Pan Goatee, The Coronavirus and Cthulhu

February 8, 2020 at 11:42 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee, The Coronavirus and Cthulhu

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was sitting in his neighbourhood food court trying to enjoy his slice of pizza when an ugly looking school girl walked by.

Goatee (who had recently recovered from tennis elbow) thought to himself, “Ugly looking girls grow up to become ugly looking women.”

He grabbed his astral laser machete and said to the little uglo, “What do they teach you in the public school system these days? Obviously no appreciation for beauty.”

He beheaded her and a group of rats then gathered around and ate her.

The rats (brought to life from the 1971 American horror film Willard) then went outside to vomit.

The uglo girl’s older brother was wearing a hockey jersey number sweater for a hockey team and a hockey player that Pan Goatee didn’t like so he beheaded him as well.

He then tried to enjoy the rest of his pizza but then a whole bunch of ugly looking school girls (who looked like they were auditioning for a remake of that horrible early 2010s sit com Ugly Betty which should have been advertised as a horror film called Night of The Aesthetically Challenged Living Dead) entered the food court.

“What the Hell is happening to our public school system?” Goatee expressed the earnest anguish of a concerned citizen and public school system taxpayer as he beheaded the hideously repulsive young uglos, “I blame John Dewey the father of so-called progressive education for this. Since he advocated throwing out the teaching of history, these uglos have no knowledge of the culture of the ancient Greeks where beauty was all important. Because beauty is certainly not important to these young degenerates.”

Rats then came and ate the uglos’ remains and vomited en masse outside.

Goatee then went outside where some idiot with horrendously lousy taste in music seemed quite anxious to share his lousy taste in music with the rest of the world by playing it at full blast on his car loud speaker.

Goatee beheaded the musical Philistine in a dramatic re-enactment of David beheading the original Philistine Goliath after the giant fell to earth over the young shepherd boy’s sling and stone throwing talents.

Goatee put the musical Philistine’s head on a sign at a nearby McDonald’s drive-through adding a surprise feature to the intercom voice that posed the question, “May I take your order please?”.

. . .

“May I take your order please?” The representative of Gilead Sciences Inc. asked the representative from the People’s Liberation Army Biological Warfare Unit in Wuhan, China.

The PLA member pulled out his gun and blew the Gilead Sciences sales representative to kingdom come.

On Thursday February 6th 2020, the Wuhan Institute of Virology announced that they had applied for a Chinese patent on Gilead’s Remdesevir for treating the novel coronavirus (2019- nCoV) that originated in Wuhan China in late 2019.

Gilead Sciences is a research-based biopharmaceutical company that was started 33 years ago in 1987 and has its international headquarters in Foster City, California.

Among its major investors had been Donald Rumsfeld (who was later to serve as Secretary of Defence under U.S. President George W. Bush).

Gilead is a curious name for a biopharmaceutical company.

For in the Bible in Jeremiah Chapter 8 verse 22, the question is posed, “Is there no balm in Gilead? Is there no physician there?” and the response is in Jeremiah Chapter 46, verses 2 and 11, “This is the message of The Lord against the Pharaoh Neco… Go up to Gilead and get balm, oh Virgin Daughter of Egypt, but you multiply remedies in vain; here is no healing for you.”

Jeremiah Chapter 22 verse 6 where God calls the house of Judah by the name Gilead, He says, “yet surely I will make thee a wilderness and cities which are not inhabited.”

Today the city of Wuhan China a city of 11 million people (that’s 2 million more in population than the city of New York) looks like a virtual ghost town being in lockdown over the coronavirus.

Why would a biopharmaceutical company call itself Gilead when the Bible says, “There is no balm in Gilead. There is no healing in Gilead.” ?

There is an 1854 hymn by Washington Glass called The Sinner’s Cure which says, “There is balm in Gilead, to make the wounded whole” but that was due to a misinterpretation of an earlier hymn by John Newton in 1779 which actually referred to Jesus as a healing balm not Gilead.

Biblically speaking, there is no healing balm in Gilead.

. . .

Cthulhu rises
The coronavirus comes
Death rides a pale horse

. . .

-A vampire novel chapter
and a haikuΒ 
written by Christopher
Saturday February 8th


  1. George F. said,

    Behead the early and cut the problem off at the roots…that is truly the best solution! Pan Goatee is on a mission!!

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, Pan Goatee is trying to solve the problem by cutting the problem off at its roots. 😁

  2. Anonymole said,

    Clever research. I’ll assume you didn’t quote the Holely Babble from heart.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      No, I never did order the Jack Van Impe Guide For Memorizing The Bible for $39.95 plus shipping and handling.

  3. Kritika said,

    Rats too are not liking the ones Pan Goatee is not liking. πŸ€£πŸ˜‚

  4. David Redpath said,

    Donald Rumsfeld has form. He was
    the war criminal who convinced
    George W. to invade Iraq and oust
    Saddam Hussein. Thus letting the
    ISIS genie out of the Persian bottle.
    All he had to do was whisper in
    George W’s ear, “You can he greater
    than your father, and finish what he
    left undone.”

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, Rumsfeld was definitely the sly Mephistopheles to George W.’s incompetent portrayal of Faust.

      And he didn’t get any Helen of Troy lookalike in the bargain either.

