as important as the oceans and both are only a decade or two from utter annihilation. Oh, the wars that will be fought by desparate hordes. Japan has rightfully decided to allow it’s population to crash below sustainable levels so they can conserve resources in the pending diaspora. Sadly, the western world has doubled down on producing imbeciles for growing government and defense contractors. I guess we’ll see whose strategy prevails.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
September 27, 2019 at 2:52 pm
Yes, Phoenix Diabolicus is like Raymond Red Reddington on The Blacklist revealing his ultimate plan to his next victim he has tied up in the chair before pouring gasoline on his head and setting fire to him.
An admirable villain really.
Hyperion said,
September 27, 2019 at 3:24 pm
He only did bad things to those who worked hard to earn it. I duppose in that context, he aimed to please.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
September 27, 2019 at 3:35 pm
Yes, Raymond Red Reddington is my hero.
Hyperion said,
September 27, 2019 at 4:01 pm
We need more real heroes that don’t mind doing a little dirty work
Dracul Van Helsing said,
September 27, 2019 at 4:41 pm
Exactly.
That’s why we need Renfield R. Renfield as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.
Hyperion said,
September 27, 2019 at 6:10 pm
It seems Boris has himself all up in a Trumpulation so Renfield may get his chance soon.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
September 27, 2019 at 7:27 pm
Yes, Renfield will have to ride in to save the day.
Hyperion said,
September 28, 2019 at 4:36 am
Can you imagine if Renfield ran for Presidentin 2020 with Sherrielock Holmes as Vice President and Pan Goatee as Secretary of Defense it would be the dream team of the century. Every news outlet would be playing videos of the trio tomatoing the buns of imbecility, laser sabering the terrorists, and adding a bit of cheeky fun to the nation’s hot tub industry.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
September 28, 2019 at 3:21 pm
And the Democratic Party would be void of most of its female candidates for Congress, Senate and President as part of Pan Goatee’s Aesthetic Defense Initiative.
Hyperion said,
September 28, 2019 at 4:43 pm
Fancy Piglosi has gone into hiding. I think the plan is working.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
September 28, 2019 at 6:01 pm
Hip-hip-hooray!
Hyperion said,
September 28, 2019 at 7:14 pm
With Fancy out of the way, AOC thinks it’s okay to bring her sex toys to the House Floor to help pass the time during the long debates. Fancy kept taking them away from her.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
September 28, 2019 at 9:16 pm
Where Fancy would use them in the privacy of her own office. 😂
Hyperion said,
September 29, 2019 at 4:08 am
It’s rumored she has quite a collection spanning her entire 97 years of liberal democratic use. She has a huge refridgerated vault to keep her battery supply fresh and the toys fully operational. Her butt-boy Schooner spends a lot of time in her office. 🤫
Dracul Van Helsing said,
September 29, 2019 at 5:36 pm
Schooner seems to be the U.S. Senate equivalent of that certain brainless variety of Calgary male that Pan Goatee is starting to behead as well for being so stupid as to engage in conjugal relations with ugly females.
Ugliness and stupidity will fall by the way side once Pan Goatee is U.S. Secretary of Defense.
Hyperion said,
September 29, 2019 at 5:41 pm
Is there anyone at Set Enterprise that can detect an ugly soul and thus mitigate the situation with a light saber or some other useful tool?
Dracul Van Helsing said,
September 29, 2019 at 6:08 pm
Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster can but someone else will probably have to wield the light saber as light sabers “are slippery little suckers” ( to quote Julia Roberts in the restaurant scene in Pretty Woman) in a lobster’s claws.
Hyperion said,
September 30, 2019 at 3:33 am
LOL! I can imagine dropping a light saber while it’s fully erect could be a disaster on a crowded elevator, not to mention the shock of seeing it carried around by an erudite lobster.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
September 30, 2019 at 1:51 pm
It would be something very surprising indeed. 😂
Hyperion said,
September 30, 2019 at 4:01 pm
I can see the headlines now on MSNBC news. Trump tweets results in attacks with light saber by local rightwing lobster.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
September 30, 2019 at 7:10 pm
Russian President Vladimir Putin awards Lobster The Hero of The Russian Federation Medal read the headlines after a lobster castrates the tiny phallus and tiny testicles of a former U.S. Vice-President’s son who sat on the board of directors of a Ukrainian natural gas company that made its money by stealing and siphoning off Russian natural gas from a Russian gas pipeline and then selling it off as Ukrainian natural gas.
Hyperion said,
October 1, 2019 at 4:18 am
You are potentially reading tomorrow’s breaking news before the news was printed. Michelangelo may become the first Lobster lobbyist for global war against gas syphoners and micro genitals. A worthy title that will surely bring fame and fortune to Set Enterprises.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
October 1, 2019 at 3:07 pm
Already the price has gone up for Set Enterprises shares on the London stock exchange.
Hyperion said,
October 1, 2019 at 3:49 pm
I think with a valuation of a trillion Euros, Set can pretty much buy all the governments and countries he needs to set up a nice little retirement planet for his immortal enjoyment.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
October 1, 2019 at 3:55 pm
👍
David Redpath said,
September 27, 2019 at 6:05 pm
Absolutely diabolical, Christopher!
To think the the authorities would issue a private investigator’s licence
to a couple of ex British Members
of Parliament!?
Dracul Van Helsing said,
September 27, 2019 at 7:26 pm
Proof positive that the days of the Apocalypse are upon us, David.