Ukrainian Easter Eggs At The Bottom of The Rabbit Hole

October 3, 2019 at 10:42 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Ukrainian Easter Eggs At The Bottom of The Rabbit Hole

Angelique Dumont was watching television as she sat in the cafe.

The cafe TV showed Donald Trump making a video conferencing call with a U.S. scientific expedition down in the Antarctic.

Donald Trump was talking to a group of penguins that the scientists were filming.

Trump told the penguins, “I sincerely hope that you will ask the government of Antarctica to investigate the activities of Joe Biden and his son Hunter.”

Angelique’s boyfriend Amadeus Emanon soon joined her at her table.

“First Trump has asked Ukraine and earlier today China and now the Antarctic to investigate the activities of Joe and Hunter Biden,” Angelique remarked to Amadeus.

“That seems to be one all encompassing rabbit hole,” Amadeus reached for a carrot from the vegetable appetizer plate for two.

“Of which Ukraine seems to be a part,” Angelique ate her perogies and sour cream, “Have you ever been to Ukraine?”.

“Once,” Amadeus nodded, “Back in 2015 when Renfield was still Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for Set Enterprises, the Boss (Amadeus was referring to the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set) sent Renfield to Kiev to meet a Ukrainian billionaire oligarch Ihor Kolomoyskyi to work out a possible business deal between Koloymoyskyi and Set Enterprises. The deal didn’t work out but I got to spend a few days in Kiev.”

. . .

Back in 2015, the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was giving Renfield and Amadeus a heads up on their meeting with Ukrainian billionaire oligarch Ihor Kolomoyskyi.

“This Kolomoyskyi is an interesting character,” Set began, “It’s against Ukrainian law for Ukrainian citizens to hold dual citizenship with another country so Koloymoyskyi gets around it by holding citizenship in 3 countries- Ukraine, Israel and Cyprus.”

“I take it that it’s not against the law for Ukrainian citizens to be citizens of 3 countries,” Amadeus munched on his bucket of hot buttered popcorn.

“Brilliant deduction, Amadeus,” Set answered in somewhat agitated fashion.

“Anything else we should know about this Ihor Koloymoyskyi?” Renfield asked.

“He likes to intimidate people when they first come to his office,” Set helped himself to a live crocodile from a nearby aquarium and ate it, “his office adjoins a shark tank with clear glass windows so that you can see the sharks when you enter his office. As soon as you’re invited to sit down, Mr. Koloymoyskyi will push a button on his desk and a spray of shrimp will shoot up in the aquarium which the sharks will promptly eat leaving patches of blood in the water.”

“He sounds like a villain in a James Bond film,” Amadeus turned pale.

“He does,” Set admitted.

“Well, thanks for giving us the heads up, Boss,” Renfield ate his shark fin’s soup and shrimp salad.

. . .

In his office adjacent to the shark tank which had a motorcycle and a black leather jacket (which had the words THE FONZ written on it) lying on the ocean like sand and rocks and sea weed at the bottom of the tank, Ihor Koloymoyskyi invited Renfield and Amadeus to sit down.

Once Renfield and Amadeus had sat down, then Koloymoyskyi (grinning like the Cheshire Cat about to eat the canary) pushed the button on his desk.

A spray of shrimp shot up into the aquarium and the sharks promptly ate the shrimps leaving patches of blood in the water.

As Amadeus sat looking petrified, Renfield calmly lit himself a cigar as all this was going on and started blowing smoke rings in the shape of the figures of Sir Winston Churchill and the British Lion.

When the sharks had finished eating the shrimps, Renfield removed a laser pointer pen from his pocket and pointed the laser point at the sharks.

This was no ordinary laser point for the laser beam immediately started dissecting the sharks and cutting them up.

When Renfield had finished, he helped himself uninvited to the bottle of Douro Valley Portuguese Port wine that Koloymoyskyi had on his desk and poured himself a glass.

“So,” Renfield lit himself another cigar, “let’s get down to business shall we?”.

“I paid $5 million each for each one of those sharks,” cried a thunder struck Koloymoyskyi.

“Boy, were you ever taken for a ride,” Renfield blew a smoke ring shaped like the Batmobile.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 3rd 
2019.

66 Comments

  1. David Redpath said,

    That Amadeus can be a real flake
    at times. Not the sharpest tool in
    the shed. More of a hammerhead.
    But it’s very nice of Renfield to
    give him a job, despite his regular
    feeding frenzy 🦈

  2. Hyperion said,

    Gotta love old Renfield. He’s a real man’s man. The best way to negotiate with an intimidating figure is to out intimidate him. I found that a good beer with garlic boiled eggs and beans allowed me to make the strongest thug cry.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Using scent to get to the bottom of things.

