Benjamin Netanyahu, Spitsbergen and The Tewkesbury Debate
Benjamin Netanyahu, Spitsbergen and The Tewkesbury Debate
The debate being hosted tonight among candidates for MP for the constituency of Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds in the upcoming December 12th UK General Election was on the subject of Foreign Policy.
Renfield R. Renfield the current British Transhumanist Party MP for the Constituency as well as the current UK Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering was asked a question by the reporter for the local Lux Cream and Bagel Chronicle on the matter of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu today being formally charged by Israel’s Attorney-General with fraud, breach of trust and bribery.
Said the corned beef on rye eating reporter for the Lux Cream and Bagel Chronicle, “Mr. Netanyahu has described the charges as a “political witch hunt” and has said that the “authorities weren’t after the truth, they were after me” and has called on the country to “investigate the investigators”. Mr. Renfield, what is your take on that?”.
“Well,” Renfield finished off his 2nd 40 oz. bottle of Scotch whisky for the debate, “If I was Donald Trump’s lawyer Rudy Giuliani, I’d be advising the Donald to sue Netanyahu for plagiarism and expropriation of one’s favourite turn of phrase x 3.”
The next question came from the reporter for the local Undrained Swamp Times and was addressed to British Conservative candidate (and former Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds MP) Agathor Christie, “Mr. Christie, at today’s impeachment hearing in Washington DC, there seemed to be a conflict between Republican and Democrat as to which country most likely interfered in the 2016 U.S. Presidential election- Russia or Ukraine. Mr. Christie, who do you think it was that interfered in the U.S. election in 2016?”.
“Well,” Christie was eating a bag full of Christie’s Chocolate Chip Cookies, “I personally believe that it was the Norwegian island of Spitsbergen that was responsible for foreign interference in the 2016 U.S. Presidential election. The hacking was done at computers at a popular jazz cafe on the island of Spitsbergen. This jazz cafe in Spitsbergen was first mentioned in a documentary that Orson Welles made back in 1973. The very same jazz cafe that was noted artist Pablo Picasso’s favourite destination during the winter months of the year…”
Christie was unable to finish his answer because he then passed out on to the floor.
“Well,” Renfield thought to himself, “we now know who was responsible for stealing and smoking that 20 gram bag of Canadian cannabis from Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster’s aquarium.”
There suddenly seemed to be a commotion in the meeting hall.
Renfield wondered whether an assassination attempt was about to happen.
Prior to the debate, Sherrielock Holmes the Chief of Security for Set Enterprises had informed Renfield that 3 different assassination teams would be after him tonight.
Russian President Vladimir Putin had sent an FSB assassination squad to bump Renfield off.
Donald Trump had sent a combined Israeli Mossad and Saudi Arabian hit squad (namely because he couldn’t trust U.S. deep state agency operatives to do his bidding) to bump Renfield off.
Pope Francis had sent a Jesuit hit squad to bump Renfield off.
Thus the meeting hall was stacked with Set Enterprises’ operatives and intelligence agents friendly to Renfield.
There was Set Enterprises secret agents Miranda Singh and Harvey Tallbanger, Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and South African intelligence operative Lepardia Marango.
South African intelligence operative Lepardia Marango: Backstage at the Tewkesbury constituency debate on Foreign Policy.
The four Renfield allied intelligence operatives moved quickly into action.
The light switches were hit.
The hall went dark.
And the 3 different assassination hit squad members ended up shooting and killing one another.
Renfield then invited his 4 intelligence operatives friends back to his B and B for late night tea and crumpets.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday November 21st
2019.
Dracul Van Helsing 
Jessica said,
November 22, 2019 at 6:47 am
Wow that was a messy scene between them… I can see and almost hear the commotions.
Yep. Often we must “investigate the investigators” I’m a living proof. Norwegian immigration supposedly investigated my residence card and found it to be “fake” even when Spain already told that I have a residence there.
