Renfield and The Emerging Geopolitical Situation of 2020
Renfield and the Emerging Geopolitical Situation of 2020
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was sitting in his parliamentary office.
The Johnson-Renfield Plan for Brexit (that Renfield had drafted as Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical intelligence Gathering when he served in cabinet in Boris Johnson’s short lived minority government) had come into effect.
But Renfield was not one to rest on his laurels.
He was already taking stock of all the rapid geopolitical developments going on in the world.
As Bishop Robert Barron sat in his Los Angeles apartment talking to his pet half-eaten worm (in a half-eaten apple on the kitchen table) named Goebbels (because the worm was possessed by the ghost of Josef Goebbels granted a dispensational release from Tartarus by Hades the god of the Underworld a few years back), the bishop had decided that the time was now to call upon all American bishops to censor all Catholic media (including social media) for signs of disloyalty and disobedience to Pope Francis.
Bishop Barron had recently gone into orgasm when he with his fellow Catholic bishops from California and Nevada had gone for their quinquennial ad limina visit at the Vatican with Pope Francis.
Bishop Barron was aroused by the thoughts of the one world Communist government that Pope Francis was hoping to impose on the world.
To that end, Bishop Barron was now discussing the proper method of censorship with his half-eaten pet worm Goebbels.
Meanwhile in his London office, Renfield was reading recent statements by Claudio Cardinal Hummes the Marxist-Leninist Brazilian Cardinal and former Archbishop of São Paulo Brazil.
Cardinal Hummes had sent a private letter to bishops in which he said that Pope Francis would be releasing his Apostolic Exhortation on the Pan-Amazon Synod soon and the bishops must be prepared to hold a press conference as soon as the exhortation was released at which they were to urge the faithful to get behind it.
Any sign of dissent would be seen as breaking communion with Pope Francis and would be grounds for excommunication.
Vatican higher-ups were embracing a totalitarian mind set with totalitarian contingency plans at a breakneck speed which would have made the ghost of Joseph Stalin proud (if he hadn’t still been roasting away on his barbecue spit down in Tartarus).
Renfield then went on to listen to the tape (part of which was played at the Senate Impeachment trial of Donald Trump) of the secret recording that Lev Parnas had made of Donald Trump.
In the recording, Trump had said that he wanted the woman U.S. Ambassador to Ukraine fired.
That of course had aroused the ire of the Democrats, the Washington Post and the New York Times.
But none of the Democrats or leftist news media seemed to have paid any attention to the other part of the tape in which Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman told Trump that the Chief Rabbi of Kiev had added up the numbers of Trump’s name according to Gematria and had determined that the numbers of Trump’s name had added up to a perfect 424 which was the number of the Messiah- the saviour of the universe.
As if that weren’t enough of geopolitical insanity, the Kremlin was currently debating bestowing the title “Supreme Ruler” on Vladimir Putin meaning that he could keep ruling once his Presidential term expired in 2024.
“So,” Renfield thought to himself, “This is how the world is taking shape at the start of 2020. The Pope is planning a One World Communist government, the Chief Rabbi of Kiev has just declared Donald Trump the Messiah and saviour of the Universe and good old Vladimir Putin might be about to become the Supreme Ruler of Russia.”
This, Renfield reflected, is probably the fulfillment of that old Chinese saying May you live in interesting times.
Although, the British MP reflected sadly, the people of the city of Wuhan and surrounding area probably wished they lived in less interesting times.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday January 31st
2020.
Pan Goatee, Krampus and The Demon Buffalo Headed Metal Rat
Pan Goatee, Krampus and The Demon Buffalo Headed Metal Rat
The genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was at a nearby shopping centre.
He had just finished buying several cans of Diet Coca-Cola from the Dollar Store so he could feed his caffeine addiction.
Outside the dollar store, he noticed an ugly looking woman with her stupid looking boyfriend so he beheaded both of them and cut both of them up into 999 trillion pieces each.
Rats soon arrived on the scene and ate the very recently departed pair.
A rodent patrol business operator arrived on the scene and remarked, “Business has never been as brisk as it has been the past week.”
Goatee entered the mall’s food court where another ugly looking woman and her stupid looking boyfriend were leaving the scene of their aesthetic and IQ insulting crimes against humanity.
The satyr quickly beheaded and dismembered them (likewise into 999 trillion pieces each) with his astral laser machete.
A Darth Vader wannabe and pen ultimate Star Wars science-fiction fan (who so far had spent the 1st 35 years of his life living downstairs in his parents’ basement and still didn’t know what a shower was used for) said to himself, “I want to get me one of those” as he looked through the window of the mall’s food court.
Rats likewise came over and ate the aesthetic and IQ challenged deceased couple’s multitudinous remains.
When Goatee went to the Subway sandwich counter, a stupid looking individual stood there at the counter and was taking forever to make up his mind (or whatever little there was of it) to decide what he wanted.
Goatee decided for the individual by beheading him and dismembering him according to the satyr’s OCD pre-ordained numerical ratio.
Goatee then decided to go and make his own sandwich at home.
Rats ate the remains of the mindless loser who had gone totally to pieces at the Subway sandwich counter and then rushed to the nearest washrooms where they tossed their cookies (metaphorically speaking).
On his way out from the mall, Goatee received a phone call from his friend the demon goat Krampus (who held joint Bavarian and Austro-Hungarian citizenship although it did him little good in this global interconnected world since both the kingdom of Bavaria and the Austro-Hungarian Empire no longer existed).
Krampus remarked that within the past 24 hours, he had just developed an allergy to the melody of Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony whenever it was played.
Now, Krampus sighed, he would no longer be able to attend any events where the European Union National Anthem was played.
“What an awful week you’re having, my friend,” Goatee was sympathetic.
. . .
A giant robotic metal rat was being unveiled by Huawei Technologies for this year of the Metal Rat.
