Carson Cody Albion and The Zombies of 1950s Havana

January 26, 2020 at 11:59 pm (Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Carson Cody Albion and The Zombies of 1950s Havana

The year was 1956.

Fidel Castro and Ernesto Che Guevara were busy working on their plans to topple the Cuban government of President Fulgencio Batista.

Britain, France and Israel would attack Egypt over the Suez Canal.

And John George Diefenbaker would win the leadership of the Canadian Federal Progressive Conservative Party.

The last good leader the Federal Progressive Conservatives would ever have.

And the last good Prime Minister Canada would ever have.

So naturally he was a threat to the Canadian establishment and elites as well as the U.S. State Department.

The State Department got global bankers and investors to sabotage the value of the Canadian dollar during the 1963 Canadian election campaign so Diefenbaker would be blamed for it and lose the election.

Which is what happened.

Canadian Federal Liberal Party leader Lester Bowles (should really have been spelled Bowels) Pearson became Prime Minister of Canada in 1963 and eventually paved the way for Marxist-Leninist Cultural Marxist Pierre Elliot Trudeau (should really be spelled Turdeau) to become Prime Minister in 1968 and to set forth plans for the destruction of Canada as a great nation.

The destruction became complete when Progressive Conservative Party leader Brian Mulroney (should really be spelled Bulroney) was elected Prime Minister of Canada in 1984.

Bulroney was so obnoxious, he drove the Federal Progressive Conservative Party of Canada to extinction to be replaced by the Reform Party later Canadian Alliance Party and later just plain Conservative Party of Canada.

So Diefenbaker was Canada’s last great hope before the onset of political zombies (mindless living dead corpses who went around eating brains) on to the Canadian political landscape which governed the country ever since.

And speaking of zombies, Cuban casinos were having a problem with zombies in that year of 1956.

Zombies were entering the casinos and frightening customers.

As well as stealing cash from the casino safes and safety deposit boxes.

A meeting of Cuban casino owners was held in the Glowing Sun and Burning Sands Whorehouse in Havana to discuss the problem.

A follow up meeting was held in the city’s Sexually Transmitted Diseases Clinic waiting room.

It was agreed to call in Los Angeles Private Eye Carson Cody Albion to investigate the problem.

Albion was recommended to the Havana Casino Owners group by a Monte Carlo casino owner (who had employed Albion as a house detective in a Monte Carlo casino and hotel the year before).

Albion arrived in Havana the following week.

After spending an evening drinking Cuba Libres in a Havana bar with a couple of interesting fellows named Fidel and Che, Carson Cody Albion set to work on the case.

Meanwhile in an Anglican Church in Havana that served British and Commonwealth diplomatic staff at the city’s embassies, an intensely stupid looking man with fish eyes and weird looking silver hair (that would have easily given Donald Trump’s urine golden coloured toupee a run for its money) sat playing the organ.

The man’s name was Keith Bennett.

Although that wasn’t the man’s real name.

His real name was Armilius Wolfstein a Nazi scientist (but not a very bright Nazi scientist unlike many of the evil geniuses of the Third Reich) who served as a somewhat dim witted assistant to the evil and notorious Dr. Josef Mengele.

Armilius Wolfstein fled to Argentina when the Second World War ended.

Wolfstein had had an interesting history.

He lived in Munich in the 1920s where he had tried unsuccessfully to apply to various universities and post-secondary institutions in the city.

He landed a job as a commercial and advertising salesman for a newspaper and magazine publishing firm in the city.

He had a friend Kitz Mjolnir (like the hammer of Thor) who lived in Munich.

When Kitz’s father died and the Mjolnir family estate was sold, Kitz had taken a small preliminary payout from the Estate to move to Berlin where he hoped to get into that city’s burgeoning film industry.

Armilius Wolfstein had told Kitz that if he ever needed help or decided to move back to Munich to get in touch with him and he’d move an arm and a leg to help him out.

While Kitz was in Berlin, his father’s Estate lawyer in Munich, either due to being a crook or due to gross incompetence, had absconded with most of the Estate funds.

Kitz was now left with nothing.

Unable to pursue his chance of a film career in Berlin and unable to land a job, Kitz returned to Bavaria.

But to the city of Regensburg.

Having trouble settling down in Regensburg, Kitz decided to move back to Munich but would need help finding a place.

He recalled Armilius Wolfstein’s offer to help so wrote him a letter.

Being the pompous asshole that Armilius Wolfstein was, Wolfstein had replied to Kitz with an arrogant and condescending letter.

Kitz thought of writing a letter in which he’d tell Wolfstein that he (Wolfstein) was so full of shit that if they gave him an enema before he died, they could bury him in a cigar box.

But he decided not to waste time in replying to such a venereal disease infested piece of rubbish.

