Benjamin Netanyahu, Spitsbergen and The Tewkesbury Debate

November 21, 2019 at 11:51 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Romance, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Benjamin Netanyahu, Spitsbergen and The Tewkesbury Debate 

The debate being hosted tonight among candidates for MP for the constituency of Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds in the upcoming December 12th UK General Election was on the subject of Foreign Policy.

Renfield R. Renfield the current British Transhumanist Party MP for the Constituency as well as the current UK Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering was asked a question by the reporter for the local Lux Cream and Bagel Chronicle on the matter of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu today being formally charged by Israel’s Attorney-General with fraud, breach of trust and bribery.

Said the corned beef on rye eating reporter for the Lux Cream and Bagel Chronicle, “Mr. Netanyahu has described the charges as a “political witch hunt” and has said that the “authorities weren’t after the truth, they were after me” and has called on the country to “investigate the investigators”. Mr. Renfield, what is your take on that?”.

“Well,” Renfield finished off his 2nd 40 oz. bottle of Scotch whisky for the debate, “If I was Donald Trump’s lawyer Rudy Giuliani, I’d be advising the Donald to sue Netanyahu for plagiarism and expropriation of one’s favourite turn of phrase x 3.”

The next question came from the reporter for the local Undrained Swamp Times and was addressed to British Conservative candidate (and former Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds MP) Agathor Christie, “Mr. Christie, at today’s impeachment hearing in Washington DC, there seemed to be a conflict between Republican and Democrat as to which country most likely interfered in the 2016 U.S. Presidential election- Russia or Ukraine. Mr. Christie, who do you think it was that interfered in the U.S. election in 2016?”.

“Well,” Christie was eating a bag full of Christie’s Chocolate Chip Cookies, “I personally believe that it was the Norwegian island of Spitsbergen that was responsible for foreign interference in the 2016 U.S. Presidential election. The hacking was done at computers at a popular jazz cafe on the island of Spitsbergen. This jazz cafe in Spitsbergen was first mentioned in a documentary that Orson Welles made back in 1973. The very same jazz cafe that was noted artist Pablo Picasso’s favourite destination during the winter months of the year…”

Christie was unable to finish his answer because he then passed out on to the floor.

“Well,” Renfield thought to himself, “we now know who was responsible for stealing and smoking that 20 gram bag of Canadian cannabis from Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster’s aquarium.”

There suddenly seemed to be a commotion in the meeting hall.

Renfield wondered whether an assassination attempt was about to happen.

Prior to the debate, Sherrielock Holmes the Chief of Security for Set Enterprises had informed Renfield that 3 different assassination teams would be after him tonight.

Russian President Vladimir Putin had sent an FSB assassination squad to bump Renfield off.

Donald Trump had sent a combined Israeli Mossad and Saudi Arabian hit squad (namely because he couldn’t trust U.S. deep state agency operatives to do his bidding) to bump Renfield off.

Pope Francis had sent a Jesuit hit squad to bump Renfield off.

Thus the meeting hall was stacked with Set Enterprises’ operatives and intelligence agents friendly to Renfield.

There was Set Enterprises secret agents Miranda Singh and Harvey Tallbanger, Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and South African intelligence operative Lepardia Marango.

South African intelligence operative Lepardia Marango: Backstage at the Tewkesbury constituency debate on Foreign Policy.

The four Renfield allied intelligence operatives moved quickly into action.

The light switches were hit.

The hall went dark.

And the 3 different assassination hit squad members ended up shooting and killing one another.

Renfield then invited his 4 intelligence operatives friends back to his B and B for late night tea and crumpets.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday November 21st


  1. Jessica said,

    Wow that was a messy scene between them… I can see and almost hear the commotions.

    Yep. Often we must “investigate the investigators” I’m a living proof. Norwegian immigration supposedly investigated my residence card and found it to be “fake” even when Spain already told that I have a residence there.