As China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping watched the Metal Rat appear, he wondered why it had the head of a demon buffalo.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday January 30th
2020
Pan Goatee, Krampus and The 200th Anniversary of King George III’s Death
Pan Goatee, Krampus and The 200th Anniversary of King George III’s Death
Pan Goatee was enjoying an egg salad sub sandwich that he had bought from the Subway in the local shopping mall food court.
When he had finished the sandwich, he was going to buy himself a dozen Subway cookies for $6.
Just then an ugly looking female member of the ISIS Islamic State went up to the Subway with her detonation belt.
Goatee quickly beheaded the ugly looking creature before she could do any damage.
Although she had already caused a great deal of damage to the aesthetic environment with her ugliness.
Goatee then cut her up into 999 trillion pieces with his astral laser machete.
Rats recently released from the 1971 American horror film Willard in a repertory theatre then ate the ugly looking female suicide bomber.
They then vomited in nearby washrooms.
Goatee received a text message from the demon goat Krampus.
Krampus told Goatee that he had recently developed an allergy to the musical melody of the Johann Strauss waltz The Blue Danube whenever it was played.
“Wow, what a bummer,” Goatee stated sympathetically.
. . .
Today was the 200th Anniversary of King George III’s death.
And as such, Hades the god of the Underworld had granted the ghost of King George III a temporary dispensation to leave the Underworld.
As Cerberus was busy licking up the salt remains of Lot’s wife at the entrance/exit to the Underworld, the English poets Robert Southey and Lord Byron both stood there weeping at the cave of Hades/Sheol as they watched the late King George III of England leave (albeit only for a day).
Southey and Byron were not weeping over the late George III’s temporary absence but over the fact that both poets were wrong over their respective visions of judgment of King George III’s soul.
For George III had not entered heaven according to either man’s poetic thesis but was rather still currently spending a lot more time in Purgatory than either poet imagined (since neither Southey nor Byron had believed in Purgatory in their mortal lives).
The only people who were more upset than Southey or Byron at George III leaving Purgatory were the Puritan founders of America (who were mainly upset by the fact that Purgatory existed).
Hades and Persephone, after consultation with various devils and fallen angels, had come to the conclusion that the greatest Purgatorial punishment for the Puritans was for the ghost of Hamlet’s father King Hamlet of Denmark to drop by on a daily basis (as they were roasting away on their barbecue spits) and bang his staff (borrowed from Tolkien’s Middle Earth hero Gandalf) and announce to them, “The Bard was right. The Bard was right.”
He would then break into his speech that he had once delivered to young Hamlet,
“I am thy father’s spirit,
Doomed for a certain term to walk the night
And for the day confined to fast in fires,
Till the foul crimes done in my days of nature
Are burnt and purged away.”
And then as ever on a daily basis, Oliver Cromwell was cut up and put into an Irish shepherd’s pie and roasted in the oven.
Only to be repeated the next day.
George III spent his 200th deathday watching the impeachment trial of Donald Trump in the U.S. Senate while sitting next to U.S. Chief Justice John Roberts in the Senate chamber.
“So, this is what Washington and Jefferson and Ben Franklin’s project has come to,” George III laughed as he drank his now tax free ghostly tea rescued from the bottom of Boston Harbour.
As for Ben Franklin and his friend the English aristocratic rake Sir Francis Dashwood, they no longer found the terms “Members of the Hellfire Club” so funny anymore.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 29th
2020.
False Prophets, Peace Deals, Pachamama and Sensuous Qonzilqointec
False Prophets, Peace Deals, Pachamama and Sensuous Qonzilqointec
A group of Jesuit assassins at the Vatican sat around drinking strawberry daiquiris and Pink Lady cocktails as they waited for their pink fingernail polish to dry before going out for a night on the town.
They were tuned in to BBC Radio where British MP Renfield R. Renfield was being interviewed.
The interviewer was asking Renfield about Uruguayan priest Father Gonzalo Aemilius whom Pope Francis had just named his new personal secretary.
“Well of course Father Gonzalo doesn’t dress like a priest,” Renfield noted, “and he’s someone who’s got the looks of a tennis instructor who would be hired by bored sexually frustrated middle-aged wealthy women who were looking for tennis and other types of encounters.”
“So what are you saying exactly?” The interviewer asked.
“Expect to see a lot of late night stenography sessions going on in the papal residence at the Vatican,” Renfield answered.
“What do we know about Father Gonzalo Aemilius?” The interviewer inquired.
“Well, he replaces the Argentine priest Father Fabian (sounds like the name of a Harlequin historical romance novel cover shirtless and topless male model) Pedacchio who worked alongside the Pope from 2013 to 2019 and who returned last December to his original post at the Congregation of Bishops. Of course Father Fabian Pedacchio just turned 55 last year and as my Welsh parliamentary colleague Morgana’s personal hairdresser Leo noted, “He’s a man who’s really lost his looks the past couple of years.” Now Father Pedacchio is being replaced by Father Gonzalo Aemilius who’s a “rugged handsome 40-year-old” to again quote my Welsh parliamentary colleague Morgana’s personal hairdresser Leo. ”
“Anything else about Father Gonzalo Aemilius?” The interviewer queried.
“Well, I’ll read you what the official Vatican News agency said about his appointment,” Renfield replied.
Renfield then read the excerpt in a voice that sounded like a cross between Hollywood Squares celebrity panelist Paul Lynde and American writer Truman Capote, “Father Aemilius was born in Montevideo on 18th September 1979 and was ordained a priest on 6th May 2006. His face may be familiar to many because he is the one, who the Pope greeted and summoned to him when he was part of the crowd gathered outside a Vatican gate to welcome Pope Francis at the beginning of his pontificate on the morning of 17th March 2013. He recognized him and invited him to accompany him into the church where he was about to celebrate his first Mass with the faithful after his election. At the end of the liturgy, Pope Francis introduced Father Aemilius to all those present, asking them to pray for him and for his work with street children.”