So having stabbed a friend in the back, Wolfstein went on to join the German National Socialist Workers’ Party (the Nazis).

. . .

When the Nazis succeeded in taking power in Germany in 1933, Wolfstein like numerous misfits across the country was able to land a job by acting as a total brown shirted brown noser to the Nazi Party and moved into a position of importance, power and prestige.

He became a lab assistant to Dr. Josef Mengele although he bragged to friends and acquaintances that he was a scientist.

He assisted Mengele in performing the various inhumane experiments that the Nazis’ Dr. Death performed on individuals belonging to groups that the Third Reich had deemed and labelled as subhuman.

During those experiments, Wolfstein had occasionally run into an individual known as Franz Kohler of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau.

When the war ended in 1945, Armilius Wolfstein had fled to Argentina.

There he changed his name to Keith Bennett and claimed to be an English expatriate living in Argentina.

Bennett had taken up the study of music and became an organist (although in fact he played the instrument very badly).

Whilst living in Buenos Aires, he came across a Spanish language edition of The Necronomicon (mentioned in Lovecraftian lore) and getting help with the translation from a professional Argentinian wrestler, Bennett started using dark arts sorcery to raise the dead.

It was while he was doing this, that Keith Bennett (the former Armilius Wolfstein) once again encountered Franz Kohler of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau.

Kohler then took Bennett (as he now called himself) to Haiti to study under Haitian voodoo practitioners in raising the dead.

Bennett posed as an Anglican lay missionary while in Haiti.

No one thought of asking what an Anglican lay missionary was doing in learning voodoo, raiding cemeteries and cultivating plantations of zombies.

Although Bennett in the 1950s was doing what the later Anglican Communion of the 1960s would be doing when such notables as U.S. Episcopalian Bishop James Pike would be busy consulting spiritist mediums such as Arthur Ford on television.

Pike would go on to die a horrible and mysterious death in a desert in Israel for his efforts.

But that would not be the fate of Keith Bennett, Anglican lay missionary.

Having mastered the art of zombie raising, Bennett was then taken by Franz Kohler to Havana, Cuba.

There Bennett would start raising Cubans from the dead.

Kohler was hoping to raise an army of Cuban zombies to attack Florida and establish a Nazi Fourth Reich beachhead on the United States of America.

But like the best laid plans of mice and men, the best laid plans of Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau officers often go astray as well.

Two men named Fidel and Ernesto were planning a Communist revolution in Cuba.

So what would Cuba end up being?

A Communist state?

Or the Caribbean launching grounds for a Neo-Nazi Fourth Reich?

In fact it would be neither Franz Kohler and the asinine Keith Bennett nor Fidel Castro and Ernesto Che Guevara who would throw the deciding and winning pair of dice in which way the winds of change on the Caribbean island of Cuba would blow.

That would be decided by Carson Cody Albion Private Eye.

. . .

Albion was lying in bed after spending the last several hours making out with Dolly Castro (a cousin of Fidel and Raoul).

There was a pounding at the door.

It was the hotel and casino manager.

“Zombies,” shouted the hotel manager, “zombies have crashed the hotel’s dirty dancing competition and one of them has carried away the U.S. Ambassador’s niece.”

“Wow, someone certainly hasn’t been having the time of their life,” Albion opened the door.

“You’ve got to come quickly,” the manager said.

“That’s the opposite of what Dolly has been telling me all evening,” Albion remarked.

“The U.S. Ambassador’s niece is in danger,” the manager cried.

“I guess you don’t want the U.S. Ambassador’s niece dirty dancing with a zombie,” Albion followed the manager down the hallway.

. . .

The zombie was dragging the Ambassador’s niece into the house owned by Keith Bennett Anglican lay missionary and badly playing organist.

“I’ve never felt this way before,” the Ambassador’s niece cried.

The zombie (whose name had been Patrick in his mortal life) was busy swaying or swayzing in the Caribbean breeze on this moonlit Havana night.

Within seconds, salt pellets being fired by a machine gun sprayed the zombie killing him instantly.

For of course blessed salt kills zombies.

Albion picked up the U.S. Ambassador’s niece and carried her to his red convertible.

Screams could be heard from inside the house.

Just as Keith Bennett was playing The Old Master Painter on his organ.

Albion returned to the house with his machine gun containing 400 rounds of salt pellets, kicked in the door and began firing.

Franz Kohler’s army of zombies began dropping like flies.

Bennett reached for his own revolver to shoot at Albion.

The former Nazi pseudo-scientist turned Anglican lay minister and incompetent organist had his head blown off by Che Guevara’s machine gun as the young revolutionary came charging through the backdoor.

“Brains, brains,” a dying zombie tried to lick up what was oozing out of Bennett’s gaping head wound.

“No brains,” were the zombie’s last words before he died.

