Pan Goatee Strikes Again Against Fat Ugly Blimps

January 22, 2020 at 12:50 pm (Aesthetics) ()

Pan Goatee Strikes Again Against Fat Ugly Blimps

As Pan Goatee was walking past his favourite Dollar store where you could buy pop for a dollar, some fat ugly blimp started waddling towards the Dollar store.

Pan Goatee immediately beheaded the fat ugly blimp.

“You stupid fucking ugly thing,” Goatee exclaimed, “This New Year had been off to a great start because you fat ugly blimps were doing the world a favour and keeping off the street. Now you’ve ruined everything.”

Goatee then cut the fat ugly blimp into 999 trillion pieces with his astral laser machete.

Hounds of Hell wearing dark glasses and barf bags then gathered up the pieces and carried them off to Tartarus.

Goatee had then ventured downtown to buy himself a bus pass for next month.

He noticed a fat ugly blimp standing next to the door of the transit centre.

“You fat ugly creature,” Goatee then beheaded the woman and likewise cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Hounds of Hell wearing dark glasses and barf bags followed.

He was so offended that he went to buy his bus pass at another transit centre.

When he got there another fat ugly blimp was there.

He likewise beheaded her.

Slice into 999 trillion pieces.

More Hell Hounds wearing dark glasses and barf bags removing the pieces.

Pissed off, he finally went down to Calgary Mayor Naheed Nenshi’s office (beheading security at the front door) and bought a bus pass in person from him.

He then demanded that the Mayor do something about the vast number of ugly women living in the City.

The Mayor (whom Goatee was holding by the testicles) promised to look into it right away.

After Goatee left, the Mayor did what every other politician does when he promises to take action.

He appointed a task force to look into the problem.

Dark glasses and barf bags were bought for the city councillors and high-ranking city hall civil servants who would be examining the issue.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 22nd


  1. janowrite said,

    Too funny! 😁😁

  2. KRITIKA said,

    Cruel Goatee.

  3. David Redpath said,

    Good news, Christopher.
    Uncle Ernie has just offered to give
    Pan Goatee a one year free trial of
    his Chemo-Therapeutical Anger
    Management treatment system.
    As recommended by RoseanneBarr,
    and Greta Thunberg. Uncle Ernie’s
    “Chill Pill ©” comes with a 100%
    guarantee of satisfaction, and purity.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      I imagine Uncle Ernie’s Chill Pill is one pill that really does the trick all right.🤯

  4. KRITIKA said,

    The mentor must be the fat ugly blimp. 😄

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