The phone rang in the office of the Jesuit assassins.
It was the Jesuit assassin whose fingernail polish had fully dried who picked up the phone.
“It’s the boss,” said the Jesuit assassin, “He wants to know who will rid him of this troublesome British MP.”
. . .
At the White House today, U.S. President Donald Trump stood alongside Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and announced the Jared Kushner Peace Deal of the Century.
The map of the new Palestinian state that Trump proposed seemed to resemble a salamander.
The sort of salamander as on a 19th Century U.S. Congressional District map that gave rise to the term gerrymandering.
Interestingly enough at about the same time as Trump made his announcement, Hades the Greek god of the Underworld had granted temporary dispensational releases from his realm to the ghosts of Israel’s King Solomon, Hiram the King of Tyre and also Hiram Abiff the architect and master mason (who had once been possessed by the spirit of the Egyptian god Osiris) who had helped build Solomon’s original Temple in Jerusalem.
. . .
In the Caribbean, the scarlet red dress wearing Inca goddess Pachamama riding a 7-headed beast had caused a powerful 7.7 magnitude earthquake that hit between Jamaica, the Cayman Islands and Cuba at a depth of 10 kilometres (6.2 miles).
. . .
Meanwhile in her apartment in Mexico City, the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec greeted Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing as he walked through the door:
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 28th
2020.
Auschwitz: Where Death and Hate Embraced
Auschwitz: Where Death and Hate Embraced
The outmost darkness lay behind
gates that said Work makes you free
Orwellian newspeak before Orwell
even coined the term
It was all a lie, a battle cry
for ancient gods craving blood
A race of übermensch
that loved the stench
of the flesh burning in fires
in concrete pyres
that reached the sky
Skies were always gray here
even when the sun shone up above
Clouds never dropped rain
But the ground soaked blood
And the bones were food
for a ravenous Fatherland
that worshipped death
Innocence was lost
under hearts of frost
Covered by coats of black
and skull and bone lapels
in a place under Hell’s dark spells
Marks the spot where pure Evil dwells
Over a million lives were lost
where Death always made a winning coin toss
Off Death’s dark trains, then separate
Some to work, many more to die
Mark the spot where angels cry
And blackened smoke fills the sky
This was Hell
Evil’s hotel
Where men and women watched
others die
While smiling and laughing under Fuhrer’s eye
Some say that was in the past
where Satan’s furnaces had a blast
but when History is forgot
Death’s sinister X marks the spot
-A poem written by Christopher
Monday January 27th
2020
The 75th Anniversary
of the liberation of Auschwitz
in Oswiecim Poland
Carson Cody Albion and The Zombies of 1950s Havana
Carson Cody Albion and The Zombies of 1950s Havana
The year was 1956.
Fidel Castro and Ernesto Che Guevara were busy working on their plans to topple the Cuban government of President Fulgencio Batista.
Britain, France and Israel would attack Egypt over the Suez Canal.
And John George Diefenbaker would win the leadership of the Canadian Federal Progressive Conservative Party.
The last good leader the Federal Progressive Conservatives would ever have.
And the last good Prime Minister Canada would ever have.
So naturally he was a threat to the Canadian establishment and elites as well as the U.S. State Department.
The State Department got global bankers and investors to sabotage the value of the Canadian dollar during the 1963 Canadian election campaign so Diefenbaker would be blamed for it and lose the election.
Which is what happened.
Canadian Federal Liberal Party leader Lester Bowles (should really have been spelled Bowels) Pearson became Prime Minister of Canada in 1963 and eventually paved the way for Marxist-Leninist Cultural Marxist Pierre Elliot Trudeau (should really be spelled Turdeau) to become Prime Minister in 1968 and to set forth plans for the destruction of Canada as a great nation.
The destruction became complete when Progressive Conservative Party leader Brian Mulroney (should really be spelled Bulroney) was elected Prime Minister of Canada in 1984.
Bulroney was so obnoxious, he drove the Federal Progressive Conservative Party of Canada to extinction to be replaced by the Reform Party later Canadian Alliance Party and later just plain Conservative Party of Canada.
So Diefenbaker was Canada’s last great hope before the onset of political zombies (mindless living dead corpses who went around eating brains) on to the Canadian political landscape which governed the country ever since.
And speaking of zombies, Cuban casinos were having a problem with zombies in that year of 1956.
Zombies were entering the casinos and frightening customers.
As well as stealing cash from the casino safes and safety deposit boxes.
A meeting of Cuban casino owners was held in the Glowing Sun and Burning Sands Whorehouse in Havana to discuss the problem.
A follow up meeting was held in the city’s Sexually Transmitted Diseases Clinic waiting room.
It was agreed to call in Los Angeles Private Eye Carson Cody Albion to investigate the problem.
Albion was recommended to the Havana Casino Owners group by a Monte Carlo casino owner (who had employed Albion as a house detective in a Monte Carlo casino and hotel the year before).
Albion arrived in Havana the following week.
After spending an evening drinking Cuba Libres in a Havana bar with a couple of interesting fellows named Fidel and Che, Carson Cody Albion set to work on the case.
Meanwhile in an Anglican Church in Havana that served British and Commonwealth diplomatic staff at the city’s embassies, an intensely stupid looking man with fish eyes and weird looking silver hair (that would have easily given Donald Trump’s urine golden coloured toupee a run for its money) sat playing the organ.
The man’s name was Keith Bennett.
Although that wasn’t the man’s real name.
His real name was Armilius Wolfstein a Nazi scientist (but not a very bright Nazi scientist unlike many of the evil geniuses of the Third Reich) who served as a somewhat dim witted assistant to the evil and notorious Dr. Josef Mengele.