      • Hyperion said,

        Yes, a good hound follows his nose.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And lets loose as the wind blows.

      • Hyperion said,

        It rattles the windows and curls the toes

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And the James Bond villain doth plug his nose.

      • Hyperion said,

        For he has just realized the depth of his woe

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        As the odour attacks from head to toe.

      • Hyperion said,

        a vision of green vapor continues to grow

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Keeling over stooges Curly, Larry and Moe.

      • Hyperion said,

        with the chorus wooo bwooo bwoooo booo!

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        As their buttocks turned a reddish hue.

      • Hyperion said,

        Which played well with pruned faces of beshamed blue

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Before they wound up in the morgue called Rue.

      • Hyperion said,

        Now Sherrielock has a little less work to do.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And Chaos heads back to the zoo.

      • Hyperion said,

        Where busy at work, we find the GOO

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        His fingers tweeting as he sits in the loo.

      • Hyperion said,

        And Sherrielock replies, I’m coming for you.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        His buttocks will glow like fresh squeezed glue.

      • Hyperion said,

        A tomatoey blush on a personality renewed

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Meanwhile back on the farm, the cows mooed.

      • Hyperion said,

        When a cow pie dropped on the ghost of Epstein’s Gucci Shoes.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Something that wouldn’t be mentioned in mainstream news.

      • Hyperion said,

        Unless, of course, the shoes were the GOOs

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        His fashion sense would be dissed on mainstream Views.

      • Hyperion said,

        He would be forever known as the POOTUS with cow poo shoes

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Which he’ll wear while singing those impeachment blues.

      • Hyperion said,

        He’ll pine for the days of interns and spotty blue dresses

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And White House staff cleaning up all the messes.

      • Hyperion said,

        While AOC runs straight to church and confesses

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Causing Pope Francis a series of distresses.

      • Hyperion said,

        Down to the basement, the Pope did flee, to be alone in the crèches

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And so the Pope’s secretary ate all his crepes.

      • Hyperion said,

        And then she stomp all the Pope’s grapes.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And discovered more fruits behind the Pope’s drapes.

      • Hyperion said,

        There she beheld his left twisting banana, which she decided to take.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Thus confirming that AOC was truly a flake.

      • Hyperion said,

        Causing the Pope’s left twisting banana to quake.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        It was a case of shake and bake.

      • Hyperion said,

        All the Jesuits thought it was great.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        With huge helpings of heresy on their plate.

      • Hyperion said,

        They danced gleefully with Cerberus on this unholy date

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Blissfully unaware of their Hellbound fate.

      • Hyperion said,

        Where the poor Jesuits found no flour to bake a cake.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        But plenty of fire and a talking Snake.

      • Hyperion said,

        Who introduced himself as Jake the snake with a hot coals rake.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Helping to keep Inferno guests awake.

      • Hyperion said,

        Because they were up all night at the Lake of Fire dance

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        A burning sensation in their pants.

      • Hyperion said,

        They checked thier booties for ants

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        As well as their condoms from France.

      • Hyperion said,

        While giving The naughty vampiresses a lusty glance

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Whilst desiring erotic romance.

      • Hyperion said,

        Giving the ole left twisting banana cramps

      • Hyperion said,

        ROTFLMFAO! Dang bro, this is good prose. You should post it as a complete poem.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I should.

        I just sent you an email from my iPhone.

        The keyboard on my Samsung Galaxy Tablet has stopped working which is a major pain in the ass since not being able to type anything – you can’t type comments or emails AND most importantly you can no longer type URLs in your browser to take you places.

        I just sent you an email explaining my problem.

      • Hyperion said,

        Egads! Sounds like a memory hog problem. Will reply soonest.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Thanks.

      • Hyperion said,

        Welcome!

  3. annieasksyou said,

    We were once in an aquarium where two young women staffers were cleaning the penguins’ droppings from the rocks in their enclave. One little guy bent over and watched intently as they worked. Once they were finished and were about to leave, he moved to the newly cleaned spot and emptied what looked like a week’s worth of the contents of his tiny bowels.

    When I read your description of trump corrupting the penguins, I imagined the entire line of them, in sequence, recreating that penguin’s act.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      ROTFL ! 😂

      That would be quite the sight to see the penguins in line doing that in sequence after Trump’s talk.

  4. Govardhan said,

    Reblogged this on Vijayagiri views.

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