Aphrodite At Oxford

February 3, 2020 at 11:47 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Aphrodite At Oxford 

The Greek goddess Aphrodite writing her term paper on the Native American myths surrounding the origins of the North American Plains Buffalo

The Greek goddess Aphrodite had recently returned from the town of Stettler, Alberta, Canada where she had been researching Cree and Blackfoot indigenous myths on the origins of the North American Plains Buffalo.

She was putting the finishing touches on her term paper for the class she was taking in World Mythology and Folklore.

The class was taught by Prof. William Charles an Associate Professor of Mythology, Folklore, Vampirism, Lycanthropy and Paranormal Studies at Oxford.

His class was extremely popular and hard to get into.

Nevertheless the Greek goddess Aphrodite when visiting Prof. William Charles in his office before the start of this semester was able to convince the famed supernaturalist into letting her into class even though she had no previous formal education.

The subject Underwater Basketweaving While Emerging From A Giant Oyster Shell On The Beaches of Cyprus wasn’t considered a valid academic course in the view of Oxford University.

Although it was recognized by most American colleges and universities as such in order to get the best high school athletes into their college football and basketball programs.

But after a little gentle persuasion from Aphrodite, the famed supernaturalist let the goddess into his class.

Outside the window of the Greek goddess Aphrodite’s dorm room, the Greek god Ares was endeavouring to get inside as he hadn’t seen his sometime girlfriend ever since she started at Oxford.

It just so happened that strolling along the grounds between the various halls and dormitories was the Celtic stag god Cernunnos with his trusted crossbow and arrow (that he used to kill deer hunters).

Cernunnos was heading to an Oxford artists’ studio where he would be posing as a model and subject for Oxford art students to draw and paint.

The original model scheduled for today’s art session had been an Australian named Uncle Ernie (who had once modelled for Salvador Dali).

But Uncle Ernie had been arrested at London’s Heathrow Airport earlier today for trying to enter the country illegally.

When the totally nude and jock less Uncle Ernie had approached the female UK Customs and Immigration officer and said, “I have nothing to declare”, the agent looking at the body parts Uncle Ernie was trying to cover said that she wholeheartedly agreed but nonetheless facial recognition had determined that Uncle Ernie was on Interpol’s watch list of “characters of dubious reputation and ill repute”.

Within seconds, Uncle Ernie found himself on the floor in handcuffs.

Meanwhile back at the Quad on Oxford, Cernunnos had shot the Greek god Ares in the backside with an arrow.

The resulting commotion and screaming caused Aphrodite to open her dorm window which sent Ares plummeting to the Quad grounds below.

Seeing as how Ares was an Olympian immortal, all he would suffer on this day was a pain in the neck and a pain in the backside.

Aphrodite meanwhile grabbed her finished term paper and headed to Prof. William Charles’ office.

The two spent hours long into the Oxonian night discussing the Native American myth of how the great horned buffalo came to be.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Monday February 3rd 



  1. annieasksyou said,

    I like these Aphrodite stories and thought her underwater basket weaving etc course was a gem, in fact, a pearl of a fine idea for a thesis.

  2. David Redpath said,

    Interpol have never forgiven Uncle
    Ernie for that Ronnie Biggs business
    back in 1969. Apparently Uncle Ernie
    gave Ronald Biggs his passport so
    he could join the local library. Being
    an escapee from British justice for
    his part in the Great Train Robbery,
    and on the run in Australia, Ronnie
    had no identity papers. So good old
    Uncle Ernie was simply being nice
    in offering to help Ronnie Biggs get
    a library membership card. How was
    he to know Ronnie Biggs would hop
    straight on a boat bound for Panama?
    One of Uncles Ernie’s most prized
    possessions is a rather stained £100
    note that Ronnie Biggs gave him in
    appreciation of Uncle Ernie’s niceness
    (I think they may be blood stains).

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, it’s too bad Uncle Ernie did not have his suspicions aroused when the local library that Ronnie Biggs said he wished to join was called The Sixth Chamber of The Marriage of Heaven and Hell.

      And the chief librarian bore the name of one William Blake.

      It might have saved Uncle Ernie a lot of grief in the end.🍑

  3. David Redpath said,

    I do believe Uncle Ernie’s biography, ‘The Power of Dumb’, can be found
    in the Sixth Chamber Library 📖
    He really is too trusting. Andrew
    Morton, Princess Diana’s biographer,
    convinced Uncle Ernie that he’d be
    portrayed in a good light. But he now
    feels betrayed, as Morton actually
    told the truth! 😱 Uncle Ernie then
    had no choice but to buy every copy
    and have a Nazi style book burning.
    That is every copy except one 📙🔥

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Poor Uncle Ernie.

      So with one copy still available, Netflix could probably make a movie version of The Power of Dumb. 🤔

      • David Redpath said,

        Yes, but under the title,
        ‘The Hand Puppet’s Tale’.
        Despite Uncle Ernie’s hand
        puppet only ever playing a
        small role, does seem to
        frequently pop up 🤔

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Did Uncle Ernie ever impersonate Elvis Presley and sing,

        “I am just a puppet on a string, you can do most anything to me…”

        while playing with his hand puppet and his g-string?

      • David Redpath said,

        He’s no Elvis the Pelvis, Chris.
        Sadly, he’s just Uncle Ernie
        the Pervert, with more than just
        a wooden heart. Self medicating
        to the edge of reality, beyond the
        limits of legality …
        That’s good old Uncle Ernie.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        The man whose app screwed little red Bernie. 😂

      • David Redpath said,

        Uncle Ernie, despite his involvement
        in some clandestine revolutionary
        movements (apparently the best
        quality drugs come from the world’s
        worst trouble spots) is actually
        apolitical. Just as he’s amoron.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, politics is turbulent enough without Uncle Ernie dipping his toes (and his g-string) into the water.

  4. Jessica said,

    Shameless Uncle Ernie… but creative and original 😂

  5. Dracul Van Helsing said,

    Reblogged this on Dracul Van Helsing and commented:

    A vampire novel chapter I wrote from last year.

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