Armilius Wolfstein fled to Argentina when the Second World War ended.
Wolfstein had had an interesting history.
He lived in Munich in the 1920s where he had tried unsuccessfully to apply to various universities and post-secondary institutions in the city.
He landed a job as a commercial and advertising salesman for a newspaper and magazine publishing firm in the city.
He had a friend Kitz Mjolnir (like the hammer of Thor) who lived in Munich.
When Kitz’s father died and the Mjolnir family estate was sold, Kitz had taken a small preliminary payout from the Estate to move to Berlin where he hoped to get into that city’s burgeoning film industry.
Armilius Wolfstein had told Kitz that if he ever needed help or decided to move back to Munich to get in touch with him and he’d move an arm and a leg to help him out.
While Kitz was in Berlin, his father’s Estate lawyer in Munich, either due to being a crook or due to gross incompetence, had absconded with most of the Estate funds.
Kitz was now left with nothing.
Unable to pursue his chance of a film career in Berlin and unable to land a job, Kitz returned to Bavaria.
But to the city of Regensburg.
Having trouble settling down in Regensburg, Kitz decided to move back to Munich but would need help finding a place.
He recalled Armilius Wolfstein’s offer to help so wrote him a letter.
Being the pompous asshole that Armilius Wolfstein was, Wolfstein had replied to Kitz with an arrogant and condescending letter.
Kitz thought of writing a letter in which he’d tell Wolfstein that he (Wolfstein) was so full of shit that if they gave him an enema before he died, they could bury him in a cigar box.
But he decided not to waste time in replying to such a venereal disease infested piece of rubbish.
So having stabbed a friend in the back, Wolfstein went on to join the German National Socialist Workers’ Party (the Nazis).
. . .
When the Nazis succeeded in taking power in Germany in 1933, Wolfstein like numerous misfits across the country was able to land a job by acting as a total brown shirted brown noser to the Nazi Party and moved into a position of importance, power and prestige.
He became a lab assistant to Dr. Josef Mengele although he bragged to friends and acquaintances that he was a scientist.
He assisted Mengele in performing the various inhumane experiments that the Nazis’ Dr. Death performed on individuals belonging to groups that the Third Reich had deemed and labelled as subhuman.
During those experiments, Wolfstein had occasionally run into an individual known as Franz Kohler of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau.
When the war ended in 1945, Armilius Wolfstein had fled to Argentina.
There he changed his name to Keith Bennett and claimed to be an English expatriate living in Argentina.
Bennett had taken up the study of music and became an organist (although in fact he played the instrument very badly).
Whilst living in Buenos Aires, he came across a Spanish language edition of The Necronomicon (mentioned in Lovecraftian lore) and getting help with the translation from a professional Argentinian wrestler, Bennett started using dark arts sorcery to raise the dead.
It was while he was doing this, that Keith Bennett (the former Armilius Wolfstein) once again encountered Franz Kohler of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau.
Kohler then took Bennett (as he now called himself) to Haiti to study under Haitian voodoo practitioners in raising the dead.
Bennett posed as an Anglican lay missionary while in Haiti.
No one thought of asking what an Anglican lay missionary was doing in learning voodoo, raiding cemeteries and cultivating plantations of zombies.
Although Bennett in the 1950s was doing what the later Anglican Communion of the 1960s would be doing when such notables as U.S. Episcopalian Bishop James Pike would be busy consulting spiritist mediums such as Arthur Ford on television.
Pike would go on to die a horrible and mysterious death in a desert in Israel for his efforts.
But that would not be the fate of Keith Bennett, Anglican lay missionary.
Having mastered the art of zombie raising, Bennett was then taken by Franz Kohler to Havana, Cuba.
There Bennett would start raising Cubans from the dead.
Kohler was hoping to raise an army of Cuban zombies to attack Florida and establish a Nazi Fourth Reich beachhead on the United States of America.
But like the best laid plans of mice and men, the best laid plans of Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau officers often go astray as well.
Two men named Fidel and Ernesto were planning a Communist revolution in Cuba.
So what would Cuba end up being?
A Communist state?
Or the Caribbean launching grounds for a Neo-Nazi Fourth Reich?
In fact it would be neither Franz Kohler and the asinine Keith Bennett nor Fidel Castro and Ernesto Che Guevara who would throw the deciding and winning pair of dice in which way the winds of change on the Caribbean island of Cuba would blow.
That would be decided by Carson Cody Albion Private Eye.
. . .
Albion was lying in bed after spending the last several hours making out with Dolly Castro (a cousin of Fidel and Raoul).
There was a pounding at the door.
It was the hotel and casino manager.
“Zombies,” shouted the hotel manager, “zombies have crashed the hotel’s dirty dancing competition and one of them has carried away the U.S. Ambassador’s niece.”
“Wow, someone certainly hasn’t been having the time of their life,” Albion opened the door.
“You’ve got to come quickly,” the manager said.
“That’s the opposite of what Dolly has been telling me all evening,” Albion remarked.
“The U.S. Ambassador’s niece is in danger,” the manager cried.
“I guess you don’t want the U.S. Ambassador’s niece dirty dancing with a zombie,” Albion followed the manager down the hallway.
. . .
The zombie was dragging the Ambassador’s niece into the house owned by Keith Bennett Anglican lay missionary and badly playing organist.
“I’ve never felt this way before,” the Ambassador’s niece cried.
The zombie (whose name had been Patrick in his mortal life) was busy swaying or swayzing in the Caribbean breeze on this moonlit Havana night.
Within seconds, salt pellets being fired by a machine gun sprayed the zombie killing him instantly.
For of course blessed salt kills zombies.
Albion picked up the U.S. Ambassador’s niece and carried her to his red convertible.
Screams could be heard from inside the house.
Just as Keith Bennett was playing The Old Master Painter on his organ.
