Shakespeare Said It Best: All’s Well That Ends Well

November 29, 2019 at 11:24 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Shakespeare Said It Best: All’s Well That Ends Well

“I wonder why Trump spent Thanksgiving in Afghanistan?” Amadeus asked his friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield.

“It was apparently decided at a meeting of the U.S. National Security Council this past Wednesday night,” Renfield explained, “They thought it would be safer for Trump to be in Afghanistan than for him to be dropping turkeys from a dirigible on to the heads of innocent passers-by who were visiting the Lincoln Memorial.”

“Why would hurling turkeys from a dirigible be a problem?” Amadeus asked as he ate his turkey sandwich and drank his Ocean Spray Cranberry Cocktail.

“You do know turkeys can’t fly, don’t you?” Renfield with a raised eyebrow asked Amadeus.

“They can’t?” Amadeus stopped eating his turkey sandwich momentarily.

“No,” Renfield snarled.

“Oh,” Amadeus answered with his usual brilliant grasp of the situation that would have sent legendary detective Sherlock Holmes hurling himself in exasperation from the 2nd floor window of 221B Baker Street had Amadeus lived with Holmes rather than Watson.

Renfield’s smart phone went off.

The MP talked and then said, “That’s very good news, Dr. Rocher. Thanks for calling.”

“What was Dr. Cadbury Rocher phoning about?” Amadeus asked as he spilled Cranberry Cocktail all over his white shirt.

“Dr. Rocher has been talking to a Sydney Australia based billionaire named Inn Lu the past week,” Renfield said, “According to Inn Lu, yesterday was an auspicious time mathematically speaking for time travellers to travel back in time and time travel back to Xinjiang China a few months ago and save the pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever from being murdered on Xi Jinping’s orders. Unfortunately our two volunteer time travellers the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec and Dracul Van Helsing couldn’t use the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland because that’s currently undergoing maintenance repairs as a result of the Hindu god Shiva taking disco dance lessons in the tunnel from John Travolta while William Shatner and those members of the Bee Gees who are still alive sang Saturday Night Fever songs backwards. Fortunately Set Enterprises owns a small working time tunnel in the Austrian Alps – the same locale used in the filming of The Sound of Music where ice glaciers and snow fields melted at the melodious voice of Julie Andrews as Maria dancing in the meadows. Dracul and Qonzilqointec had taken a small cactus from the Joshua Tree National Park north of Palm Springs California and substituted it for Strawberry Fields Forever in his holding cell in the re-education camp for transgendered Uighurs in Xinjiang only hours after the pot smoking cactus had told his PRC captors “Better dead than red” and Xi Jinping had given the orders for Strawberry Fields Forever’s wish to come true. So it was actually a Palm Springs north socialite cactus who was butchered by Mei-ling Manchu while Ho Babylon Minh video recorded it for Justin Trudeau. Strawberry Fields Forever is now back in the present and currently alive and well while a slice of a wealthy Palm Springs north socialite cactus is now in the possession of Xi Jinping’s gardener.”

“That’s wonderful news,” Amadeus took off his cranberry cocktail laced white shirt just as the matronly middle aged woman who ran the Tewkesbury Bed and Breakfast entered the room.

The sight of Amadeus with his shirt off caused the woman to swoon like a school girl and buckle at the knees and then collapse on to the floor.

“Now look what you’ve done!” Renfield cried out to Amadeus.

“Does this mean we’re not going to get scones and biscuits for high tea?” Amadeus asked.

Meanwhile a Set Enterprises pterodactyl drone flew to Australia to deliver the news to the pot smoking cacti twins Material Girl and Mellow Yellow that their father Strawberry Fields Forever was in fact still alive.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday November 29th


  1. annieasksyou said,

    Lots of rotfl in this one.

    But FYI: we had some wild turkeys hanging out in our yard some time ago. And then, there they were on our next door neighbors’ roof. A dirigible or drone ride, perhaps? Or else they are Olympic level high jumpers. Or maybe, just maybe, they can fly. Must have had some of that Strawberry Fields Forever stuff—I’ll bet that could do it.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      I’ll never believe anything I see on that old TV show WKRP in Cincinnatti again, Annie. 😂

      Of course that was the only episode of WKRP I ever watched – I couldn’t stand the show.

      Watched it on a friend’s recommendation because I couldn’t believe anyone would spend Thanksgiving Day throwing turkeys out of dirigibles and then say “As God is my witness, I didn’t know turkeys couldn’t fly.”

      So anyhow your comment inspired me to google the question Do turkeys fly?

      And the answer was wild turkeys fly because they roost in trees at night.

      And now we know the rest of the story as Paul.Harvey used to say. 😂

  2. Jessica said,

    I got so curious I did a search for Ocean Spray Cranberry Cocktail because it sounds so pretty… then felt like an idiot for not finding anything 😂

    Welcome back Strawberry Fields Forever!

    And there’s only one Bee Gees left 😥

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Ocean Spray Cranberry Cocktail was one of my favourite fruit juices as a kid- that and Welch’s Grape Juice.

      When you said you did a search and couldn’t find it- I thought they had maybe stopped making it.

      So I googled it and found it- Ocean Spray Cranberry Cocktail.

      And that led me to the horrifying thought- have they blocked Ocean Spray Cranberry Cocktail on Google search engine over in Europe? 😲

      Because EU bureaucrats in Brussels haven’t figured out how to pour Ocean Spray Cranberry Cocktail from bottles on to Belgian waffles yet?

      I didn’t know there was only one Bee Left! 😢

      And yay to bringing back Strawberry Fields Forever! 😀

      • annieasksyou said,

        Try cranberry juice AND grape juice—a delicious combo.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Actually I have tried that, Annie. 🙂

        It’s excellent. 😀

      • Jessica said,

        Yes. Ironically, it’s the oldest one. I saw his interview and it hurts to see him sad (I think he cried…)

        Did a search again and found it… I must have been in the limbo of sleepiness when I did the first search 😂

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Glad you found it in search. 😀

        I wonder if they sell it anywhere in Europe.

        It’s a very delicious drink if you ever get the chance to try it. 🙂

      • Jessica said,

        Hm… I have a faint memory of seeing it in an international section, but I never paid attention… thanks for the recommendation 🙂

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        You’re welcome. 🙂

      • Jessica said,

        And I’m looking forward to seeing Strawberry Field Forever wedding invitation in my mailbox! 😀

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        It’s on its way. 😀👰🏻🧖🏻‍♀

  3. David Redpath said,

    Barry Gibb would’ve been singing
    a falsetto solo, as the only Bee Gee
    who’s actually staying alive 😎

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      And no doubt Barry would really have been hitting those high notes if he was wearing those extremely tight fitting Starship Enterprise black pants. 😎

      • David Redpath said,

        🎶Lonely days.
        Lonely nights.
        What would Barry do
        without his scrotum? 🎶

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        It would definitely feel like a disco inferno without it. 🕺🏻🔥

  4. David Redpath said,

    The Cacti Twins are prickled pink,
    as well as tickled green, with the
    news the their beloved progenitor,
    Strawberry Fields Forever is alive
    and fuming cactus 🌵💨👄👁️👃👁️

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