Part 2 Mr. Inn Lu: International Man of Mystery

November 27, 2019 at 11:55 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Part 2 Mr. Inn Lu: International Man of Mystery

The reclusive Sydney Australia billionaire Mr. Inn Lu was being interviewed by a reporter for America’s Sci-Fi Channel.

“Well, Mr. Lu,” the reporter said, “I don’t know if our audience will believe that you are in fact a time traveler who was once a scientist, inventor and palace court official serving a Ming Dynasty Emperor in Beijing who got caught up in a time warp brought about when scientists at the CERN Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland had one too many martinis on the job before they started firing up the old inter-dimensional time tunnel and you suddenly found yourself in Sydney Australia in the year 1900. Or that you had developed a potion of immortality before you got caught in the time warp. But the story should be right up their Sci-Fi alley.”

“Always glad to help people find what’s up their alley,” Mr. Inn Lu smiled.

“And is your name really Inn Lu?” The reporter asked, “None of the professors of Medieval Chinese History we talked to found any record of a court official serving in a Ming Dynasty palace court who had the name Inn Lu.”

“My real name is a cosmic top secret,” Mr. Inn Lu continued to smile, “I have not told any Australian Security Intelligence Organization (ASIO) official what my real name is. Otherwise the whole world would know my real name by the next morning since ASIO operatives are such blabber mouths.”

“So how did you get the name Inn Lu?” The Sci-Fi Channel Reporter asked.

“Well when I suddenly found myself transported through time and place from the Ming Dynasty palace court in Beijing to Sydney Australia in the year 1900,” Inn Lu explained, “the first place I wound up was in a washroom in a beer parlour in Sydney. The first person who came through the washroom door at the time I made my cosmic arrival was someone whose name I later discovered was Goliath Rougechemin. When he saw me dressed in my resplendent Ming Dynasty court robes standing in the midst of the beer parlour washroom, he said to me, “How did a person like you come to be in the loo?”. Since I didn’t know English at the time, the only words I caught was “in” and “loo”. That suddenly became my name although I changed it to Inn Lu.”

“And we understand that the recent PRC Ministry of State Security official who defected from Communist China to Australia is hiding in one of your safe houses? The intelligence operative code named Wang Ho?” The Sci-Fi Channel reporter asked.

“That’s right,” Inn Lu nodded, “Although his code name was recently changed from Wang Ho to Wang Chung “for security reasons” or so the memo said. Actually the whole thing was supposed to be a top secret operation although ASIO operatives have been blabbing about the whole operation in the Comments sections of WordPress blogs all over the world so it isn’t so top secret anymore.”

“Well, we thank you for granting us this interview,” the Sci-Fi reporter smiled.

“Always a pleasure talking to members of the Press,” Inn Lu smiled back.

Inn Lu’s Samsung Galaxy smart phone went off.

A text message.

“Should I go?” The reporter asked, “Is the message top secret?”.

“Oh no,” Inn Lu shook his head, “It’s from a friend of mine. A rather eccentric character who calls himself Uncle Ernie. He’s worried because it suddenly occurred to him that a package of his special fruit gummy bears he sent out containing his 72 special and secret ingredients he might have inadvertently mailed to the wrong address. He may have sent it to the person’s place of work rather than his home address.”

. . .

Donald Trump entered the Oval Office of the White House.

He suddenly noticed something on his desk that he didn’t recall seeing before.

“Hm,” said Trump who just loved grabbing things, “Nice of one of my secret service agents to leave this bag of gummy bears lying around.”

Trump started eating the gummy bears.

Half an hour later, one of the Secret Service agents entered the Oval Office just as the Donald was standing on top of his desk flapping his arms as if they were bird’s wings and shouting, “Woo! Hoo! I can fly!”.

“Um… Mr. President?” Said the Secret Service agent, “Did you happen to see a bag of fruit gummy bears lying around? I accidentally left them behind.”

“They were on my desk,” the Donald smiled, “I ate them all.”

The Donald starts to sing in Stanley Holloway Alfred P. Doolittle fashion from My Fair Lady, “I’m getting impeached in the morning. Ding! Dong! The bells are going to chime! …. Pull out the stopper! Let’s have a whopper! But get me to the House on time!”.

“Um… Mr. President?” The Secret Service agent pointed outside the Oval Office window, “What’s a large dirigible airship doing landing on the White House lawn?”.

“I ordered it,” the Donald replied, “as part of an impromptu Thanksgiving Day parade in Washington DC tomorrow. I’m going to fly in it along with a whole bunch of turkeys tomorrow. Then 50 feet above the Lincoln Memorial, the turkeys and I will jump out of the dirigible and fly towards the ground.”

The Secret Service agent held in his hands an old magazine from the 1980s (he had been visiting a dentist’s office that afternoon).

And in the magazine was an interview with Donald Trump who said that one of his favourite TV shows of all time was WKRP In Cincinnati.

He told the magazine interviewer that he had watched every single episode of WKRP In Cincinnati except one.

The secret service agent said to himself, “What the Democrats so far have failed to do, missing a single episode of WKRP In Cincinnati may succeed.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday November 27th
2019.Β 

18 Comments

  1. aminatannu said,

    My name is Princess Anabel,
    feel free to email me, i will be expecting to read for
    you soon. so that we can know more about our selves and extend hand of friendship!
    With love and tender heart (ap9655809@gmail.com

  2. Jessica said,

    Hahaha πŸ˜‚ Trumf as a chicken… where can I find those gummy bears? I have someone I want to gift it.

  3. David Redpath said,

    Nothing like the sound of frozen
    turkeys hitting the ground.
    Trump may be in for some cold
    turkey after consuming those
    gummy bears of Uncle Ernie’s.
    Unless he does actually jump πŸ¦ƒ

  4. David Redpath said,

    According to Uncle Ernie, his
    friend and financier (loan shark),
    Mr. Inn Lu, once confided in him
    the secret of his real name.
    Apparently the Ming Emperor himself bestowed upon him the
    name “Royal Whoremonger
    of the Sixth Happiness”, in the
    late Imperial Mandarin dialect.
    But keep that to yourself, Chris 🀫

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      I will, David. 🀫

      I can’t speak for my readers however.

      • David Redpath said,

        Well, none of them would know
        the late Imperial Mandarin dialect.
        Used exclusively in the royal court.
        But apparently everybody knew that
        Mr. Inn Lu was an opium pushing pimp.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        No wonder he was so popular with the Ming Emperor.

        To say nothing of his popularity with your Uncle Ernie.

  5. David Redpath said,

    Yes, Uncle Ernie is a regular at
    Mr. Inn Lu’s Bar of the Sixth Happiness.
    The most popular club in Sydney’s
    famous King’s Cross precinct.

    • David Redpath said,

      Oops! I’ve just had a text, marked
      urgent, from Mr. Inn Lu telling me to
      say that his most salubrious club,
      Bar of the Sixth Happiness, is not
      the safe house he is warehousing
      the Chinese defector, code named
      Wang Chung … O. K.?

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      I shall look the place up if I’m ever in Sydney.

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