Yaldabaoth’s Vision On His Way To The Big Apple

March 26, 2020 at 10:57 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, Horror, International Intrigue, magic, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Yaldabaoth’s Vision On His Way To The Big Apple

Athelstan the butler and valet to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was having a conversation with British MP Renfield R. Renfield.

Both men were 6 meters away from one another so they wouldn’t be shot by killer drones recently commandeered by WHO (the World Health Organization) for those who violated the world body’s social distancing rules.

Athelstan was also wearing a face mask.

Although whether this was because he feared getting the Coronavirus or because he had just cleaned out the kitty litter box belonging to Nefertiti Galore (the vampire Set’s fiercely protective house cat) is a matter for speculation.

“So, Mr. Renfield,” Athelstan coughed through his face mask, “I hear that Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam issued an Executive Order this past Monday making it a criminal offense to hold a Church service with more than 10 people present. If found guilty, people could be imprisoned for 12 months and/or fined $2,500.”

“I imagine,” Renfield lit his pipe, “that the Baal and Baphomet worshipping Marxist despot Ralph Northam was positively ejaculating in ecstasy and orgasm at being able to sign such an Executive Order. I don’t imagine he’ll ever bother rescinding it even when the pandemic is over.”

“Probably not, sir,” Athelstan dusted off a portrait painting of the late British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher dressed in a medieval Iron Maiden torture chamber item suit, “Did you hear that Pope Francis’ personally designated papal successor Luis Antonio Cardinal Tagle is saying let’s overcome the Coronavirus with a pandemic of love?”.

“Well,” Renfield sipped his pipe, “Isn’t that jackass just the epitome of romance?”.

. . .

Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was flying a magic shamrock flying carpet from his rented farmhouse in Vermont to New York City.

Yaldabaoth had recently left Ireland after that country had closed all its pubs (As Yaldabaoth remarked at the time, “You know a world situation is serious when it forces Ireland to close all its pubs.”)

He had gone to Vermont hoping that the pubs would be open.

Many of them were closed but lucky for Yaldabaoth, there were plenty of Vermont country gentlemen who made their own moonshine.

Yaldabaoth rented his Vermont farmstead from another Irish leprechaun The Fantastic Flanigan.

The Fantastic Flanigan had the honour of being the world’s shortest UFC fighter.

He also had the honour of being the world’s only always defeated UFC fighter.

Generally all the other UFC fighters used the Fantastic Flanigan as practice for the day the old medieval sport of dwarf tossing was once again brought back into the world.

It so happened that the Fantastic Flanigan owned a flying carpet (made from magic shamrocks) so he had left it behind in the barn for Yaldabaoth to use.

Flanigan was currently spending his social isolation time at the Moonlite Bunny Ranch in Nevada.

As Yaldabaoth approached New York City, he was shocked to see the Big Apple surrounded by an army of Dullahans (A Dullahan was a black horse riding headless horseman of death).

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 26th
2020

12 Comments

  1. Dawn Renee said,

    Ralph & the gangs are all gettin’ off on this crisis with a cause power trip. I can’t put it like you can, though.
    : )

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, Dawn, Ralph and many politicians throughout the world are definitely using this crisis to ignite extra bolts of Zeus like electricity on their power trips. ⚑

      • Dawn Renee said,

        Greed … It may be the worst. Give them an inch, they’ll take a mile

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Something they learned from the Third Reich’s Fuhrer, who after Britain’s Neville Chamberlain gave him the inch of the Sudetenland in September 1938, Hitler took that extra mile of the rest of Czechoslovakia in March 1939 and then went that extra mile in Poland in September 1939.

      • Dawn Renee said,

        Detailed!! I’d put in that little thumbs up icon, except I don’t know how. Pretend I did

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        All right, I will, thanks. πŸ˜€

  2. David Redpath said,

    An Irish pub that’s closed 🚫 and
    an Australian pub with no beer 🍺
    The very definition of being stuck
    between a shamrock and a dry place!

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      That is the very definition of it.

      What does Uncle Ernie now do when he gets thirsty? πŸ€”

      • David Redpath said,

        Uncle Ernie has gone walkabout, in
        the outback (being part Aboriginal)
        to have a beer with his old mate
        Slim Dusty. Slim always keeps a
        dozen stubbies of Foster’s in the
        esky just for Uncle Ernie. Who
        never offers to pay, as he likes to
        drink for free (being largely part
        born again Ashkenazi).
        They’d both get pissed and sing
        the same old song over and over.

        “🎢What’s the use of getting sober
        When you’re gonna get drunk again
        Oh sam done something fine
        When he bought that good whiskey,
        beer and wine
        I love my whiskey and I love my gin
        Every time you see me I’m in my sin
        So what’s the use of getting sober
        When you’re gonna get drunk again”

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I can see that song going viral if it was ever recorded on the Net.

      • David Redpath said,

        Slim has already had s big hit
        here im Australia, thanks to his
        association with Uncle Ernie ;

        🎢 I love to have a beer
        with Uncle Ernie
        I love to have a beer with Unc.
        We never drink in moderation
        as we always end up rollin’ drunk
        We drink at the Town and Country
        Where the atmosphere is great
        I love to have a beer with Ernie
        ‘Cause Uncle Ernie’s me mate 🎢

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Very good. πŸ‘πŸ»

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