Inn Lu: International Man of Mystery

November 25, 2019 at 11:57 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Mystery, News, Politics, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Inn Lu: International Man of Mystery

Recently a man claiming to be a intelligence agent for Communist China’s Ministry of State Security had gone to Australia and defected to ASIO (the Australian Security Intelligence Organization).

The man was given the code name Wang Ho (and claimed to have an explosive treasure trove of intelligence information including how Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s pet pot smoking cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever was brutally murdered by Chinese State Security operatives in a re-education camp for transgendered Uighurs in the Xinjiang region of western China.
And how a portion of Strawberry Fields Forever’s body was given to paramount leader Xi Jinping’s personal gardener for examination, experimentation and analysis).

Wang Ho was kept for safe keeping in a safe house owned and operated by Mr. Inn Lu one of Sydney’s most mysterious and elusive businessmen.

The reason Wang Ho was given to Mr. Inn Lu was because many ASIO operatives were said to have a serious drinking problem and couldn’t be trusted to keep Wang Ho alive and safe while they were in the process of sleeping off their hangovers.

Not much was known about Inn Lu who was described by the Sydney Morning Herald as “mysterious and inscrutable” in 1931 (for their centennial edition).

If ASIO operatives (and most people in the Australian government) had been sober, they might have asked themselves why Inn Lu had never aged a day from the way he looked in that Sydney Morning Herald photograph from almost 90 years ago.

All that was known about Inn Lu was that he was a staunch anti-Communist and therefore could be trusted to keep the PRC Ministry of State Security defector alive.

Trouble was brewing for both Inn Lu and Wang Ho however in that Donald Trump had sent to Australia a U.S. ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement) agent named Eichmann Himmler who was to give ASIO operatives advice on how to deal with illegal immigrants.

Eichmann Himmler was the ICE agent responsible for setting up detention facilities for immigrants along the U.S.-Mexico border.

Locking fathers behind bars at one facility.

Locking mothers behind bars at another facility.

And locking children and babies behind bars at yet another facility.

Eichmann Himmler did not get off to a good start with ASIO operatives as he walked in on them halfway through their lunch hour (when almost all of them were currently working on their 30th bottle of beer).

The first thing Eichmann Himmler did was go after koala bears saying “These creatures are so damned cute, they’re obviously up to something.”

Every koala bear that Eichmann Himmler asked for their identification papers did not have them.

Thus father koalas were thrown into one facility.

Mother koalas were thrown into another facility.

And baby koalas were thrown into yet another.

“After all,” Eichmann Himmler lectured the snoozing in an alcoholic haze ASIO operatives, “how do we know these koala bears are resident Australians? How do we know they didn’t come from somewhere else?”.

Eichmann Himmler did the same with Eucalyptus trees (he became suspicious of the plant when they seemed to be the main diet of the koala bears).

He locked up Eucalyptus trees all over the nation of Australia bringing in botanists from all over the U.S. to determine the tree’s gender and age and then lock them up in the appropriate facility.

“After all,” Eichmann Himmler lectured the still snoozing in an alcoholic haze ASIO operatives, “how do we know these Eucalyptus trees are resident Australians? How do we know they didn’t come from somewhere else?”.

This was the sort of brilliant and profound mind that ICE agent Eichmann Himmler had.

The bet was on in Washington DC that the next time Trump fired a National Security Council head in one of his Twitter tweets, that it would probably be Eichmann Himmler who would be the next NSC head.

Now Eichmann Himmler took it upon himself to investigate the mysterious Mr. Inn Lu whom ASIO had handed PRC defector Wang Ho to for safekeeping.

“After all,” Eichmann Himmler told the room now empty of ASIO operatives since Happy Hour had now begun in all the Australian bars and lounges, “how do we know Mr. Inn Lu isn’t an illegal immigrant? After all, he’s Asian isn’t he? And we all know the United Kingdom that founded this great country is closer to Australia than Asia is.”

As Donald Trump in Washington DC fired off a tweet praising the intelligence and profound geographic knowledge of one ICE agent Eichmann Himmler, Himmler, after receiving a fax from DARPA, set off to confront Inn Lu.

In the Shangri-La Gardens Hotel (owned by Inn Lu) in downtown Sydney, Eichmann Himmler confronted the mysterious and reclusive businessman.

“I know who you are, Inn Lu,” Himmler said.

“Do you now?” Inn Lu’s eyes twinkled behind his spectacles.

“Yes, DARPA turned to Britain’s Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster for information about your background,” Eichmann Himmler wagged his finger at him, “you were apparently an important scientist, inventor and court official in the palace court of one of the Ming Emperors. While you were doing mathematical calculations about how to change the time-space continuum, the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland was doing the exact same calculations in our own time. This created a time warp. You were sent to Australia in the year 1900 from the palace court in Ming Dynasty Beijing you were at. You also discovered a potion of immortality that you brought with you from that Ming Dynasty court. You have lived in Australia for over 119 years now but you never bothered to get citizenship. You have also been involved in espionage to get today’s descendants of the Ming Emperors to power in China. Hence the reason for your strong anti-Communism. I’m here to see you deported and sent back to China where you belong.”

“You’ve caught me, Comrade Eichmann,” Inn Lu smiled, “but you look rather hot. Why don’t you take a refreshing dip in our hotel pool? Plenty of time to deport me later.”

“Don’t mind if I do,” Eichmann Himmler took off his clothes and jumped in.

One of the hotel maintenance staff said to Mr. Inn Lu, “Mr. Lu, isn’t this the hour that the Sydney Crocodile Club rents the pool to give their crocodiles a home away from home?”.

