Jarvey Epwein and The Egyptian Vampire

October 28, 2019 at 10:46 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , )

Jarvey Epwein and The Egyptian Vampire

Billionaire Jarvey Epwein was a New York banker and investor as well as a financier behind the production of many Hollywood film blockbusters.

Not many people were aware of Jarvey Epwein’s existence.

Even fewer had Jarvey Epwein’s personal mobile phone number.

The London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was one individual who did.

Epwein was surprised to get a phone call from the mysterious nocturnal Egyptian last night inviting him to come to London to partake of a major investment opportunity.

Epwein wasn’t one to rush to anyone’s beck and call.

But Jarvey Epwein knew that Set Enterprises through the research of its chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher was years ahead of anybody else when it came to genetics and DNA research.

If Epwein could get himself a slice of that pie, his already hefty bank accounts and profit margins would become even heftier (like Jabba the Hutt a long time ago in a galaxy far far away).

Tonight the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was walking Jarvey Epwein through the Canary Wharf plant that was Set Enterprises laboratories.

“Well, I must say, Sol,” Epwein called the nocturnal Egyptian by his first name of which his full name was Sol Invictus Set, “I’m really impressed. But where is this Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster that I’ve heard the Rockefellers and the Rothschilds and George Soros raving about?”.

Set paused and blinked, “I wasn’t aware that the Rockefellers and Rothschilds and George Soros knew of Michelangelo’s existence.”

“It’s hard to find anything or anyone that their intelligence networks are not aware of,” Jarvey Epwein laughed as he sipped his own personal brand of cocktail that he called a Lolita, “or my intelligence networks for that matter.”

“I’m afraid Michelangelo is feeling a little under the weather this evening,” Set explained, “my personal concert pianist Amadeus Emanon took Michelangelo for a walk last night in the middle of the pouring rain and the poor lobster caught a cold. He’s currently wrapped in a waterproof warm blanket at the bottom of his aquarium floor. Dr. Cadbury Rocher is currently running a computer analysis to see if lemon flavoured Neo-Citran is at all detrimental to the health of psychic lobsters before we start serving him a glass before his regular bedtime.”

“I’m sorry that I won’t be able to meet Michelangelo then,” Jarvey Epwein sighed, “so Sol what did you want to talk to me about?”.

“Well,” Set rose to his full enormous fierce looking height, “you may have heard that last Wednesday a lorry carrying a refrigerator trailer was found in an industrial park in Grays, Essex, England. It contained the bodies of 39 migrants who had suffocated and froze to death in the refrigerator unit. You may have heard that my former employee Renfield R. Renfield (who used to be the Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering For Set Enterprises) is now a British MP and a member of the British Cabinet. He was assigned by the government to oversee the investigation finding who was responsible for running the human trafficking and people smuggling ring responsible for these migrants’ tragic deaths. Anyways most of British Intelligence has been working overtime and even Set Enterprises’ forensic accounting department has been running checks. It would of course be ultimately difficult to prove in a court of law but this particular ring of human trafficking seems to be part of a larger network of rings that ultimately find themselves under the aegis of certain numbered holding companies. Anyhow the apex of the pyramid seems ultimately to be traced to you. There is a large part of your revenue that seems to be unaccounted for. But computer analytics at Set Enterprises shows part of that unaccounted revenue seems to fit in with the money being made by this one particular network of human trafficking rings of which one ring seems to be the one that overlooked the Essex lorry trafficking operation.”

“Like you say, Sol,” Epwein smiled and laughed, “it would all be difficult to prove in a court of law. Now stop wasting my time. Are you here to show me an investment opportunity or not? I’m not here to play child’s games concerning the deaths of a bunch of people.”

“I do have something to show you,” Set opened a door and waved Epwein into the room.

Epwein entered.

“It’s dark,” the billionaire banker, investor and film financier commented, “what is this place?”.

“It’s Set Enterprises’ refrigerator unit,” Set answered as he closed the door of the room with Epwein inside and he the nocturnal Egyptian outside.

He then locked the door.

No one heard Epwein’s screams that went on and on…

… until… they didn’t.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday October 28th


  1. Hyperion said,

    Karma, Sol Invictus Set be thy name. A nice feel good justice post my friend. One of my Dragon Sisters perished in that truck. She was to start a new group there in London to draw younger members to the Dragon Society. She, no doubt, would not leave her elder members and so she perished with them. Human trafficking is the new slavery and yet where is the cry for justice from the noisy me, me, me crowds.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      So sorry about the death of one of your dragon sisters, Daniel.

      Very tragic. 🙁

      No, none of the so-called Social Justice Wariors in the Twittersphere are raising a peep about this horrible form of human slavery.

      • Hyperion said,

        Yes, sadly, there is too much energy sunk into deregulating sex toys and CBD oil lubricants to spend time on solving real problems we all can get behind.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes so young Democratic Congresswomen can keep their vibrators up and running on the floor of the U.S. House of Representatives.

      • Hyperion said,

        I suppose with all those demented old geezers wandering around, the ultra liberal dictatorial socialists need something to keep them awake during the debates on the floor. The plan is to bring back the Roman Orgie so lawmaking will be fun again. First, they have to eliminate the old geezers and get in some new soy boie blood. They almost did poor old Bernie in with his heart attack.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, poor Bernie was not prepared for the sight of AOC + 3 demonstrating how solar powered vibrators worked.