      • David Redpath said,

        There’s a difference between us, Chris.
        Your think of the classic, Doctor Faustus,
        whereas I’m reminded of Ian Drury
        and the Blockheads …

        “🎢 In the deserts of Iran
        And the hanging gardens of Babylon
        From Damascus to Afghanistan
        Every woman, every man,
        Hit me with your rhythm stick.
        Hit me! Hit me!
        I’m the Blockhead
        of US Foreign Policy.
        Hit me! hit me! hit me!
        Hit me with your rhythm stick.
        Hit me slowly, hit me quick.
        Hit me! Hit me! Hit me! 🎢”

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And on the stage of the Drury Lane Theatre between stage design theatre sets showing the hanging gardens of Babylon and the dangling g-strings of Uncle Ernie, the ghost of Richard Sheridan announces his newest post-Restoration era comedy, ‘Tis A Pity The Non-Binary Is Not The Whore of Babylon”. 🌝

  5. David Redpath said,

    Uncle Ernie is certainly a graduate
    of the School of Scoundrels. In fact,
    he applied for the job of Head Master
    when a vacancy popped up. But he
    failed to get the position as he had
    a misunderstanding of exactly what
    the job entails. As in not spanking
    the tails of young school boys.

  6. David Redpath said,

    Uncle Ernie’s says his old school
    chum also loved making chocolate
    doughnuts 🍩

  7. David Redpath said,

    Good thing then!
    May have possibly saved you
    from the wrath of Pan Goatee πŸ™„

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, if Pan Goatee swings both ways like the Baphomet do.

      • David Redpath said,

        With a double edged astral machete?
        I’ve always wanted one of those,
        to try out on Uncle Ernie πŸ—‘οΈ

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        With the result…
        Alas! Poor Uncle Ernie!
        Could not cast vote for Sen. Bernie. 😣

  8. David Redpath said,

    So the Donald cast a vote
    for the Bern instead … saying,
    “The older and redder the better!” ✌️
    (looks like a race of the walking dead)

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Michael Jackson’s Thriller will be the 2020 Democratic election campaign theme song. πŸ§Ÿβ€β™‚πŸ§Ÿβ€β™€

  9. David Redpath said,

    A thriller to see who has a heart
    attack first πŸ’”

  10. Jessica said,

    You disappointed me Christopher. And here I was so eager to open the post expecting Pan Goatee to get corona virus πŸ˜‚
    I always find this whole viral virus stuff suspicious. Are they really by nature or man-made? It’s even more fishy when Billgates, who actively work for vaccines “predicted” the virus before it was a reality.

    On a side note. What will Pan Goatee think of this news?
    I hope he will be on my side because I love this channel haha πŸ˜€

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      In my research, it was probably a man-made virus (a combination of ebola virus, HIV virus and the 2003 SARS virus) that was being developed as a biological warfare cocktail weapon being developed by the Wuhan Institute of Virology for the People’s Liberation Army Biological Warfare Unit.

      The final virus for the cocktail mix was actually stolen by a Chinese woman scientist from a virus research lab in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada last year.

      But the virus accidentally got released from the lab itself in Wuhan much to the Chinese government’s horror.

      Duterte is really acting like a dictator trying to shut down all media that disagree with him.

      In that respect he acts much like the LGBTQ community in Canada which act like a Canadian equivalent of the old Soviet Politburo within contemporary Canadian society.

      • Jessica said,

        Yes, I’ve just read your poem with Dr. Li… so tragic πŸ’”

        Stolen? Whoa!

        Yep. Duterte truly is. The sad part about his drug war is that only the insignificant minions and the innocent who suffers 😦

        I have nothing against LGBT but I must agree that there are times when they go overboard. My husband is clashing head with amnesty Norway because of it. In one of their FB post they say that LGBTQ helping center should not exist. As my husband told them, that’s against human rights. Anyone has the rights to be homosexual, but homosexuals should also have the right to get help if they wish. We happened to have a couple of friends who wish it.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, lots of innocent people have been killed in the drug wars in the Philippines. πŸ™

      • nmartinez1938 said,

        In all of this I reply, Garlic – is a known killer of virus epidemic pathogens. A two word search ‘garlic pathogen’ will affirm this. Jessica – I in agreement with much of what you share. Ebola is Dengue fever on steroids, and so the DLKV (Designer Lab Killer Virus) are long studied and enhance until allowed to make their dΓ©but into the world population. Bill Gates must not be let down.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Bill Gates is certainly the biggest proponent of Hitlerian eugenics in the 21st Century.

        His wife Melinda is even worse.

      • nmartinez1938 said,

        It seems excessive wealth leads to loss of humanitarian identity… sad, very sad indeed.

        Like husband, like wife…

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Very sad.☹

      • nmartinez1938 said,

        This has yet to become wide spread news – it’s over. Coronavirus 5G false flag epidemic exposed, and oxygen cure now being administered in several countries, as of this early reporting. Bill Gates implicated and many others. See details:

  11. rootsanalysisblog said,

    Roots Analysis – Leaders in Pharmaceutical & Biotechnology Market Research,
    Thank you for being such an inspiration to me and others around you.
    Please check our new report on – Novel coronavirus (COVID-19): Preventive Vaccines, Therapeutics and Diagnostics in Development
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