Still… I can’t understand why anyone want to spend winter in Svalbard. He must love the unbearable cold haha 😀
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 22, 2019 at 2:50 pm
It sounds like Norwegian immigration officials must have had their brains frozen in Svalbard. 😂
Jessica said,
November 23, 2019 at 12:14 am
Nice one! 😂 If possible, I’d like to fatten them up and feed them to the polar bears hehe 🤭
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 23, 2019 at 12:20 am
And have plenty of Rolaids heartburn tablets on hand for when the polar bears get indigestion. 😂
Jessica said,
November 23, 2019 at 12:25 am
Kyahahaha! 😂😂😂 My stomach hurts from holding my laughter (too afraid to wake up my son) Thank you so much for making me feel so much better.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 23, 2019 at 12:36 am
You’re welcome. 😀
David Redpath said,
November 22, 2019 at 8:53 pm
Sorry for being unable to join to
join the ‘Coalition of the Willing’
joint operation at the Tewkesbury
Debate. ASIO was happy to send
a representative, as I was occupied
supervising operation Wang Ho at
the time, and none of ASIO’s other
agents would’ve been able to find
Tewkesbury. Please pass on my
apologies to Renfield, Dracul.
I had been working on operation
Wang Ho, to convince a Chinese
Intelligence agent to defect to the
West, since my stay at the Xinjiang
re-education camp earlier this year.
The operation has now reached a
successful conclusion now that
“Wang” has officially defected to
Australia, and is now safely tucked
away in one of Mr. Inn Lu’s fine
establishments. Babylon Ho helped
to facilitate the entire project, so I’m
taking her out tonight to celebrate.
Of course, we’ll be extracting as
intelligence as we can from “Wang”
… so Mr. Lu has been asked not to
let “Wang” kick the gong around, so
to speak. But so far he’s revealed
that President Xi Jinping had a piece
of the unfortunate Strawberry Fields
Forever given to his gardener.
Will pass on more intel later, Dracul.
David Redpath said,
November 22, 2019 at 9:09 pm
Sorry I was in a bit of a rush when
typing out that last communique,
Dracul. I forget to mention that the
entire content is all Top Secret 🤫🙊
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 22, 2019 at 9:44 pm
My lips are sealed. 🤐
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 22, 2019 at 9:41 pm
Hm, I wonder if this Wang Ho is any relation to Wang Chung whom everybody was once told to Wang Chung tonight.
Anyhow one must ring the bell and see what rises on the scale.
That’s interesting about President Xi Jinping giving a piece of Strawberry Fields Forever to his gardener.
I wonder if they’re working on a way to resurrect Strawberry Fields Forever and bring him back from the dead and turn him into a Communist agent.
I had heard Mei-ling Manchu’s father Dr. Fu Manchu had done experimentation on resurrecting dead plants in order to bring his beloved Blue Willow tree back to life after it died (the same tree under which he made out with Mei-ling’s mother the night Mei-ling was conceived).
Fu was unable with those experiments back in the 1920s and 30s to succeed but maybe the science has advanced and evolved since then.
David Redpath said,
November 22, 2019 at 11:22 pm
According to our Chinese defector,
code named Wang Ho, there is an
ongoing project to propagate a Red
cannabis exhaling cactus. Apparently
for the purpose keeping the Central
Committee compliant, as an aid in
Uyghur re-education, and the odd
Presidential private May Day fling. .
Wang Ho has stated that when
Strawberry Fields Forever, under
extreme torture, refused to be
“turned’, he boldly told his captures,
“Better dead than red!”
I’m sure this information will be of
great comfort to the Cacti Twins.
David Redpath said,
November 22, 2019 at 11:32 pm
I just checked in with Mr. Inn Lu, who
is keeping the defector Wang Ho at
one of his fine Sydney establishments,
and he reports that Wang Ho is
“ripping it up like Wang Chung tonight!”.
So there me indeed be a family connection.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 23, 2019 at 12:15 am
I think that will indeed be of great comfort to the Cacti Twins, David.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 23, 2019 at 12:17 am
Ripping it up like Wang Chung.
That is very interesting news. 🤔
David Redpath said,
November 23, 2019 at 12:25 am
With a rather loud …
“Wake me up before you Wang Ho!”
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 23, 2019 at 12:40 am
That’s probably what Sophie Gregoire would say to Justin if they were ever stranded together with Ho Babylon Minh on a desert island.
David Redpath said,
November 23, 2019 at 12:57 am
Justin left to go solo
Hanging on like a yo-yo
As Sophie Gregoire
hits a Christmas high
with Babylon Ho Ho 🎄
(Too much cactus blow
makes Justin a dull no show)
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 23, 2019 at 2:40 am
Excellently put, David. 🙂