    Still… I can’t understand why anyone want to spend winter in Svalbard. He must love the unbearable cold haha 😀

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      It sounds like Norwegian immigration officials must have had their brains frozen in Svalbard. 😂

      • Jessica said,

        Nice one! 😂 If possible, I’d like to fatten them up and feed them to the polar bears hehe 🤭

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And have plenty of Rolaids heartburn tablets on hand for when the polar bears get indigestion. 😂

      • Jessica said,

        Kyahahaha! 😂😂😂 My stomach hurts from holding my laughter (too afraid to wake up my son) Thank you so much for making me feel so much better.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        You’re welcome. 😀

  2. David Redpath said,

    Sorry for being unable to join to
    join the ‘Coalition of the Willing’
    joint operation at the Tewkesbury
    Debate. ASIO was happy to send
    a representative, as I was occupied
    supervising operation Wang Ho at
    the time, and none of ASIO’s other
    agents would’ve been able to find
    Tewkesbury. Please pass on my
    apologies to Renfield, Dracul.
    I had been working on operation
    Wang Ho, to convince a Chinese
    Intelligence agent to defect to the
    West, since my stay at the Xinjiang
    re-education camp earlier this year.
    The operation has now reached a
    successful conclusion now that
    “Wang” has officially defected to
    Australia, and is now safely tucked
    away in one of Mr. Inn Lu’s fine
    establishments. Babylon Ho helped
    to facilitate the entire project, so I’m
    taking her out tonight to celebrate.
    Of course, we’ll be extracting as
    intelligence as we can from “Wang”
    … so Mr. Lu has been asked not to
    let “Wang” kick the gong around, so
    to speak. But so far he’s revealed
    that President Xi Jinping had a piece
    of the unfortunate Strawberry Fields
    Forever given to his gardener.
    Will pass on more intel later, Dracul.

    • David Redpath said,

      Sorry I was in a bit of a rush when
      typing out that last communique,
      Dracul. I forget to mention that the
      entire content is all Top Secret 🤫🙊

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Hm, I wonder if this Wang Ho is any relation to Wang Chung whom everybody was once told to Wang Chung tonight.

      Anyhow one must ring the bell and see what rises on the scale.

      That’s interesting about President Xi Jinping giving a piece of Strawberry Fields Forever to his gardener.

      I wonder if they’re working on a way to resurrect Strawberry Fields Forever and bring him back from the dead and turn him into a Communist agent.

      I had heard Mei-ling Manchu’s father Dr. Fu Manchu had done experimentation on resurrecting dead plants in order to bring his beloved Blue Willow tree back to life after it died (the same tree under which he made out with Mei-ling’s mother the night Mei-ling was conceived).

      Fu was unable with those experiments back in the 1920s and 30s to succeed but maybe the science has advanced and evolved since then.

      • David Redpath said,

        According to our Chinese defector,
        code named Wang Ho, there is an
        ongoing project to propagate a Red
        cannabis exhaling cactus. Apparently
        for the purpose keeping the Central
        Committee compliant, as an aid in
        Uyghur re-education, and the odd
        Presidential private May Day fling. .
        Wang Ho has stated that when
        Strawberry Fields Forever, under
        extreme torture, refused to be
        “turned’, he boldly told his captures,
        “Better dead than red!”
        I’m sure this information will be of
        great comfort to the Cacti Twins.

      • David Redpath said,

        I just checked in with Mr. Inn Lu, who
        is keeping the defector Wang Ho at
        one of his fine Sydney establishments,
        and he reports that Wang Ho is
        “ripping it up like Wang Chung tonight!”.
        So there me indeed be a family connection.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I think that will indeed be of great comfort to the Cacti Twins, David.

  3. Dracul Van Helsing said,

    Ripping it up like Wang Chung.

    That is very interesting news. 🤔

  4. David Redpath said,

    With a rather loud …
    “Wake me up before you Wang Ho!”

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      That’s probably what Sophie Gregoire would say to Justin if they were ever stranded together with Ho Babylon Minh on a desert island.

      • David Redpath said,

        Justin left to go solo
        Hanging on like a yo-yo
        As Sophie Gregoire
        hits a Christmas high
        with Babylon Ho Ho 🎄
        (Too much cactus blow
        makes Justin a dull no show)

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Excellently put, David. 🙂

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