Three Blind Mice and The Aesthetic Crusade of Pan Goatee

February 6, 2020 at 11:59 pm (Aesthetics)

Three Blind Mice and The Aesthetic Crusade of Pan Goatee
Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee (whose serial killing field of specialization was killing ugly women) had a problem.
He had come down with tennis elbow as a result of using his astral laser machete so much the past year due to the vast numbers of ugly women that were out there.
On the positive side, the producer of the early 2010s TV sit com Ugly Betty had recently kicked the bucket and was now roasting away on his barbecue spit in the deepest part of Tartarus to which the Council of Demons and Fallen Angels in unison with Hades, Persephone, the Norse goddess Hel, the Aztec god Mictlantecuhtli and various gods of the underworld in the world’s pantheons (after all Pope Francis in signing the Abu Dhabi statement a year ago today had said that no less a being than the Supreme Creator God of the entire Cosmos had willed the diversity of all religions) had sentenced the notorious criminal against humanity, art and beauty to this deepest and most agonizing of punishments.
After all it was the nefarious influence of this insidious show Ugly Betty that convinced ugly women that it was perfectly okay to be ugly.
Prior to the early 2010s, ugly women did try to make an effort to look as good as possible.
But thanks to the vile influence of the TV show Ugly Betty, ugly women gave up that effort and became even uglier.
And thanks to the increasingly low IQ and low self-respect of males in the Western world that hit that area of the world with the dawn of the 21st Century, ugly women in the 2010s were actually able to get dates (a phenomenon that had never before existed in history prior to that dreadful decade of the 2010s).
The sheer ugliness of the Ugly Betty phenomenon had other dangerous side effects- such as the emergence of Neo-Fascism/Neo-Hitlerism and Neo-Bolshevism/Neo-Stalinism.
The U.S. now stood on the verge of civil war between Neo-Fascist Trump Republicans and Neo-Bolshevik Democrats.
Pan Goatee was trying to restore a semblance of civilization with his astral laser machete beheadings of ugly women and their low IQ boyfriends and husbands.
But alas! he had come down with tennis elbow as a result of having to use his arm so much.
The intelligent rats Socrates and Ben (who had been brought to life off the screen at a repertory theatre showing of the 1971 American horror film Willard) decided to help out Pan Goatee while he was undergoing treatment for tennis elbow (his ailment could not officially be called astral laser machete elbow until that term was officially inserted into the Harvard Medical Dictionary and Goatee’s physician was doing his best to get that term inserted).
Since most rats became violently physically physically ill after eating ugly women, Socrates and Ben had trained 3 blind mice to eat ugly looking women.
No one was sure how the 3 blind mice had become blind.
Tragically their tails had been cut off by a farmer’s wife using a carving knife.
Pan Goatee was in a grocery store shopping for bread, cheese and cold meats when a fat ugly blimp walked into the store.
Pan Goatee immediately text messaged Ben and Socrates.Β 
The three blind mice were flown in on a drone called The Albatross 2.0
The three blind mice then ate the fat ugly blimp.
It turned out that this evening’s manager of the grocery store was an ugly looking woman as well.
Likewise the 3 blind mice ate her.
As Goatee stood in line at the cash register, the line was held up by some idiot who was arguing about the price of a carton of Pepsi.
After 10 minutes, the moron was still shooting his mouth off about the price of a carton of Pepsi.
Goatee made the Sherlock Holmesian deduction that the loudmouth was such an idiot, there was a very high probability that he was either dating or married to an ugly looking woman.
Goatee text messaged Socrates and Ben.
The 3 blind mice then showed up on The Albatross 2.0 drone and ate the moron.
His carton of Pepsi was then incinerated in the lowest levels of Tartarus just below the spot where the flames were working their painful special magic on the tiny testicles of the producer of the Ugly Betty TV show.
Goatee finally exited the grocery store where a fat ugly blimp was standing there talking to two stupid looking men.
Reading Goatee’s mind, The Albatross 2.0 drone arrived with the 3 Blind Mice in the nick of time.
All 3 scourges of long suffering humanity (i.e. the fat ugly blimp and her two brainless male friends) were then eaten.
Goatee’s evening of course had been thoroughly ruined by this time.
The 3 Blind Mice then went home and read Braille editions of The Necronomicon.
-A vampire novel chapterΒ 
written by Christopher
Thursday February 6th
2020.

2 Comments

  1. David Redpath said,

    Did you ever see such a sight in
    iyour life!? πŸ‘€ Well, neither has
    those three blind mice?πŸ€πŸ€πŸ€

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