Albion returned to the house with his machine gun containing 400 rounds of salt pellets, kicked in the door and began firing.
Franz Kohler’s army of zombies began dropping like flies.
Bennett reached for his own revolver to shoot at Albion.
The former Nazi pseudo-scientist turned Anglican lay minister and incompetent organist had his head blown off by Che Guevara’s machine gun as the young revolutionary came charging through the backdoor.
“Brains, brains,” a dying zombie tried to lick up what was oozing out of Bennett’s gaping head wound.
“No brains,” were the zombie’s last words before he died.
“Nice shooting,” said Albion.
“Thanks,” Che smiled, “I always have this recurring nightmare about being killed in a shoot out in the mountains of Bolivia.”
“You don’t want that to happen,” Albion noted.
“So, where are you going now?” Guevara asked.
“Out to my convertible to entertain Uncle Sam’s niece,” Albion answered.
“Really?” Guevara had a twinkle in his eye, “Do you know what Chairman Mao Tse-tung’s favourite quotation is?”.
“Can’t say that I do,” Albion admitted, “I’ve never read his Little Red Book.
“His favourite quotation,” Che winked, “is screw the U.S. Imperialists.”
“An excellent idea,” Albion smiled and walked out towards his car on this warm Havana night.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 22nd
2020.
Willard 1971 Film Characters Show Up In The Year of The Rat
Willard 1971 Film Characters Show Up In The Year of The Rat
“When was this photo taken?” British MP Renfield R. Renfield asked art gallery owner Dashwood Forrest as he held a martini (stirred not shaken) at an exhibition of the photographs that never made it into LIFE Magazine during the years of its existence.
“Sometime in the 1950s in Havana, Cuba,” Forrest answered.
“That’s a zombie isn’t it?” Renfield inquired.
“It is,” Forrest replied as he accepted the cocktail drink called the Zombie that was handed to him by his living dead walking dead Irish manservant Mulligan the Irish zombie.
Dead skeleton meets living dead Zombie.
. . .
Krampus the demon-goat of old Bavaria and the old Austro-Hungarian Empire received an elegantly written handwritten note from his friend the genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee (who specialized in killing ugly women) complaining about the vast number of ugly women living in the City of Calgary.
Krampus decided to help his friend out.
He went to a Calgary repertory theatre that were showing the 1971 American horror film Willard (about a young man who trains rats to eat people) to mark the start of the new Chinese lunar new year The Year of the Rat that begins today.
It was the sort of thing that a city like Calgary known for its brainless white Caucasian males (with the exception of Pan Goatee as well as a journalist/historian/geopolitical analyst who lived on a medical disability pension) and its hideous repulsively ugly Caucasian white females (of which sadly there were very few exceptions) would put on to mark the start of a Chinese New Year that called itself the Year of The Rat.
Krampus went to the theatre and calling upon an ancient spell from an ancient Aztec copy of The Necronomicon brought the rats to life off the movie screen and into the theatre where they proceeded to eat the brainless white men and the ugly white women.
After vomiting their unsatisfactory meals into the theatre toilets and urinals, the rats then went running out into the streets of Calgary.
Fortunately a former Neo-Nazi (who this morning had become a born again non-white supremacist after seeing how ugly the white women of Calgary were thus showing the idea of whites being the master race to be a total lie) had already left the downtown core and so avoided being eaten by the rats.
Pan Goatee meanwhile was entering his nearby shopping mall food court.
Approaching from the direction of the public library was an ugly looking white woman who looked like a hideous medieval cathedral gargoyle sporting an Afro.
“Cultural appropriation again, eh, you pathetic blemish on the peas in the garden of Mendelian genetics,” Goatee remarked as he beheaded the creature and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
As he walked away, no dark glasses wearing and barf bag wearing Hounds of Hell showed up.
As they were all being treated for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder from trying to environmentally dispose of Goatee’s uglocidal victims the other day.
Goatee went inside the food court where he was enjoying a Vietnamese submarine sandwich and a Lebanese donair style pizza.
Unfortunately for him, the most hideously ugly thin stoat sized white woman in all recorded history walked by and walked around the food court.
Goatee immediately cut up the ugly woman into 999 trillion pieces without bothering to behead her first.
He put on Welder’s glasses and put his astral laser machete on slow-mo (for slow motion) to take its time on cutting up the ugly looking creature into tiny pieces.
Using the Michtlantecuhtli tempus suspendendi ray, Goatee was able to withhold death from ending the uglo’s agony until such time as the 999 trillionth piece fell to the floor.
“How am I going to clean up this mess?” The food court janitor asked as he arrived on the scene.
His answer soon became apparent with the arrival of hundreds of thousands of rats who appeared and proceeded to eat up the Guinness Book of World Records holding uglo thin sized stoat award winner.
Another group of hundreds of thousands of rats went into the washroom where they vomited up the remains of the white uglo looking gargoyle with the Afro they had encountered and eaten outside.
Well so far today, Goatee had encountered an uglo looking gargoyle and an uglo looking stoat.
All that was needed to totally ruin his day was for him to encounter a fat ugly blimp.
That happened as soon as he went outside to cross the street to the bus stop in front of the high school.
There approaching him was a fat ugly blimp with her stupid looking brainless white boyfriend (with lousy taste in women).
Goatee beheaded the blimp as well as her stupid boyfriend.
He cut up both uglo and brainless boyfriend into 999 trillion pieces each.
He wasn’t sure what 999 trillion x 2 was as he had left his antique Chinese abacus at home.
He wondered if it would have taken him awhile to figure out that particular multiplication.
Oh well, he wouldn’t worry about it, he thought as he headed for home.
Up on the roof of the high school, Socrates and Ben the two mastermind rats who lead the band of rats in the 1971 film Willard were busy examining the satellite TV dish at the top of the high school as there were no satellite TV dishes on top of high schools back in the era of 1971.
