Willard 1971 Film Characters Show Up In The Year of The Rat

January 25, 2020 at 11:57 pm (Aesthetics, Culture, Film, magic, Movies, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Willard 1971 Film Characters Show Up In The Year of The Rat

“When was this photo taken?” British MP Renfield R. Renfield asked art gallery owner Dashwood Forrest as he held a martini (stirred not shaken) at an exhibition of the photographs that never made it into LIFE Magazine during the years of its existence.

“Sometime in the 1950s in Havana, Cuba,” Forrest answered.

“That’s a zombie isn’t it?” Renfield inquired.

“It is,” Forrest replied as he accepted the cocktail drink called the Zombie that was handed to him by his living dead walking dead Irish manservant Mulligan the Irish zombie.

Dead skeleton meets living dead Zombie.

. . .

Krampus the demon-goat of old Bavaria and the old Austro-Hungarian Empire received an elegantly written handwritten note from his friend the genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee (who specialized in killing ugly women) complaining about the vast number of ugly women living in the City of Calgary.

Krampus decided to help his friend out.

He went to a Calgary repertory theatre that were showing the 1971 American horror film Willard (about a young man who trains rats to eat people) to mark the start of the new Chinese lunar new year The Year of the Rat that begins today.

It was the sort of thing that a city like Calgary known for its brainless white Caucasian males (with the exception of Pan Goatee as well as a journalist/historian/geopolitical analyst who lived on a medical disability pension) and its hideous repulsively ugly Caucasian white females (of which sadly there were very few exceptions) would put on to mark the start of a Chinese New Year that called itself the Year of The Rat.

Krampus went to the theatre and calling upon an ancient spell from an ancient Aztec copy of The Necronomicon brought the rats to life off the movie screen and into the theatre where they proceeded to eat the brainless white men and the ugly white women.

After vomiting their unsatisfactory meals into the theatre toilets and urinals, the rats then went running out into the streets of Calgary.

Fortunately a former Neo-Nazi (who this morning had become a born again non-white supremacist after seeing how ugly the white women of Calgary were thus showing the idea of whites being the master race to be a total lie) had already left the downtown core and so avoided being eaten by the rats.

Pan Goatee meanwhile was entering his nearby shopping mall food court.

Approaching from the direction of the public library was an ugly looking white woman who looked like a hideous medieval cathedral gargoyle sporting an Afro.

“Cultural appropriation again, eh, you pathetic blemish on the peas in the garden of Mendelian genetics,” Goatee remarked as he beheaded the creature and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

As he walked away, no dark glasses wearing and barf bag wearing Hounds of Hell showed up.

As they were all being treated for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder from trying to environmentally dispose of Goatee’s uglocidal victims the other day.

Goatee went inside the food court where he was enjoying a Vietnamese submarine sandwich and a Lebanese donair style pizza.

Unfortunately for him, the most hideously ugly thin stoat sized white woman in all recorded history walked by and walked around the food court.

Goatee immediately cut up the ugly woman into 999 trillion pieces without bothering to behead her first.

He put on Welder’s glasses and put his astral laser machete on slow-mo (for slow motion) to take its time on cutting up the ugly looking creature into tiny pieces.

Using the Michtlantecuhtli tempus suspendendi ray, Goatee was able to withhold death from ending the uglo’s agony until such time as the 999 trillionth piece fell to the floor.

“How am I going to clean up this mess?” The food court janitor asked as he arrived on the scene.

His answer soon became apparent with the arrival of hundreds of thousands of rats who appeared and proceeded to eat up the Guinness Book of World Records holding uglo thin sized stoat award winner.

Another group of hundreds of thousands of rats went into the washroom where they vomited up the remains of the white uglo looking gargoyle with the Afro they had encountered and eaten outside.

Well so far today, Goatee had encountered an uglo looking gargoyle and an uglo looking stoat.