“It is,” Mr. Inn Lu smiled, “I regret I forgot to tell Comrade Eichmann Himmler.”

“I want to see your identity papers,” Eichmann Himmler screamed at one of the crocodiles just before it bit his head off.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday November 25thย 


  1. David Redpath said,

    That’s the way to get ahead
    … in Australia ๐Ÿ‘
    The dingo situation also needs to be
    looked into. Apparently they snuck
    down from Indonesia, without papers.

  2. David Redpath said,

    An ASIO update for you, Dracul.
    The top brass have decided to take
    your advice and change the code
    name for the Chinese defector to
    ‘Wang Chung’. They realised that,
    for a top secret operation, ‘Wang Ho’
    was a bit too obvious. Especially
    since Wang is actually the defecting
    Chinese intelligence agent’s name.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      And Ho was the name of the Vietnamese operative for the Chinese government who helped Wang defect.

      Talk about shouting secrets from the rooftop.

      One should never pick code names suggested during the height of Australian Happy Hour time.

      • David Redpath said,

        The ASIO brain trust is as thick as
        two short planks. A consequence
        is tha Baby Ho has herself defected
        to Taiwan. She claims it’s a move
        the “Ho of Go” (thats the code name
        for her that the Chinaโ€™s Ministry of
        State Securityย came up with) had
        been planning for a while. Something
        to do with her transhuman rival, that
        Mei-ling Manchu, and her machinations.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Defecting to Taiwan?

        Well that certainly adds to the stew of intrigue simmering on the China plate.

        Mei-ling Manchu and her machinations.

        Things are definitely becoming curiouser and curiouser.

      • David Redpath said,

        “The enemy of my enemy
        could come in very handy.”
        ~ Babylon Ho

        Yes, I don’t think Baby Ho and
        Mei-ling Manchu got along.
        It wasn’t just that Vietnamese
        versus Chinese thing. I know
        Baby Ho suspected Mei-ling of
        sleeping her way to the top of
        the Chinese Ministry of State
        Security (If transhumans actually

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        That’s an excellent question, David.

        Do transhumans sleep? ๐Ÿค”๐Ÿค”

      • David Redpath said,

        I thought you were the one to ask, Dracul.
        as you’ve slept with quite a few! ๐Ÿ˜ฒ

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes… they do sleep.

        But I had promised not to tell.

        Although vampire hunters do know they sleep.

        That’s when they stake vampires through the heart.

        Although I’ve yet to stake a beautiful vampiress through the heart.

        Plenty of ugly vampiresses and lots of male vampires.

        Pan Goatee also beheads the ugly vampiresses for good measure.

        Thus they’re doubly dead instead of Undead.

      • David Redpath said,

        It’s a good job the Pan Goatee is on
        the job! The head job … so to speak.
        Yes Dracul, you had previously
        mentioned, that on those beautiful
        vampiress you only use the beef
        bayonet … your preferred weapon.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,


        I’ve yet to meet a vegan vampiress. ๐Ÿ˜Ž

  3. David Redpath said,

    And you’re no meat substitute ๐Ÿ–๐Ÿ˜Ž

  4. Jessica said,

    That infos made my head spin! Which is true and not? Ugh how horrible about the kids and mothers being lock up. That ending is terrifying. But most all… where’s the a-hole who dare kill pot smoking cactus! Tell me Christopher. What about the wedding??? huh? huh? Wah! ๐Ÿ˜ญ

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, U.S. Immigration officials have actually been locking mothers and children up.

      That’s why I had a U.S.Immigration official being eaten by crocodiles in my story.

      Yes, Strawberry Fields Forever was killed over the summer.

      I don’t think you read my chapters from over the summer.

      Strawberry Fields Forever did have two twins- a boy and a girl-who are safely living with the poet David Redpath over in Australia.

      It was Justin Trudeau’s fault that Strawberry Fields Forever was murdered.

      He talked tough against Beijng on one occasion over the summer.

      You don’t talk tough against a government headed by a megalomaniac totalitarian despot like Xi Jinping without there being repercussions.

      Xi ordered Strawberry Fields killed in retribution.

      • Jessica said,

        No, I don’t think I’ve read it… if I did, I probably forgot… still, Justin Trudeau must be torture, he should have made sure Strawberry Fields Forever is safe and sound before doing something dangerous.

        Yes, they make a good crocodile food. I’d like to toss in those who put me in the isolation cell too while I was pregnant for false charges. ๐Ÿ‘ฟ

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        You were pregnant at the time those immigration officials locked you up in an isolation cell? ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

        How awful! ๐Ÿ˜ข

        Those Norwegian immigration officials really should be eaten by crocodiles. ๐Ÿ˜ก

        I think I’ll write a future chapter sometime where they are eaten by crocodiles. ๐Ÿ˜ˆ

      • Jessica said,

        Yeah. The most horrible part of it was the discrimination the police made me feel all the way even after my innocent was proven.
        Please write about them. I’ll be one of the audience cheering for the crocodile ๐Ÿ˜‚

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        The crocodiles will be glad to have someone in their corner cheering for them. ๐Ÿ˜‚

      • Jessica said,

        This complicated because the last thing I want to striking a friendship with the crocodiles ๐Ÿ˜‚

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, most people don’t relish the idea of being friends with crocodiles. ๐Ÿ˜‚

      • Jessica said,

        Yes because it’s impossible to know what’s the meaning of their smile ๐Ÿ˜‚

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Are they smiling because they like you as a friend?

        Or for their next midnight snack? ๐Ÿ˜‚

      • Jessica said,

        Exactly! ๐Ÿ˜‚

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