. . .
The demon Mephistopheles to the Norse goddess Hel: I wonder what the Year of the Rat will bring, my dear?
. . .
Yaya Han the Chinese leprechaun had a combined Chinese Lunar New Year/Robbie Burns Day dinner celebration with Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun.
They had sweet and sour haggis as a Beijing wrestler wearing a little known Ming Dynasty tartan style kilt recited Robbie Burns’ Address To A Haggis before plunging the ancient Chinese dagger into the haggis.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday January 25th
2020.
Pachamama and The Spectre of Teilhard: The Devil Wore A Collar and Cassock
Pachamama and The Spectre of Teilhard: The Devil Wore A Collar and Cassock
“I order all priests in this country to stop preaching on Hell.”
-Reinhard Cardinal Marx,
Archbishop of Munich,
Chairman of the German Bishops’
Conference
(who’s obviously tired of being reminded of his post-life destination)
Former British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley was once again setting up his London private eye office with former British Conservative MP Agathor Christie (both men had once again failed to be re-elected to Parliament in last month’s General Election).
Magog suddenly noticed he got an email from the man who was their tour guide throughout the rainforest jungles of the Amazon last summer.
The failed parliamentary and equally unsuccessful private eye duo had been hired last year to find out who was causing the Amazon rainforest fires that were burning out of control last summer.
They had failed to do so but had sent a bill for their services to Lev Tomi (the Secretary-General of the UN Secretariat On The Environment and Climate Change) anyway.
The email contained a photo taken by an Inca Quechua indigenous woman living in Peru last summer.
The photo showed the disembodied flaming head of a Jesuit priest emitting fire from his hair and setting fire to trees.
Coincidentally Magog’s partner Agathor Christie was getting a photo emailed to him from British MP Renfield R. Renfield.
The photo taken by an acquaintance of Renfield who was currently in Australia (rescuing koalas, kangaroos and other wildlife from the current wildfires) showed the disembodied flaming head of the same Jesuit priest emitting fire from his hair and setting fire to Australian trees.
. . .
On July 13th 1917 the Virgin Mary was said to have appeared to three shepherd children Lucia Santos and her cousins Jacinta and Francisco Marto near the village of Fatima, Portugal and told them three secrets.
On October 13th 1917, a miracle involving the sun happened at Fatima, Portugal witnessed by over 70,000 people (believers and atheists alike).
The third secret that had been told to the children was supposed to have been revealed by the Pope to the world in 1960 but it wasn’t.
The vision associated with the Third Secret was released by the Vatican on June 26th 2000 but the text (Mary’s words to the 3 children) never was.
Coincidentally on October 13th 1917 as a miracle of the sun was happening in Fatima Portugal, Saint Maximilian Kolbe (a Polish priest who later died at Auschwitz on August 14th 1941 volunteering to die in place of a Jewish man with a family) was in Rome Italy.
He saw a Freemasonic parade in Rome in which the Freemasons were carrying banners showing images of Satan overcoming Saint Michael the Archangel in battle while they were busy shouting the slogans “Someday Satan will rule in the Vatican and the Pope will be his lackey”.
On November 9th 2018 (the 100th Anniversary of the German Kaiser Wilhelm II’s abdication 2 days prior to the signing of the Great Armistice ending World War I), Renfield found the text of the third secret of Fatima in the briefcase of a retired Austian Army colonel who apparently spied for the Russians.
On that same date, Renfield’s friend Dracul Van Helsing had located (in the very back pages of Google search on the topic) the entire message of the revelations said to have been given to a Japanese nun Sister Agnes Sasagawa by the Virgin Mary at Akita Japan back in 1973.
That message contained the statement, “And now my daughter I will reveal to you the message that my Son’s Vicar was supposed to have revealed to the world in 1960 but sadly he did not.”
What Mary told Sister Agnes and what Renfield found as the supposed text in the retired Austrian colonel’s briefcase were one and the same.
Among the lines in the identical text that both Renfield and Dracul had found on the same day were these words that Satan would “succeed in infiltrating to the very top of the Church.”
. . .
In early 1922, Lenin was having a conversation with Leon Trotsky.
“Well, Comrade,” Trotsky addressed Lenin, “remember you had asked the question at the Party Congress last year, were there any great empires in history that tried to practice anything similar to scientific socialism?”.
“I remember I had asked that question,” Lenin nodded.
“You received a reply,” Trotsky pulled a folder out of his briefcase.
“Really?” Lenin smiled, “Who from?”
“A French Jesuit priest actually,” Trotsky read from the folder, “Although one who is not an archaeologist, anthropologist or historian. But rather a paleontologist and geologist. By the name of Pierre Teilhard de Chardin.”
“And what does Teilhard have to say?” Lenin leaned back in his chair.
“The Inca Empire,” Trotsky read from the folder, “which lasted from 1438 until 1533. The Empire contained Peru, southwest Ecuador, western and south central Bolivia, northwest Argentina, a large portion of what is today Chile and a small part of southwest Colombia. Its official language was Quecha. But the economy of the Inca Empire was socialist. Supply on command as opposed to supply and demand as it were. The Empire functioned largely without money and without markets. Instead exchange of goods and services was based on reciprocity between individuals and among individuals, groups and Inca rulers. The Inca rulers (who theoretically owned all the means of production) reciprocated by granting access to land and goods and providing food and drink in celebratory feasts for their subjects.”
“So the Inca rulers were sort of the Soviet Politburo of their day?” Lenin smiled.
“That is correct,” Trotsky nodded.
“I take it though while the Incas practised a form of scientific socialism, they probably had a religion as well?” Lenin raised his left eyebrow.
“They did,” Trotsky nodded, “one of the Inca deities that Teilhard mentions is Pachamama who was Mother Earth the second most important figure in the Inca pantheon after Inti the sun god of the Incas.”