      • Hyperion said,

        This explains why Bernie and Michelangelo the psychic lobster both blew a gasket.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, the Set Enterprises cleaning staff had quite the mess to mop up afterwards. 🦞🌊

      • Hyperion said,

        I’m sure AOC +3 were wearing blue dresses when the event occurred.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Which then had to be cleaned for stains left by cream of lobster. 😂

      • Hyperion said,

        And Bernie Frappachino a la Flambé

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        “Medicare for all!” The paramedics shouted upon arriving on the scene and seeing what had happened.

      • Hyperion said,

        Then they quickly donned their latex suits with lemon scented CBD oil to avoid any undesired contamination.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Trump later used photos of the latex clad lemon scented paramedics in a tweet as photographic evidence that a Darth Vader inspired witch hunt against him was going on in Congress.

      • Hyperion said,

        The Republicans recoiled in horror at the charges coming out of the Democratic side of the house that the latex clad lemon scented paramedics were really ICE agents attempting to send AOC+3 back to their countries of origin until the activist group hell bent on legitimizing robot rape as an olympic sport stepped in to rescue the esteemed representatives by placing robot masks on the trio and escorting them to the floor of the house of representatives for normal business intercourse. Meanwhile, the GOO tweeted a special announcement to say he was withdrawing the U.S. from the war on drugs.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Only Trump would call a surrender and acknowledgement of defeat a “withdrawal”.

      • Hyperion said,

        Yes, and then speak highly of the wonderful enemy that kicked his ass.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Indeed. 😂

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        The Democrats’ normal business of intercourse which of course consisted of intercourse.

      • Hyperion said,

        It’s why Fancy Piglosi and Schumer stand so close and google eye each other during press conferences. There is a real love connection there. They love sticking it to the people that pay their salaries with high taxes and low wages.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Talk about screwing the country. 🤑

      • Hyperion said,

        We need a Me Too movement for citizens getting humped by the government without a hug or kiss. I saw where True-Dope is remaining on his throne surrounded by strawberry fields forever. Bend over. Here it comes again.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Very true, Daniel. 😂

        True-Dope in the butt.

        What a bummer.

      • Hyperion said,

        Once again the citizenry is reminded not to bend over to tie their shoes in the halls of government.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And it’s very sage advice indeed.

      • Hyperion said,

        One can’t be too careful these days when protecting from the ever threatening bum rush.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        LOL !

        I just sent you an email, Daniel whose subject line reads Update For iPhone 4.

        Apple has been running horror stories the past week saying that unless you update your iPhone 4s and iPhones 5 to new operating systems prior to the time change this coming Sunday November 3rd, your iPhone will become incapable of accessing the Net.

        I’ve been trying to download to either one of the two recommended operating systems but my iPhone seems to be preventing me from doing so.

        I’ve explained what’s been happening in that email.


      • Hyperion said,

        Hi Chris. It is as we discussed Apple-geddon. If my iPhone won’t acess the net, I’m throwing it in the trash and buying a non-Apple phone. In your case, I cant see how it would not acess the net if you didn’t update it as nothing will have changed in the software. I suspect an evil baphometian trick.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, I suspect it was in updates past the 7.1.2. where they probably put in the bug that went haywire and that’s why they’re advising people to upgrade to 10.3.4 or 9.3.6

        I usually never bothered updating my iPhones because of problems other people had with updating.

        The only time I did was when Apple changed the direction of the Dialogue boxes on me and I accidentally clicked Update Now instead of Not Now on my iPhone 5 which that kind woman bought me.

        The one where liquid got in later and wrecked it.

        Although it never did run as well after I accidentally upgraded it.

      • Hyperion said,

        I think the only way you could lose connectivity to the net is if the internet providers change there compatibility with older browsers. Then we are all screwed. Lucky for me, I easily convert back to my caveman days and use ancient tools like books, letters and stamps, check books and cash, pencils and paper. You know, those lost art things. Since I spent half my life in the early pre-internet eons, I can drop back into the darkness and survive okay. There aren’t many of us dinosaurs left and the young Lemming generations don’t have any exposure to the ancient ways so they will likely perish quickly until the net comes back up the next day.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, the only dinosaur who’d be freaking out and pulling the hair out of his toupee would be Donald Trump who wouldn’t be able to tweet anymore.

        The young Lemmings would be quickly learning the ancient art of hiri kiri if the Net was down for more than 24 hours.

      • Hyperion said,

        Yes indeedy, there would be great wads of hair blowing in the streets and the sound of anguish drowning out the sounds of traffic accidents.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        It would truly be Apple-geddon. 🍎☠

      • Hyperion said,

        I think Apple’s fortunes are about to change as we all begin to realize that Steve Jobs is a Demonic cognate and the symbol of the company, the bitten apple, is just Satan laughing at us. Time to give the serpent the boot.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, most definitely. 👍🏻

      • Hyperion said,

        Let the four horsemen of the Applepocalypse ride.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        As the Red Dragon of Huawei rises.

      • Hyperion said,

        And the locust bugs eat away at the Apple OS 13 bugaboo software.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Which makes me glad I ignored the Apple prophets of doom and did not upload the new software (or to be more accurate, a good angel prevented me from doing so).

        For my iPhone 4 still works even though Apple informed me the sky would fall if I didn’t update.

        I imagine the sky would definitely have fallen if I had.

        As Yogi Barra’s personal computer might have put it, “It’s Y2K all over again.”

      • Hyperion said,

        LOL! You didn’t bite the apple and so your connection to the great internet of things is safe. happy surfing bro!

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Thanks, Daniel. 😀

      • Hyperion said,

        Most welcome Chris!

  2. David Redpath said,

    Revenge is a dish
    best served cold 🥶

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