Pachamama, Pope Francis and A Tale of Two Parrots

October 26, 2019 at 10:54 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, News, Religion, The Occult, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Pachamama, Pope Francis and A Tale of Two Parrots

Pope Francis was addressing a group of bishops and cardinals at the final closing session of the Synod On The Pan-Amazonian Region being held at the Vatican.

On the floor in front of where the pontiff was speaking was a carved wooden statue of Pachamama who was worshipped as the Earth Mother goddess by various Amazon rainforest and Andean mountain tribespeople as well as by the ancient Inca culture.

Directly in front of Pope Francis on the table where he held his papers and spoke from them as he read was a set of green plants and flowers.

Among the plants and flowers were two parrots.

The parrot on Pope Francis’ right (the synod audience’s left) looked very much alive as he stood tall with his eyes wide open among the flowers and plants.

The parrot on Pope Francis’ left (the synod audience’s right) looked very much dead as he lay down among the flowers and plants with his mouth perpetually open and devoid of breath or sound.

The parrot on Pope Francis’ right looking very much alive and very much on the up and up was an Australian parrot looking perky and happy do to his daily diet of Uncle Ernie’s Secret Ingredient Laced Bird Seed that was mailed daily to him from Uncle Ernie’s Secret Location in Australia.

The parrot on Pope Francis’ left looking dead and very much departed from this world was a Norwegian blue parrot (a variety of parrot made famous by the British television show Monty Python).

The Norwegian blue parrot had died pining for the fjords what with all this talk of the Amazon region going on.

. . .

In the Bolivian capital of La Paz, Bolivian President Evo Morales was angry.

Not because people were in the streets protesting against his winning an unprecedented fourth presidential term but because Donald Trump had misspelled the Bolivian President’s name wrong in a tweet.

. . .

Meanwhile on the streets of Rome, an off duty member of the Swiss Guards was heading home late from work after a day spent guarding a set of Pachamama statues that had recently been rescued from the Tiber River.

Suddenly a sewer hole on the street suddenly blew its top and a huge flame of fire soared from the open sewer hole into the air.

In the midst of the huge flame of fire was a fierce looking dragon.

The dragon gazed ferociously and menacingly at the off duty Swiss Guard.

As for the Guardsman, he didn’t know what to think.

This could possibly be a hallucination brought on by imbibing too much of Pope Francis’ pet Australian parrot’s bird seed that he had swiped from the parrot’s bird seed dish when neither pontiff nor parrot were looking.

The dragon suddenly shapeshifted into a beautiful woman who approached him:

“Evening, Miss,” the Guardsman smiled as his sword rose to greet her.

The woman reached down the low-cut front of her dress, pulled out a knife and stabbed him.

She continued to walk down the street heading towards the Vatican.

The off-duty Guardsman dying decided to spend his last minutes on earth checking his lottery ticket.

He removed the lottery ticket from his coat pocket and his smart phone from his pants pocket and proceeded to google tonight’s winning lottery number for the grand prize of โ‚ฌ10 million.

They matched.

“Unholy shit,” the Guardsman noted aloud with more than a huge trace of irony, “I win the lottery the same night I’m about to kick the bucket.”

He expired.

Fate can be cruel at times.

If a departed Norwegian blue parrot in the synod hall at the Vatican could talk, he’d undoubtedly agree.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday October 26th


  1. David Redpath said,

    Hemp seeds have always been a
    treat favoured by high flying parrots,
    Uncle Ernie, being a bit of a green
    thumb, simply cross pollenated one
    of his more potent super strains of
    cannabis, ‘Cannibal Bliss’, that he
    produces in a secret Chernobyl greenhouse, with his patented
    mutant hybrid opium poppy.
    The end result is a very moreish
    munchie for your parrot.
    They just can’t get enough!
    So just ask your local pet store
    for, “Polly Want A Fix?”

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Polly Want A Fix is an easy name to remember. ๐Ÿ˜Ž

      • David Redpath said,

        โ˜ ๏ธ๐Ÿฆ๐Ÿ’โœ”๏ธ๐Ÿ‘

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And as a parrot in the land of Oz might say to an early 1980s singer Putting On The Ritz, “Toto, I have a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.” ๐Ÿค”๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜Ž

  2. Dracul Van Helsing said,

    This is what comes when I add Uncle Ernie’s sugar powder to my Mexican food, apparently the name was Taco.

    My memory isn’t what it used to be. ๐Ÿฅด

    • David Redpath said,

      I thought it was Fred Astaire who
      sang ‘Putting on the Ritz’ ๐ŸŽถ !?
      Just shows how old I’m getting ๐Ÿ˜Ž

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Ah yes, the days of Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers dancing the night away. โค

  3. David Redpath said,

    Taco may well be a better singer,
    but Fred got to dance with Ginger ๐Ÿ’ƒ
    I think Ginger would’ve eaten Taco
    .. dinner ๐Ÿ˜Ž

  4. David Redpath said,

    Chris, I once stood outside the Ritz,
    in London. Sadly, it was closed.
    I think they saw me coming ๐Ÿค”

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      No doubt, they once saw the sight of Uncle Ernie coming and decided not to take any chances.

      When he came in the lobby, no doubt it took weeks of steam cleaning to get the lobby carpets and floor looking pristine and spotless again. ๐Ÿ’ฎ

      • David Redpath said,

        Yes, it’s the last time I go on a
        bus tour with Uncle Ernie.
        He thought a double decker was a
        sex position from the Karma Sutra!
        He kept trying to “punch the ticket”
        of the conductor. She had us both
        thrown off the bus, and locked up
        in London Tower. But Uncle Ernie
        was happy, thinking being shacked
        and suspended from a dungeon
        ceiling was all part of the tour๐Ÿ”— โš’๏ธ

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Uncle Ernie would have been happy living in the days of King Henry VIII.

        Provided he still had access to hallucinogenic substances of course. ๐Ÿ’ซโœจโšก๐ŸŒˆ

      • David Redpath said,

        Being a bit of a horse’s arse ๐ŸŽ
        and being full of excrement ๐Ÿ’ฉ
        Uncle Ernie would have no
        trouble growing mushrooms๐Ÿ„
        He’s particularly fond of the
        Amanita muscaria, for the
        euphoria is accompanied by
        bouts of vomiting, which helps
        to keep his weight down.
        He is really a very stupid and vain
        man, our dear old Uncle Ernie. But
        we love him love him to deaths โ˜ ๏ธ

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Being a horse’s arse and full of excretement, Uncle Ernie would do quite well in politics. ๐ŸŽ๐Ÿ’ฉ๐Ÿ˜ฉ

      • David Redpath said,

        Well, he is the unelected local
        member around here. For which
        he is regularly arrested ๐Ÿฅ’โŽ

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        x marks the spot.

  5. George F. said,

    Yeah, that’d be my luck too. Win, die.

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