“Well, we can do without Pachamama as we build our scientific socialist paradise,” Lenin laughed.
“It may be necessary for the triumph of our cause to adapt some form of religion to temporarily appease the masses as we build the scientific socialist state,” Trotsky pointed out, “perhaps if push comes to shove and the masses are not inclined to immediately embrace atheism as we bring forth the agenda of worldwide scientific socialism, it might be necessary to bring in a deity who we could incorporate into our cause. Why not Pachamama? Our own immediate subjects in Russia are no doubt still haunted by the Czarist idea of Holy Mother Russia. Pachamama could become an engrafted substitute. And in various religions throughout the world and throughout history, the Earth Mother goddess was a very important deity. Why not adopt Pachamama who was the Earth Mother goddess of an Empire that tried to practice a form of scientific socialism?”.
“And who could we ask to graft such a deity into Marxism?” Lenin inquired.
“Why not Teilhard himself?” Trotsky suggested, “For in his opening introductory letter, he writes that he wishes to bring about a synthesis of Marxism and Christianity and he has taken it upon himself to do just that.”
“Christianity, Marxism and Pachamama,” Lenin mused aloud, “Well, let’s see what this Teilhard fellow comes up with.”
How well Teilhard succeeded would not be known in the life and existence of the Soviet Union itself.
Although Teilhard’s writings were eventually to be placed alongside the writings of Marx and Lenin in Moscow’s Hall of Atheism.
. . .
Teilhard was not the only one to consider the figure of Pachamama as a deity capable of synthesis and syncretism.
Back in the late 1870s when founder of Theosophy Madame Helena Petrovna Blavatsky was admitted into the Grand Orient Lodge of France (the only Freemasonic lodge in the world to allow female initiates), she had written as her entry in the membership register, “The Celestial Virgin (who is the mother of both space and time) is also the mother of all Gods and all Devils at one and the same time. To the ancient Inca, she was called Pachamama.”
. . .
August 8th 1919
-A man is walking in the desert when the thing swooped down upon him. From afar it appeared to him quite small a pale fading shadow no bigger than the palm of a child’s hand. When suddenly with the speed of an arrow, it came straight at him. And then suddenly penetrated his soul. The man felt he was ceasing to be merely himself. An irresistible rapture took possession of him. And the anguish of some superhuman peril oppressed him. He felt what swooped down upon him was the combined essence of all evil and all goodness. And now in the depths of the very being who had invaded, something was murmuring, “You have called me here. Here I am.”
Said the thing, “You have need of me in order to grow. And I was waiting for you in order to be made holy. I have been drawing you to me and now I’ve been established in you for life or for death. And now you must either damn yourself with me. Or save myself with you. ”
The man replies, “What is your name? Speak, you who are divine and mighty.”
The thing replies, “With my violence, I sometimes slay my lovers. And those who touch me never know what power they are unleashing. Wise men fear me and curse me. I am the essence of all that is tangible.
You have grasped what the world has even more than individuals who wish their soul to be redeemed. Lay yourself open to my inspiration. And receive what the spirit of the earth has in order to be saved. Your salvation and mine hang upon this first moment.”
Now this wave of bliss in which he was engulfed had been changed. And in ruthless determination, he began to battle the dark power. And then the frenzied battle gave placement however to an irresistible longing to submit. And he felt that henceforth nothing in the world would be able to alienate him from the greater reality that he was now feeling. Nothing at all. And he surrendered himself.
-Pierre Teilhard de Chardin writing in his diary about an experience he had in the Egyptian desert writing about himself in the third person as he was prone to do.
About the day he made contact with the Spirit of the Earth.
Or as they say in Latin, Spiritus Mundi.
About the same time as Teilhard had this experience in the Egyptian desert, a poet in Ireland was having a vision of his own.
A vision that would inspire him to write a poem called The Second Coming.
A poem containing these words,
“… a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
troubles my sight:
somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs,
while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards
Bethlehem to be born?
-William Butler Yeats, The Second Coming
. . .
On April 22nd 1970 was the world’s first Earth Day.
Coincidentally that date was also the 100th Birthday of Soviet leader Vladimir Lenin (who was born on April 22nd 1870).
39 years later on April 22nd 2009, the United Nations General Assembly adopted a resolution declaring April 22nd as International Mother Earth Day.
Following the resolution it was noted that the earth mother goddess was a common deity in many of the world’s religions.
Followers of Hinduism noted that in their religion, Mother Earth was symbolized by the goddess Sita.
And it was also noted by practitioners of other faiths that they had a representative earth mother goddess.
Curiously some UN officials and NGOs who were Marxist in their political beliefs and yet labelled themselves as Teilhardian in their spiritual beliefs had for the occasion culturally appropriated the Inca Earth Mother Goddess Pachamama as one of their own.
Said one Teilhardian Marxist after the vote, “Pachamama is the Andean Mother Earth. She provides harvests of potatoes and coca leaves. Today’s environmental problems stem from a lack of respect for Pachamama. We take too much from her and pollute her, endangering the life of the planet as a whole.”
The Teilhardian Marxist neglected to mention that Inca priests sacrificed llamas and guinea pigs to Pachamama and in times of severe crisis, they even sacrificed human children.
He also didn’t mention the fact that Pachamama was a shape shifter.
When she lived in the fires under the earth, she was a fierce red dragon.
But when she was on the earth’s surface, she appeared as a woman.
. . .
Friday October 4th 2019.
The first Friday of the month of October.
And among modern New Age adherents and disciples of Pachamama the Inca Earth Mother Goddess, the first Friday of every month is considered sacred to Pachamama.
Special ceremonies and special oblations are given to Pachamama on that day.
October 4th also happens to be the Feast Day of Saint Francis of Assisi.