All that was needed to totally ruin his day was for him to encounter a fat ugly blimp.

That happened as soon as he went outside to cross the street to the bus stop in front of the high school.

There approaching him was a fat ugly blimp with her stupid looking brainless white boyfriend (with lousy taste in women).

Goatee beheaded the blimp as well as her stupid boyfriend.

He cut up both uglo and brainless boyfriend into 999 trillion pieces each.

He wasn’t sure what 999 trillion x 2 was as he had left his antique Chinese abacus at home.

He wondered if it would have taken him awhile to figure out that particular multiplication.

Oh well, he wouldn’t worry about it, he thought as he headed for home.

Up on the roof of the high school, Socrates and Ben the two mastermind rats who lead the band of rats in the 1971 film Willard were busy examining the satellite TV dish at the top of the high school as there were no satellite TV dishes on top of high schools back in the era of 1971.

. . .

The demon Mephistopheles to the Norse goddess Hel: I wonder what the Year of the Rat will bring, my dear?

. . .

Yaya Han the Chinese leprechaun had a combined Chinese Lunar New Year/Robbie Burns Day dinner celebration with Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun.

They had sweet and sour haggis as a Beijing wrestler wearing a little known Ming Dynasty tartan style kilt recited Robbie Burns’ Address To A Haggis before plunging the ancient Chinese dagger into the haggis.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Saturday January 25th


  1. Dawn Renee said,

    Spirits are most often not a remedy, but in this case, perhaps it would help the poor women of the City of Calgary.
    To Hel & us all. May it be good.

  2. George F. said,

    “Pan Goatee (who specialized in killing ugly women) There was a time when this would have made an incredibly funny movie or t.v. series and I still laugh my ass off when Pan decapitates some ugly blimps. However, in the age of #metoo and Weinstein, that time has passed. Only deep within the bowels of WP will I enjoy your tales of Pan Goatee…

  3. George F. said,

    999 trillion? Turn that number on its head and you 666 trillion. You know what that means. And, yeah, rats. The noosphere is reaching out to us with some sort of message.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, 666.

      The Homo Noeticus that Teilhard (the originator of the term Noosphere) saw coming.

  4. David Redpath said,

    According to the Urban Dictionary
    Chinese Leprechauns are…
    “The little mother fuckers who steal
    your stuff when you are not looking
    so that you have no hope of ever
    of finding it again.”
    Good to know they are indeed real,
    and not a figment of my imagination
    (Like those pesky Underpants Gnomes).

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Chinese leprechauns, underpants gnomes and Uncle Ernie in your life?

      There must never be a dull moment.

  5. David Redpath said,

    I make them take a number, and
    line up at the delicatessen counter
    of my conciousness 🔄 🔀 🔃 🔁
    I think we have that uncommon
    situation in common, Christopher.
    You, being a journalist/historian/
    geopolitical analyst of renowned.
    Being a free-range anthropologist
    myself, I find we many shared
    interests. That reminds me, you
    wouldn’t happen to have Dolly
    Castro’s current address? 😎

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      She jet sets around the world in a dirigible airship (less carbon emissions that way).

      The last I heard she was flying over Iceland with the ghost of the former head of the Soviet state psychiatric system.

      Coincidentally at the same time the Icelandic Parliament voted 60 to 3 in favour of a resolution declaring that any form of belief in God is symptomatic of severe mental illness.

      • David Redpath said,

        Well, there goes Valhalla up in flames🔥
        I do hope that dirigible isn’t flammable.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        A radio announcer on the ground was heard to say, “Oh, the humanity.”

  6. David Redpath said,

    … As the trains-humanity always
    seem to appreciated a ringside seat.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Very true.

      • David Redpath said,

        ( That Chinese spell check!
        I type tran, so it prints train🙄
        The only train-sexual I know
        is Uncle Ernie. And he’s promised
        to never do that again 🚂)

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        The Little Engine That Could never would again after that encounter.🚂

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