Lepardia Marango and Harvey Tallbanger At Donald Trump Press Conference

March 21, 2020 at 10:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Lepardia Marango and Harvey Tallbanger At Donald Trump Press Conference

NBC News White House correspondent Peter Alexander had asked Donald Trump the question regarding the Coronavirus crisis, “What do you say to Americans who are scared?”.

Trump replied, “I’d say you are a terrible reporter.”

Both British MP Renfield R. Renfield and the London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set felt that Trump should be given a come uppance for this stupid ass remark.

Especially since Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had had a vision in his lobster tank at Set Enterprises yesterday morning that Trump would soon declare martial law and say that this fall’s Presidential election would be postponed indefinitely because of the Coronavirus which the racist bozo in the Oval Office kept calling the “Chinese virus”.

All that was needed for Trump to act was if he fell behind either Joe Biden or Bernie Sanders in the opinion polls.

Thus Set Enterprises’ secret agent Harvey Tallbanger (a 6 ft. 8 tall Welsh pooka bunny rabbit who was invisible most of the time) went over to America along with Renfield and Dracul Van Helsing’s friend Lepardia Marango the cultural attaché at the South African Embassy in London.

They flew across the ocean in Set’s high speed environmentally friendly dirigible airship that had been invented by Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

The high flying supersonic eco-friendly airship was powered by legalized Canadian cannabis.

Thus it flew quite high and quite fast.

Although munchies’ snacks had to be fed constantly to the airship’s underbelly.

Tallbanger (who had shapeshifted into a human being news journalist who was visible) bearing press media credentials from TCM (Turner Classic Movies) went to the next White House press conference accompanied by Miss Lepardia Marango.

Tallbanger posed the same question to Trump that Peter Alexander had, “What do you say to Americans who are scared?”.

Trump’s snitty response was the same, “I’d say you are a terrible reporter.”

To which Tallbanger responded, “And I’d say you are a terrible President, you limpwristed jackass.”

Trump foamed at the mouth, “What, how dare you talk that way to me, the greatest world leader in world history?! Secret Service, arrest this man and charge him with high treason.”

Tallbanger then took a cream pie out from under his jacket and went up and threw it in the Donald’s face.

As Trump lay on the floor with his face and toupee covered in a combination of banana cream, coconut cream and shaving cream, he screamed, “Did you see what that insidiously evil individual did to me? Shoot him on the spot.”

Tallbanger shapeshifted into tall invisible bunny rabbit form and sneaked away.

Lepardia Marango met up with him in the Washington DC parking lot where Set’s eco-friendly cannabis pot fuelled dirigible was parked.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Saturday March 21st


  1. Jessica said,

    Way to be a hero Tallbanger! 😂 Trumps deserves all that pies if not more if he truly said those shameless words.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, Jessica, Trump really did speak those shameless words when asked that question about speaking to people’s fears of the Coronavirus when asked by a reporter.

      Tallbanger is treating Trump like the clown 🤡that he is. 😂

      • Jessica said,

        Wow… what a jerk. 😡
        Tallbanger is voice of the people 😄

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, Trump really is a jerk. 😡

        He’s such a jerk, he acts like a big piece of 💩 at times.

        Yes, Tallbanger is the voice of the people. 😄

      • Jessica said,

        Let’s kick Trump and nominate him for President! 😄

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        An excellent idea, Jessica. 😂

        Harvey Tallbanger for President. 🐰🇺🇸

  2. Kritika said,

    The airship seems cool. Uncle Ernies sugar too would have worked well. 😀 Tallbanger is a bang on. Its such a relief to punch a face with cream pie and run away. Hahaha

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      That’s right, Kritika, Uncle Ernie’s sugar would have worked well too. 😂

      Yes, Tallbanger’s approach is great fun – push a cream pie in the face and then run away. 😀

      • Kritika said,

        Awesome read. Thank you for sharing such hilarious stories. 🙂

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        You’re welcome, Kritika.

        Thank you for reading and commenting. 🙂

      • Kritika said,

        Always a pleasure 🙂

  3. annieasksyou said,

    A commenter on one of my posts said wouldn’t it be nice to have a President who could give a fireside chat, a la FDR, to calm people’s fears? So we have a guy whose answer to a reporter’s perfectly reasonable question about how to respond to people’s fears is “I’d say you’re a terrible reporter.”

    I’m ready for a time machine to get me away from this nightmarish character who’ll kill us all — not just shoot someone on Fifth Avenue.

    Did you know the Spanish flu originated in Kansas in the good old U S of A?

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      No, I wasn’t aware of that, Annie.

      Perhaps that flu should be renamed by historians the Kansas American flu.

  4. David Redpath said,

    According to Uncle Ernie, the Donald
    quite likes a cream pie in the face 😉
    Beyond that, he wouldn’t elaborate 🤔

  5. Hyperion said,

    Poor GOO, he can’t catch a break, but he can sure catch a cream pie in the face. This was hilarious fun to read. I especially liked the pot powered dirigible. It is true you could use cannabis oil to power Diesel engines and the exhaust would put everybody on the highway in a good mood and probably ease their aches and pains. It would also help the economy by turning the snack industry into a mega- gazillionaire business sector. Great post Bro.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thank you very much, Daniel. 🙂

      Maybe I should send an email to Rep. AOC that she call for cannabis oil powered diesel engines to be manufactured and cannabis powered dirigibles to replace airplanes as part of her Green New Deal.

      • Hyperion said,

        I would support her with all my vigorous hyperbole if AOC would wear a black and red dominatrix outfit and whip her Congressional colleagues into passing a bill to use cannabis powered dirigibles and public transport. Then after the kinks were worked out we could go to commercial and private cannabis powered conveyance.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And that old expression “The world has gone to pot” will become quite literally true.

      • Hyperion said,

        Yes indeed. Well, if you can’t spank em, joint em.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I hear the world’s supply of condoms may be facing a shortfall (not seen since the days Donald Trump actually wore one) because one of the world’s biggest condom making factories – producing 1/5 of the world’s condom supply – located in Malaysia has been shut down due to the countrywide lockdown (and no, I’m not making this up).

      • Hyperion said,

        Can you imagine the end results? A new generation called the Corona Boomers.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, the Corona Boomers.

        You’ve successfully named the next generation, Daniel. 😀

      • Hyperion said,

        They’ll be immune and able to party in large crowds unfazed except for the usual rampant STDs that stalk the young and unaware.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Very true.

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