Saint Francis as he lay dying had told his fellow monks the prophecy that someday in the future a man would ascend to the papal throne and would take for his papal name his (Francis’) name.
Saint Francis told his disciples to beware of this man when he comes.
For he said that this pope would attempt to lead the Catholic faithful into following strange and sinister gods.
On Friday October 4th 2019, small wooden statues of Pachamama were brought into the Vatican Gardens to mark the opening of the Amazon Synod.
A female shaman from the Amazon led the ceremonies and rituals.
A group of people formed a circle and danced and then bowed down and prostrated themselves before Pachamama.
Among those bowing down and prostrating themselves before the Pachamama idols was a Franciscan monk.
Looking on and viewing the ceremony was a Pope called Francis.
The female shaman from the Amazon later presented a black ring and a wooden statue of Pachamama to Pope Francis as a gift.
The Pope smiled and easily accepted.
The Pope would later bring the statues of Pachamama into Saint Peter’s Basilica for the opening Mass marking the start of the Amazonian Synod.
The statues would be placed right in front of the high altar of Saint Peter’s Basilica.
They would then be kept for the rest of the synod in front of the altar in a chapel inside the Church of Santa Maria del Traspontina.
Until a disgruntled Catholic layman entered the Church of Santa Maria del Traspontina on Monday October 21st 2019 and dispatched the statues into the nearby Tiber River.
. . .
At a Vatican Christmas concert on December 14th 2019 in the Pope Paul VI Hall, another Amazon female shaman would lead a group of Catholic bishops and priests in what was called the Pachamama Prayer.
She instructed the priests and bishops to lay crossed hands across their chests in Freemasonic fashion and feel their hearts as their hearts slowly became one in tune with the heartbeat of Mother Earth.
. . .
Amadeus Emanon (in Australia) and Renfield R. Renfield (in London, England) were holding a video conversation via Skype.
They were discussing Pachamama.
“Didn’t they make an animated cartoon film about Pachamama a few years back?” Amadeus asked.
“They did,” Renfield nodded, “Of course Pachamama also made an appearance in the opening scene of one of the great blockbuster movies of the 1980s.”
“She did?” Amadeus looked quizzical.
“She did,” Renfield smiled, “remember that small golden idol that Indiana Jones was attempting to steal in the opening scene of Raiders of The Lost Ark? He put a bag of sand down on the pedestal with one hand and then quickly grabbed the gold idol statue with his other hand in order not to let the traps inside the cave know that he was stealing the statue? Of course it failed and soon a rolling huge stone wheel came tumbling around in the cave. That gold idol figure with the sinister grin was Pachamama.”
“That was Pachamama?” Amadeus was shocked.
“That was Pachamama,” Renfield nodded, “So with Pope Francis bringing Pachamama into the inner sanctuary of the Vatican, expect huge rolling stone wheels to be tumbling around sometime in the near future.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday January 12th
to
Monday January 20th
2020.
The Inca vampiress Huchuysisa took a photo of the flaming disembodied head of Jesuit priest Pierre Teilhard de Chardin setting fire to the trees of the Amazon rainforest
Pan Goatee Strikes Again Against Fat Ugly Blimps
Pan Goatee Strikes Again Against Fat Ugly Blimps
As Pan Goatee was walking past his favourite Dollar store where you could buy pop for a dollar, some fat ugly blimp started waddling towards the Dollar store.
Pan Goatee immediately beheaded the fat ugly blimp.
“You stupid fucking ugly thing,” Goatee exclaimed, “This New Year had been off to a great start because you fat ugly blimps were doing the world a favour and keeping off the street. Now you’ve ruined everything.”
Goatee then cut the fat ugly blimp into 999 trillion pieces with his astral laser machete.
Hounds of Hell wearing dark glasses and barf bags then gathered up the pieces and carried them off to Tartarus.
Goatee had then ventured downtown to buy himself a bus pass for next month.
He noticed a fat ugly blimp standing next to the door of the transit centre.
“You fat ugly creature,” Goatee then beheaded the woman and likewise cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
Hounds of Hell wearing dark glasses and barf bags followed.
He was so offended that he went to buy his bus pass at another transit centre.
When he got there another fat ugly blimp was there.
He likewise beheaded her.
Slice into 999 trillion pieces.
More Hell Hounds wearing dark glasses and barf bags removing the pieces.
Pissed off, he finally went down to Calgary Mayor Naheed Nenshi’s office (beheading security at the front door) and bought a bus pass in person from him.
He then demanded that the Mayor do something about the vast number of ugly women living in the City.
The Mayor (whom Goatee was holding by the testicles) promised to look into it right away.
After Goatee left, the Mayor did what every other politician does when he promises to take action.
He appointed a task force to look into the problem.
Dark glasses and barf bags were bought for the city councillors and high-ranking city hall civil servants who would be examining the issue.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 22nd
2020.
House Wi-Fi On Blink
Well the community house I rent a room in their wi-fi went on the blink.
A tech is not able to get in until Friday.
I got a library card and am currently using a public library computer.
Strange the wi-fi went on the blink minutes after I had posted a comment to my friend George F. about Jeffrey Epstein and Mossad in my post Leya.
Then the wi-fi went down and hasn’t been on since.
I used a room mate’s phone to call the cable company (I don’t have a phone of my own) and spoke to a tech by phone.
He apparently after several attempts said he had never seen anything like it.
So perhaps it is Mossad.
Anyways a tech has to drop by in person to try to fix it.
So probably won’t be posting anything new until the house wi-fi is fixed.
Just thought I’d let you all know.
And if I don’t return and you google the Calgary papers to see if anything happened to me and you hear about me dying under mysterious circumstances, it wasn’t a suicide.
Bye for now.
Hopefully it’s just au revoir.
And hopefully it’s just au revoir.
Dracul Van Helsing 
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