“Nice shooting,” said Albion.

“Thanks,” Che smiled, “I always have this recurring nightmare about being killed in a shoot out in the mountains of Bolivia.”

“You don’t want that to happen,” Albion noted.

“So, where are you going now?” Guevara asked.

“Out to my convertible to entertain Uncle Sam’s niece,” Albion answered.

“Really?” Guevara had a twinkle in his eye, “Do you know what Chairman Mao Tse-tung’s favourite quotation is?”.

“Can’t say that I do,” Albion admitted, “I’ve never read his Little Red Book.

“His favourite quotation,” Che winked, “is screw the U.S. Imperialists.”

“An excellent idea,” Albion smiled and walked out towards his car on this warm Havana night.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 22nd


  1. David Redpath said,

    “Victory has a thousand fathers,
    but defeat is a headless zombie.”
    ~ Dead Kennedys

  2. David Redpath said,

    “Political power grows out
    of the barrel of a gun ”
    ~Mao Zedong

    “Is that political power growing
    in your pocket, or are you just
    happy to see me?”
    ~ Mae Ling Dong

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Sadly Mae Ling Dong’s quote which was the best of all never made it into the Little Red Book.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Of course Mao’s Little Dong never made it into Mae Ling Dong either.

      • David Redpath said,

        I found that quote in Chairman Mao’s
        Little Blue Book, limited edition 😎

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I understand that edition was limited to one person – Mao himself.

      • David Redpath said,

        The Gang of Four all had a copy,
        that they used to beat the Chairman
        about the genitals with. Apparently
        he liked it. A Cultural Admonition,
        so to speak 😎

  3. David Redpath said,

    Mae Ling Dong was a a founding
    member of the Gang of Five.
    (she felt that four was not enough
    for a Chinese New Year Communist
    Party orgy).

    • David Redpath said,

      “New Year would alway start
      with a bang, when Mae Ling Dong
      joined the gang.”
      ~ The Inscrutable Mr. Inn Lu

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I hear Inn Lu went under cover under the name Inn Mae Ling on those occasions. 😎

      • David Redpath said,

        Mr. Lu is far too inscrutable to tell.
        But he has been known to frequent
        the notorious Fortune Cookie Motel😎

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      I hear Mae Ling Dong was the one who put the word nympho into maniac. 😎

  4. David Redpath said,

    “You can’t go wrong
    with Mae Ling Dong!”
    ~ Wun King Gong

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      I hear Wun King Gong’s screen test was considered too explicit and too inappropriate for the J. Arthur Rank Organization Films Introductory scene to all their movies so they showed Rank banging his gong instead.

      • David Redpath said,

        Yes … reverberations from
        Wun King Gong’s screen test
        can still be picked up on
        Mae Ling Dong’s sizemograph.

        “You gong me long time”, she said.

  5. David Redpath said,

    Wun King Gong, the celebrated
    calligrapher and tattoo artist to
    the Imperial court, is an old
    acquaintance of Mr. Inn Lu and
    Mae Ling Dong. It was after an
    encounter with Mae that he changed
    his name from Wan King Dong.
    He’s never looked back since.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      I hear Uncle Ernie had a short-lived career as as a Wun King Gong impersonator until the night club where he performed his act was raided by police.

      • David Redpath said,

        True. He would even mime to
        T-Rex’s song ‘Bang a Gong’ whilst
        he performed. But no one was
        fooled by Uncle Ernie’s little chime.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Chimes at midnight.

        It was a false staff as opposed to a Falstaff.

      • David Redpath said,

        Sir John Falstaff is my favourite
        character from Henry VI. I actually
        feel sorry for the old scoundrel.
        He does remind me very much of
        Uncle Ernie. Who as it happens, did
        have a successful career on stage.
        He was the prima donna star of
        Les Girls when it first opened in
        Sydney’s King’s Cross, back in ’63.
        As a highly successful drag queen
        he found it most convenient not
        having to conceal an overly endowed
        “block and tackle” across the stage.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        His cod piece had no Moby Dick within it.

      • David Redpath said,

        A sardine in a sequined g-strip.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Resembling a tangled web from hip to hip.

  6. David Redpath said,

    Uncle Ernie still wears that sequined
    G-string, as a reminder his drag queen
    heyday👙But each year they to getting
    smaller, and tighter 🤔

  7. Jessica said,

    U.S. Imperialists can screw themselves for all I care, but I feel like my brain is about to explode after reading. It’s night now and I’m a scaredy-cat.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,


      I guess it’s not a good thing to read about zombies before going to bed. 😱

      • Jessica said,

        I got some strange zombie dreams. But I decided they weren’t worth my time and they vanished like smoke haha 😀

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,


  8. dumbestblogger said,

    This is whacked. I love it.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: