The Kraken Visits A Christmas Market
The Kraken Visits A Christmas Market
The Kraken who called himself Napoleon VI (because he hoped someday to become Emperor of France) and his wife Medusa (the ex-Gorgon) decided to head north across the border into Germany to visit one of the famous German Christmas markets.
They rented a one horse open sleigh for their journey.
As they journeyed north, the Kraken wearing red and white and a false white beard waved and said, “Ho, ho, ho” at all the passers-by.
“Mommy,” said one little girl, “I didn’t know Santa had 8 arms.”
“He has to in order to handle 8 reindeer,” her mother answered.
They soon came to a very beautiful Bavarian village with a Christmas market.
The Kraken exited the sleigh and posed for pictures with various people who were anxious to increase the likes on their Instagram accounts.
Medusa went shopping for candles and ornaments.
The Kraken then went over to a mulled wine stand and spent a great deal of time imbibing.
“Hic! Hic! Hic!” The Kraken said as he walked (or more accurately stumbled) his way towards the Christmas market central square to meet up with Medusa.
Playing at the gazebo bandstand in the Christmas market central square was the noted Norwegian jazz singer Olaf Fjordson.
His orchestra consisting of a jazz pianist, a jazz saxophonist, a jazz guitarist and a jazz violinist was behind him.
Olaf Fjordson and His Jazz Orchestra normally played the very popular wintertime jazz cafe Frozen North Orleans on the island of Spitsbergen, a jazz cafe that had been frequented by such notables as Orson Welles, Pablo Picasso, Howard Hughes and his biographer Clifford Irving.
They had been flown in from Spitsbergen to open the town’s Christmas market.
The jazz pianist was on stage trying to scrape the icicles off his piano keys.
The jazz saxophonist was holding his saxophone over an open fire as ice fell out of the mouthpiece.
The jazz guitarist was likewise scraping ice off his strings.
The jazz violinist was sitting on stage with his hands tied behind his back as his Australian Ernievarius violin (made out of winter tires) sat on his lap and therefore was not being played (for which the Christmas market crowds should be truly thankful).
As such, jazz singer Olaf Fjordson was currently singing a capella.
Sang Fjordson,
I feel it in my fingers
I feel it in my toes
Frostbite’s all around me
And so the feeling grows…
After singing this last line, Fjordson immediately started screaming his head off like a heavy metal singer in concert.
“That Fjordson seems to have an extensive range when it comes to varieties of musical genre,” the Kraken remarked to Medusa.
“He does indeed,” Medusa agreed.
The Kraken then checked his 8 Rolex watches and noticed that it was time for them to head off in the direction of Berlin where they were due for a midnight banquet with German Chancellor Angela Merkel.
As they left, they noticed a World War I Sopwith Camel (that had flown the jazz orchestra from Spitsbergen to the Bavarian village Christmas market) being de-iced along with the pilot – a beagle wearing a World War I flying ace’s cap and goggles.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday November 24th
2019.
David Redpath said,
November 25, 2019 at 12:03 am
Hopefully the Red Baron is
observing a Christmas truce✌️
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 25, 2019 at 12:05 am
Hopefully he is. 😀
David Redpath said,
November 25, 2019 at 12:07 am
It’s that time of the year, Chris.
Uncle Ernie often plays his Ernievarius
on ice ❄️Despite it being Summer here
down under 🌞
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 25, 2019 at 12:10 am
I imagine the neighbours would very much like to put his Ernievarious on ice. 🎻🥶🥶
David Redpath said,
November 25, 2019 at 12:18 am
That’s the exact property of used
tyre rubber that Uncle Ernie was
after when he invented his acclaimed
Ernievarius. The ability to drive you
you around the bend, no matter the
weather. whatever the temperature🎻
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 25, 2019 at 12:27 am
Showing how necessity is indeed the mother of invention.🤔
David Redpath said,
November 25, 2019 at 1:57 am
Uncle Ernie certainly is
one inventive mother!
He actually believes he’s
in line to win the Nobel
Prize … in chemistry 🤔
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 25, 2019 at 2:12 am
He can stop off at Spitsbergen and its Frozen North Orleans Jazz Cafe on his way to Oslo to pick up his prize. 🎷🎺🎸🎻🥳
Jessica said,
November 25, 2019 at 8:00 pm
The daughter made me laugh, but the mother’s reply is even more funny… but then WetWetWet song parody happen… 😂
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 25, 2019 at 8:33 pm
I’m glad you found the WetWetWet song parody hilariously funny, Jessica. 😂
annieasksyou said,
November 26, 2019 at 1:59 pm
The Kraken as 8-armed reindeer commander, mit 8 Rolex watches, appearing in the same chapter as Snoopy: my cup would runneth over if it weren’t frozen.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 26, 2019 at 3:53 pm
LOL ! 😂
Excellent, Annie! 🥤🥶